Sin and Surrender (26 page)

He tensed. “You led me to believe—”

“You believed what you wished to believe, and that was fine with me. I didn’t want you to think of me as a helpless virgin.”

Though he gritted his teeth, how could he deny her logic?

“And as you can tell, I knew of everything that was going to happen between us.”

“How the hell did you know that? Surely the League didn’t—” He broke off, aghast, halting her curious exploration.

“It did not happen as you seem to believe. After you left, a new recruit thought I was not in the League for the same reason as he, that I must want to … be with men.”

“What happened?” Paul asked flatly, already telling himself to remain calm.

“He tried to take advantage of my ignorance.”

Gritting his teeth, he stared at her, feeling hot with remorse. He kept his voice quiet, controlled, as he said, “Just tell me, Juliana, if you can bear it.”

“When I fought him off, he realized my innocence, and apologized.”

Paul snorted. “Knew he’d be thrown out on his ass—at best—for daring to hurt one under the League’s protection. What is his name?”

“I will not tell you,” she said primly.

Although she was anything but prim as she continued to stroke his chest. She was soothing him, distracting him, and he took her hand in his again, not wanting distractions.

“How can you defend him, Juliana?” he demanded. “He tried to—”

“He misunderstood, and in his regret, he arranged for my … unusual education.”

“You were educated in lovemaking,” he said slowly, with disbelief.

She grinned mischievously. “Aye!”

“By whom?” he demanded.

“Not a Bladesman, if that is what you’re thinking. They took me blindfolded to an elderly woman somewhere outside the League fortress. She taught me what to expect, what to do. I even know methods of preventing conception, and carry the necessary herbs. You need not fear there will be a child from this night.”

He stared at her, speechless. A child?

“The League wanted me to understand the dangers, be able to control any situation.”

“And any man.” He thought about the wonders her mouth had performed, and knew he would have done anything she wanted.

She laughed. “You sound upset.”

“You may feel in control, knowing what to expect,
but Juliana, it means you can use such methods in persuasion.”

“I have not done that, Paul, and I do not intend to.”

“You allowed me to believe you were experienced. What about the next man?”

Her smile faded, and she searched his eyes with her own. He’d said something wrong, but wasn’t quite sure what.

She shook her head. “I did not treat you as just any man, Paul. This was my first time, and it meant a great deal to me.”

She rolled away from him and reached for her night rail on a chair nearby.

Paul’s guilt almost threatened to choke him. “If I’d stayed with the League, acted as your protector, none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t have lost your innocence about the motives of men so soon.” But then again, when one’s father was betrayed, she’d already lost so much.

He almost told her all of it then, but she put a hand on his chest and smiled.

“Paul, I do not blame you for what another man did. And although I could never make the same choice you did in leaving the League, I understand now why you felt you had to make it. I could have run from the League after being attacked, but it was my choice to
remain, for I believed in their mission above all else.”

He nodded, not understanding his conflicting feelings of sadness and yearning. He didn’t want to think about it, stopped her before she could don her night-clothes.

“So you received many lessons?” he asked, reaching to cup her breast.

She sighed with pleasure even as she grinned. “Aye, many.”

“I need a lesson.”

“I noticed.”

Faking outrage, he rolled her onto her back. And then she rolled him onto his back, sat on his stomach and held his arms above his head. He groaned.

She looked over her shoulder at his groin. “I was told men need time to recover. I see that is not the case.”

“I am a man among boys.” He had a momentary thought that he didn’t want her ever having other men, but it was not his place to control her. “But I could do with a lesson in intimacy.”

“That,
I can grant.”

Their lovemaking was wild and exuberant. He was amazed at how different sex was with a woman who had a lithe, muscular body and knew how to use it.

And it was good that he didn’t have to worry about a child, Juliana’s child—but for some strange reason, he had to keep telling himself that.

The next day, Paul did not have to work hard to find a way to speak privately to Alex, to learn more about Juliana. They were facing each other in the first round of jousting, and Paul let himself be defeated—on the fourth pass. He didn’t want to make it seem too easy.

Alex apologized after they’d dismounted.

Paul laughed. “Never apologize. You defeated me, and I congratulate you.”

“I simply never thought I would be able to defeat someone like you.” Alex only met his gaze briefly, seeming uncomfortable.

“Someone like me?” Paul echoed, wondering what Paul suspected.

“There are whispers … oh, you would think them ridiculous.”

“Maybe I would be flattered.”

“Nay, I cannot even repeat them. They could be dangerous.” Soberly, he met his gaze. “Take care of yourself—and Juliana. There are people here who might wish you harm.”

Paul nodded.

Side by side, they walked their horses back to the immense temporary stables that had been set up in a field.

“Alex, I would like to know more about my Juliana, but she does not speak much of the past.”

Alex’s expression was now wary. Paul thought with
exasperation that he’d never met a man less capable of hiding his emotions.

“She must have her reasons for her silence,” Alex said.

“I know about the charges against her father.”

His eyes widened. “She trusted you with that?”

“Aye, she did. But her father died before he could be found guilty. She says the king took her father’s lands and wealth, but that was several years ago. She claims nothing from her past, not even mementoes of her childhood, and that is not right to me. Perhaps she’d like to visit.”

“She wouldn’t want to do that.” Alex sighed. “I was too late to reach her before she … disappeared, but her people told me that those final weeks of hardship, trying to find a place to live, watching her mother die, were certainly some of the worst moments in her life. I cannot believe she would wish to return and experience those memories—and regret what is no longer hers.”

Paul nodded. “You are right. I did not see it that way. You have my thanks.”

“I—I do not wish to see her hurt,” Alex said in a low voice.

Was there a subtle threat hidden there? Paul wondered with amused respect. “And I do not plan to hurt her.”

Juliana found herself watching Paul from afar more than before. Yesterday he’d been speaking with Michael, and today it was Alex.

Margaret stood at her side next to the spectators’ stands, wringing her hands. “You do not think Sir Paul is angry with Alex, do you?”

“Nay, he is not a man who places much emphasis on pageants such as this.”

Although she placated Margaret, she could not quell her own feelings of uneasiness—and she didn’t know why. She’d given Paul her body; surely that meant she trusted him.

But … what did he have to speak to Alex about that seemed so serious?

She was not going to question him about every conversation he had, especially since he seemed so sweet and amusing when at last they were alone together.

“Do you know what I saw, Juliana?” he asked, amazement in his blue eyes. “I was seated next to Lady Kilborn, and her stomach moved.”

Juliana blinked at him. “She
is
with child, Paul.”

“I did not realize a child was so active.”

“Have you never seen a pregnant woman before?”

“Only from a distance. But this time, one of Lady Kilborn’s ladies-in-waiting put her hand on the countess’s belly and felt the child move herself.”

“Tell me you didn’t ask—”

“Nay, I did not. But I wanted to.”

He was a hardened warrior in so many ways—and an innocent in others. Again, she felt doubt and disapproval about the League’s treatment of him. It felt … disloyal, but she loved Paul, and she grieved for his losses.

Two more days passed, and Paul heard nothing from the traitors, who continued to attend events with their wives, cheering on their retainers, as if they weren’t trying to destroy England’s hard-won peace. What were they doing in private that they didn’t feel they could confide in Paul?

They left gifts in his bedchamber, including a jeweled pendant. Although meant as a man’s heavy necklace, it still looked perfect between Juliana’s naked breasts.

After a rousing night of play, Paul was practically whistling as he sent Juliana ahead to break her fast. He ducked down the corridor to the garderobe, needing to relieve himself. He’d only just stepped inside the small chamber, beginning to unfasten his clothing as he stood near the privy seat, when the whistle of metal on metal alerted him, and he ducked.

He had the brief impression of a large burly man, cloth tied over the lower half of his face, stumbling
forward as the empty swing of his sword left him off-balance. If Paul hadn’t seen the man, he might have ended up headfirst in the privy hole—or perhaps just his decapitated head would have disappeared within.

With his elbow, Paul struck a blow to the man’s sword arm, and the weapon clanged to the ground. Paul’s fist sent the man reeling against the far wall, where he dropped like a sack of wheat.

He felt like one, too, as Paul carried him back to Timothy’s chamber and left him tied within.

Down in the great hall, Paul found Juliana sitting with all of their Bladesmen for once, holding court like a queen. She tore a piece of white bread from the loaf and laughed at something Joseph said.

Timothy glanced at Paul as he took a seat on the bench. “You seem out of breath, Sir Paul.”

“I was attacked in the garderobe.”

Juliana inhaled sharply, and the Bladesmen stared at him.

“There was nothing you could have done, Juliana,” Paul said, taking cheese from her plate. “Unless you plan to follow me every time I take a piss.”

“What happened?” she demanded in a low voice.

He briefly told them. “I showed him the error of his ways—but not too forcefully, since he might be defending the king. I didn’t recognize him. Timothy, I left him
in your bedchamber. I imagine you can have him taken somewhere safe.”

Paul found himself returning Timothy’s smile before he looked away.

A small voice behind Paul said, “You—you were attacked?”

Paul twisted about to see young Edward Foxe standing behind him, holding his ball under one arm, his little mouth agape. Paul glanced at Juliana, but her expression betrayed nothing.

“‘Twas not so terrible, Edward,” Paul said, offering a smile.

“But … you were not competing then. Why would he do that?”

“I know not, but I do not think he was a nice man.”

“He’s tied up?” Edward asked, looking about as if evil men lurked in the few shadows of a summer morn.

“And I will turn him over to the proper authorities, I promise.”

Edward nodded, but he kept glancing back at Paul once or twice as he walked away.

“You seem to have made a friend,” Juliana said.

Was she envious that the boy was reaching out to him?

But Paul had to put aside Juliana’s problems and his uneasiness with them. He had the mission to think about, and now he had a way to press the traitors. He cornered Sir Hugh before the archery competition, and
although the man was furious at Paul for risking exposure, he backed down when Paul told him about the attack. Sir Hugh promised he would speak to the earl.

Juliana reclined naked in bed, waiting for Paul, who’d been called to a meeting with the traitors. These last few nights in his arms had given her so much joy that it was painfully sweet. Though they were all in danger, she almost wished the mission could never end.

But reality would come, and she would have to accept it.

Paul returned after midnight, and his frustrated expression faded when he saw her.

He would have fallen upon her, but she held up a hand. “Not so fast, Sir Eagerness. What did our traitors have to say?”

He opened his mouth as if to complain—and then grinned.

“We have dates—we have allies. Although the Irish took a beating at the king’s hands just two months ago, they’re sending more men.”

She sat up and clenched both fists before her. “At last.”

“Aye. Even now they make plans for the invasion of the Scots and the Irish, a coordinated insurrection against the king. ‘Tis solid proof, once the king sends scurriers to confirm this. They’ll capture the Scotsmen crossing the border to invade.”

“We’ll have even more proof soon,” she said.

“They questioned my preparation for the role, of course, insisting that their allies would interrogate me. They say they haven’t heard from every Englishman who will join them, but I imagine they’ve heard from enough, considering the way rumors seem to be spreading. A woman actually curtsied to me today.”

Juliana grinned. “Probably just a mark of respect. I’ve been spreading the word of your talents in the bedchamber.”

Laughing, he tossed a fur cloak onto a chair. “Another gift from my
masters,
although I begin to feel like their strumpet.”

“Now you know how I feel.”

“I think it is to pacify me, because I have a feeling there is something they’re not saying.”

“Then we remain patient.” Juliana took the fur cloak and spread it out upon the bed, reclining upon it, one knee raised to entice him.

Paul pulled off his shirt so fast, she heard a seam rip. When he was naked, obviously ready to have his way with her, she stopped him with a hand on his chest. She could feel his racing heart, felt the faint quiver of his muscles as he held himself above her.