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He rubbed his hands together. “Again.”

I looked over at him. “Are you crazy? I’m going to break your damn Jeep. This was the dumbest idea you’ve had so far, which is saying something ‘cause we’ve done some insane shit, Turner.”

The belly rolling laugh that came out of him almost made me want to crack a smile, but I held my ground. “Do you know how many times I stalled before I actually was able to shift out of first gear? I thought my dad’s transmission was going to fall out. No quitting. Go again.”

I sighed. Much like the first time, I stalled again. And then again, and again. I slapped my hands on the steering wheel and cursed under my breath. This was one of the most frustrating things I think I’d ever tried to do in my life. If he told me I “could do it” one more time I swear, Turner Brooks was going to go home with a black eye.

“Alright, listen, I know it’s aggravating. Give it one more try. If it doesn’t work, we can switch spots and I’ll take you for a spin around the trails.”

“Fine.” I know my tone was that of a petulant child, but I didn’t care. Had I been standing I might have even stomped my foot on the ground.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to recenter myself. Doing everything he instructed of me when we first tried all of this, I took my time and was determined to at least make it into second gear. As if I willed it to happen, the vehicle moved. When it started to shake, I gave it some gas and I was finally able to make the shift. I squealed.

“Oh my God, I did it.” I lifted both my feet off the pedals and the Jeep shot forward and died. I busted out laughing. “Crap.”

He was grinning ear to ear, and looking at me like I was the most entertaining person on the planet. “You’re cute, you know that?”

“I’m cute?” I was still giggling. “You won’t think I’m so cute when I make
your
transmission fall out.”

He shook his head. “Nah.”

It got quiet and he was staring at me.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just think you’re a pretty special girl.”

I tilted my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not like others that I’ve dated before, Annabelle. You’re just . . . different is all. Take it as a compliment.”

Heat creeped up my cheeks. “Thank you then.”

I didn’t know how else to respond. It was sweet how he said the words.

“Okay, want me to take you for a real spin now?”

I smiled, not even thinking twice about the danger or how I could possibly be scared. In this moment I was free and Turner was the one who held the key to that freedom. “Let’s go.”

It was an absolute blast. Never in my life had I felt so unguarded and careless. It was life and it was enjoyable. I had a boyfriend who was nothing short of amazing, a gratifying job, Noah was getting stronger by the minute, and friends that were truly there for me whenever I needed them. I was happy.

MY GOD, SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL
. Hovering over the top of me, the wind lightly blowing her strawberry blonde hair past her face. She had a sheen of sweat across her brow from exertion and a smile that I had a feeling couldn’t be wiped from her face if someone tried. This was the happiest I’d seen her. Walls were down, heart was open, and I imagine this is the Annabelle that probably existed before her parents died. The world was blessed to have her. In this moment, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I would do everything in my power to make sure she stayed this way for the rest of her days. She deserved this kind of freedom to be who she really is. If I saw her closing off the world, I’d make sure she let go and saw there was nothing to fear. I would be that for her.

“What are you smiling about?” I goaded her.

She bent down, my dick still buried inside her. She kissed the tip of my nose and said, “Nothing and everything.”

“Good. That’s the way it should be.”

Annabelle sat up and looked around her. She was searching for her clothes, which were a couple feet away. On shaky legs, I watched as she slid me out of her, and stood. Her body was incredible. Curves in all the right places and nothing but perfection to my eyes. I reached down and took the condom off, tying the end. Unlike her shyness from the last time, there was no reservation as she stood in front of me in all her gorgeousness. She dressed herself not caring that I was staring at her. I couldn’t take it anymore. After I taught her how to drive my Jeep, I needed her right then and there, so I took what I wanted.

“What is it, Doctor Brooks?”

“Just enjoying the view.”

She bit her lip. I swear if she didn’t stop, she was going to have to get naked all over again.

“Hmmm, yes. it is beautiful out here.” Her aqua eyes roamed the area.

“I see nothing but you.”

She picked up my shirt and tossed it in my face, giggling. “Get dressed charmer.”

I got up and put my clothes back on. She folded the blanket we’d been on while I walked over to the Jeep. Annabelle’s phone started ringing the second I got near. I glanced at the screen and saw it was the hospital, but ignored it. It was her day off. They were probably calling to ask her to do overtime or cover someone’s shift. Not today. Today, she was mine. I went around to the driver’s side and checked my own phone. Hers went off again. What on earth? I picked it up and called over to Annabelle.

“Hey, the hospital is trying to call. Want me to answer?”

She came toward me at a leisurely pace. She looked completely satisfied.

“Sure. If they want me to come in, tell them no.” She laughed at herself.

I swiped my finger to pick up the call.

“Hello, Doctor Brooks. “

“Doctor Brooks? Oh sorry, I was trying to get in touch with Annabelle, is she around?”

“She is, but she isn’t able to come to the phone at the moment.”

“Oh, okay. Well, this is Lauren, one of the NICU nurses. I care of the little boy she frequently visits.”

There was a tone in her voice that had me more alert. “I know who you are, Lauren. What’s going on?”

She sighed into the phone, reluctant to tell me. “The baby . . . he, uh, he went into cardiac arrest earlier this morning and, unfortunately, the doctors weren’t able to get him back into a regular arrhythmia. He passed away around noon. We knew she’d want to know.”

My heart sank. Everything around me came crashing down.

“Oh shit. Okay, well, thank you for calling.” It may have been rude, but I hung up.

I watched as Annabelle came toward me, the smile still in place from only moments ago and I was about to deliver news to her that would send her spiraling. How the hell was I going to tell her this? She was good. She was happy. Noah dying was something that would send every guarded wall and barrier right back up in place with steel walls. How would I deal with her then? It didn’t matter. My needs were selfish. I had to tell her.

“What did they want? A nurse need the day off and want me to come in?” She said it like it was her own personal joke.

“Annabelle.” I said her name. It was enough to cause her to stop moving. Concern etched her face.

“What? What is it?”

I wasn’t going to hold it back from her any longer than necessary. “That was Lauren from the NICU. She called to let you know something.”

Her voice shook. “What the hell is it, Turner?”

“It’s Noah. He developed an arrhythmia. He didn’t make it, baby.”

It didn’t take a genius to see that she was about to collapse. I rounded the Jeep and caught her just before she hit the ground. I went down with her in my arms. I adjusted her so I was cradling her, brushing back her hair that had fallen forward.

“I don’t understand.”

I looked into eyes that were so confused and wanting to cry but couldn’t produce tears yet.

“I know. Unfortunately, sometimes these things happen. It could have been anything.”

Her head tossed back and forth and denial seeped in. “No, these things don’t just happen. He was fine. I was just with him yesterday morning. The doctor told me he was doing better. His stats were good, they were going to decrease some of his medication. This doesn’t make any sense. Are they sure they called the right person?”

I lowered my head to hers. “I’m sorry, Annabelle. What can I do?”

She didn’t answer me. She simply looked off into the distance and kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t here with me. She was somewhere else. Remembering something, feeling something, and I wasn’t included. I stood with her in my arms and I set her in the passenger seat.

“Do you want me to take you home, or would you like to come back to my place?”

Again, silence.

I didn’t know what to do. A new side of Annabelle was emerging and this was one that I had no clue how to deal with. I wasn’t familiar with death. Even worse, I didn’t know how to handle death of a baby. Tentatively I buckled her in and came back to the driver’s side. I had no clue where I was going so I did the one thing that I felt was right. I drove her back to her house. It was a quiet drive. Nothing could be said. We were only just outside of the city and it was maybe twenty minutes, but when your head is full of unanswered questions and wondering why these things happened to good people, it made for an extraordinarily long ride. When I pulled into her driveway, I grabbed her keys from her purse and went to unlock the door. She wasn’t following behind me, so I went back to the Jeep and carried her inside. Her cat, Chaz, came running but didn’t meow like he normally did. Even he could tell his human wasn’t okay.

Setting her on her bed, I slipped her shoes off and asked her if she needed anything. There was no response. She lay down and faced the wall. I don’t think I’d ever felt so helpless in my life. Did I lay down beside her and cuddle her and let her feel me there with her? Did I leave her alone and check on her later? Did I go into the kitchen and make something for her and see if she would eat? What the in the hell was the right thing here? I chose the first option. Scooting in behind her, I wrapped my arm around her middle and pulled her back to my chest. I felt her breathe in deep and exhale. She still hadn’t shed a single tear, which I found more disturbing than her silence. I knew she was feeling broken from the news, but the way she loved Noah, there was bound to be a river of tears waiting to come crashing out of her, it was just a matter of time. She needed to cry. I brushed my thumb back and forth in a soothing fashion across her stomach, and I waited for something to hit me. I hoped sleep would claim her for at least a little bit. In the meantime, I would also wait for some guidance to what I needed to be doing.

Sleep did take her under after she shifted around restlessly for almost a half hour. I quieted her the best I could, and her cat jumped on the bed in front of her and purred in her face. I think he gave her more comfort than I was capable of giving her. When I felt her heavy breathing, I carefully moved out of the bed without disturbing her and did the next best thing I could think of. Stepping outside, I called my mom.

“Hey, baby, whatchu up too?” My mom’s southern drawl was always sugary sweet when she heard from her boys.

“Mom, something happened.”

I could hear her moving and shutting a door. “Sorry, I had some company over. What’s going on, Turner?”

“You remember that baby Annabelle told you about? The one she cared for?”

“Of course.”

“She got a call today that he died.”

Mom gasped. “Sweet Jesus, what happened? How is Annabelle doing?”

“Honestly, we don’t know many details, but he’s gone.” I swallowed hard. I, myself, was getting choked up. “She’s not doing well, Mom. She won’t speak and she hasn’t cried.”

It took her a moment to respond. “Okay, well we all grieve differently.”

“No, Mom, you don’t get it. She’s lost. I can see it in her eyes, she’s not there right now. As soon as I told her, everything shut off and she receded. I don’t know what to do.”

“Alright, baby, it’s okay. Tell me where are you at and I’ll come to y’all. She may need another female to confide in. It’s not you, but she’s a very guarded girl. I could tell from the start. I can see where this would make her shut down.”

Maybe she was right. Maybe Annabelle needed a woman to talk to. I might not be the source of comfort she was seeking.