âI don't know. Anything.' Marcie took both of Janice's hands in hers. âTell her I was here, working on our paper. But then I went to the library for extra articles. That'll make my dad happy â he's always bugging me about “effort.”'
Janice paused. Her objections were practical, not moral; she did not want them to be caught in a lie.
â
Please
,' Marcie said again.
Janice saw the look on her face and, in spite of herself, nodded.
When Marcie hugged her, Janice remembered, there were tears in her eyes. As there were in Janice's, turning to Tony Lord.
âAt the funeral,' Janice said softly, âI couldn't look at her mom. At either of them. I never will again.'
Tony saw the tears running down Janice's face and thought of his own, finding Alison. âYou were true to your friend.'
Silent, Janice turned away from him.
Chapter 9
The Lake City Recreation Center was the former Taylor Library, a rambling nineteenth-century house on a grassy rise overlooking Taylor Park. On the lawn was a bandstand and a carousel; to Tony, the scene recalled the set of a Frank Capra movie, as though the artifacts of wholesomeness could provide the real thing. Nearby, on a dirt field, Ernie Nixon was holding softball practice for a group of seven-year-olds.
Tony watched them for a while. He was too far away to hear Ernie or the kids; what he saw was a silent film of a patient coach, pausing to give instruction, lobbing an extra pitch or two until the batter hit the ball. At the end, a couple of kids ran up to Ernie, seemingly reluctant for their practice to end. He showed one kid how to wear his cap, bill pulled down over his eyes at a jaunty angle. Then Ernie gathered up the balls and bats in a canvas bag, and the kids went off with whoever had brought them.
Tony walked across the field. Spotting him, Ernie put down the bag. From his posture, unsurprised and a bit resigned, Tony sensed he was expected.
âHello, Tony.'
âHello, Ernie.' They shook hands formally, almost ceremonially. âIt's been a while.'
âWell,' Ernie said, âyou still look like you. Could have picked you out of a lineup, if that's an appropriate thing to say.'
Tony smiled. âFrom this morning's paper, I'm not so sure. Anyhow, you look good too. No fat.'
âNo fat, and less hair.' Ernie drew a hand over his high, narrow forehead, his close-cropped salt-and-pepper hair. âMiddle age â there's no beating it, is there? Though it looks like you're giving Father Time a run for his money.'
âTrying. So how's your life these days?'
Ernie shrugged. âTwo kids â a daughter nine, a boy seven. I miss 'em both. Their mother left with them, went back to Chicago.' His gaze turned to Taylor Park, and his voice softened. âOther than that, Mrs. Lincoln, a very nice girl got murdered here last week. I guess you remember what that feels like.'
There was more to this, Tony knew at once, than the flat statement âmurdered'; a tacit accusation â perhaps against lawyers, or Sam Robb, or Tony for helping him. But Tony pretended to notice only what was explicit.
âWhy do you say murdered?'
âBecause I knew her.' His face hardened. âMarcie's what you came to ask me about, right? Maybe figure out a way she just stepped over the cliff, or threw herself off one?'
Tony was quiet for a moment. âWhen
we
were kids, Ernie, you gave me the benefit of the doubt.'
Ernie put his hands on his hips. âThat was
then
, man, and it was you. You were a pretty good guy then â I knew what you were going through about Alison, and you carried yourself like a man. Now it seems like you're done just fine â money, married to Stacey Tarrant, the whole nine yards.' He paused, and his voice was quiet again. âNow you're somebody else's lawyer, looking to get him off. No, not
somebody
's lawyer. Sam Robb's lawyer.'
With the training of years, Tony kept his own demeanor mild. âWhat have you got against Sam?'
Ernie scowled, gazing at the park. âYou and Sam Robb had this thing going, the two biggest stars, fit company only for each other. I'm sure that was more him than you. But I'm not going to help you paint a fine young girl different than she was just to save his sorry, overconfident ass.'
Quickly, Tony sorted his thoughts â interest in how his friendship with Sam had looked to Ernie; an awareness that Ernie had taken the offensive to deflect Tony's question; a disturbing undertone of certainty regarding Sam similar to the Calders'; the sense that Ernie reserved his strongest feelings for Marcie herself. He chose to address only the last, and only by indirection.
âWhat was Marcie like?' he asked.
For a long time, Ernie did not answer. Then he turned his startling green gaze to Tony and softly said, âAn innocent, man. A total innocent.'
âYou seem to have been fond of her.'
âYou could say that.' He nodded toward the recreation center. âIn this job, sometimes you can touch kids' lives. But you don't know how long, or how permanent, it'll be. With Marcie, I thought maybe I could do some good. She was just so damn
sweet
, and open. That is, if some grown-up took the time to
listen
, not just talk at her.' His voice went cold. âI guess Sam Robb figured that one out too. In his own way.'
âWhy do you say that?'
Ernie turned away. âYou've met the parents?' he inquired after a time.
Once more, Tony had the sense of deliberate evasion, of a man determined to control where the conversation went. âYeah. I've met them.'
âWell, Marcie needed
listening
, and the old man's not a listener â or a major feminist, either. Meet him a few times, and you get the picture: women don't work out in the business world, 'cause they just want to get pregnant and then get paid for it.' He gave a brief sardonic smile. âYou know, they want “special privileges,” like some other “groups” out there. Her father had her figured for a “woman's job,” like teaching or counseling â one of those “nonserious-type” jobs that women can just fall back on if their husbands die, still get their summers with the kids. The world scares him, and so did the idea that his quiet little girl had any thoughts of her own. So he raised his voice, I guess, so he wouldn't have to hear them. It worked too. He didn't.'
Tony stood next to Ernie, gazing out toward Taylor Park. From where they stood, he could see to the edge of the park, the two bands of blue beyond â water, then sky.
âSo she came to you?' Tony asked.
He nodded. âSometimes she'd drop by the office. A few times she baby-sat the kids, and after we'd come home Dee would go to bed, and we'd just sit up talking for a while.'
âAbout what?'
âWhatever was in her mind. A few times, it was that she wanted to write stories â not for adults, but for kids â maybe illustrate them herself, 'cause she was always good at drawing. Even drew a picture of me once. Other times, it was what college she could go to that was big and away from here and not run by the Church. Maybe in a city, even.' His voice became sardonic. âHer old man said she was so quiet. With me, she could talk for hours. All you had to do was listen, maybe ask a question or two. I guess Sam Robb figured
that
out too.'
For the first time, Tony sensed more than simple anger. âDid she ever talk about Sam?'
âNot by name.' Ernie paused, then added grudgingly, âToward the end, she said she'd gotten “close” to someone. I knew what she meant.'
âSex?'
âYeah.'
âShe talked with you about that?'
In profile, Ernie gave a thin smile. â
You
got a kid, Tony?'
âA son. Seventeen.'
âWell, if you're around them enough, like I am, you'll notice that kids these days will talk about damn near anything, even on
Geraldo
â unless maybe their parents are listening.' Ernie shook his head. âSometimes I think we give these kids so much sex education, it's like handing them the keys to your sports car and begging them to try it out. Besides, they see it all the time on
Beverly Hills 90210
.'
Tony felt his patience slipping. âI'm a little lost,' he said. âWhat does this have to do with Sam?'
Ernie turned to him. âShe came to me about a month before she died. Just walked into my office, closed the door behind her, and said she needed to talk.'
For a fleeting instant, Tony thought of Sam's account of Marcie shyly closing the door behind her, needing to tell him something.
âWhat happened?' Tony asked.
The door clicked softly behind her. The first thing Ernie thought of, he said to Tony now, was how this might look to someone else. And then Marcie said, âI need your help,' and, as Ernie described it, something in her voice made him stop worrying about himself.
âWhat is it?' Ernie asked.
She sat in a chair, looking at him intently. A girl who could tell her friend Ernie Nixon anything.
âI've started having sex,' she said.
Her voice was soft, determined. But to Ernie, there was something heartbreaking in the words â a sense of lost innocence and, in a way, enormous loneliness, that she should need to tell him this. Almost against his will, he asked, âIs that a good idea?'
Marcie nodded slowly. âI love him, Ernie. I wanted to give myself to him.'
For a moment, Ernie felt himself not wishing to hear anymore. âI guess it's a boy at school.'
âNo. He's older.' She paused at the expression on his face, and then said quickly, âIt's better that way, really. I don't know anything, and he can teach me.'
Inwardly, Ernie winced. âI guess I was hoping you might wait a little while. When it happens, there's a lot of emotion, and a whole lot of confusion. It's a bunch to take in if you're not ready.'
To his surprise, Marcie did not take offense. âI wasn't sure I was,' she said. âThen he said he wanted me, and I knew it was time.'
Watching her face, Ernie felt defeated. All that he could do was listen. âHow can I help you?'
âTalk to me.' She looked down. âYou know what it's like. I mean, to be him.'
Ernie felt this like a slap. âIf I were him,' he answered gently, âwe'd stop this right away.'
Her eyes opened wider, and then he saw a first film of tears. âHis condom broke,' she said.
âWhat?'
âHis condom broke.' Ernie watched Marcie force herself to go on. âI was wondering what else might be best for him, and for me.'
Ernie drew a breath. âThis is hard for me, Marcie. I guess your parents don't know.'
âNo.' She looked alarmed. âThey
can't
know, ever.'
âThen you should talk to your doctor.' Ernie paused. âDo you know where else this guy's been? And with who?'
Marcie flushed. âHe's all right that way. I know it.'
Ernie sat back. âI don't much care what's best for him,' he said at last. âBut I know what's best for
you
. Not catching something. Not getting pregnant. Laying off.'
Her eyes filled with tears. âI can't.'
Ernie watched her for a while. Absently, she brushed her long black hair from her face, trying not to cry. âAbout what
you
use,' he told her quietly, âyour doctor knows more than I do. But promise me this, for your own sake, and for my own peace of mind. Promise you'll make him use a rubber, always.'
Her eyes, still moist, shone with gratitude: she could talk to him, and he still cared for her. It was more poignant than he could ever describe.
Perhaps Marcie saw this. Suddenly she stood, circling his desk, and fleetingly kissed the top of his head.
âI really love you,' she said, and was gone.
For some moments, Tony was silent. âI guess you never told her parents,' he said.
âWish to God I had.' Ernie gazed out at the park. âBut that would have betrayed her, and if you want the truth, me having that kind of talk with a teenage girl would make some folks pretty nervous. And not just
her
folks.'
âDid you think she had a crush on you?'
âMaybe.' His voice was bitter now. âMaybe, in that sense, I was the first. But
being
the first takes a different kind of man.' He turned to Tony. âShe was a sweet kid,' he said more softly. âThe kind who makes you wish you could be sixteen again, to see things the way they see it. But if you're sane, you
know
you're not sixteen. Especially if you're me.'
This was said with dispassion, the hint of resignation. âWhy did you come back here?' Tony asked.
Ernie gave another faint smile. âWhy does
anyone
come to a place like this? Because it's safe â the schools are pretty good, the drug situation a lot better than most, and your kids can chase around and ride their bikes without getting run over or snatched off the streets.' He paused, shrugging. âJohnny D'Abruzzi called me, maybe five years ago. I was in Chicago, not liking my job, my neighborhood, or all the money I wasn't making, and we'd kept in touch. Next thing I know, he's persuaded Doug Barker â the mayor â I'm not a threat to property values, and I'm down here interviewing for a job â'
âDoug Barker was the
mayor
? The same jerk who helped keep you out of the Lancers?'
âUh-huh. Now he's school board president. Doug's finally gotten to be what he was practicing for all those years â a pompous middle-aged man without a thought in his head that someone else didn't have first. In this case, Johnny.' He shook his head. âMaybe it would be different now, I thought, better for the kids than where we were. And it's some better, but not great. No place to raise black kids, Dee finally told me, especially with a man who doesn't know he's black, and a town full of folks who can't find some normal way to
talk
to blacks.' His voice grew bitter again. âSo she went back to Chicago, to our old neighborhood. Schools are shitty, but there's a truckload of black folks. Can't fault her math at all â with my family gone, I'm back to being the only black in town.'