Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) (57 page)

She refused to be thin and she was still drop-dead gorgeous. She was thick where she wanted to be and did what she pleased with her hair. Zara was truly her own woman. But she only existed in my imagination.

I got to know her as I typed each paragraph. I really enjoyed exploring her life and her world. Sometimes I even caught myself wondering what Zara would do in certain situations. I knew that Zara would never Google tattoos, she would just get one. She would never let her fear stop her from moving forward in her life.

That was what I wanted—that freedom. I had imprisoned myself with my own insecurities and I was aching to break free.

As soon as I began to get inside Zara’s head, I felt the excitement about getting the tattoo flood through me once more. I was ready to be that happy and free. I decided that the best way to encourage myself to continue with my plan was to post an update to my blog about it. I always felt stronger about doing things when I knew that others were waiting to find out if I’d been able to accomplish them.

Besides that, Blue would more than likely offer me support. I loved hearing from him, and his words were always inspiring.

I typed up a quick blog post about my intention to get a tattoo. I didn’t think I would get a response very quickly.

By the time I’d dressed and returned to the computer, there was a comment waiting for me from Blue.

SWF,

I wonder what you will get? My mind spins with all of the possibilities. I’m sure it will be something meaningful. I hope that you think about all that you’ve accomplished while you’re getting your tattoo. I started reading your blog just a few days after you first started posting. The change I’ve seen in you from that first post until now has been phenomenal. You have certainly earned your badge of honor, SWF. Good luck. I will be thinking of you.

Blue

I sighed with contentment at his words. As usual, he’d only added to my enthusiasm. I liked the idea of a badge of honor. I could easily see it that way, since months before I would never have even considered getting a tattoo. I had gotten to know myself and grown enough that the possibility was now becoming a reality.

I grabbed a quick breakfast and a cup of coffee to go, then I headed out of the apartment to meet Max.

Chapter 2

Max was at the newsstand down the block. I knew that he liked to stop there every morning for a paper and a chat with the owner of the stand, so I’d offered to meet him there.

As I walked toward him, the wind caught his dark hair and rippled it. I smiled to myself. Max was always the most gorgeous to me when he didn’t know that I was looking at him.

“Morning.” I smiled.

“Morning.” He leaned close and kissed me on the cheek.

To anyone passing by on the street, we probably looked like a couple. I rather liked that.

But we weren’t any closer to being a couple than we had been several months before. I’d not yet been brave enough to cross that line, and most of the time I doubted that I ever would be.

“Are you ready for this?”

“I think so.” I nodded.

We had decided to make a day trip out of it. The tattoo parlor that had the best reputation was about an hour away. I wanted the best if I was going to take the leap. We planned to stop in some shops afterward and explore the area a bit. I loved that Max was always up for spending time with me, even if it was just wandering around and window-shopping.

“Then let’s get going.” He picked up his newspaper. He always bought one, but I rarely saw him read it.

As soon as we reached his car he tossed the paper into the backseat. Once we were settled I began playing with the radio.

“No girl stuff.” He shot a look in my direction.

“Girl stuff?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, Max, I don’t think I do.” I pretended to be put off. “What qualifies as girl stuff?”

“Sappy, whiny, moany.” He shrugged.

“Max, I didn’t know you were so last century.”

“Just because I don’t want to listen to depressing music?” He raised an eyebrow and pushed one of the buttons on the radio. Loud rap music began to play.

“Oh, and this is uplifting?” I laughed.

“If you listen to the words, Sammy, you’ll hear the poetry.” He began to attempt to keep up with the pace of the artist.

I couldn’t help it. Just the way he was bouncing in his seat and the expressions that he was making were too much for me to hold back.

“Max, please, please, you’re spitting all over the place.” I laughed.

“You think you can do better?” He grinned at me.

“Challenge accepted.”

I waited for a break in the lyrics so that I could get a good rhythm. Then I began tossing out the words that I knew by heart. Max didn’t know every kind of music I listened to. I didn’t have a type. I liked whatever I was in the mood for.

“Ouch!” Max winked at me. “I guess you showed me.”

“That’s right.” I pushed a button on the radio. “But I’m in the mood for girl music.”

“I thought you said—”

“I was just messing with you.” I laughed and turned the music up. One of the sappiest songs I listened to was playing.

“Ugh.” Max sank down in his seat.

“Just sing, you know you want to.” I nudged his knee with the palm of my hand.

Soon we were singing together with the music at full blast.

Neither of us noticed the cop that had been trailing Max’s car for the last few miles, until the blue and red lights came on.

“Uh oh.”

Max pulled over on to the side of the road. The police car pulled off behind him.

“Were you speeding?” I frowned.

“No. I don’t think so. I mean—I was distracted.” He reached out and turned the radio down.

The officer walked up to Max’s window, which was already rolled down.

“Hi there.”

The officer peeked into the car at Max and then at me. He looked more amused than upset.

“Did I do something wrong, officer?” Max asked.

“Well you do have a taillight out.” The officer shrugged. “I was going to pull you over and give you a warning for it, but I was enjoying the show so much I didn’t want it to end.”

“The show?” I was confused.

“I could hear you both singing. It was actually quite good.”

Max’s cheeks burned dark red. Max was wiling to be silly with me, but around other men he tended to be a bit more macho. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind at the thought of the police officer overhearing his serenade.

“I’m sorry, officer. I didn’t realize the taillight was out.” Max shot a look of warning in my direction.

I knew that he didn’t want me to laugh. I had to turn and stare hard out through the passenger-side window to keep from bursting out laughing.

“Well, don’t worry about it. Just get it fixed as soon as you can. Thanks for the entertainment.”

He turned and walked away from the car. I could see Max’s knuckles were nearly white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. I glanced over at him.

“Don’t.” He didn’t even look at me.

I bit into my bottom lip.

“Seriously, don’t!”

I burst out laughing. As soon as I started, Max started laughing too. The officer drove past us with a friendly toot of his horn.

“Only you, Sammy.” He shook his head and looked over at me, his eyes shining. “That could only ever happen to me with you.”

“I’m just special, I guess.” I continued to laugh as he drove off down the road.

I was feeling even more eager to get to the tattoo parlor. I was in a great mood, the weather was beautiful, and Max kept looking over at me with a huge grin.

“That’s for sure.”

We fell into a comfortable silence for the remainder of the trip.

My thoughts became heavier the closer we came to our destination. My heart began to flutter.

When Max turned into the plaza where the tattoo parlor was located, I gripped the handle of the door very tightly.

“Here we are!” Max was cheerful as he parked the car. “Are you ready for this?” He glanced over at me. As soon as he saw my expression his eyes widened. “No, no, none of that. This is a good thing, remember?”

I nodded. I tried to speak, but all that came out was a strange squeak.

Chapter 3

Max frowned and took my hand in his. “Sammy, don’t worry so much. It’s going to be great.”

“I’m not ready yet.” I shook my head.

“Okay, do you want to go?” He started the car.

“No, I just need a few minutes.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sure I can do this.”

Max rubbed my back slowly. I closed my eyes. I tried to get out of the car—I really did—but I couldn’t bring myself to open the door.

Twenty minutes later, Max got us drinks and snacks from the convenience store at the end of the plaza.

“I’m so sorry. I know I’m wasting our day.”

“Don’t apologize. This is going to take you some time and that’s okay. I got us jerky.” He handed me a stick of it.

“Do you remember what we did with these on our last road trip?” I waved the jerky through the air.

“Don’t start a war you can’t finish, Sam!” Max whipped out his jerky and wielded it like a sword.

“This war never ended!” I slashed my jerky against his.

Soon we were battling each other furiously in the front seat of the car.

A man stepped out of the barbershop beside the tattoo parlor. He stared at us with disbelief as he walked past the car. I didn’t care. When I was playing with Max, I didn’t care what anyone thought of me.

It suddenly struck me that maybe I’d been using Max’s friendship just for that reason. As long as I had Max that I could be myself around, I never had to worry about being myself with anyone else.

“Got you!” Max whacked me right in the forehead with the stick of jerky.

I blinked.

“You lost, Sammy. You have to give me your booty.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “You’re not getting my booty.”

“Give it up, Sammy!” He whacked me in the forehead again.

“Fine.” I handed him over my stick of jerky.

“Victory!” He shrieked and waved the sticks of jerky in the air.

I laughed, but my heart was no longer in it.

I loved Max and I would never trade our friendship, but it was hard to realize that I’d been using him as a crutch. Maybe in some ways, he’d been doing the same with me. As long as we had each other, we had our own little world, and we didn’t have to be intimate with anyone else.

“I’m going to grab some chips.” Max left me in the car and jogged back over to the convenience store.

I looked back over at the tattoo parlor. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get out of the car. I could see the big window of the shop with lots of pictures hanging in it. Each picture was of a different gorgeous piece of art. Art that had been tattooed onto skin using needles. I shivered at the idea.

After giving blood, I’d thought I would be able to handle this.

Zara would have been able to handle it. She didn’t let anything stop her. She would have marched right into the shop and demanded two or three tattoos.

I took a deep breath and looked out the window again. When I did, I saw Max’s lips pressed up against the window and his cheeks puffed out with air. His eyes were rolling around in a silly manner. I jumped at the sight and then laughed. He opened the door and crouched down beside me.

“Are you planning to get out?” He met my eyes with his.

“Eventually.”

“Like, before sunset?”

“Maybe.”

“Before lunch?”

“Possibly.”

He sat down on the ground beside me. “You know that you don’t have to do this, right?”

“I know.”

“Your skin is perfect the way it is.” He rested his head back against my thigh so he could look up at me. “You could remain as you are—pristine and unaltered.”

I winced at his words. I knew that he was trying to be supportive, but he had just reminded me of everything I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be unblemished by the world around me. I wanted to be raw, bold, and surprising. I didn’t want my pristine skin to be what people remembered about me.

“I’m going to do it.” I looked at the window again. “Soon.”

“Okay.” He smiled. “You know, I was with this girl who had a tattoo on her—”

“I don’t want to know!” I gasped out my words.

Max laughed and shook his head. “I was going to say on her toe.”

“Sure you were.” I rolled my eyes.

“Where are you thinking of getting yours?” Max looked up at me with mischief in his eyes. “I can think of a few good spots.”

“Hush.” I shot a playful glare in his direction. “Here.” I held out my wrist with my palm facing up. I tapped a spot on my forearm just above my wrist. “So that I can always look at it when I want to.”

“That’s a good idea.” He smiled. “Maybe I should get one too.”

“That would be great!”

“Ha ha, not going to happen.” He winked. “I could never commit to something that permanent.”

I decided not to point out that his comment reminded me of his love life. Max’s business was his business. Besides, I didn’t really want him committing to anyone that wasn’t me.

Maybe that was my problem. Maybe I wasn’t as afraid of needles as I thought I was. Maybe I was more afraid of doing something to permanently change my body. I knew that whatever I had tattooed on me would be there forever. I had an idea in mind, but I wasn’t sure that anyone else would understand it. Then again, it was for me—no one else needed to understand it.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

Max stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and stepped out of the car.

Chapter 4

When we walked into the tattoo parlor, a man stepped out of a back room.

“Hi there. I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to come in.” He stuck out his hand towards Max. “I’m Barry. Good to meet you.”

“Hi, I’m Max and this is Samantha.” He gestured towards me and I saw him mouth the words “Cold feet.”

I was a little too nervous to talk. I was inside—that was a good start.

The man before me looked like something straight off a roll of paper towels. He was big, muscular, and had a full beard. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever met someone so large before. It was kind of thrilling—unusual for me—to feel dainty next to him..