Sledge: The Hockey Player's Secret Baby (17 page)

He shook his head and looked away. Tears started to well up in my eyes.

“Don’t do that,” he said. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. It’s over now. I’m going to make things right, and your father is going to pay for what he’s done.”

“How?”

“He tried to take away our life. Now I’m going to take away his.”

17

Sledge was hell-bent on revenge. He saw my father’s actions as kidnapping and worse. I wanted to run away, to forget all about this and start our lives over fresh. Sledge couldn’t let it go though. He wanted my father destroyed.

Sledge was incapable of backing down from a challenge or a slight. It wasn’t in his DNA. His first order of business was to announce to the world he had a baby. It was his way of publically humiliating my father. But more importantly, Sledge was happy. He fell in love with the baby almost immediately. He wanted to show him off because he was a proud papa.

Injuring my father was just the cherry on top.

We went back to his condo, driving in silence. I was weighed down too heavily by thoughts of my uncertain future. I didn’t want to push Sledge. I was afraid I’d anger him and he’d cut me out of his life. It was clear he was angry at me, in spite of saying he wasn’t. Most of his fury was reserved for my father though.

I practically ran into Sledge’s condo. I was desperate to hold the baby again. I scooped him up into my arms. He yawned, then rested his head on my shoulder. His eyes were heavy. It wasn’t long before he fell asleep. I didn’t want to put him down in his crib though. The nanny tried to take him away from me, but I told her I could take care of the baby myself. Sledge sent her home.

I paced around Sledge’s condo rocking the baby gently. It wasn’t long before the door buzzed. Someone was downstairs. Sledge had apparently ordered takeout. I didn’t want to eat. I wanted to study the baby’s face, learn his features and mannerisms. This was alien territory for me. I felt like I was meeting him for the first time.

Then there was the fear of losing him. I was half convinced my father would show up and tear the baby from my arms and leave with him. Sledge was right; it was a kidnapping. I may have been a dumb teenager but he had no right to take the baby from me without my consent.

When Sledge opened the door, the baby stirred awake. He cried and twisted in my arms. Sledge brought in two huge pizzas and set them down on the coffee table in the living room. Then he went into the next room and brought out a blanket. He laid it across the floor.

“He wants to crawl around,” Sledge said.

The baby twisted in my arms trying to jump to the floor. I didn’t want to let him go, but I set him down on the blanket anyway. He crawled quickly. Sledge blocked his path and turned him around before he could explore too far.

“You’ve got to watch him constantly. He’s fast,” he said with a smile.

The baby grabbed onto the side of the couch. Using it for balance he walked along. When he reached the end of the couch he tried to walk without assistance and fell down to the floor. He didn’t seem bothered though. He happily crawled on.

I got the bag full of toys and set them out on the blanket. The baby grabbed the teddy bear, clutching him to his chest before setting him down to play with the other toys. I smiled as I watched him. When I finally looked away, I noticed that Sledge was watching me. There was a softness in his eyes I never expected to see again.

When he realized I’d caught him staring, he cleared his throat and said: “Let’s eat.”

We sat on the floor, eating pizza and watching the baby play. Sledge polished off one whole pizza by himself. I ate slowly. I didn’t have much appetite, but I felt better after eating.

The baby crawled over to me and held out his teddy bear. I kissed the bear’s face then kissed the baby’s forehead. He smiled and crawled off.

“How are you going to announce this?” I asked.

“I want to take the baby to the rink and show him where his old man works.”

I smiled. “Are you going to take him out on the ice?”

“Of course. I was his age when I first started skating.”

“No, you weren’t,” I teased.

“You don’t believe me? My mother always said I learned to skate before I learned to walk.”

“Your mother also thinks you walk on water. She adores you.”

Sledge shrugged and lifted the baby into the air. He giggled as he lowered, then lifted him again.

“When I take him to the arena, word will spread quickly,” he said. “My agent knows already. When the press starts to ask questions, he will confirm the baby is mine, and that I only recently learned of his existence. I’m not going to name you publically as the mother to protect you privacy. The tabloids- not to mention the fans- can be intense. You’re better off not having to deal with them.”

“They’ll figure out who I am. Your online fans dig into every detail of your life. They already know my name. They’ve been trying to dig up dirt on me for a while now. It won’t take long for them to make the connection.”

“Just ignore them. I’m doing what I can to give you and the baby a normal life away from the spotlight, but it won’t be easy. I’ll find you a place to live that’s close to campus. I’ve hired a nanny, but we’ll probably need a second.”

“Two nannies? Isn’t that a bit much?”

“One for my place, one for yours.”

A gulf opened up between us. Sledge would never forgive me for keeping this secret. He would never trust me enough to take me back. I couldn’t blame him. If I was him, I’d probably hate me.

“I think the baby should stay here for a while,” Sledge continued. “Just until you get settled, and you can get clean.”

“Get clean?”

“Off pills. I can’t have you using drugs around our baby.”

“I’m not some junkie. I know it doesn’t mean anything to you, but I’ve lived with the weight of this secret for a long time. It was crushing me. I wake up every morning wanting to die. The pills were the only thing that took the pain away. So, don’t judge me, or dismiss me that way.”

“You’re wrong. Your suffering matters to me. Don’t pretend like I don’t care about you. Your happiness means everything to me. If you’d come to me, I would have helped you. I just don’t understand why you didn’t.”

“Because I love you,” I blurted out. I took myself by surprise. It wasn’t something I’d thought about for a long time. Using the ‘L’ word felt a bit strange. “I was scared of my father. Once he stole the baby from me, I was told he was adopted into a new family. I thought I’d never see him again. What was I supposed to do? If I’d told you I was pregnant, you would have quit playing hockey. You would have gotten a shitty job back home and we would have raised our baby in poverty while you spent the rest of your life resenting me for ruining your dreams. I didn’t want to be the person who trapped you with a baby.”

“Don’t do that. You’re being ridiculous. I wouldn’t have quit. I would have found a way to make it work.”

He looked at the baby. There was a catch in his voice as if he didn’t quite believe what he was saying. Deep down, I suspect he knew I was right. Sledge was impulsive. He would have acted rashly and thrown his dreams away to take care of his family. He was a good person, but he didn’t always think through his decisions.

“After the baby was taken from me, I thought telling you would only make things worse,” I said. “I mean, what was I supposed to do? Tell you that you have a son, but I have no idea where he is and even if I did know, it wouldn’t matter because another family had adopted him.
Congratulations, you’re a father- oh, and by the way- you can never see your son.
Would that have made you happy? You would have hated me- and rightfully so. I couldn’t stand the idea of being the villain in your eyes.”

“I don’t think of you as a villain,” he said sounding more than a little exhausted. “Let’s just focus on what’s important right now, the baby.”

“Okay.”

“What are we going to name him?”

“Sledge Jr.?” I joked. “He looks exactly like you.”

Sledge smiled. “We have the same eyes.”

“And nose, and lips, and jaw. The only thing he inherited from me is his hair. He’s a little clone of you. He’s a lucky boy. He’ll grow up to be strong and handsome like his daddy.”

“Little Thor.”

“We’re not naming him Thor.”

“Why not?”

“Thor is a dog’s name, not a child’s name.”

“I used to know a guy named Thor in high school, remember?”

“Thor was his nickname, not his real name.”

“What do you want to name him?”

Sledge’s real name was Jacob. When we were kids, everyone called him Jake. Then he started playing hockey and became known for his bad temper and strength on the rink. From then on, he was ‘Sledge’ to everyone.

“Maybe we should just give him a normal name?” I said. “Then when his personality starts to develop, he’ll end up with a nickname, just like you.”

Sledge and I watched as the baby threw his toys around and made noises as if he was trying to talk.

“He’s got a temper like his old man,” Sledge said.

“God help us.” Sledge smiled. “Maybe we should name him after you. How about Jake?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“He should have his own name.”

“I like Jake. It’s a tribute to his father. Besides, no one has called you Jake since we were little kids.”

The baby made a loud sound and threw one of his toys, hitting Sledge’s leg. Then he grabbed his teddy bear and kissed its forehead the same way I had earlier.

“That’s sweet. You love your bear?” I asked him.

“Buh-” he replied, attempting to say bear.

“Bear?” Sledge said, helping him out.

The baby repeated the ‘buh,’ sound again as he tried to say bear.

“That’s what we should call him,” Sledge said. “He’s got a temper like a little bear.”

The baby repeated ‘buh, buh, buh,’ again. Sledge growled and picked him up, tossing him above his head. The baby giggled as Sledge brought him down and tickled him. He chewed on his fingers and smiled up at Sledge.

“Should we feed him?” I said. I checked my watch. It was getting late. “He should eat now, then I’ll put him down for bed.”

“Your mama’s no fun. She says it’s time for bed,” Sledge said to the baby.

I couldn’t help smiling as they played. I made the baby a bottle. He took it from me and drank it down greedily, then Sledge burped him and handed him off to me. I carried him to the nursery, but he was still wide awake. I paced around the nursery with the baby in my arms. He fussed a bit, but his eyes soon grew heavy. I put him down in his crib and pulled the blankets up to his chest. He sighed and drifted off to sleep.

I leaned down and kissed his soft warm cheek. I could smell milk and something else. He had a unique sweet smell I couldn’t place. I kissed him again and turned to leave. Sledge was standing in the doorway, watching. For a second, I felt defensive. He didn’t trust me with the baby. Why else would he watch me? Did he think I was such a mess that I couldn’t be trusted alone with my own baby?

I took a step closer, ready to start a fight. When I took a step towards him though, I saw that Sledge looked happy, not suspicious. I was wrong to assume he was angry. He was happy to have a family. Hope sprung fresh. Maybe Sledge was capable of forgiving me? I didn’t want to push my luck tonight. I left the baby’s room with Sledge closely behind.

“It’s getting late. Why don’t you spend the night here?” Sledge said.

I glanced at the couch. Only yesterday we’d had sex on his sofa. My father had shown up looking for me. If he’d caught us together, hell would have broken loose. Sledge would have beaten him within an inch of his life. The thought made me smile.

“The guestroom is through there,” he said.

Feeling disappointed we wouldn’t he sharing a bed, I followed him.

“The bathroom’s through there,” he said pointing. “There should be towels and everything you need.”

Watching Sledge play the host was a bit strange. He seemed uncomfortable. Why was he nervous? We stood before each other awkwardly for a moment.

“Well, goodnight,” he said.

He started to step towards me as if to embrace me or possibly kiss me goodnight. He thought better of it at the last second and stepped away. Sledge stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. I sighed and took off my shoes and jeans. I crawled in to bed wearing only my t-shirt and closed my eyes.

Sleep didn’t come. Minutes turned to hours. The city outside became quieter as the night wore on, but never fully silenced. Having grown up in a small, quiet town, the sounds of the city were still alien to me.

Unable to sleep, I decided to check on the baby. I tiptoed into the nursery. He was sound asleep. The teddy bear lay next to him. Sledge must have put it in the crib with him after I’d left. I smiled and watched him for a while. I was a little disappointed he didn’t wake up. I wanted to hold him again and rock him back to sleep.

I reached into the crib and ran the back of my hand over his cheek. He was so peaceful. At least one of us was sleeping through the night. I envied him that. With effort, I left the nursery. I didn’t feel like going back to my room, but I felt uncomfortable wandering around Sledge’s condo. It was dark and cold at night. The open space in the living room creeped me out for some reason.