Six Months Later (3 page)

Because I can barely imagine going an hour without thinking about him now.

He smirks then. “You’re never going to convert him.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, staring a little too directly into his unbelievably blue eyes.

Adam stands up, and I have to tilt back my head to hold his gaze.

He hands my books back. “Mr. Fibbs. He still doesn’t buy the new,
improved
you.”

He says the last bit with a wink, almost as if it’s a little joke between us. Of course we don’t have jokes, and even if we do, I don’t remember the punch lines. I don’t laugh. But when he starts down the hallway, I automatically start walking too.

He stops at a corner, arm brushing my shoulder before he turns to face me. “So when are you going to tell me why you called me last night?”

“Last night,” I echo, feeling confused.

“Did something happen at Blake’s place?”

“At Blake’s place?”

Oh my God, I’m like a freaking parrot.
Words, Chloe. Find some and spit them the hell out!

Adam’s face goes hard. “Look, you called me. If you changed your mind, just say so.”

“That’s not it,” I say, because I hate his expression. But what am I going to say? I don’t know why I called. Heck, I’m still having a hard time figuring out how I ended up with Adam Reed’s phone number in the first place.

“It’s not a big deal. Blake’s fine,” I say, hoping maybe that’s the missing connection. Maybe he’s friends with my boyfriend. Maybe he’s upset about Blake?

But no, he wasn’t upset. I know that because
now
he’s upset. His eyes narrow to dangerous slits. When he steps closer, I feel the distinct need to hold on to something. Since he’s the only thing within reach, I refrain. Instead, I squeeze my books so hard that the sharp edges press into my arms.

“Blake’s fine? You’re going to go with that, Chloe?” he asks, voice too soft for the hardness in his eyes. “You’re going to stand here and pretend like nothing’s happening?”

It’s like all the air is sucked out of the room. I want to explain, and he’s obviously waiting for me to respond. But even if I can manage to make my mouth work again, what am I going to say? I don’t remember whatever
happening
he’s talking about. And I wish to God I did because whatever’s happening right now is making it hard for me to breathe.

“Just talk to me,” he says, and he reaches out like he’s going to touch me. I want him to. So much that my skin aches for it. When he pulls away, it’s all I can do not to grab his arm to yank him back.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Blake’s voice startles me. He’s suddenly right behind me, his hand pressing into my lower back possessively. It feels as hot and unwelcome as a branding iron. It takes every ounce of strength I’ve got not to lurch away from him and closer to Adam.

“Am I interrupting, Reed?” Blake asks again, a cold edge to his voice.

“No,” Adam says, but his eyes are on me. “Apparently not.”

His long stride takes him down the hall. I watch the distance stretch between us and feel like I should call after him. Or run to him. It makes absolutely no sense.

“We’re late for English,” Blake says, pointing me toward a door at the end of the hallway.

So now I know where to go. I guess that’s one mystery solved. Only eight billion or so to go.

There are serious advantages to being popular. Having people magically appear after every bell, happy to chitchat all the way to my next class, is really handy when you have no clue where to go.

The downside? Maggie wasn’t one of those people. Not even once.

I dig through my purse for my car keys and thank whatever forces might be listening that Blake has some sort of sports practice after school. Because I’m not ready for another dose of
him
.

Just as I start the engine, someone taps on my window. I glance up, forcing a smile to my face.

Abigail Binns. Star of
42nd Street
last year and high-flying, hand-springing cheerleader since junior high. I like Abbey. We’re not friends exactly, but she’s been on my bus route through three schools now. It’s hard not to like someone who volunteers at the children’s hospital and bakes cookies for her neighbors at Christmas.

I roll down the window. “Hi.”

“Hi, Chloe. I’m so sorry to bother you. My brother was supposed to pick me up, but he got stuck at work. Is there any way you could drop me by my place on the way home?”

“Sure,” I say.

Abbey flashes a million-dollar smile and hops in the passenger side of my Camry. My dad bought the car when I was born, and I think he’s determined to make it last until I die.

“Thank you so much,” she says, pulling on her seat belt as I start backing out.

Someone strolls right behind my car, and I slam on the brakes, coming way too close to hitting him. All I see is a charcoal gray hoodie pulled all the way up. It’s more than enough to send my pulse into a sprint. Adam drops the hood back and flashes me a look I can’t read. It doesn’t settle my heart down at all.

Abbey shakes her head. “Not an ounce of common sense in that guy.”

“Tell me about it,” I say, but I crane my neck to watch him walk away all the same.

“I still can’t believe he’s in so many AP classes,” Abbey says.

I tear my eyes away from the rearview mirror to look at her. “He is?”

“Well, yeah. His GPA this quarter is a 3.98.” Abbey covers her mouth the moment she finishes her sentence, looking shamed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I overheard it in the office. Honest, I wasn’t trying to be a snoop.”

I smile my first genuine smile since this whole thing started. And why shouldn’t I? The walking Gossip Girl of Ridgeview, Ohio, just landed in my car.

“That’s okay,” I tell her. “It wasn’t like you divulged some dirty secret.”

She giggles. “He probably thinks his grades
are
a dirty secret. I’ll just never understand. So did you hear about James and Kelsey?”

I drive as slowly as possible while Abbey fills me in on all the latest social happenings of our school. She’s got juicy stuff on absolutely everyone, which would be sort of fun if she wasn’t so determined to put a positive spin on every last bit of that dirt. Also, she might look seventeen, but after listening to her talk, I’m pretty sure she is an eighty-five-year-old widow who attends church three times a week.

“Bless her heart, we all make mistakes. It’s really a shame those two can’t work it out,” she says as I turn onto Belmont Street.

Cookie-cutter two-story and Cape Cod houses like mine give way to sprawling historic giants. Mom calls them the Belmont Beauties. She’s not wrong.

This is where Abbey lives. Where all the Ridgeview lifers live. These homes have been in their families for generations. I gaze out the window, passing wide, wraparound porches, most festooned with Prowler Pride flags and “Keep Ridgeview Clean” signs.

And then of course, there is the queen of them all. The white, columned mansion flanked by lilac bushes in the spring and crowned in glittering lights at Christmas. The Miller house. Iona, Quentin, and their daughter, Julien. Julien holds more academic and athletic titles than my entire homeroom class. It’s not surprising. Her parents were legends too.

What is surprising is the lack of pumpkins and cornucopias on the lawn. Mrs. Miller lives to keep her house appropriately festive for every conceivable holiday and—wait a minute. Where are her curtains?

Something small and white near the mailbox catches my eyes.

I slam on the brakes, gaping at the wooden realtor sign with its bright red FOR SALE message printed at the top.

“Omigosh, Chloe, what is it? Is it a dog?” Abbey asks, hand to her chest and eyes searching the road. “Did it get away?”

“Where are the Millers?” I ask, waving wildly at the house.

Abbey’s too busy worrying about the nonexistent dog to even look at me. “What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about? I’m talking about the
Millers
, the family that’s lived here for, like, twelve billion years!”

Abbey turns, looking at me like she’s seen a ghost. Her dark eyes go very round.

“You’re joking right? They left in
August
, Chloe.”

“Left?” I say, because I can’t even process that word. The Millers do not
leave
. They organize every charity event and holiday parade in this little nowhere town. If they left, the whole damn city would slide into Lake Erie.

“California,” Abbey says slowly, looking a little pale. “Remember their big move to California?”

I blink but say nothing. Because I’d believe in Bigfoot before I’d believe this. The Millers wouldn’t move
two
blocks
away from their ancestral abode, let alone two thousand miles.

“Chloe, you came to the going away party. You and Blake.” She looks genuinely frightened now. “Are you kidding around or something?”

She wants me to be kidding. Heck,
I
want me to be kidding. So I sigh and give an awkward laugh. “Uh, of course. It’s just…weird seeing their house empty like that.”

Abbey deflates like a balloon, shaking her head so that her blond hair swishes. “You’re terrible, Chloe. Frightened me half to death.”

I force a smile, but it feels too tight on my lips. My palms go slick on the steering wheel. Between that and my shaking knees, I don’t know how I drive the next half block to Abbey’s place.

She stops after she’s out, holding the door open with a manicured hand. The air is icy, and my head is throbbing now. I just want her to go.

“You know, I thought the move was weird too. Julien seemed so off that whole month, like she could barely remember her own name. You can’t imagine the kind of stuff she couldn’t remember. It was…uncanny.”

I can actually feel the ice forming in my veins. I force myself to respond. “Yeah, well, I’d be off too if I was moving thousands of miles away.”

“Yes, but…” She trails off, waving a hand dismissively. “Oh, never mind.”

“No, tell me,” I say, though I have a bad feeling I don’t really want to know.

Abbey tips her head. “Well, do you remember that psychology course we took last year?”

I nod impatiently because of course I remember it. It was the first time in my life I’ve ever leafed through a textbook ahead of time. Just for fun.

“Remember the day we discussed phobias and fears, and Julien said her mom had a terrible case of that, um, sizme…” She pauses, searching for the word.

“Seismophobia,” I say automatically. “Fear of earthquakes.”

Abbey nods. “Don’t you think it’s weird that someone with a fear like that would move out to California? I mean, isn’t that where all the earthquakes happen?”

It is.

I look at Abbey and think of the empty house, something cold and prickly creeping up my spine. I feel like it’s somehow reaching at me, begging me to tell the rest of the story. But I don’t know the rest of the story.

Or at least, I don’t
remember
it.

Abbey shifts her books and laughs. “Probably just silly of me to think it. I’m sure they have their reasons. I guess you never really know what happened if you weren’t there.”

“No, I guess you don’t.” Especially not if you’re me.

When she closes the door, I pull my phone out of my purse and dial Maggie’s number. It rings straight to voice mail, her soft voice lilting out of the tinny speaker. I wish I’d thought about this longer because I don’t know how to say this. I only know that I have to.

“It’s me. I know something’s going on with us, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to talk to me, but I had to call.” I take a shuddery breath. “I’m scared, Mags. I think something happened to me, and I think whatever it is, I think it might have happened to Julien Miller too.”

***

Dad and Mom are home early when I get the house, which I expected. It’s Taco Tuesday. We started this when Dad worked horrible hours and Mom was still going for her master’s degree, one meal a week when we’d all be together.

At first we’d trot out the good dishes and make a chips and salsa bar and a buffet of taco toppings. Most of it fell by the wayside after a couple of months. But I guess old habits die hard, because we still get Mexican takeout every Tuesday night, and we usually end up on the couch together watching something on TV.

They look up at me with matching smiles as I head in, hanging up my purse and my coat. I smell salsa and can see a spread of chalupas and chips spread out on the coffee table. It’s a happy, easy scene. I’m about to fling a flaming wrench into the middle of it.

I don’t want to do this. What I want to do is be this new version of me, the one they’ve probably been hoping for all along. They probably think I’ve finally got it all figured out. Except that I can’t even figure out where I sit in my fourth-period trig class.

“I think something’s wrong with me,” I say, because there’s not much sense in beating around it.

Mom turns first, a crease forming between her brows. Dad follows, his smile quickly fading when he sees I’m not joking.

They watch me with a look of growing fear that probably matches my own expression. Ever since I saw the Millers’ empty mansion, I’ve been scared to death. And I know I look it.

***

Four hours later I’m strapped down in a hospital testing room that smells like disinfectant. The gown scratches at my skin even though I’m trying to hold still like they asked.

“You’re doing great, Chloe,” a tinny voice assures me over the speaker. “Still okay?”

“I’m okay.”

Total lie. This is not
okay
. Anytime you spend four hours getting poked and prodded while wearing a gown that leaves your butt flapping in the breeze, things are
not
okay.

At least in this dark machine no one will come in to shine a light in my eyes. Or ask me the same five questions the last ten doctors and nurses have asked.

I thought about writing a list to save myself the trouble. No, my vision is fine. No, I am not sleepy. No, I’ve had no nausea. No, there isn’t any pain. Yes, I’m having some trouble with my memory. Dad and I started making up a song about it after the fourth person, but Mom shot us a look that could wither an evergreen, so we stopped.

The scanner grinds and buzzes around me. I try not to think about it. Instead, I wonder if I should have told them the whole truth. I mean, I said I had
some
missing time, but I was pretty vague about it.

“You’re all done,” the speaker voice says, and then the little tray I’m on whirs me out of the machine.

From there, they cart me to another room where I wait alone for at least a year. Maybe two.

“How are you holding up?” Mom asks when she arrives. “I knew we shouldn’t have gone to the cafeteria.” She looks like she cried the entire time I’ve been in the CT scanner.

“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m not dying, you know.”

“Of course not. I know that,” she says.

Behind her, my dad rolls his eyes, making boo-hooing gestures that make it crystal clear how
fine
she is.

“Contraband,” he says, tossing me a Mr. Goodbar.

“You’re my hero,” I say, shredding the wrapper and scarfing down half of the candy bar in one bite. “I’m starved.”

“George, she’s not supposed to eat,” Mom says.

“I know,” I say around a mouthful of chocolate. “I’m such a rebel. First, Mr. Goodbar.”

“Next she’ll be robbing banks,” Dad says, finishing my sentence.

Mom sniffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s not funny.”

But it is. Pretty soon we’re all laughing. I think they’re buying it. I think they totally believe that I’m not scared anymore.

The neurologist who ordered my CT scan walks in holding my folder. He’s got the longest, thinnest fingers I’ve ever seen and a mustache that looks penciled on. I can’t help thinking he’d be a perfect Disney villain.

“The good news is, I don’t see a concussion,” he announces. “Your scan looks perfectly normal, Chloe.”

Apparently the stress that’s been holding me upright evaporates, because the minute I hear
perfectly
normal
, I drop back to the pillow like my bones have melted.

My relief doesn’t last. I prop myself back up on my elbows, frowning at him. “Wait. Then what’s wrong with me?”

The doctor tips his head back and forth, like he’s weighing something in his mind. My parents squirm in their chairs. Oh no. I know that look. I also know my parents probably filled out a lot of helpful information regarding my mental health history.

The doctor clears his throat and glances at my file. “Your parents tell me that you had some trouble with panic attacks. A little over a year ago?”

“Yeah, I had panic attacks. I didn’t start
losing
time
.”

Nobody speaks. They all just look at me in that careful, guarded way. The way kids at school looked at me after the ambulance took me after that first attack.

I shake my head, frustrated. “I’m not crazy.”

“No one’s saying that,” Dad says.

Mom says nothing.

The doctor dons an expression of neutral compassion that they probably bottle and sell in pill form at medical school. “Doctors don’t like to use words like
crazy
.”

Yeah, not with people they think
are
crazy.

He tucks my file under his chin and looks thoughtful. “Chloe, stress can manifest itself in hundreds of ways, and the effects are very real. As a high school senior, you’re at a critical turning point in your life and that creates pressure. I think you need to find ways to cope with these issues.”