Single Player: Humor, Love, Breast Cancer and a Gaming Girl... (11 page)

With that he struts out of the room like the stud he believes himself to be. Douche. He’s just trying to make himself feel better because he knows more than anyone that his infamous charm doesn’t work on me. That ship sailed after I destroyed his leather pants last year. I woke up the next morning thanking the vomit gods who were responsible for saving our relationship. Romance of any kind would ruin everything we have and I’d never be able to live with myself if I was the one responsible for destroying us.

Thirty minutes later, with the sound of Ashton’s guitar in the foreground, I’m setting out the dishes when I finally notice what he’s done to our tabletop. While he was watching me cook he’d been etching my new nickname into the wood in front of the spot where I sit as a sort of permanent place marker, and though my dad will probably be livid, I kinda love it. It’s his way of letting me know that Hotpants will forever be my moniker. The thing I love most is that I think he waited until I was happy with his choice before solidifying it permanently. Sometimes, he’s not such a douche.

***

So today when I sit at ‘my spot’ and look down at the  pet name reflected back at me on the once shiny oak table I can’t help but be reminded of the healthy relationship that I once had with not only Ashton but with my own life. In that etching I am reminded of the girl I used to be, the girl who went outside, who took for granted the simple things in life like walking Ashton’s lab Cindy on beautiful days and who was game to try almost anything at least once.  Simply put, she was fearless and she had hot pants. Today that girl would be (and is) so disappointed in the pathetic woman she’s slowly morphed into over the years. I know because, I am.

After finishing my coffee I decide it’s time to make a move forward with my life. Even a small shift would be a positive step for me. So the step I’ll make towards healing today will be the simple task of texting my brother back.  Besides, I’m just about out of canned soup and frozen loaves of bread and I could really use some tampons. 

It’s me. I’m okay.

Was hoping you might want to come over

for that talk now. I’m ready.

X, cc

Less than twenty minutes later my brother and his new sidekick are at my front door armed with supplies for the heartbroken. Liddy comes through first carrying only one plastic bag from her slim arm while Connor takes care of the heavy lifting. I notice her bag because through the white and red plastic I can see what appears to be my favorite treat, chocolate-chocolate-chunk ice cream with individually wrapped chunks of dark chocolate to be opened and placed on top.

“For you,” the cherub of chocolate says as she passes the bag off while walking past me into the kitchen to get out bowls and spoons. She’s not messing around and I like it! 

“Hey guys. Thanks for coming so fast and thanks for the food and all but you didn’t have to do that,” I’m walking to the kitchen alongside my brother and his many bags of groceries, thankful that he knew I’d be out of food without Ashton’s assistance.

“I was glad to finally hear from you Cee. I was about twenty four hours away from calling the cops to come break down your door. Never, and I mean never, do that to me again. It was totally uncool of you to bolt the extra lock when you knew no one had a key for it. What if something had happened to you? Have you ever considered that you’re the only family
I
have left?” 

His declaration makes me feel selfish and instantly I regret my decision to shut him out the last couple of weeks. I wasn’t the only one who lost a parent too young and I need to start remembering that. Immediately, I stop spooning the gooey goodness from the container, set the scooper down in the carton and turn to face my brother. 

“I’m sorry. You’re right and I was acting selfishly.  Please forgive me?” A tear drops from the corner of my eye as I await his answer. The answer I know he’ll give because my brother loves me and I have never once doubted that. 

“CeeCee, you know I forgive you. Stop being stupid and make me some ice cream woman.” He smiles over at Liddy, relief over our quick reconciliation now clear on both of our faces. He’s always been fast to accept an apology without adding any sort of silly stipulations to the agreement and I feel so blessed to have that kind of acceptance in my life. He reminds me of our dad that way and having him here now brings me some of the comfort I’ve so desperately needed since Ashton’s betrayal.

“Woman, huh? I’ll show you woman,” and with that I fling a scoop of my favorite ice cream at his perfect face and watch as it lands where I intended, right between his eyes. He retaliates quickly by licking my cheek, using the one and only move that he knows will end this silly face off.

“Okay. Okay! You win!” I laugh wiping desperately at my cheek with a clean dishtowel. “How can you live with him? He’s a merciless, disgusting… BOY!” 

Liddy is laughing so hard I fear she may lose her bladder any moment yet I continue to make it worse with all of my ridiculous cackling and snorting. There are several weeks’ worth of stress bubbling up inside of me desperate to make an escape and this riotous release is just what the doctor ordered. 

After twenty minutes of eating and laughing we’re sitting at the kitchen table, a gallon of ice cream and a bag of chocolate candies gone. We’re all moaning from both the pleasure and pain of our exploits while scraping our empty bowls clean in the hopes of finding that last little bit of chocolaty gratification. Finally Connor decides to be brave and broach the topic that sits heavily amongst us in the room... the Ashton-sized elephant.

“Ashton left you know. Last night. He came over to say goodbye and told us that he’d tried to come by here and see you a couple of times but you wouldn’t let him in.  He’s worried about you. We all have been. Can we please talk about it now?”

The look of pity he’s wearing is annoying and I refuse to acknowledge it as I remind myself of the recent pact I made with myself to never again be the damsel in distress.  That girl, I’d like to throat punch her.             

“I’m fine, Connor,” I lie quickly before continuing on with my farce. “I’m just trying to save him from the guilt I know he’ll feel when he says goodbye to Master and I.  Besides, I hate long drawn out goodbyes and so does he.  Sure, when he first told me the news I could have handled the situation better, but I’ve had a couple weeks to think and I’ve decided I’ll be fine. He can do whatever he wants from now on without ever having to come to my rescue again. I don’t need him and he probably hates
that
more than the leaving part. You know how he is, Mr. Arrogant.”

Grabbing all the dishes I quickly push up from the table in the hopes of ending this conversation. But that’s not going to happen. Not while my brother’s inquisitive, knowing eyes are staring holes straight through my head, reading my mind.

It’s obvious he’s not buying my story but I’m sticking with it until I’m able to believe it myself. This reminds me of this time I heard Oprah ask Rihanna if she felt as sexy as she acted.  Rihanna was all, “no way,” and Oprah was all like, “Please girl!” but then Rihanna said something that I’ll never forget. She said, “sometimes in life you just have to fake it til’ you make it O,” (Holy Crap) and right now I am choosing to live by Rhianna’s proverb. Hey, all I’m saying is if it worked for Rihanna it can work for me! I mean seriously, she’s pretty damn good at faking the sexy.

“If she says she’s okay then she’s okay,” Liddy pipes in, while scraping away at the inside of the ice cream carton.

“What CeeCee needs is a fresh start, and seeing that we made a pact to work together, tomorrow that’s what she’s going to do, honor her pact.” She is just the cutest damn thing! I can’t help but to smile and shake my head along with her optimistic little plan. 

“She doesn’t need Ashton, right?” She shouts jumping up from her chair.

“That’s right.” This pep talk may actually be working because I’m up now too, fist pumping my enthusiastic agreement.

“She can do it herself. Right?” She’s like my own personal cheerleader. She drops her spoon and it pings off the table top and drops onto the floor before she starts to jump and bounce around clapping her hands, building the excitement.

“Right!” I shout, starting to feel like Rocky on those infamous steps.

“She can come to my studio and we’ll sew tomorrow!  Right?” Hell yah!

“YES!” Wait what?

“Great!”

“NO. NO… NO! You had me on some kind of trick train to anywhere for a minute there. Wow, you’re scary.  But, hell to the no am I coming to your place tomorrow. I thought my brother made it clear to you that I do NOT go out?”

She looks like I drowned her goldfish the way her face puckers up in disappointment. But then she has a moment of clarity and gives me a completely sincere little wink before saying, “It was worth a try.” 

Her smile shines and all I can think is this girl is going to give me a run for my money. She’s like some kind of fairy godmother and she’s not going to give up on me, it’s right there in her twinkly little, devious eyes. It may even be possible that I’m just a little bit afraid of her. As I look at her I have this gut feeling that my father’s somehow got his hand in this pot and because of that feeling I will allow myself a moment of hope. This partnership may just have been made in heaven.

***

After they leave I spend the rest of the night thinking about how I’m alone but then I pull my head out of my butt and realize that I’m not alone at all because now I have my brother, Master
and
Liddy. Woohoo, I’ve added a girl to my roster! What else could I have asked for?  Nothing, that’s what. I mean who needs kissing and cuddling or the smell of clean man, fresh out of the shower or even, you know, “IT”? People live fine enough lives without any of those things all the time (hello, nuns & priests) and I’m pretty sure I can be just like those people (If you’re not laughing please take a minute to do so now).  I’ve been doing quite well for the past few years (Bwahahahaha), just because I now know about the delicious feelings that come along with seduction, that doesn’t mean anything. Good for those people who get to have it all.  Nice work people of the world in Love! 

Who am I kidding! I HATE THOSE PEOPLE! Well, except for Liddy and Connor, though… yah, maybe I hate them just a teensy-tiny, wee-little bit, but that feeling is shoved way, way back in the way, wayest back part of my brain. No hard feelings at all, or at the very least just the most minimal of hateful feelings. Unfortunately this line of thinking has my mind racing back around to a certain someone, who is doing a certain something, with a certain foreigner that I’m not exactly certain I’m happy about.

As those thoughts float around in my head wreaking havoc on my cynical, lovelorn mind I decide to go out looking for a new electronic crush. I’ve literally got nothing to lose (except my pride and a touch of my self-respect). 

The couch corner welcomes me home (thank you couch corner). Master does my favorite thing ever and gets cozy by lying his hot body (hot in  degrees Fahrenheit, don’t be gross) down on my cold feet as I log into my Xbox account where it’s good to mingle if you’re single. PrettyPanties is a new lady who has plenty of friends out there in the electronic gamoshphere, and she will no longer sit around waiting for some gaming heartbreaker to stroll back into her life and respawn all over her! No MORE I SAY! 

Pumped up, I head to the go-to place for hotties:
Call of Duty: Ghosts
. I’m trolling tag names when I run into GamesWoods and he hits me up for a quick game. My headset’s up and running and we’re live.

“What’s up Games?”

“Not much there PrettyPanties. How’s it hanging over in the land o’ Panties tonight? I have to say you’re sounding as fine as ever.” Oh, poor GamesWoods. He’s so completely barking up the wrong tree. This tree knows his type. I’ve heard him inhale and choke one too many times to jump on board that second hand smoke train. He’s a fun friend however and I like talking to him. 

“Hey, I forgot to ask you. Did my plan work the other night? You know, did the pizza man end up walking the big guy?”

“Yeah, thanks a lot by the way. That was some truly inspired shit (for some reason talking to him brings out my inner gangsta’). We both feel indebted to you.” Then something comes to me and I just do it before I have time to question how smart my decision is. “Hey, um? I was just wondering? Do you know Mrnotsosmall? You know.  Like personally?” I want to superglue my mouth shut right now!

“Ah, yah? He and I worked together a couple of years ago. Do you have a thing for our Mrnotso Panties? It’s cool if you do because he happens to like hot chicks and if we’re being honest here, we’ve all discussed it and we can tell you’re hot.” OH MY GOD! These dudes are in high school! What have I been doing engaging in online flirting with teenagers? This thought brings a flood of bile immediately up into my mouth and I hold back as I try my hardest not to gag on it.

“Um, I don’t know what to say, Games, except maybe you’re nuts?” He inhales and I hear a wet, bubbling sound followed by a long exhale and a soft cough. In a strained voice he says, “That’s what all the ladies say but it’s never hurt me before. Actually, somehow it works in my favor?  You chicks are confusing.” He has no idea. “You want me to pass Mister a cyber note for you or something? Check yes, no, my place or yours? Something like that work for you?”