Skin (18 page)

And didn’t that sound like something she’d heard in a therapy session.

Damn Jenna and her shrink babble anyway.

At the fitness room, she decided to do some stretches herself. She had her camera and bag to continue working on their project, but at the same time she knew her body needed some work, too. She’d taken the week off and that wasn’t good. Her daily routine always included twenty minutes of yoga, and she missed it.

Knowing Kane would get there when he was damn good and ready, she set about moving through her positions.

The door opened when she’d slipped into the third one. In the mirror, she could see Kane open his bag and chalk up his hands, and then he went to work. She tried to focus on her movements, but it was damn hard. The man’s body was a powerhouse and a joy to watch. Add in her artistic eye and her fingers were itching to grab her camera.

Another ten minutes and she gave up. Hopping to her feet, she opened her bag and grabbed her camera. It took a moment to set up, then she turned and walked over to Kane. He had a distant, unfocused look on his face as he recovered from a set of sit-ups. Personally, she hated sit-ups, push-ups, and chin-ups. But then again, she wasn’t into anything that made her sweat like she’d been in a sauna or made her hurt so bad she wanted to cry.

Kane, on the other hand, seemed to thrive on it.

She shook her head and shifted into her art.

When he switched up to arm curls, she shifted much closer to work. She began taking photos of the muscles as they tightened and released, the film of moisture that rose to the surface, the fine hairs that shifted and moved then became locked in the sweat.

“What can you possibly find interesting in all of this?” Kane asked, his voice laced with irritation.

She took a step back, studied his face, and saw the pain, the frustration, and the anger. It wasn’t a good day for him, at least here in the gym. “Do you want me to stop?

He snorted. “I want to go home. This week has been a fucking waste of time.”

Ouch.
She didn’t think he meant her specifically, but as he was here for his own problems, if he wasn’t making progress, then he would be pissed. She would be, too, in his shoes. That she was making progress and he was angry spoke volumes about where they both were at this time. It saddened her. “I’m sorry. The seminar is almost over. You should be working on your issues and not helping me with mine.”

He spun around from reaching for more weights. “I shouldn’t even be here.” He waved a hand around. “This isn’t my thing. I hate being inactive. I like purpose in my life, action. Not…” he threw up his hands in frustration. “Not whatever this is.”

“I understand.” And she did, but it didn’t help him any.

She took a deep breath and prepared to be blasted. “If there is something I can do to help you deal with your issues, then tell me. I’d be happy to give back.”

He stiffened, then relaxed. “Tinkerbelle, you’ve already helped. But some things just have to work themselves out over time.”

“True. But there are some things you just have to jump into and let go. I often wonder if time isn’t a crutch more than anything. I look back on the years where I felt I couldn’t do anything, wouldn’t push my boundaries – and then I never progressed.”

“In your case, you couldn’t. Some things do take time. In my case…” and he stopped, an odd look coming over his features.

“In your case?”

He sat down on the bench and shook his head. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if it matters.”

“That’s the thing. You said earlier that we feed something to keep it alive. And in my case, that’s exactly what happened. I’ve been feeding something to keep it alive, but it’s dead. She’s dead. Gone,” he said starkly.

“Oh my. Did you lose your wife?”

She raced over to his side, her palm coming to rest on his cheek.

He shook his head, but his gaze was haggard. “No,” he said hoarsely. “She aborted my baby and didn’t tell me until afterwards. She told me she killed my daughter because she wasn’t ready to be a mother.”

His tortured gaze rose to lock onto hers. “I’ve been so angry, but it was more because I was grieving. How could I be so lost, so devastated by the loss of a child not yet born? She killed her. Wouldn’t even give her a chance at life.”

Tania didn’t know what to say. Such a horrible event, and for his wife to have made such a decision without him said a lot about the state of his marriage. A state he himself wouldn’t have understood until it was too late.

Compassion welled up inside and she couldn’t help herself; she wrapped her arms around him and held him close.

He stiffened, then let himself be held. His arms went around her, holding on to her as the revelations just kept coming. He said, his voice barely above a croak, “It’s me I’m really mad at, for not seeing what she’d do. For not having taken better care to avoid a pregnancy in the first place. For making sure my daughter was safe.” He parted his knees and pulled her down to his lap. “All this time, I hated her, but deep inside, I hated myself. All this time I told myself that women weren’t to be trusted, and it was me I didn’t trust.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for all three of you.”

He stared down at her. “That’s the truth, isn’t it? There were three injured souls here.”

“Yes, but she could have handled it very differently, and she didn’t want to. For whatever reason, she wanted to hurt you.”

He stared out, a distant look in his eyes. “She was so angry when she found out. Children were in her plans, but down the road, a long ways down the road when she was ready, when the timing was right. She was a big planner, and this blew her plans off course.”

“The time is rarely right for a major life event,” Tania said, remembering her own pain and shock from so many years ago. Her parents had divorced as a result of it, her mother’s life irrevocably changed by her daughter’s assault. “It doesn’t matter. We have to deal with the hand Mother Nature deals us. It’s the
how
that makes us
who
we are.”

Kane stared down at her, surprise lighting the chocolate depths.

“When did you get so wise?”

“After years of therapy,” she said in a dry tone and smiled. “It’s a funny thing, but when you least expect it, a breakthrough does happen and you wonder at your past…a past of just a few moments earlier before you had the epiphany.”

His lips kicked up into a smile. “How true.”

He leaned back and took a deep breath. “I feel both good and…exhausted.”

She patted his shoulder. “I know what you mean.”

A glint slipped into his eyes. “Nap time?”

She stared into his deep gaze and then understood. Heat rolled through her, coloring her cheeks. She gasped then giggled. “Oh, Lord.” Then she nodded. “Definitely nap time.”

His grin turned lethal. He leaned forward, dropped a kiss on her cheek, and whispered in a deep voice, “Your room or mine?”

Instantly, she said in a voice gone hoarse, “Mine.”

*

How had they
gone from being distant and irritated to racing like school kids down the hallway? He hoped they didn’t meet anyone; Tania needed this.

Hell, he did, too.

His emotions were too raw at the moment to be examined with any intensity, but there was just such a sense of relief sliding off his shoulders with every step he moved further away from the pain. It would never dim his loss but it would firmly be in the past, where it belonged.

If she could get to this same point…wow.

She’d come so far already. Now could she go all the way? He almost groaned as his groin tightened. He hated to think how far away they were from where he wanted to be.

They reached her room undisturbed, and she unlocked the door and they slipped inside. Laughing and giggling like kids, she locked the door and turned to face him.

He opened his arms and she ran into them. God, he loved that.

Damn if he wasn’t falling in love with her.

T
ania would do
anything to feel what Kane had made her feel last time. Knowing they had hours ahead of them made her whimper in the back of her throat. Instinct told her to crawl up his frame and go after more.

Pulling back slightly, she gave him a light push toward the bed. “Lie down.”

He flipped his shirt over his head and kicked off his shoes. Standing at the end of the bed, arms wide, he fell backwards.

“I’m all yours.”

She froze. “Oh, I hope you’re right.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “I mean it. Be gentle with me, sweetheart.”

She grinned and pounced. She grabbed his closest foot and ripped off his sock. He laughed as her hands tickled his feet. He tried to tug his foot away, but she hung on. Releasing the bare one, she fought to get the sock off his other foot.

When he could, he gasped out, “What is this, a sock-free zone?”

She smirked. “Absolutely.”

“Good, then you’d better be sockless, too,” he warned. “Or else I get to remove them.”

“Ha.” She quickly stripped off her own socks. “Now I am.”

“Good, now how about the pants and shirt, too?”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” She shook her head. “I’m not playing that game. You still have your shorts on.”

And before she’d figured out what he was doing, Kane lay stretched out before her only wearing white knit boxers. She swallowed hard. He rested his head on his hands and grinned up at her. “Now what are you going to do?”

“Admire you,” she said honestly. “You’re truly gorgeous.”

His gaze widened. As she glanced up to his face, she was startled to see a wash of red working up his neck. “Really? You’re okay to lie here in front of me in only your underwear, completely unconcerned, but I give you a compliment and you’re embarrassed?”

A sheepish grin washed over his face. “I’ll say thank you, and we’ll move on.”

“On to what?”

“Whatever you want; whatever you’re comfortable with trying.”

She sighed happily and went to crawl on the bed beside him but stopped. She looked down at her capris. She really wanted some freedom to move. Her t-shirt was more camisole than shirt, but her pants were heavy cotton without any stretch. Taking a deep breath and moving fast, she stripped off her capris, laid them on the empty chair, and turned back to face Kane.

He watched her, a smile on his face. “Doing good, Tinkerbelle.”

She grinned; she was doing good. As long as he understood that progress could stop at any time…

Awkwardly, she climbed onto the bed and stared down at his massive body. “You’re so big,” she whispered.

“Yeah, so are my dad and my brother.”

“Really?” At his nod, she turned her attention back to his feet. In a whimsical move, she slipped one leg down to line alongside his foot. His had to have been twice the length of hers and was at least twice as wide.

A laugh rumbled through him. “I guess calling you Tinkerbelle wasn’t far off. You are seriously tiny.”

She gave an indelicate snort. “I’d never had it pointed out in quite the same way before. I’d have considered myself on the small side, but not like this.” She placed a hand on his thigh, feeling it tighten into granite under her gentle touch. “You’re so different from me. Your skin is thick, rough; your muscles – powerhouses.”

“We’re meant to be that way.”

She nodded thoughtfully, loving the way his thigh twitched under her fingers, almost playing a rhythm. She stroked down over his kneecap, marveling at the sheer width of the joint. Hers would fit completely inside his with room to spare. “It’s hard to believe the massive build.”

“It’s required to hold this massive body up,” he said, amused. “Your kneecaps would crumple under my weight.”

She couldn’t argue with his logic, her hands now both stroking, learning, and feeling the differences between them. Loving the differences between them. And even more – loving the freedom between them. She sighed. “I know it embarrasses you, but I have to tell you that the artist in me finds you to be a perfect model.”

“Model for what?”

“Everything.” She lowered her head and dropped a kiss on his thigh. The smooth muscle twitched, so she did it again and again. She laid her cheek down on his thigh, looked down the long expanse of leg, and realized his toes were wiggling. She grinned, shifting so she could see his face. He lay with his eyes closed, accepting, allowing…