Slammed (16 page)

there are over thirty different meanings and substitutions for the word

mean.

(I quickly yell the following words; the entire class flinches-including Will)

Jackass, jerk, cruel, dickhead, unkind, harsh, wicked, hateful, heartless, vicious, virulent, unrelenting, tyrannical, malevolent, atrocious, bastard, barbarous, bitter, brutal, callous, degenerate, brutish, depraved, evil, fierce, hard, implacable, rancorous, pernicious, inhumane, monstrous, merciless, inexorable.

And
my
personal favorite—
asshole
.

I glance at Will as I return to my seat and his face is red, his teeth clenched. Eddie is the first to clap, followed by the rest of the girls in the class. I fold my arms across my chest and focus my eyes solely on my desk.

"Man," Javi says. “Who pissed you off?”

The bell rings and the students begin to file out. Will never utters a word. I begin to pack my things into my bag when Eddie runs up to me as most of the class has filed out.

"Have you talked to your mom yet?" she asks.

"My mom? About what?"

I have no clue what she's referring to.

"The date. Nick asked you out yesterday? You said you'd have to ask your mom?"

"Oh, that," I respond.

That was yesterday? It seems like a lifetime ago. I shoot a quick glance in Will's direction and see that he’s watching me, waiting for my response to Eddie. His expression is stone cold. I wish at this moment he was easier to read. I assume his internal expression is jealousy, so I go with it.

"Yeah, sure. Tell Nick I'd love to," I lie as I keep my eyes locked on Will. He grabs his pen and paper and opens one of the desk drawers and drops them in, slamming it shut. The action startles Eddie and she jumps, spinning around to look at him. He’s aware of the attention he brought upon himself so he stands up and acts oblivious to us as he starts erasing chalk off the board. Eddie turns back toward me.

"Great! Oh, and we decided on Thursday so after Getty’s we can go to the slam. We've only got a few weeks, might as well get it out of the way. You want us to pick you up?"

"Uh, sure."

Eddie claps excitedly as she bounces out of the room. Will continues to erase away nothing as I start toward the exit.

"Layken," Will says with a hardness to his voice.

I pause at the door but don’t turn toward him.

"Your mom works Thursday nights. I always get a sitter for Thursday's since I have to go to the slams. Just send Kel over before you leave. You know, before your
date."

I don't respond. I simply walk out.

Lunch is awkward. Eddie has already informed Nick that I've agreed to go out with them, so everyone is extremely chatty about our new plans. Everyone except me. Other than the occasional nod and mutters of agreement, I don't speak. I have no appetite, so Nick eats the majority of my food. I stir the rice pudding around on my tray with my spoon, dribbling in traces of ketchup here and there. It reminds me of the remnants of the murdered snowman in my driveway. For days, every time I would back out, my tire would glide over his ice-hard body. I wonder if that's how quiet my jeep would be if I were to run over Will? Just accidentally back up over him, then put my car in drive and continue on.

"Layken, are you just going to ignore him?" Eddie says.

I look up to see Will standing behind Nick, staring down at the mess I've made of my tray.

“
What?" I say to Eddie.

"Mr. Cooper needs to see you," she says, nudging her head in Will's direction.

"I bet you're in trouble for saying
asshole
," Nick says.

I put my hand against my throat, afraid it's about to explode. What is he doing? Why is he asking me to go with him in front of everyone? Has he lost his mind?

I slide my chair back and leave my tray on the table as I eye him cautiously. He walks out of the cafeteria toward his classroom, and I follow him. It's a long walk. A long, awkward, tension filled, quiet walk.

"We need to talk," he says as he shuts his door behind us. "Now."

I don't know if he's being 'Will' right now. I don't understand the angle he's coming at me from. I don't know whether or not to obey him, or
punch
him. I don't walk very far into his room. I fold my arms across my chest and attempt to look annoyed.

“
Then talk!" I snap.

"Dammit, Lake! I'm not your enemy. Stop hating me."

He's being Will.

I rush toward him and throw my hands up in the air in frustration. "Stop
hating
you? Make up your freaking
mind
Will! Last night, you told me to stop loving you, now you're telling me to stop
hating
you? You tell me you don't want me to wait on you, yet you act like an immature little boy when I agree to go out with Nick! You want me to act like I don't know you, but then you pull me out of the lunchroom in front of everyone! We've got this whole façade between us, like we're different people all the time and it's exhausting! I never know when you're Will or Mr. Cooper and I
really
don't know when I'm supposed to be Layken or Lake."

I'm tired of playing his head games. I'm so tired.

I throw myself into the desk I occupy during his class. He is hard to read as he stands there, expressionless. His hands are in his pockets and he's leaning against the chalkboard.

He slowly walks around me and takes a seat in the desk behind me. I continue to face forward as I feel him lean forward in the desk, close enough to whisper. My body tenses and my chest tightens when he speaks.

"I didn't think it would be this hard," he says quietly.

I don't want to give him the gratification of seeing the tears that are making their way down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry I said that to you earlier, about Thursday," he says. "I was being sincere-for the most part. I know you'll need someone to watch Kel and I did make the slam a required assignment. But I shouldn't have reacted like that. That's why I asked you to come here, I just needed to apologize. It won't happen again, I swear."

The door to the classroom swings open and Will hops up out of the seat as Eddie eyes us curiously from the doorway. She's holding the backpack that I left in the cafeteria. I can't conceal the tears that are still flowing from my eyes so I turn away from her. There's nothing Will nor I could do at this point to mask the tension between us.

Eddie holds her palms up and gently lays my backpack on the desk closest to the door. She backs out of the room as she whispers, "My bad…continue." She closes the door behind her.

"That’s just great," Will mutters.

"Let it go, Will," I say as I stand up and walk to my backpack. "If she asks me about it, I'll just tell her you were upset because I said asshole. And jackass. And dickhead. And bastar-"

"I get your point!" he snaps.

My hand is on the doorknob when he calls my name again. I pause.

"I also want to say I'm sorry-about last night," he says.

I turn toward him as I speak. "Are you sorry you let it happen? Or sorry about the way you stopped it?"

He cocks his head and shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn't understand my question. "All of it. It never should have happened.”

"Bastard," I finish.

***

The engine of my jeep purrs its' familiar sound when I crank it, and that pisses me off too. I slam my fist against the steering wheel, wishing so many things. I wish I never would have met Will the first week I was here. It would have been so much easier if I'd have met him in class first. Or better yet, I wish we never would have even moved to Ypsilanti. I wish my dad were alive. I wish my mother wasn't being so vague about her
errands
. I wish Caulder wasn't at our house every day. Seeing him just makes me think of Will. I wish Will would never have fixed my jeep. I hate that he does considerate things like that. It would make it so much easier to hate him if he really
was
all those things I called him. Oh my god, I can't believe I called him all those names. Wait, no regrets.

***

I pick the boys up from school and drive home. I beat Will home today, but I won’t be waiting at the window. I’m done waiting at the window.

"We'll be at Caulder's," Kel yells as they slam the jeep door.

Good.

When I walk inside, I hear my mother talking to someone in her bedroom. I pause outside her door. It's a one-sided conversation so she must be on the phone. Normally, I would never eavesdrop on one of her conversations. However, her behavior lately warrants a little nosiness. Or maybe
my
behavior warrants a little rebellion. Either way, I cup my ear to the door.

"I know. I
know
. I'll tell them soon," she whispers.

"No, I think it will go over better if I tell them alone…"

"Of course I will. I love you too, Babe."

She's signing off. I quietly tiptoe to my bedroom and slip inside. I shut the door behind me and slide to the floor.

Seven months now. It took her all of seven months to move on. She can't be seeing someone else already, but her words on the phone couldn't have been more clear. I'm in stage one again:
Denial.

How could she? And whoever he is, he already wants her to introduce us to him? I already don't like him. And her nerve! How could she accost Will like she did, when what she's doing is just as deplorable, if not worse? Stage one is extremely brief. I'm back in stage two again:
Anger.

I decide not to bring it up right away. I want to find out more before I confront her about it. I want the upper hand in this situation, and it's going to take some thought.

"Lake? Are you back?" She's knocking on my door. I have to roll forward and hop up to get out of the way when she opens it. She sees me stand and her eyebrows raise as she watches me jump up.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"Stretching. My back hurts."

She doesn't buy it, so I clasp my hands behind me and stretch my arms upward, bending forward.

"Take some aspirin," she says.

"Okay."

"I'm off tonight, but I have a lot of sleep to catch up on. I didn't get any at all today so I'm going to lie down. Can you make sure Kel gets a bath before he goes to bed tonight?"

"Sure."

We both start down the hallway. "Wait, Mom?"

She turns back to me, her lids dragging over her bloodshot eyes.

"I'm going out Thursday night. Is that okay?"

She eyes me suspiciously. "With who?"

"Eddie, Gavin and Nick."

"Three guys? You aren't going anywhere with three guys."

"No. Eddie's a girl. She's my friend. Her boyfriend is Gavin and we’re double dating. I'm going with Nick."

Her eyes brighten a little. "Oh. Well, good." She smiles as she opens the door to her bedroom. "Wait," she says. "I work Thursday. What about Kel?"

"Will has a sitter on Thursdays. He already said Kel could stay there."

She looks pleased, but only for a second. "Will agreed to pay a sitter? To watch Kel? So you could go on a
date
?"

Crap. I didn't realize how this would look. "Mom, it's been weeks. We went on one date, we're over it."