Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) (89 page)

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Authors: Lillianna Blake

BOOK: Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24)

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“He makes me feel amazing.” I smiled dreamily. “I’ve never met anyone who knows me better than he does.”

“That sounds promising.”

“It does, right?” I shook my head. “But then he is suddenly distant and unavailable. I mean how am I supposed to take that?”

Max frowned. “Maybe he’s just as clueless as you feel. Maybe he’s still trying to figure it all out.”

“Maybe.” I smiled. “The flowers are beautiful.”

“Yes, they are. I better get going. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“I’m fine.” I hugged him. “Thanks again, Max.”

“Anytime. I’m always here for you.”

I watched as he left the apartment. Max had made a good point. While the men I was dating were there and available for me to see, Blue had been there for me in ways that no one else had. Was I being too impatient with him?

Chapter 9

After a shower to wash away the smell of the club and the potency of the alcohol, I walked over to my computer. I was almost afraid to look. I knew that it would crush me if Blue still hadn’t written me back.

Before I could reach the computer my phone rang. I guessed that it would be Max. When I looked at the number on the phone I saw that it was a number that I didn’t recognize. It wasn’t Shawn’s number. My heart began to race. Could it be Blue? Finally?

“Hello?”

“Hi. I know this is probably strange.”

“Who is this?”

“My name is Will.”

My heart sank with disappointment. It wasn’t Blue.

“How can I help you?”

“Look, I know this is really unconventional and I don’t want you to be freaked out or anything, but I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Do I know you?”

“We met yesterday. Well, sort of.”

“At the club?”

“Oh, no. At your apartment.”

That did creep me out. I wondered if I was being watched by some scary stranger.

“I’m calling the police.”

“No, wait, please don’t do that. I delivered your flowers. I know this is really against the rules, but your phone number was listed and I just wanted to see if there might be a chance that you’d have coffee with me.”

My eyes widened as I recalled the deliveryman who had seen me completely naked the day before.

“Well, this is very strange.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s an invasion of privacy. It’s just that you seemed like such an interesting person. I thought I’d take a chance. I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

“Wait, Will.” I smiled to myself. What could it hurt? “How about we meet for that cup of coffee in the morning? There’s a little bagel shop down the block.”

“Great! I’ll see you at nine?”

“Perfect.”

When I hung up the phone, I had to laugh at myself. I began to wonder if I was wearing a big neon sign that said “Ask me out.” Then again, maybe all of that work I’d done on boosting my confidence had made a difference.

I decided not to check for an e-mail from Blue. If the deliveryman had my phone number, that meant that Blue probably did too. He could call me if he wanted to reach me. I didn’t need to waste my time worrying about whether he cared.

I woke up feeling refreshed the next morning—which was surprising considering the amount of alcohol I’d ingested the night before. I was excited to go out on my third date. I also still had another date to look forward to with Greg.

As I was dressing, there was a knock on the door. I wondered why Will had come to the apartment instead of meeting me as we agreed. Maybe I was confused?

I smoothed down my dress and walked to the door. When I opened it, I found Max smiling at me.

“I thought you might need a little hair of the dog.” He held up a brown paper bag.

“Oh, so sweet.” I smiled. “But I’m headed out.”

“Out?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“For coffee.”

“I’m not invited?”

“Not unless you want to be a third wheel.” I winked at him.

“Wait a minute, please don’t tell me you’re giving that loser from last night a second chance?”

“No, absolutely not. But he wasn’t a loser, just not my type.”

“Okay, so who are you going out with?”

“Actually, I met him when he delivered the flowers.” I took a moment to sniff the flowers.

“Wow. So instead of giving the guy who sent you flowers a chance, you’re going out with the guy who delivered them?” He laughed. “Sammy, that’s pretty low.”

“Hey! It’s not like that at all. It’s not like I’m marrying anyone. I’m just going to get to know Will a bit. Flowers don’t keep you warm at night, Max.”

“Hm. Maybe if you have enough of them.”

“Ha ha.” I shook my head. “I appreciate the support, but this is something I have to do for myself. It’s something I’m going to have to figure out along the way.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. “I guess you’re right. Have fun then.” He turned and stepped out of the apartment.

I stared at the flowers for a moment. I felt tempted to check my e-mail before I left, but I was already late. I forced myself to leave the apartment and my computer behind.

Will was waiting for me when I arrived at the bagel shop. I ordered my usual and we chatted a little about the smell of freshly baked bagels. It really was a delicious scent.

“I’m so glad that you agreed to meet me. I thought for sure that you would think I was stalking you.”

“Well, considering I flashed you, I guess neither of us are strangers to indecency.”

He laughed. “I swear I didn’t see much.”

“You’re a bad liar.”

“Okay, okay. But that’s not why I asked you out. The way you handled yourself, as if it wasn’t the end of the world—that was impressive.”

“Thanks. I’m pretty accustomed to embarrassing myself.”

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”

I smiled at him. Will was very blond, so blond that his eyelashes looked white. He had ruddy cheeks and a bright smile. I thought he was quite handsome. But just like with Greg, I felt absolutely no spark when I looked at him.

All I could think about was how close I’d come to kissing Max or whether or not there was an e-mail waiting for me at home from Blue.

“To be honest, I just got out of a relationship. I know they say to not jump into something new, but what do they know?” He shrugged.

“Well, it’s important to give yourself time to heal.”

“I’m healed. I wanted to get married, she wasn’t ready—end of story.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You must be heartbroken.”

“I am, but I can’t get lost in it. I’m ready to move on. I was hoping you could help me with that.”

“Will, you seem like a very nice guy, and I’m glad that I had the chance to meet you, but I think you need to take a little more time for you.”

“Rejecting me already?” He frowned.

“It’s not a rejection. I know what it’s like to want to spend the rest of your life with someone and have them not feel the same way. It hurts.”

“You’re right. It does.”

To my surprise, Will burst into tears. I handed him some napkins from the table.

“How could she do this to me?”

“I’m sorry. It’s her loss, but that doesn’t really make it any easier, does it?”

My own words made me think of Blue. I was trying to pretend that his affection didn’t matter to me, when the truth was, it mattered a lot. It didn’t make it any easier to ignore it. He was still there in the back of my mind—my mysterious, wise, and supportive Blue.

I gave Will’s hand a squeeze.

We spent another hour talking about his ex and how he could get through the grief process. By the time I left, I thought I might have a future as a relationship expert if the writing idea didn’t work out.

Chapter 10

I walked back toward my apartment lost in thought. Blue and I hadn’t even officially dated, yet it seemed like I was on the rebound from him. If I didn’t make things clear and final with him, how could I ever hope to move on to a new relationship?

I stepped into my apartment with a decision clear in my mind. I was going to send Blue an e-mail letting him know that things were over between us.

Maybe they’d never even gotten started, but to me they had. He’d crawled into my heart and curled up there. He likely would remain there forever. But I needed to make sure that there was room for my true love.

I sat down at my computer and logged into my e-mail. There, waiting for me, was a message from Blue. I opened it and braced myself for the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.

Samantha,

I think of you so often that sometimes it surprises me that we haven’t met yet. I think it’s time I confessed something to you. I haven’t been completely honest with you. You deserve better than that. I love you, Samantha. I want you to know that, no matter what happens. I love you. I understand if you can’t wait for me to be brave enough to tell you that face-to-face. But I still want you to know it.

Love always,

Blue

I reread the e-mail once. Then again. And again. I wanted to jump out of my chair and cheer that Blue had declared his love for me.

But at the same time, he had not included his address or his phone number. He’d not given me any real explanation for why he was so evasive. Wouldn’t a man who was in love do everything in his power to get to the object of his affection? Was I really willing to wait for him to figure out whatever he was afraid of?

So far, I hadn’t met anyone who could come close to making me feel the way that Blue did. In fact, the only person I felt as deeply for was Max. Was I willing to risk losing all of that to go out with more men that I had no connection with?

There was no question in my mind that Blue could easily be the love of my life. I could see myself growing old with him. I knew that he would always understand me and that I would always understand him. It was just something I felt deep in my heart.

But was that really enough when he still wasn’t giving me the physical connection that I needed?

I wanted to demand to see him. I wanted to tell him that he had to meet me or it would be over between us. But I knew that wouldn’t be fair.

He was asking me to trust him, to be patient with him. I knew what it was like to be paralyzed by fear. I had no idea what my next step was going to be.

As the cursor blinked on the screen, there was only one thing that I could think to write.

Blue,

I love you too.

Samantha

My finger hovered over the enter key. Was I really ready to tell Blue the truth about how I felt about him? Once I hit send, I knew there would be no turning back.

Throughout my journey—as I crossed the items off my bucket list—I’d tried to stick to my policy of being honest. Life was too short for lying or candy-coating. This moment didn’t feel any different. By being honest, I would not only be honoring Blue, I would be honoring myself as well.

I pushed the enter key down hard in the same moment that my heart fluttered.

After I sent the e-mail, I did question what I’d done.

What was the point of my telling him that I loved him? That wouldn’t make him any more available to me. It only left me vulnerable. But it felt kind of delicious to be vulnerable. It felt amazing to know that Blue loved me and that I had just confessed to loving him.

If I had to be patient, I could be. But what if he was just leading me on? I was in love with a man I’d never laid eyes on. He could have been anyone. I may have even met him in passing. I wasn’t in love with his looks, or how he dressed. I was in love with the core of him—that I felt I knew—despite our friendship being relatively brief.

However, was it just my mind playing tricks on me?

Greg was a real man, one who was available to me, one who was respectful and seemed to be a genuinely good person.

The question was, would I keep my date with him, or would I wait for Blue?

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