Skin (7 page)

She could see his pain. Hear his pain. Feel his pain, yet still he pushed himself to reach for that goal.

In the end, she was so absorbed in the intensity of his own moment that she completely forgot to take pictures at the final point before he hit the wall…and went over it. She lost her balance and fell on her butt, camera in hand, mouth open as she stared at him.

He ever so slowly lowered the massive weight as if everything in him wanted to drop it and he wouldn’t give in to it.

He was all about control.

And goals.

And making them.

Pushing himself, forcing himself to face his own weakness was everything to him.

And she knew in that moment, in ways she couldn’t understand, that this man would never allow himself to hurt another person through a moment of weakness. It was not to say that in an equal fight in a boxing ring he wouldn’t enjoy pulverizing his opponent, because she thought he would love that.

But he’d never take advantage. Never hit a woman, a child, or another man in anger.

She knew he’d never abuse someone or take advantage of his superior strength.

But she wasn’t sure
he
knew it. That when he lost it, when red took over his emotions and rage replaced the blood in his veins, he might shove his fist through a wall, but he’d never mistake a woman’s face for that wall.

And he’d never, ever use force on a woman in other ways. He wouldn’t have to. He would naturally see a lot of action, if he wanted it, but he wouldn’t force a woman. He was a protector, not a predator.

With that thought, a band loosened around her chest, and the tension from just being this close to him eased back into the realm of normalcy. She’d been keeping a safe distance between them, being sure to avoid his touch, even accidentally. Something she’d done for years. Something she wasn’t consciously aware of doing.

She sat quietly, contemplatively, while he collapsed and worked to regain his breathing.

How foolish she’d been. Walking the safe road may have been the way to go in the past, but she’d hit a turning point. She could trust her instincts that said he was safe to be around, or she could continue on this safe pathway and not give herself a chance to get a little closer to a strong, sexual male.

Her body said to jump his bones, but she was light years away from something so obvious. And so was he. He’d given no sign he was interested in her at all, and he had a lot more experience with sexual attraction than she had. He didn’t seem to notice she was acting any differently.

So maybe she wasn’t.

She lifted the camera and captured the sense of satisfaction, glowing exhaustion…pride.

Click. Click.
Click
.

*

What could she
possibly find to take pictures of after so many shots? She’d been going crazy with her damn camera. He’d blocked her out as he put himself through the pacing. He needed this workout, and all the more now because of her bouncing around. She’d gotten quiet once or twice. She’d called it daydreaming. He wasn’t so sure, but it was weird.

Still, he needed to focus, needed this release of tension, of the uncomfortable situation. He wanted to be home in his space, in his gym…and work.

He had homework to do, cop work to do, getting his degree to do. He loved being a cop. He just wanted to do more. That’s why he was here. Right? No, it was
one
of the reasons. His temper had been blowing louder and hotter. His personal issues had bled over into his work life, and that was when he’d understood he couldn’t hold off doing something about this. He wanted a personal life, but he needed to work. And he couldn’t afford to give his personal issues any more time to do their own thing on their own time – not once it had crossed into his work arena.

Then there was his brother.

Jessie had convinced him to take this step, to commit the time, energy, and intention to make this happen.

No one had warned him about the other people in the session – like Tania.

Then again, how did one prepare for such a thing?

He reached up and rubbed his face. The workout had done its job. He was exhausted. He was mentally and physically done; he was at the calm place where he was fine. Everything in his life was going to be okay. God, he loved this space.

It felt like home.

Centered. Balanced.

Peaceful.

Some people would say he was a gym junkie. That it was an addiction. If it was, he didn’t want to get over it. There were truly few places he could go to and get this feeling, and even fewer ways to get there.

He needed this.

And now he felt like he could handle the world again.

Even Tinkerbelle.

“Surely you have enough pictures by now?”

She froze. “If you’re done, then I do.” She straightened and busied herself putting away her gear.

“Well, I need a shower,” he joked. “So unless you’re planning to document that…”

There was a tiny gasp. He spun around and realized she’d frozen in place, her eyes huge. But it was what churned in the back of those eyes that made him add, “Hey, I was just joking.”

She blinked once again…and then she started babbling. “Sorry, I’m late. Need to go…back to my room. It’s almost dinnertime.” The whole time the words tumbled out of her mouth, she was backing up to the door, putting as much distance between them as she could.

At the door, she opened it and turned around as if to say something. Her face worked while he stood there with his mouth open, then she closed her lips and bolted.

The door slammed closed behind her.

P
anic drove Tania
to the stairwell. She sprinted up the first flight of stairs and turned the corner to the next. When she remembered she and Kane had rooms on the same floor and he could be coming behind her¸ she could hardly breathe.

She hated being a fool, and after that crazed exit, how could he see her as anything but?

Moving as fast as she could force her body, she raced up the stairs, desperately wanting to make the safety of her room before meeting him again.

Two flights up, she barreled into the middle of a group of older people as they bunched up at a landing.

“Sorry, excuse me.” She apologized and tried to get through them.

They were laughing and trying to move but as one moved away to make space for her, another accidentally blocked her way. Finally, she stopped, blew her errant strand of hair out of her eyes, and waited until they’d all moved past her down the stairs. After a long moment, she resumed her upward climb at a slower, steady pace.

The jolt of meeting those people somehow made her see her actions for what they were: silly fears. So what if she did see Kane on the way?

If he thought she was panicked at the idea of her taking pictures of him in a shower, then fine. What did it matter to her? Besides, it was better than the truth.

She opened the door on the third landing and walked calmly out to the hotel hallway. It was empty. She fished her key card out and unlocked her door.

With a last glance around, she entered her room and locked it behind her. She sagged against her door and closed her eyes.

“Christ,” she whispered. From the moment Kane had suggested she take pictures of him in the shower, she had been beset by images of him standing nude with water sluicing down over his magnificent body. Water droplets hitting, hanging suspended for a moment like a lover’s touch before sliding down over those curves and hard planes.

After today, she knew him so much more than he’d understood. She’d seen him both physically and mentally through the lens of a camera and although most people wouldn’t understand, a camera never lied. It had the ability to capture moments of truth.

One of those truths couldn’t be denied. He was a magnificent male in his prime. What he’d taken as fear in her eyes had actually been desire. A need to do just what he’d suggested. She’d give damn near everything she owned if she could, right at that moment, take a camera into his bathroom and photograph him in the shower.

And what did that say about her?

“It says you’re a healthy female who met up with someone who sparked your attraction. It is new for you. It’s also a good sign,” she said out loud.
Bull.

After a long, cooling shower, Tania curled up in a tight ball, her hair wrapped up in a towel, the housecoat miles too big on her small frame, cell phone clutched in her hand. Feeling guilty, almost dirty, she’d completed her shower in record time and called Jillian.

“You don’t understand. I ran from him. The words I wanted to say wouldn’t come out. My heart was pounding.” Tania stared around the cold hotel room and wanted to cry. “I’m sure he thought I was terrified of him.”

“And instead, you were terrified of your reaction to him.” Jillian gave a delighted laugh and said, “You are going through something most women go through in their teenage years and honestly, even now when I have a new relationship, I’m exactly the same.”

“But I don’t have a relationship with him,” Tania said in exasperation. “I just made a fool of myself. The last thing he’s going to want is a relationship with me.”

“So? Women make fools of themselves over men all the time and vice versa. Understand it’s normal. It’s natural. In fact, it’s a damn good sign. Be as natural as you can be. You’re attracted to him. It’s going to feel like high school for a while, but you will handle it.” Jillian sounded so positive and happy that it gave Tania hope.

“I hope you’re right. I feel like he’ll never talk to me again.”

Laughter filled the phone line again. Everyone loved Jillian – especially men. If she said this was normal even for her after all the relationships she’d had…then maybe it was.

“He’ll talk to you. That’s the great thing about where you are and what you are doing. He can’t avoid you. He’s part of the seminar, too.” Then she sobered up slightly. “Just make sure he’s not some damn wife beater or alcoholic, will you? You need a nice, stable, caring man to be in your life. Not someone with huge problems of his own.”

“Everyone has problems here,” Tania said. “I don’t know which of his brings him here.”

“Well, he’s in therapy, so look around at the hotel guests and staff. Maybe there’s a different man, one without the huge baggage a man in therapy might have.”

At that, Tania laughed. “Really? So a man who’s willing to step up to deal with his issues is a worse bet than some guy in the bar who won’t even look at them?”

“No. And if the therapy was over and this guy had done what he’d needed to do, he’d probably be a great bet. In the meantime, remember everyone is part of the session for a reason.” Jillian’s voice deepened with worry. “Especially him.”

“What? You don’t even know him,” Tania said in outrage. “Don’t be so judgmental.”

“I’m not trying to be, but you…you’re an innocent in life. And someone is likely to take advantage of you.”

Shivers rippled down Tania’s spine. As long as it was Kane, she just might be okay with that.

“It’s too early. You don’t know this man. You need more than a one-night stand.”

“Do I?” she whispered. “What if you’re wrong there? It would allow me to test drive sex as to whether I can do it or not. Then if it doesn’t—”

“If it doesn’t work, you’re going to be even more traumatized.” Jillian’s voice turned pleading. “Please, don’t do this. Flirt a little, enjoy the sensation of feeling that kind of heat, revel in knowing that your body is responding…but do not jump into bed with him – at least not yet.”

Tania hung up on her. Her hand trembled as she stared in shock at the closed phone. She’d never hung up on anyone before. She collapsed to the bed and let the tears run. After a few moments, when the sobs died down, she stood up and went to the bathroom to wash her face. She took a drink of water and stared at her teary face in the mirror.

“God, I hate when I do something wrong.” Especially to Jillian. It wasn’t her fault Tania was screwed up, but it was because of her that Tania was here trying to work through everything.

Resolutely, she returned to the bedroom and dialed her friend back.