Size 12 Is Not Fat (16 page)

“Someone pointed you out,” I say. “Do you live here? With your folks?”

That stings. He says quickly, “Oh no. Well, I mean, I have my own place, but it’s in the law school dorm, over there—”

“You’re not an undergrad?” Amber asks. She clearly isn’t very swift on the uptake. “You’re a law student?”

“Yeah,” Christopher said. He doesn’t look quite as comfortable as he had before I’d mosied over and dropped my little bomb. Poor guy. He doesn’t know I have even more ammunition up my (capped) sleeve.

“I didn’t know you were President Allington’s son,” Amber says, with something like reproachfulness in her little Minnie Mouse voice.

“Well, it’s not something I like to advertise,” Christopher mutters.

“And I thought you said your name was Dave.”

“Did I?” Christopher finishes his cigarette, drops the butt on the sidewalk, and stamps it out. “You must not have heard me right. It was kind of loud in there. I’m sure I said my name’s Chris.”

Across the street, the cops haul the pantless drunk into a squad car. Now they’re all standing around, filling out forms attached to clipboards and drinking coffee somebody’s bought from the deli around the corner. The drunk bangs on the car window, wanting some coffee, too.

Everyone ignores him.

Okay, this sucks. I’m turning out to be world’s worst detective. I’m definitely going to have to take some courses in criminal justice. You know, when I pass my six months’ probation and can start taking classes free.

“It’s so sad, isn’t it?” I ask, in a voice even
I
think sounds way too chipper—sort of like Less Than Zero’s voice from the jean store the other day. “All the losers there are in this city, I mean. Like that pants-dropping drunk getting hauled away right across the street. Oh, and those stupid girls here in the buildings. The ones that died—what was it, again? Oh, yeah. Elevator surfing. Can you believe anyone would do anything that dumb?”

I glance at Chris to see how he’s taking this direct reference to his victims. But he doesn’t look disturbed at all…

…unless you can call pulling out another cigarette and lighting it disturbed.

Which, uh, I guess it is. In a way. But not in the way I meant.

“Oh,” gasps Amber, in a valiant attempt to hold up her end of the conversation. “I know! That was so sad. I knew that last girl, sort of. One time I got stuck in the elevator with her. It was only for about a minute, but she was freaking out, because she hated heights. When I heard how she’d died, I was like, ‘What?’ ’Cause why would somebody that scared of heights do something so dangerous?”

“Roberta Pace, you mean?” I slide my gaze toward Chris, to see how he reacts to the name.

But he’s busy checking his watch—a Rolex. A real one, too, not one of those ones you can buy on the street for forty bucks, either.

“Yeah, that was her name. God, wasn’t that sad? She was so nice.”

“I know,” I nod gravely. “And what’s even weirder than her being afraid of heights, but elevator surfing anyway, is that I heard just the day before she died, she’d met some guy—”

I don’t get to finish my sentence, though. Because just then iron fingers close around my upper arm, and I suddenly find myself yanked from behind, hard.

Stumbling, I put out a hand to steady myself, and feel the unmistakable ripple of rock-hard—and gym-formed—abdominal muscles beneath my fingers.

Is there any part of Jordan Cartwright that isn’t hard?

Including, apparently, his head?

He drags me a few feet away from Chris and Amber.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jordan demands, ripping the cigarette from my fingers and stomping on it. “You’re
smoking
now? A few months of living with that de
generate Cooper, and you’re
smoking
? Do you have any idea what that stuff will do to your vocal cords?”

“Jordan.” I can’t believe this is happening. And in front of my prime suspect!

I try to keep my voice down, so Chris won’t overhear me.

“I wasn’t inhaling,” I whisper. “And I don’t live with Cooper, all right? I mean, I do, but on a separate floor.” Then I stop whispering, because suddenly I’m furious. I mean, who does he think he is, anyway? “And what business is it of yours? Do I need to remind you that you’re engaged? And not to me?”

“I may be engaged to someone else, Heather,” Jordan says, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t still care—deeply—about you. You know, Dad said you’d hit rock bottom, but I had no idea. A guy like that, Heather?
Really?
I mean, he has about as much fashion sense as”—he throws a glance at Chris’s khakis, and shudders—“Cooper!”

“It’s not like that, Jordan.” I look over my shoulder. Chris and Amber are still there, far enough away that—fortunately—they can’t hear our raised voices. Chris looks relatively unaffected by my conversation with him, but I do notice that every now and then, his gray-eyed gaze strays toward us. Is he afraid? Afraid that the jig is up at last?

Or is he just wondering where Jordan bought his puffy shirt?

“Don’t look,” I say softly to Jordan. “But that guy I was talking to? I think he might be a murderer.”

Jordan looks over at Chris. “Who? That guy?”

“I said don’t look!”

Jordan tears his gaze from Chris and stares down at me instead. Then he reaches out and crushes me to his chest.

“Oh, you poor, sweet girl,” he says. “What’s Cooper done to you?”

I struggle to break free of his smothering embrace—or at least to speak without getting chest hair in my mouth.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Cooper,” I say, conscious that the student worker at the desk is trying to hide a smirk as she watches us through the window. “Girls are dying in this building, and I think—”

“So this is where you two disappeared to!”

We both spin around and stare wide-eyed at Rachel, who’d slipped outside unnoticed by either of us.

“You missed the awards ceremony,” Rachel chastises us, jokingly. “Marnie was so thrilled to win that she cried.”

“Wow,” I say, without the slightest enthusiasm. “Neat.”

“I came looking for you two,” Rachel says, “because I thought you might want to join me for a drink in my place…”

Jordan and I exchange glances. There is a desperate glint in his. I don’t know what he sees in mine. Probably confusion. Rachel had invited me up to her place only once before, for a glass of wine after the first freshmen check-in of the semester, and I’d been totally uncomfortable not only because, well, she’s my boss, and I was desperate to do whatever I had to do to make sure I passed my six months’ probation, but also because…

Well, Rachel’s apartment is really clean. Not that I’m messy, or anything, but…

Okay, I’m a little messy. I will admit there’s a lot of stuff jammed in my closets and under my bed and sort of, well, all over the place.

But at Rachel’s, everything had been put neatly away. There were no stray copies of
Us Weekly
next to the toilet, like at my place, or bras hanging off any doorknobs, or wadded-up Ho Ho wrappers on the nightstand. It was like she’d been expecting company.

Either that, or she keeps her place that clean all the time…

But no. That can’t possibly be true. That just isn’t even
human.

Plus, I’d noticed that the few CDs she
did
have—neatly stacked, in alphabetical order—were by artists such as Phil Collins and Faith Hill.

PHIL COLLINS. AND FAITH HILL.

Not that there’s anything wrong them. They’re actually very talented artists. I totally loved that “Circle of Life” song the first fifty times I heard it…

“Actually, Rachel,” I say carefully, “I’m kinda tired.”

“Me, too,” Jordan chimes in quickly. “It’s been a really long day.”

“Oh,” Rachel says, looking distinctly disappointed. “Maybe another time, then.”

“Sure,” I say, not looking at Jordan—because really, this whole thing is all his fault. Rachel would never have invited me up for drinks if it hadn’t been for Jordan. She had pretended not to recognize him, but I’d overheard one of the RAs tipping her off. Tomorrow she’ll probably be all over me with questions about his eligibility.

Because he’s worth WAY more than a hundred grand.

“Well,” I say. “See you in the morning.”

“Right. Good night!” Rachel smiles. To Jordan, she says, “Nice meeting you, Jordan!”

“Likewise,” says Jordan, almost as if he means it.

Then, taking Jordan’s arm, I steer him back toward Waverly Place, before the conversation can get any more awkward, and he can embarrass me any more in front of the people I work with.

“Oh my God,” I say to him, as we walk. “What do you think I should do? About Amber, I mean? What if she turns out to be his next victim? I’ll never forgive myself…al
though I totally busted him in front of her, with the whole ‘Dave’ thing. Don’t you think I busted him? Don’t you think she’ll be a little wary of him now? Oh God. Do you think I should go to the police? I don’t have any proof it’s him, though. Except…except Cooper probably still has the condom! I could use it as some kind of leverage—like, ‘Confess or I’ll take it to the cops.’ Or something.”

Jordan, beside me, sounds horrified.

“
Condom?
Heather, what are you—”

“I told you,” I say, stomping a foot. “I’m trying to catch a killer. Or at least I think he’s a killer. I can’t be sure. Your brother thinks I’ve got an overactive imagination. But you think it’s weird, don’t you, Jordan? Two girls dead in as many weeks, neither of them with a reputation for elevator surfing, and both of them just having a boyfriend for the first time? I mean, doesn’t that sound suspicious to you?”

We turn the corner onto Waverly Place, and one of the Rastafarians approaches, hoping, I guess, that I’d change my mind at last and would take him up on his offer of “Smoke? Smoke?”

Instead of ignoring him and answering my question, Jordan snarls, “Back off!” at the drug dealer, who really isn’t a very threatening presence. I mean, I’m way taller and probably twenty pounds heavier than he is. No wonder the poor guy looks so surprised at Jordan’s outburst.

Which is when I realize who’s really standing in front of me. Not a friend. Not even an acquaintance. But my ex-boyfriend.

“Oh, just forget it,” I say, and drop his arm before heading home.

The only problem is, Jordan follows me.

“What’d I do?” he wants to know. “Heather, just tell me. I’m sorry. It’s just that I don’t know how you expect me to
react. Dead girls and condoms and drug dealers. And you
smoke
now. What kind of life is this, Heather? What kind of life?”

I start up the steps to Cooper’s brownstone, fumbling for my keys in the light from the street lamp.

“Look,” I say. I’m working the locks as fast as I can, conscious that Jordan has come up the stairs behind me, and is blocking all the light from the street lamp with his big, puffy shirt. “It’s
my
life, okay? Sorry it’s such a mess. But you know, Jordan, you had a hand in making it that way—”

“I know,” Jordan cries. “But you wouldn’t go to counseling with me, remember? I begged you—”

Both of his heavy hands land on my shoulders, this time not to shake me, but to turn me around to face him. I blink up at him, unable to see his features because the street lamp behind him has made a halo around his head, casting everything within it into dark shadows.

“Heather,” Jordan goes on, “every couple has problems. But if they don’t work through them together, they won’t last.”

“Right,” I say sarcastically. “Like we did.”

“Right,” Jordan says, looking down at me. I can’t see his eyes, but I can still feel his gaze burning into me. Why’s he looking at me like that, anyway? Like he…like he…

“Oh no,” I say, taking a hasty step backward—right into the door. The knob presses hard against my back. “Jordan…what are you doing here? I mean, what are you
really
doing here?”

“My parents are throwing an engagement party for me,” he says, in a voice that suddenly sounds hoarse. “For Tania and me, I mean. Back home. At the penthouse. Right now.”

Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright hadn’t thrown an engagement party when Jordan and I had gotten engaged. Instead, Mrs. Cartwright had asked if I was pregnant.

I guess she couldn’t think of any other reason her son would bother to get himself engaged to a girl whose career was on the wane and waistline on the rise.

“Well, shouldn’t you be there, then?” I ask him.

“I should,” Jordan says. And suddenly I realize he doesn’t just sound hoarse. He sounds miserable. “I know I should. Only…only all I’ve been able to think of all day is you.”

I swallow hard and try to think rationally. After all, I’m a girl detective. That is what girl detectives do. We think rationally.

But there’s something about Jordan’s proximity—not to mention the misery…and raw need…in his voice—that’s making this really difficult.

And the weight of his hands on my shoulders is very pleasant. And suddenly, I don’t even mind the smell of Drakkar Noir so much.

And in the dark, of course, I can see neither the gold necklace nor the ID bracelet he’s wearing.

I know! ID bracelet!

“I just,” I babble, trying to keep down this wave of hysteria that’s threatening to engulf me. “I just think maybe the excitement of it all—the announcement, the reporters—is getting to you. Maybe if you just go home and have an Advil—”

“I don’t want an Advil,” Jordan murmurs, drawing me close. “All I want is you.”

“No,” I say, feeling panicky at the touch of puffy shirt to my cheek. “No, you don’t. Remember? You keep telling me I’ve changed. Well, I
have
changed, Jordan. We both have. We’ve got to move on, and start living our own—separate—lives. That’s what you’re doing with Tania, and that’s what I’m doing with…with…’’ With who? I don’t have anybody! It isn’t fair that he has somebody, and I don’t.

“Well, with Lucy,” I finish—quite bravely, in my opinion.

“Is that what you want?” Jordan asks me, his lips alarmingly close to mine all of a sudden. “For me to be with Tania?”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“
Now
you’re asking?”

And the next thing I know, he’s stooped down low and is pressing his mouth over mine.

Ordinarily I’m pretty clear-headed in situations like this. I mean, usually when a guy starts kissing me—not that this happens very often—I have the presence of mind to either tell him to stop if I don’t like it, or kiss him back if I do.

But in this particular case, I’m so surprised, I just sort of freeze. I mean, I’m still conscious of the doorknob pressing into my back, and the fact that all the lights in the house are out, which means Cooper isn’t home yet—thank God!

But beyond that, and some mild embarrassment that the drug dealers, out on the street, are whooping encouragingly, “Go for it, mon!” I don’t feel…anything.

Anything but good, I mean.

I know as well as the drug dealers that it’s been a while since I’d gotten any.

It must have been a while for Jordan, too (either that, or Tania isn’t quite pulling her weight in bed…which isn’t surprising, given that she can only weigh like one-ten, tops), because all I do is slide my arms up around his neck—force of habit, I
swear
—and the next thing I know, he’s slammed my body back against the door, the front of his leather pants molded to me so closely that I can feel the individual rivets on his fly…

…not to mention the thickening, er, muscle beneath those rivets.

Then his tongue is inside my mouth, and his hands in my hair…

And all I can think is
OH NO.

Because he’s engaged. And not to me. And I—well, really, I am NOT that type of girl. I’m NOT.

But this little voice inside my head keeps going,
Maybe this is how it’s meant to be,
and
Hmmm, I remember how this feels
, and
Well,
he
certainly doesn’t seem to mind those added pounds
, which makes it VERY hard to do the right thing, which is push him away.

As a matter of fact, well…the little voice is making it
impossible
to push him away.

I guess all those choreographers were wrong. You know, about me having trouble turning off my brain and just letting my body go. Because my body is humming along just fine, without any support from my brain at all…

It begins to look as if it would behoove us to get indoors, considering the supportive shouts of the drug dealers, so I twist around and finally get the door open, and we kind of fall into the dark foyer…

…where I press both my hands against his chest and use my one last moment of sanity to say, “You know, Jordan, I really don’t think we should be doing this—”

But it’s too late. He’s already pulled my shirt from the waistband of my jeans. Next thing I know, his hands are cupping my breasts through the lace of my bra while he kisses me. Deeply. Like he means it, even.

And okay, yeah, I do think—briefly—of reminding him that just that morning, I had been reading all about his engagement—to someone else—in the paper.

But you know, sometimes your body just takes up where your mind leaves off.

And my body seems to be on autopilot, remembering all the good times it had once had with the body that’s currently pressed up against it.