Skyscape (18 page)

Because he answered it. “All of this fear. It's safe out there in the desert.”

There is a way to keep him, she thought. I just have to think more clearly.

“He promised me,” he continued. “Everything is simpler and quieter there.”

Curtis would never come back to her. Somehow she knew that.

“It's what I need to do,” he said, jamming a T-shirt into the bag. He was always terrible at packing, everything jumbled together. Even now, she wanted to help him, help untangle his socks, help him order his life.

“Don't go,” she whispered.

He didn't hear, or perhaps he ignored her. His tone was kind, patient, a man explaining the obvious. “Dr. Patterson will fly down every now and then, and we'll talk, and then when I feel strong enough I'll come back. Don't be so sad. I'm doing it for you. You can come down and visit sometimes.”

She put out a hand, to touch him, remind him that she was here, that she loved him.

He laughed. He looked so wonderful, she thought—dashing, eyes bright. “Look at how sad you are! This is a wonderful opportunity, for Christ's sake. You should be thankful to Dr. Patterson. Do you realize what he's done for me?”

“You aren't going.”

He gave her a look of puzzled amazement, pretending that he hadn't quite understood her.

She persisted. “I won't let you go.”

She had always had an ability to tell him what he should do, and because he trusted her—and because she had good judgment—he had always followed her advice. But now he zipped up the leather bag. “I'll be in the studio,” he said, “packing a few things.”

It didn't happen so quickly. A person did not change like this. She knew better.

Teresa's answering machine responded to the call. Margaret hung up and tried Teresa's car phone.

“I'm stuck in the middle of a traffic jam,” said Teresa. “I had to leave for Oakland right after the show.” She drawled something about the “approach to the Bay Bridge,” “jackknifed truck,” deliberately sounding like a traffic report.

Margaret described Curtis, his mood, his destination.

“That's wonderful!” said Teresa.

“I don't like it.”

“It's been a long time since I earned a fee in court. I help chiropractors set up corporations these days. You don't need a legal mind for that, you need a secretary. But let's see if I can state my case for you: he's going to paint again.”

“I don't believe it.”

“Don't be so selfish, Margaret.”

“There's something wrong.”

“You told Curtis to see Red Patterson, right?”

“I don't like this.”

“You're jealous.”

Maybe she was. Margaret closed her eyes.

“I don't like to be critical,” said Teresa, “but I think you have a tendency to sulk when you don't get your way.”

Maybe, thought Margaret. Maybe not.

“You're twenty-eight,” said Teresa. “Not so young any more.”

Teresa was eight or nine years older, but was one of those women who seemed to neither age in any important way, nor to doubt themselves. Even that splash of silver in her hair might well be a hairdresser's whim, thought Margaret.

When Margaret did not speak, Teresa continued, “Vanity is a natural weakness. Take a good look at yourself—maybe you're not enough for Curtis any more.”

“He loves me,” Margaret said, feeling her voice fade out to a whisper.

“Why shouldn't he? You're still a very attractive woman. But you didn't really expect Curtis to be happy with you until the next ice age, did you?” There was the sound of a car engine. “I don't think you want Curtis to paint again. I think you want him all for yourself.”

“That's not true,” said Margaret, anger strengthening her voice.

“Then what are you afraid of?” said Teresa.

Curtis closed his large black portfolio, and tossed the overnight bag beside it. He picked up the phone and called a cab. Then he stood gazing outward, his hands on his hips.

“Light like this is what kills you,” he said, looking out at the low clouds blotting the view. “Try to paint this and you'll end up with nothing.”

Begging wouldn't work. A tone of command would not work. Perhaps understatement would succeed. “I wish you would stay,” said Margaret.

Her mother had told her that she could do whatever she wanted with her life, but she had no business marrying a man like Curtis Newns.

Her friends had envied her. “You aren't
really,”
they had said. Her sister, married to a jovial, lazy man who wrote software, had said, “Why couldn't you do something normal for a change?”

Because I'm not normal. I wanted something wonderful from life, and I got it. For two years.

“If I hadn't had the miscarriage,” she said, her voice hoarse, “you would stay with me.”

She had put up a print of
Skyscape
on the wall. It was a stunning painting, even reduced and given the prosaic, flat finish of paper. She still kept that article from the London
Times
, the one that said that the painting demonstrated “that the horizon itself becomes human under the touch of a master like Curtis Newns.” This was the same article that escaped the usually tentative confines of British journalistic prose and said that
Skyscape
was “the most important painting of our time.”

Curtis saw her folder of articles once and found it amusing, all the clippings she had kept, folded carefully. Some people collected autographs, butterflies.

He put his arms around her. He told her that he would come back, that he wasn't walking off the end of the world, that he wasn't going to vanish.

And then the security guard called and said a cab was here.

And Curtis was gone.

Don't ever feel sorry for yourself, her father had said. Letting yourself feel self-pity is to give in to a form of intoxication. It is worse than even self-congratulation.

When you play a gymnasium full of chess opponents, each player keenly alert, sitting at the long, meeting-room tables, fingering their own, familiar chess pieces, you don't have time to even think, not in any usual sense. You move from player to player, perceive the move they have just made, stretch forth your hand, make a move of your own. Your will doesn't act. Your ego doesn't. Your talent does.

There might be twenty or thirty strangers there, young and eager, and they will all lose, because they don't have the talent.

Margaret knew her next move. She picked up the telephone and used the number the famous doctor had given her very early that morning, the number he had said was his private line.

20

On the way home in the limo, in the middle of feeling so good, Patterson began to think about the tape, the voice that had sounded like a talking garbage disposal. There was just a little doubt, just a tiny question: didn't he recognize that voice?

“That's what I say in my book,” Patterson was saying to the voice on the phone. He couldn't remember exactly
which
book. “You make it public before a huge audience and it dies. You know who understood this? The Greeks did. No question. You purge it and you go on living. You keep it inside and you're sick—it's that simple.”

“Really impressed,” the assistant producer was saying. “You wouldn't believe the calls.”

Yes I would, thought Patterson. He was home safe, feeling good. “People are actually progressing, evolving. They don't think the way they used to,” he said, aware that this made his reference to Greek tragedies slightly irrelevant. “We don't have to be like human beings of the past. We're different.”

It felt great to be able to preen a little—why not? Still, he was glad when he was off the phone. Jeff, reliable, timely, slipped a martini onto the desk. Patterson smiled his thanks. It had been a wonderful day.

He was home, in his office, watching as an old movie of his father's played soundlessly on the television screen. Finding it had been an accident. He had wanted to watch the news, because his publicist had guaranteed this would make CBS national, at the very least. And there on the American Movie Classics Channel was his dad carrying a shotgun, gesturing with the double-barreled weapon, a gun that Patterson himself had fired as a boy in the desert, blasting sun-faded Burgie cans. The old twelve-gauge was now in the Movie-land Wax Museum, beside the unlifelike image of his father.

The phone rang, his private line. “I just got off the phone with the wife,” said Loretta Lee.

“She must be pretty happy.”

“You want to be careful of the wife,” Loretta Lee said.

“She sounded charming when I talked to her before.”

“She could have Curtis examined by other doctors if she gets suspicious.”

“Suspicious of what?”

“You and I both know that you are running just a little bit of a risk.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” On the television screen Buck Patterson had just climbed into the saddle.

“Don't be mad when I tell you what I think. I think Curtis Newns belongs in a mental hospital.”

Patterson bristled. “You forget who I am.” This sounded just a little megalomaniacal, so he added, “Besides, now I'm going to start to get
real
clients.”

“I wonder if maybe even you might be out of your depth, Red. And when he can't paint after all you've said, you'll look like a failure. Or maybe that's not quite the word. Maybe you'll look really bad, Red.”

Patterson stirred in his chair. His hand curled around what he imagined was Loretta Lee's sexy throat. “I'll talk to her again. What's her name, Margaret. Convince her everything's all right.”

“If she gets the idea that her husband should be in other hands, there might be legal means at her disposal—unless you persuade her.”

On the screen, Buck Patterson was riding hard, a pace that would kill a horse. “Why don't you have any faith in me?” said Patterson, making his voice sound happy, at ease with life. “Everything'll be fine.”

“I don't think she's convinced of that,” said Loretta Lee. “She's not dumb. She's thinking what I'm thinking: what are you going to do with your prize, now that he's in your cage? I want to help you, Red. I'm your friend.”

“What you are, Loretta, is a former patient, a woman who used to be into fellatio with assistant directors for a shot at a screen test. I know what I'm doing.”

“If you have to say so, it isn't true.”

Patterson laughed, a karate-chop chortle. “You're quoting me, aren't you?”

“Who else? ‘Some statements of belief are weakened by being said out loud, like a man announcing he isn't lying.'”

“That's on one of my tapes—”

“It's in your book.”

“Loretta Lee, you're smart, and I love you, but sometimes I don't know.”

“I'm trying to protect you, Red,” she was saying as he took the receiver away from his ear.

Patterson put the receiver into its cradle. He was happy, and grateful to Loretta Lee. She was sassy and needed a vacation, that's all. Red Patterson was a man with an open mind. Everything was great, but he wanted another drink.

He had better plan some time away from that woman, he thought. She was wonderful, but she lacked a certain sophistication.

It was early evening, but the carpet cleaners were still not done. The cleaning machine was in the hall just outside the door, a sucking sound, like a wind machine, one of those big canvas belts they rotate off-camera to simulate the noise of a storm.

Later, he would remember that moment, and remember thinking about his father's Colt, how it would be easier if the Colt was here in the desk, loaded. Patterson did not own a gun, but he knew how to use one. A firearm was what he needed now. Then there wouldn't have to be people in the living room, drinking his coffee, and Angie, the woman from the mayor's office, would not be tapping on the door to the study, stepping over the carpet-cleaning machine as she came toward him.

Angie was good looking, blonde, willing, thought Patterson. She would do, considering that Loretta Lee was so busy. On the screen, Buck Patterson had just fired about the fifteenth shot in a row from his big Colt.

His son had the oddest realization. His father's image on the screen was that of a man years younger than his son was now. Patterson jabbed at the remote with his forefinger and the screen went dead.

“Leave it on,” said Angie. “I like your dad's movies.”

“Somehow, you don't seem the type,” smiled Patterson, knowing how out of fashion most westerns had become.

“You look like him,” Angie was saying.

“Do you know what I need more than anything in the world?” said Buck Patterson's son. What he needed was another drink. What he needed was for the carpet cleaner to finish and leave. “For a start, I need someone to massage my neck, right here.”

“What was he like?” asked Angie, stepping behind him, her hands wise, soothing, finding the tendons in his neck.

“Just like what you see on the screen,” said Patterson.

What was it like to have Buck Patterson as your old man, a friend would ask Red on the way back from a class in anatomy of the neurosystem or the toxicology of the human brain.

By the time he had fathered his only son, Buck was already a film veteran, one of those men who are called “ageless” only because their age is hard to guess, not because of any preternatural youthfulness. Buck was described as the poor man's John Wayne in one of those every-movie-ever-made video books. What was it like to be the son of one of the world's last cowboys? What was it like to have an actor dad?

For one thing, it wasn't an act—not entirely. Buck Patterson was authentically of the West, hated barbed wire, and could ride. He had that trailer out in the high desert near Victorville. He had a crescent divot in his skull where a mare had kicked him during his childhood in a place that was never defined—Arizona or Nevada or perhaps even ordinary rural California before the subdivisions.