Six (9 page)

Later back in our hut she senses my mood. “Are you sure you’re okay here by yourself?” she asks. Lana vibrates with excitement to get into the forests. She wants to hunt and kill.

“I will be fine. I want to be here just in case.” It is not a lie. “I can protect myself.” It is a lie. Though, with Louis going with the hunting party I will not need to worry about protecting myself. I pick up my knife and toss it into the air. I smoothly catch the handle and smile. Lana smiles back at me.

“You are such a freak,” she says sweetly as she exits our hut and lets the door slam behind her. I immediately walk behind her and latch the wobbly lock without putting down my knife. I do not put it down when I eat some of the new vegetables out of Lana’s sack. I still do not release it when I lay down on the scant floor pallet and fall asleep.

An unusual noise jolts me from a deep, sound sleep. Louis kneels at the foot of my pallet, dangling Lana’s sack of vegetables from one finger.

“Do you know what the punishment for stealing is in our circle?” he asks. I quickly sit up as my heart starts hammering in my chest. My knife is no longer in my grasp and I realize I have released it in my sleep. I pat around the pallet for it and am unable to locate it. Knowing it is gone I slowly bring my gaze up to meet his. Louis’s smile transforms into a sneer as he brings my knife out from around his back. He holds it up in his other hand. It is not until I realize I am defenseless against the male darkling that terror sets in. I know why he is here. I know exactly what he wants.

“Where is Lana?” I ask, knowing full well she is out hunting.

“She is deep in the forest, killing. She won’t be back for some hours. It gives us plenty of time to do everything I’ve been fantasizing about doing.” He drops the brown sack to the ground and I watch as the carrots bounce across the dusty floor.

“Because you stole from my circle, Finn’s order of protection means nothing.” Louis sheathes my knife in his leg holster and pulls his sweaty shirt over his head. I scoot back further on my pallet and the wall stops me. My gaze takes his whole body in. He is the second male darkling I have ever seen. The curiosity to know what he looks like wars with the feelings of dread that roil my stomach. Though his appearance is somewhat pleasing, I am not interested in him at all. I want to disappear from this place. I want Lana. I want Finn more.

“We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way. Take off your clothes, darkling, or I’ll cut them off you with your own blade. I won’t cut gently either—I like a little blood.” His evil smile reaches high, crinkling his eyes. It has been days since I felt my dark magic and in this moment when I call on it, it is absent. I cannot will my eyes to turn white and forcing my magic to well up is useless. The human part of me is here right now and humans are
weak
. I am suddenly angry at the darklings for making me helpless. I am livid they have broken their promise to protect me. I can lie back and give in to the male darkling’s wishes or I can fight.

The human in me wants a fight.

I scoot forward on the pallet, closer to him, and will my weak, blue eyes to appear soft and my expression submissive. I smile at him. I bite my lip. I
pretend
. His wolfish smile is predacious. I shudder. I am unsure how far I can take this ruse without exposing my intentions. I pull my shirt and camisole over my head and toss them away, completely baring my chest. His gaze is ravenous. His chest rises and falls at a more harried pace.

“I want to do this the easy way. I want you,” I say, imitating the purr I hear so often from the other female darklings. He firmly rubs his hand down the front of his pants, over the growing bulge there.

I turn my head to hide the violent fear and loathing I know is streaking across my face. I try to will my magic up one more time as he creeps toward me unbuttoning his pants, but it eludes me. I only need to reach my knife—it is the only way to end this.

“Wait,” I say, holding both my palms out in front of me. He pauses, but he slits his eyes warily and cocks his head in question. “I want to take them off,” I whisper. I stretch my hand out toward his pants. My arm visibly shakes. I edge closer. He does not speak or stop me. I touch the top of his jeans where the button resides and his breathing stops altogether. He brings his hands up to touch my breasts and I wince away, unable to withstand his disgusting hands on my bare body. I grasp once in a futile attempt to release my knife from his holster and fail. It is firmly snapped into place.

“I knew it, you fucking bitch,” Louis rasps. He grabs my hands and pins them over my head with one of his. I kick out as hard as I can as he tries to remove my pants. One of my kicks lands squarely on his stomach and he is shaken enough to release my hands. There are no emotions in this moment and I think it is because I am numb. Like pain, this incident numbs me. Numbness does not appease me any longer.

“Get the hell away from me!” I yell loudly into the dark room. I scream so loudly I am sure it penetrates the sky and reaches the Dark Citadel. I stand and grab a wooden chair. I slide it back and forth creating a slight barrier. When he makes a move toward me, I throw it in between us. His eyes are feral and angry, though I am surely angrier than he. Lunging forward, I kick the chair toward him, daring him to approach me. He dives at me and his solid fist connects with my face. A gruesome crunch echoes in the small space. Warm blood drips from my lip.
Pain
. My dark side is buried even deeper. I cannot reach it and I know this is probably the end, but I am okay with it because my eyes are blue. I understand.

My head hits the floor with a loud crack and my eyelids close to stars. He is on top of me. I feel his heated breath on my collarbone and his muttered words are full of hate and wrath. I think of the stories from the old world that my mother told. I imagine the stars that cloud my senses were similar to fireworks. I feel him struggling with my tight pants and I smile, thankful for the seamstresses’ forethought. Dizzy sensations flood my mind as blackness takes over. I will the pain to take me under, to bury me completely.

Suddenly, I hear a loud crash followed by the fiercest war cry I have ever heard. It is not until I will my eyes open that I know it is Finn. Or someone who looks very similar to Finn—I cannot distinguish his features as they twist in rage.

He pulls the male darkling off me so quickly, I am unsure if he was ever on me to begin with. Finn hurls the man across the room like he is light as air. My head lolls to the side and I see the door has been busted open. Lana stands in the frame with her mouth agape. She stares wide-eyed and speechless as she takes in the scene. She loads an arrow and aims her bow into the hut, ready to kill. For me. My head is pounding but I force myself to sit up. My white, cotton underwear are still on, but my other clothing items are nowhere in sight. I bring my fingers up to my mouth and relish in the stinging pain when they brush the bleeding gash. Finn does not glance my way as he drags the unconscious body of Louis out of the hut into the gray, hazy night. Lana follows Finn out. I hear one violent
snap
and know that Louis is no more. Removing the head is the only way to kill a darkling.

I shut my eyes tightly and shriek.

When I open them moments later, Finn is kneeling in front of me. His breathing is heavy—erratic. His breaths and my heart hammering in my ears are the only sounds I am aware of. Finn’s gaze is trained on my eyes as he unbuttons his shirt with blood soaked fingers. I want to tell him how angry I am that he left me. I want to tell him how fearful I am about
everything
when he is away. Instead I leap at him wrapping my arms around his neck so tightly I think I may harm him. I bury my face in his neck and inhale deeply, like I am breathing for the very first time. He shrugs out of his shirt and drapes it across my lower back. His hands are hesitant as he rubs my bare back in small, comforting circles. I never want to let go. I cannot let him go.

“Do not ever leave me again,” I say without breaking our embrace. I feel his heart beating against my nude skin. We are connected. Through my tight grip he exhales deeply. He turns his head and presses a soft kiss against my temple.

Finn never leaves me for more than six hours again.

Chapter Twelve

July 16th, Midday

Six months later

I
almost feel
. Every day, every hour, and every second I pretend less and feel more. Lana is correct in that acting lessons are good. Just not for the reasons she initially started them. I copy the darkling girls’ smiles and laughs. I imitate their gestures and pick up on jokes. I may not feel the other four yet, but I feel alive. Finn still has to leave every few weeks to stave off his ‘cravings’. Lana and Finn do not think I know when he leaves, but I do. Even if I could not see the crazed look in his eyes when it is almost time, I would know because Lana sits by the window all night long when he is gone. She is guarding, watching, making sure nothing happens to me. Bec usually spends the night in our house on the nights Finn leaves, too. I tell them stories of my childhood and try to recite the words from my fairy tale. The words are less familiar now and as unimportant as they once seemed, I know they are not. Those words are my mother. They are all I have left besides the snippets of memories and her last dying words.

Finn is always back before I wake up.

It is customary that male darklings stay in a house on the outside of the circle to protect the female darklings and because it is inappropriate for males to intermingle too much. Finn now stays in a house directly next to Lana’s and mine. Sometimes, at night after we part, I go to the window in our house and I watch him in his. Some nights he paces the small space for hours and other times he actually sleeps. Watching Finn is my favorite pastime. Lana gives me a hard time when she sees me staring, but I catch her standing over my shoulder every now and again to watch too. I wonder what Finn frets about, I wonder where his mind wanders. I know that with Louis’s death, repercussions stemmed. Neither Lana nor Finn will discuss it in front of me and when I bring up the subject they both grow angry.

The witches have come to our circle twice. They search for me. They do not give up on me like the other darklings that escape their fate. They want me. Finn knows when they plan to visit, so we are ready when they do. Turning my blond hair black with ash will not work forever. My blue eyes have taken on a silver sheen and without a second look no one would doubt I am more human than witch. Bec and Lana say this is a promising sign, but I grow weary of waiting for emotions.

“I am so fucking excited for the scavenger hunt tonight,” Lana chirps from behind me. I am staring out the window—my window–again. Finn is shirtless which just happens to be the state that I find him most appealing. I know he will need to leave again soon. He looks at me fiercer and his voice is more rigid. He restrains himself around me more. I have asked, but Lana refuses to tell me where he goes or who he goes to. It annoys me. He tells me we are friends like Lana and me, but I feel enough to know a blatant lie when I hear one. Finn stretches his strong, tanned arms over his head. I have to turn my head forcibly to respond to Lana.

“I am excited, too. You better be on my team,” I say. Lana’s eyes light up.

“Of course! I need your freakish good looks to shock our opponents. Plus, if you’re on my team that means we get to use Finn as an Ace card. It’s almost like cheating, really.” Lana throws her bow over her shoulder excitedly while shaking her head, her black bobbed hair bouncing as she moves. She is already planning her victory dance in her mind. I am sure of it. I laugh out loud. Lana peers at me over her shoulder, her white teeth blazing in a wide smile. She likes my laugh. I like her smile. We could trade them back and forth all day.

“Bye,” I say, because I know the house cannot contain her energy any longer.

“I have some planning to do for tonight. I’ll leave you to your,” Lana says rubbing her chin, and then finally decides on her word choice, “meat gazing.” She laughs noisily. The wooden door now reinforced with scraps of metal, slams behind her, effectively erasing her cackle from the air.

The smile that Lana causes is still on my face when I glance back out the window and startle. Finn is watching me, his eyes hungry. He only looks at me like
this
. I let my smile drop, my lips part in shock. My eyesight is perfect. I can see every crease and angular slant of his face and body. His lips, the lips I dream about constantly, are parted. Like they always are, teasing me unmercifully without knowing it.

I bring two fingers up to my own mouth and gently trace my own lips back and forth, imagining my fingers are his lips. The way he watches me causes warm tingles to rise up my spine and spread through my body. The lower half of my body clenches with need. It is not a product of magic and I know that Finn is definitely
not just
my friend. His face becomes tortured, shadowed something fierce. He snaps his mouth closed, something he rarely does. His full lips press into a hard line and he disappears from his window. It angers me he ruins another of our secret moments. I know Finn is the key to unlocking the other four, but he refuses to admit it.

I pick up my knife and decide to see if Lana has gotten far. My body hums with desire and I need a distraction, anything that will pull my focus from Finn’s lips and tightly coiled body. Anything. Pulling open the door with a creak, I find the reason I need distraction. He looms large, filling my door frame—owning all that surrounds him. Finn is breathless and he pants from running. The first thing I notice is that his shirt is still absent. I glance both ways to make sure the other darklings are not watching him enter my house half-dressed. They are jealous of his protective nature. This new scene would be an entirely different problem. Finn swallows hard.