Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) (60 page)

“Anywhere.” He smiled in return. He started to pull off his shirt.

“No, not there. I changed my mind.”

“Where?” He looked at me.

“Right here.” I stuck the glossy tattoo to the middle of his forehead.

“No way!” He laughed. “I do have to go out in public, you know.”

“You can’t wear your heart proudly?”

“I could, but I’d rather not.” There was a hint of shyness in his smile.

Always confident Max—nearly arrogant Max—wasn’t bold enough to walk around with a heart on his forehead?

“How about here?” He held out his wrist and pointed to the same spot where I’d gotten mine.

I hesitated for a moment. It seemed far too sweet to me for us to have nearly matching tattoos. Of course one was fake, one was real, and Max was just trying to be supportive.

“Are you sure?” I met his eyes.

“If it’s okay with you.” He shrugged. “It will make me feel better about missing out on the real thing.”

“Alright.” I smoothed the tattoo onto his skin, then I grabbed a wet towel to rub it in. As I was rubbing the towel lightly across his skin, I caught him looking steadily at me.

“Stare much?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry.” He glanced away.

I giggled a little. It was interesting to see this side of Max. “I was just teasing. What do you think?”

He looked down at the heart on his wrist. He shook his head. “I’m glad it’s temporary.”

“No worries, Max. No commitments.”

“I’m glad that you got your tattoo. You should be very happy with yourself.”

“I am. I really appreciate you bringing these over to cheer me up too. I really am so lucky to have you.”

“Yes.” Max sighed playfully and wrapped his arms around me. “Yes, you are. But not as lucky as I am.” He kissed the top of my head. “So we’ll have to continue our day out another day?”

“I’d like that.”

“I’ve got to run and do some errands, but take care of that tattoo.”

“I will.” I smiled.

I walked him to the door, stealing one more hug before he left.

Chapter 10

As I stood in the doorway for a few seconds, I thought about whether I was letting my relationship with Max stop me from being my true self with others.

I didn’t think so. Not any more.

I’d learned that I could love Max, without his being the only person who really knew me. I knew that Max accepted me for who I was. I just needed to get comfortable with the idea that I could be who I was, even if others didn’t accept it.

I took some time to admire my tattoo once more. I was glad that it would never wash off. I was glad that it would always be there to remind me to live through my heart, not my fear.

I kept expecting to regret it in some way, but the more I looked at it, the happier it made me.

I decided that it was time to update my blog and let my readers know—especially Blue—that I’d finally gone through with it.

As I wrote out the post, I felt a rush of freedom. Something about getting my tattoo made me feel as if I’d broken free from all of my fear. I was quite happy that I had accomplished what I’d set out to do. I also felt even closer to the image of the woman that I wanted to be.

It wasn’t so much about changing, as it was about emerging.

I felt like I was leaving my shell behind.

After I made the post, I lingered on the Internet for a while. I pretended to be looking up other things, but the truth was, I was waiting to see if Blue would leave a comment on my blog.

I was lost in an online catalog when I heard the telltale chime that I’d received a new comment. I switched back over to my blog and found that it was, in fact, from Blue.

I clicked on it, eager to find out what he had to say about my accomplishment.

SWF,

I can only imagine how much strength it took for you to follow through with your intentions. I’m sure that the tattoo is exactly what you’d wanted. I hope that one day I will get to see it for myself. Until then, just know that you have left your mark on my heart with your bravery and your determination to be yourself.

Blue

I smiled as I savored his words. Blue had a way of making me feel embraced even though he couldn’t see me, let alone touch me. I was quite aware that he’d probably jump at the chance of meeting me, but I wasn’t ready for that.

Blue was like the prize dangling before me, encouraging me to keep moving on my bucket list. I wanted to be one hundred percent me when I met Blue, so that there would be no question about whether the chemistry I felt with him was real attraction or just something I imagined.

As I shut down my computer for the night, I was still warmed by the words that he’d written.

I gazed at my tattoo. It was a reminder to love myself—not for who I might become, but for who I already was.

Suddenly, I knew what item I wanted to cross off next on my bucket list.

I’d gotten to know myself fairly well over these past few months. I was ready to introduce myself to my friends. It was a silly idea to think of, but that was how I felt. I wanted to give all of them a chance to get to know the me that I’d been allowing myself to become.

It would be a fun way to show off my tattoo, and I would be able to gather my favorite people all in the same place.

I wasn’t usually one to host, considering I did not enjoy cooking all that much, but that was going to change too. Over the past few months, I’d learned all kinds of new recipes and healthy ways of cooking. I could showcase my new cooking skills as well.

As I thought about who I might invite, my mind immediately shifted to Blue. He had been dropping hints that he would love to meet me. Was I brave enough? Was it the right time?

My heart skipped a beat at the very idea. I couldn’t host a dinner party without Max being there. How would I handle Max and Blue being in the same room? I wasn’t sure whether I was really going to invite Blue, but it was fun to think about.

I was sure that the next item on my bucket list was going to usher in an entirely new way of being for me. I was ready to be seen more by others, and whether or not I was accepted, I knew that I would be able to be proud of myself.

I had always known the Samantha that was hidden inside of me, but it was time to introduce her to the rest of the world.

And there was someone else I was getting ready to introduce to the world too. I grinned as I opened up my work in progress and immersed myself back in Zara’s world.

Single Wide Female: The Bucket List

#17 Host a Dinner Party

By

Lillianna Blake

Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake

Cover design by
Beetiful Book Covers

All rights reserved.

LilliannaBlake.com

Chapter 1

It had been a few days since I’d started mulling over the idea of the next item I wanted to cross off my bucket list. I’d always wanted to host a fabulous dinner party for my friends. It seemed like such a fun idea, but I’d never had enough confidence in my cooking abilities to do it.

Since I had begun to change my diet, I’d taken the time to learn some new recipes and how to cook healthier foods. Of course, I still had to find the tastiest recipes. Now that I’d mastered a few of them, I felt more confident in my cooking.

Although not the healthiest of all my choices, one of my favorite meals was chicken and broccoli Alfredo. Since I’d been doing well on my diet, I decided that I could splurge—and I might as well combine that splurge with a delicious meal to share with my friends.

The following Saturday would be the perfect day to host my dinner party. I would just invite my closest friends, get some great wine, and keep things casual.

With that plan in mind, I was ready to send out invitations.

I went through the guest list in my mind and wrote out an invitation for each person. Most people texted, tweeted, or otherwise pinged people rather than mailing out invitations, but I wanted to go the traditional route. I had a good time creating funky shapes and adding bright colors to the invitations. Since most of my friends lived nearby, I planned to hand deliver them.

There was one invite that I couldn’t hand deliver. It was a huge step for me to even consider inviting him.

That person was Blue, one of the readers of my blog, whom I’d almost convinced myself could quite possibly be my soul mate. He always had some practical and inspiring advice to offer me. He was also always dropping hints about meeting me. With all of the changes I’d been going through since beginning my bucket list journey, I felt I was finally ready to meet him in person.

I wasn’t sure just yet how to go about inviting Blue. He had sent me personal messages through the contact form on my site, so I did have his email address already. I could easily send him a message and hope to hear back from him, but that seemed so impersonal.

I wanted him to come to the dinner party more than anyone else. What better way to slowly get to know him than to have my friends around as a buffer? Still, the actual act of inviting him was making my heart race and my palms sweat. I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to accomplish it without talking myself out of it. If I was going to do it, I had to do it fast—and without overthinking it.

I popped open my computer and logged into my email account to find the last email that Blue had sent me. I clicked on the reply button and began typing a message before I could stop myself. As a result, what I wrote was a bit jumbled and rushed but I hit the send button without changing a thing.

Blue,

As you know I’ve been checking things off my bucket list. One of those things is hosting a dinner party. I thought maybe you would like to join me. It’s okay if you don’t want to. It was just an idea. I’m sure that you may be too busy. But if you’re not, and if you’re hungry, then you should come. Well, not if you’re hungry right now because the party isn’t until Saturday, but you might be hungry on Saturday, and then you might want to eat and I will have food. If you want to come.

After the message went through I read it over. I cringed at the way I had worded it. Blue would probably think I’d had too much wine to drink. But it was done, and I couldn’t take it back.

I decided to distract myself by writing a blog post about my plans to introduce my new and improved self to my friends.

As I was writing it, I realized that wasn’t exactly what I was doing, though. I was introducing myself to my friends—my true self, that I was no longer afraid to show.

Normally I would be a bundle of stress and anxiety about the planning and dinner itself, but when I was finished writing the post, I felt great. I was eager to get out and buy the supplies that I would need, as well as deliver my invitations.

Blue was usually fairly quick to respond to my messages, so I lingered on my computer for a few minutes. I surfed some websites, trying not to think about the message that I’d sent.

After about twenty minutes, I began to wonder if I’d made a mistake. Had I been too forward by asking Blue to dinner? Had I shocked him into silence? I caught myself chewing on the edge of my nail. I knew that I couldn’t let myself sit there all day waiting. I had other invitations to deliver.

With one last glance at the computer, I picked up the pile of envelopes and headed out the door.

Chapter 2

I stopped at my neighbor’s apartment and slid an invitation under her door. She had helped me so much when I decided to try my hand at online dating. Then I walked down the block to Fluff and Stuff. It was my day off, but it wasn’t unusual for me to pop in just to say hello to the other employees.

When I walked in, Janice was in the middle of a polite argument with a customer.

“I understand that your shirt went into the washer white, Mrs. Dupree, but you also put in a red pair of shorts. Fluff and Stuff can’t be held responsible for the colors running. The damage to your shirt was not caused by our machines.”

“You’ll have to understand that I came here because of the good reputation of this laundromat. I didn’t mean to mix those shorts in with the whites. They were supposed to be in a separate load. Perhaps if you had more adequate sorting tables, none of this would have happened.”

“Mrs. Dupree, I’m sorry this has happened. Perhaps you can leave your shirt here and we’ll see what we can do to get it back to white?” I smiled at her.

“I don’t want to get it back to white. I want the shirt that it was before it got stained pink. Why is it that you don’t see this was a problem that was caused by your facility?” Mrs. Dupree glared at me.

In the past I might have given in and compensated the woman for her shirt, just to avoid confrontation. But I was feeling much more confident.

“I’ll be happy to refund you the money that you spent to use the washer, but that is the best that I can do.” I stood sternly in front of the woman.

“That’s not what I want!” Mrs. Dupree flapped her shirt in front of my face.

All of a sudden I noticed something about the shirt. Not only was the blouse pink, but the buttons were pink too. The buttons wouldn’t have turned pink in the washer. None of the other clothing in Mrs. Dupree’s basket appeared to be stained.

“Mrs. Dupree, are you sure that your blouse was white when you put it in the washer?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I’m sure!”

“Well, it seems to me that this shirt was always pink. The color is solid throughout the entire shirt; there are no streaks and not even a hint of white. Are you sure you didn’t leave the white blouse at home, perhaps?” I did my best to keep my voice professional with a hint of kindness.

The woman looked at the blouse in her hand. Suddenly she gasped. “Oh no, my mistake. This is my pink blouse! I must have gotten them mixed up.”

The woman turned and walked away. Janice shook her head with disbelief.

“How do you always stay so calm?”

“I’m not always so calm, trust me.” I leaned against the counter.

My mind shifted back to Blue and whether he had answered my invitation. I was going to be an obsessive mess if he left me hanging, I was sure of that. Maybe I hadn’t changed as much as I thought I had.