Slate (Breaking the Declan Brothers #2) (13 page)

“I guess that you’ll never know,” I say flashing a grin at her. “When we leave here, you’re walking right back out of my life, remember?”

She stares at me for a few long seconds. “Is that what you want?”

The word ‘no’ hangs on the tip of my tongue, but when it comes to Rayna, one thing that I’ve never been is selfish. “I just don’t think that there’s anything here for you.”

“You’re here,” she says.

“I haven’t been here in three years. I have nothing for you, and there’s certainly nothing left in me to give. So, yeah, you should take that cute little ass of yours and walk right back out of my sorry excuse for a life.”

“Don’t say things like that. Yes, you’ve had shit happen in your life, and it’s changed you, but I know the person who I fell in love with ten years ago is still somewhere in there, too.”

“Good luck finding him.”

“Stay clean and maybe I will.”

I chuckle again. “For how long? A day, a week, a month? I’m an addict. I’ll have to fight to stay clean every minute of every day. And, babe, I prefer to do my fighting in the ring.”

“Well, then the way I see it, you’re going to have to do both. You’re strong enough. I know you are.”

“Give it up.” I wave a hand at her. “You’re fighting a battle that you just won’t win.”

“What if the shoe were on the other foot? Would you give up on me? Even after not seeing me for six years, would you just walk away from me?”

“I’m done with this shit.”

“No, you’re not. Answer the question, Slate.”

“Rayna.”

“Tell me!”

“No!” I lunge at her. “Okay? I wouldn’t walk away from you. I’d lock you up, and if I had to, I’d beat your ass raw. I wouldn’t let you ruin your life.”

“Why?”

“Why?” My fists curl. “Fuck, Rayna! Why?”

“Yes.” Her chin lifts. “Why?”

“Because you’re the most beautiful person that I know and I wouldn’t let anything hurt you. I wouldn’t let anything bring you down. I wouldn’t allow anything to take all of your beauty away from you. I wouldn’t let it win. I’d fight you, I’d fight it, and I wouldn’t fucking stop until I won.”

“So why, then, do you think I wouldn’t do the same for you?”

“Because, my little monkey, that thing that could bring you down, that thing that could ruin you, that fucking thing could be me. Stick around long enough and you’ll figure that out all on your own.”

“Maybe I will.”

“No, you won’t.” Shit. I pushed her too far, presented her with a challenge, and I know what she does with challenges—she takes them head-on. “When that door opens, I want you out of my life.” Her mouth begins to open then it snaps shut when the faint vibration of a power drill echoes through the room from above. “Huh.” I glance at the ceiling. “Sounds like my brothers are finally going to release me.”

I turn to the stairs, hearing a couple of boards hit the floor. I want to look back at her, but decide that it’s best if I just leave. I head for the stairs as the door swings open, and Jax fills the opening. He’s such a fucking beast. I start up the stairs, glaring at him.

“Hey, dickhead,” he says with a smug grin. Oh, he knows I’m pissed.

“Hey, buttercup,” I grit between clenched teeth. “Not cool what you fuckers did.” I stop on the last stair, but he doesn’t budge. “I could’ve hurt her,” I nearly spit out each word.

“Ya know,” Jax crosses his arms over his chest and scrubs a hand over the stubble on his chin, “a month ago, I wouldn’t have let any of this shit happen, but now, knowing what it feels like to be in love…” He shrugs. “I knew there was no way you’d hurt her. You loved that girl.”

“Fuck off!”

“You’re fucking up your life, Slate. You’re hurting the people who care about you. Shit, obviously for some reason, she even still cares about you. And right now, you’re clean ‘cause of her. Don’t fuck this up, little bro. Compassion, forgiveness, love, all that shit can have an expiration date. Don’t let hers run out,” he says taking a step back.

I watch him as I make my way through the doorway. “Fuck you,” I grumble and head straight for my bedroom.

I stand in the middle of the room, legs shaking and heart strumming. I attempt to piece myself back together when I see Jax coming down the stairs. His large hand glides along the rail as he gradually makes it to the bottom. He’s the calmest and the tallest of the Declan brothers. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I say, unsure if that’s entirely the truth.

Jax gives the room a quick sweep, stopping back at me. “Looks like everything’s intact,” he says with a small smile. I nod and glance around the den, revisiting every moment.

“Yeah, well,” Jax pauses for a second to survey me, “I gotta open JZS’s but Zeke can give you a lift home in my truck if you want.”

“Emmie’s not here?”

“No. I wasn’t sure what we’d be dealin’ with when Slate got out, so I sent her home.”

“Oh, that was a good idea.” I smile. Jax always was the responsible one. He’s great for Emmie. I’m so happy they finally hooked up. “Is he, ah…” I stumble for the right thing to say.

“He’s pissed, but he’ll get over it,” Jax reassures me.

“Good.” I nod again. “Well, I just need to get a few things.”

“Oh yeah, sure, take your time. I’ll tell Zeke that you’ll be up in a few.” He turns around and then stops. Viewing me from over his broad shoulder, he prods, “You sure that you’re okay?”

“Thanks, Jax. I am.”

“All right, see ya around then,” he says before heading back up the stairs.

I change back into the clothes that I came down in, grab my purse, and pray that I don’t run into Slate as I go in search of Zeke. I just need to get out of here and think about what happened these past three days, unsure if I made things better or worse.

Zeke’s waiting for me at the top of the stairs, his t-shirt and jeans fitting perfectly on his muscular body. Tatts run down one forearm, and he’s wearing a smile that could make any girl melt—any girl but me. He’s always been more like a brother to me. I manage to smile back at him.

“Hey there,” he says, flicking his eyebrows.

“Is he still here?”

“Nah. He came up, called me some real pretty things, went into his room for a minute, and then left. Don’t worry.” He lifts a hand. “Jax and I swept his room clean.”

I arch an eyebrow, not about to tell him how good of a job they did checking Slate. “You know as well as I do that if he wants them, then he’ll go get them.”

Zeke lifts both hands and shoulders. “All we can do is wait and see.”

“You can, I’m outta here.”

“He really got to you down there, didn’t he? I know…” He grimaces. “I know exactly how he can get. He’s an asshole. But I try to remember that he’s been through a lot. I gotta believe that someday he’ll get past it all.”

“Well, I’m done. I did all that I could,” I say, not sure if it’ll be enough. As Slate pointed out, what am I really going to accomplish in three days. I’m a fool.

Zeke sets an arm around my shoulders. “Open the door. They’ll walk through it when they’re ready,” he says. “Devon, someone said that. Palmer. Yeah, that’s it, Devon Palmer. Read it somewhere on Google and thought of Slate.”

“Ah…” I peer up at him from the corner of my eye. “Zeke Declan quoting people? Sounds like you’ve been hanging out with my good friend, Lurlene.”

“Now, you know I don’t hang out with the chicks.” He drops his arm from my shoulders and points his thumbs to himself. “They hang out with me.”

“Oh, yeah.” I laugh, starting for the door. “You’re way too cool for that.”

“No.” He grins down at me with a twinkle in his eye. “Just cautious.”

“Cautious?” I stop and look up at him. “There’s nothing dangerous about Lurlene.”

“Maybe not to you,” he says with an ambiguous smirk.

“What are you saying?”

“All I’m saying is don’t give up on Slate. He needs you.”

“We all need somebody.” I bump him in the shoulder and then head for the door.

“Too true, but for some of us, the people we do need, we end up causing them nothin’ but hurt. Slate, he’ll never do that to you. So, don’t give up on him just yet, okay?” He opens the door for me. I look up at him, ready to question his remark. “Get going,” he says, giving me a little nudge.

I shake my head, making my way to Jax’s truck.

Five minutes later, I’m standing in front of my sister’s place and waving goodbye to Zeke. No doubt, my girls are inside waiting for me. I will not break down. I will not cry. I will not let them see the damage Slate’s done to me. I love them, but all I want is to go up to my room and crawl into bed.

I push the door open. First, I see Lurlene sitting on the couch book in hand, and then Emmie with a coffee mug midway to her mouth. She sets it down and jumps out of the chair.

“Oh God, we’ve been so worried about you.” She stops in front of me at the door. “Not that we thought Slate would hurt you or anything, Jax assured me that he wouldn’t. I mean, I never would have let you do that if—”

“Emmie-” I halt her with my hand. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, really, let the poor girl at least get through the door,” Lurlene says from the couch, the book still propped up on her bended knees.

I shoot Lurlene a smile, dropping my purse on the table prior to dropping myself on the sofa. I lean my head back and close my eyes, feeling both of theirs on me.

“Do you need—”

“Emmie!” Lurlene snaps, shutting Emmie’s words right off.

I start to laugh, and once I get started, I can’t stop. I sit up, opening my eyes, and they’re both staring at me as though I’ve lost it. “I really missed you guys.” I try to sober but can’t shut my hysteria down. I’m thinking that it’s either laugh my ass off or burst into tears. I’ll go for a good laugh any day, and my girls know it. “Slate,” I take a deep breath and laugh out, “ladies, he’s so fucked-up.”

“Oh, Rayna.” Emmie comes over and sits next to me. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry,” she says, seeing right through me; she rubs my back.

“I,” I choke back a cry, “I don’t know if I,” I swallow back another unresolved tear. “I think those three days were a bust. All that really happened, well,” I sniffle, laughing again. “I got my ass spanked and I got laid.”

“Hmm…” Emmie’s mouth quivers, a smile tugging at her lips. “Ass spankin’, you say?” Her smile breaks wide open. “Must be a Declan thing.”

“What?” Lurlene perks up in her seat. “Are you saying the Declan brothers like to, ah, ya know?”

“Well, I can attest that Jax does, and apparently, Slate does. So, maybe Zeke’s into it too,” Emmie says.

“And you two don’t mind if they, ah,” Lurlene looks back and forth between the two of us, “do that?” Emmie and I blush, revealing our answers. “Why?”

I can’t hold back my laughter. “Oh, Lurlene…” I shake my head. “Girl, you really need to get laid.”

She scowls at me, as if I’m one of her naughty students. For some reason, I see Lurlene, her red hair in a tight bun with a ruler in hand, giving the spankings and not receiving them. But, who knows, maybe her prude ass could use a good spanking. Perhaps, she’d even like it. Control likes a good challenge, and Lurlene is all control. “Yes,” she lifts her book, covering her flaming red face from us, “I do.”

Emmie and I burst out laughing.

“So,” Emmie says, clearing her laughter away, “what are you going to do now?”

“Now,” I stand up, “I’m going to go upstairs and take a nap. I have that interview at five in Santa Fe for that mediator position. So, for the rest of the day, I’m not going to worry about Slate Declan. For all I know, he’s out getting high right now anyway. I hope he’s not, but,” I grab my purse, “I can’t stop him.” I smile at my girls and drag my feet over to the stairs, feeling the exhaustion taking me over. God, I hope Slate is okay.

When I get back home from my second interview with the law office of Marsh and Snyder in Santa Fe, there’s a note on the table stating that Emmie and Lurlene will be at JZS’s tonight and to meet them there if I want to with the word ‘want’ underlined twice. Over the past week, neither of them has brought up anything about Slate. Even knowing that Emmie is at Jax’s daily, and Lurlene, whether he’ll admit it or not, is hanging out with Zeke, I still haven’t asked them about Slate. It’s fear. I’m afraid that he’s back to using, and if that’s the case, then I’m done with him. Granted, if I get this job, I will be moving back to the area, but it’s not like there’s any future for us anyway. Slate’s no good for me even if he is clean. He cheated on me, and he broke my heart. I won’t let that happen again. I need to stay on track here and break his heart. That’s if he finds his—when or if he gets clean.