Slice (The Elledge Family #1) (52 page)

“Shut up.” I snapped.

“Don't listen then.”

“I won't.” I heard the small cry of Willow and turned to get her pushing pass Lucas.

“Stop!” The boom of his voice filled the room. His grip on my arms was tight. I squirmed. “Please listen to me. I don't want you to be like my mum. She grieved him, and he was still alive. Promise me that you'll move on. I'm not worth grieving.”

“Do you plan on dying?” I pushed him and was still hooked to him,

“Does anyone?”

“I don't have to think about a world without you. That's not what normal couples do. They plan their future together and then they think of death 70 years later when the great grandchildren have children.” My eyes ached from the pressure of holding back tears. “It's not fair to,” I paused. “I'm not gonna do it.”

Lucas shook his head. “Go get her,” He whispered.

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” I heard the rattle of his keys.

“Where are you going?”

“Out baby, I won't be long. I swear to it.”

Lucas

There had always been a plan for the end. There was always an end and from a young age, I knew that mine would not be a good one. Good things don't happen to horrible people. I couldn't force her to understand, but McMillan had me backed into a corner. The feds were known for not losing and McMillan had gathered enough evidence to make it stick. If he hadn't he would have backed off by now. Persephone, she was a link and there had to be someone else but I couldn't think of anyone else to link the shit together.

The whiskey burned the back of my throat. The chatter of the bar was a dull roar. My mind raced constantly. I knocked back the rest of the drink and my eyes stung. I cleared my throat and realized that there were tears. What was I here for? To kill? To love? To be loved? To love to kill? I wiped my face and slid the cup towards the bartender.

“You okay?”

“I'm fine sir,” I pointed at the cup. “Another round?”

“Yes, sir,” The old man poured the glass full. “It's on the house okay?”

“Deal,” I must look horrible. “I sipped it slowly and felt the tingle of the alcohol fill my body.

“Lucas, just who I was looking for.” The stool beside me was now filled with Shia. She pushed me lightly. “Fatherhood not so good?”

“Perfect actually,” I shook my head. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, I have a dilemma on my hands and I know that you are the one person that can help me.” She smiled. “I found out I was pregnant last week.”

“Congrats,” my mumble escaped. “You'll love it.”

“Well, Mark said that he didn't want it. And that he didn't want me either.”

“That's unfortunate.”

“It's devastating. I want to be with him.”

“You can't force someone to do something.” I answered.

“Could you talk to him?”

“I'd rather not. I have enough shit on my plate. Convincing my brother to be a man is not one of them.” I sniffled. I stared at my pitiful reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red as wine. “Sorry.”

“What's got you hot and bothered?”

“Shit.”

“I know about you. I mean Ireland was enough to know. They all but blurted it out and you have fed on your tail.”

I blocked her words out and cleared my throat. The walls tilted in and everything felt light. “Shia… fight your own battles.”

“Tell him to stay with me… or I'll talk to the agents myself. I mean… then me and my baby could be under Witpro… and maybe have a normal life. That would eliminate everything…”

“You must not understand who you are fucking with...”

“Perhaps I could tell Cypress a little about you and then your mom and sister.” She kept her voice down to a whisper and then touched my arm. “I know exactly who you are and I don't want much.”

“Fuck you.” I growled. I stood to leave my legs wobbled. I gripped the wooden bar beneath my fingers to keep from falling to the ground.

“Sir, if you're leaving I'll have to call someone for you.”

“Perfect, call this normal...” I slid my phone across the counter and stared at her. “Get the fuck out of my face bitch.”

“I'll talk to you when you're sober.”

“It'd be safer if you didn't.”

“You'd be safer if you knew everything I did. You know where to find me... Congrats again daddy.”

“Bitch.” I stuttered.

“Yeah, he is hammered out of his mind. I can't let him leave like this.” The bartender said. “Yeah, I mean he seems cool with waiting. We're on the corner of 8
^th
and Anderson. It's called Stoners. Yeah, no thank you. I'll keep an eye out for him.” He clicked the red button on the screen and handed me my phone. “You want something while you wait?”

“No, I'll just wait.”

Ten minutes seemed to drag by before Asher and Mark walked into the bar. They both had this fucking grin on their face. Everything was fine for them. Persephone's death had been ruled a homicide, but they were looking for an unidentified robber and then there was Mark. He never worried and he was never bothered.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Mark looked around. The bar was a quiet place. No one came here except for loners.

“Drinking.” I nodded my head. “You two are always here to save me.”

“That's what brother's do most of the time.” Mark sat down on the stool to my right. “What's the matter?”

“I can't do it anymore.” I whispered.

Asher looked. “Do what? Fatherhood, you just started. And you seem great. There is nothing to worry about.”

“Not about fatherhood.” My words slurred.

“Then what?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me, damn it.” Asher turned his head to me once he understood me. “You here drinking yourself into a mess. It has your mind all fucked up and you can't think like this alright. Come on.”

“Yeah.”

“Don't.”

“Don't what? Why are you crying?”

I felt the tears fall onto my shirt. “Get me out of here, please.”

“No, tell me what's wrong.” Mark pulled my face up and I shook uncontrollably.

“Get me the fuck out of here! Right fucking now!” I yelled.

“Come on, we can go somewhere and talk for a while.”

I didn't answer them. I followed them out to the car and lay in the back seat. I could kill dozens of people, but myself… I felt shattered. I had no idea where the car was headed. I just knew that the sky was no longer blue. It rained oranges and yellows with clouds that hypnotized me. My eyes hooked to them like there was nothing left.

“What was he talking about?” Mark whispered.

“Nothing,” Asher lied. I wiped my face.

He knew. He looked terrified. “Tell me,” Mark growled.

“Let him tell you.” He spat.

“Lucas wake your ass up.” The car stopped and they opened their doors.

“I'd rather not.”

“Come on.” Asher opened the back door and held his hand out.

We were at the ravine and it was peaceful. So peaceful. I climbed out of the back seat. “Thank you.” My head pounded from the combination of drinking and the tears.

“Spit it out. Why are you down? I mean you are about to leave.”

“Mark, I guess… I should tell you.”

“Tell me please.” Mark opened a bottle of the beer.

“I don't believe in angels.” I smirked. “I don't believe in miracles and I don't believe in fate. I do believe in karma and it's coming full circle. I've killed so many people. And I don't know why I do it. I wish I knew why. I would stop it. I would be a soccer dad who has sleep overs and lets my wife have book club at our house. I don't want to anymore, but I can't stop. I've tried and it's all catching up to me...”

“You're leaving.”

“It doesn't matter.” Mark's words were rushed. “It's about to be a brand new start for you.”

“Yeah, it does. I can't just start over. It's not that simple. It's not fair to everyone else around me.”

“Oh chill out Lucas!”

“Take me seriously please.” I paused. “I want her taken care of. I want my children to receive the best education that they can have. I don't want her to struggle. I need her to know that I love her and you have to make sure she does. You are good with her. She likes you. Please.” I had both hands gripped at Asher's shoulders.

“I will.”

“Don't fall into this shit. You are drunk. Everything will be fine and you will go home to those babies and,”

I interrupted him. “I'm going to kill Shia.” I stared. My words lingered in the air. “The little bitch came up to me and she basically tried to black male and I don't have time for that shit… nor do I have the patience for her to threaten me. I can only juggle so much.”

“I'll talk to her. Stay away.” Mark exhaled. “Don't change subjects.”

“There is not a reason to stay on it. Let's drink.”

Asher patted my back. “Now you’re talking.”

Cypress

The door to the loft opened. Asher carried Lucas on his arm and Mark was on the other side. “Uhm, for some reason he seems a tad bit emotional...” Asher smiled. “And he should be treated with care.”

There was a sight that I had never seen. Lucas lay on the couch moaning something under his breath, then he chuckled. “Where are my babies?”

“Shhhh
,” I hissed.  “You guys couldn't have taken him to your place for the night? I can't care for three babies at once.

“We actually had plans to take the twins.” Mark smiled. “We would rather have them and you need the night off.”

Asher scooped up baby supplies that were scattered across the apartment. “And we will be right downstairs if you have any concerns. But he is yours for the night. We'll go get his car in the morning.”

They left out of the loft quick and I could hear him moaning. “Cypress...”

“Lucas...” I whispered.

“I love you.” He laughed. “I love you so much.”
      

“I know.”

“How can you be with me? I don’t even deserve you…” The slur in his voice made me smile.

“What do you mean?” I walked over to him spread out on the couch and sat at his head. He perched his head in my lap and played with strands of my hair. “How can you love me knowing I'm a monster?” He looked at me with slanted eyes and his hands grazed my face lightly.

“I don't see a monster.”

“I see him every day.”

“You need to clean your mirror.” I ran my fingers through his curls and exhaled. “I see a wonderful man whenever I look at you. I see Lucas Elledge the writer, the lover, the fighter, the avenger, the father, the brother and the friend.”

“You see shit differently don't you.” His words slurred.

“I do. It's why you love me.”

“I can think of more reasons.” Lucas' eyes met mine and he turned his head. “But that's a good one.”

The smell of the whiskey was strong. “Why'd you leave and go drinking? You could have drunk here?”

“I'd rather not be sloshed with the kids here.” He paused. “Next week… I want us to go on a date. I mean a legit date. When can you have sex again?”

“Not next week.” I laughed.

“Why?”

“They said 6 weeks.”

“A month is good time.”

I burst into laughter. “No, sir.”

“Damn, well, we shall see.”

“This real date...”

“What about it love?”

“Where to?”

“Everywhere.”
      

Chapter Twenty- Seven

Asher

Mark's loft was dirty, mainly because two grown men lived there at the moment and he was depressed over Shia. Everything pointed to him loving her, but there was nothing there for him. Every time he thought of her he changed subjects, he pushed things around and acted like I had mentioned the devil and in my eyes I had. She had sown discontent among us. Lucas was on edge. Everything set him off and he was simply a deteriorated mess.

He was in the stages of grief. I clearly understood where all this shit was headed.

I remembered what he had said a few months ago about offing himself. I paraded around the subject, it was harder to talk to someone that you were kin to than it was to counsel strangers. Strangers I give this generic line and they might not do it. But with Lucas I couldn’t be generic. I had to be completely honest with him. He had too much to live for and it wasn’t fair to everyone around him. Yes, he’d done so pretty fucked up shit. He had done some pretty horrid things to some people that deserved it. But who was he to judge? 

“Where are you going?” I asked Mark.

“Didn't know I needed to tell you whenever I was leaving.” He rolled his eyes and reached for his keys on the table. He looked worried, his brow creased and eyes weary. “I have to finish some work at the school. Then I was going to ask you to talk to Shia for me.” He mumbled.