Sliding Into Home (16 page)

Of course once we arrived, she started falling all over the place, hitting on every guy there, and was just a completely gross mess. That chick was out of control. I’m not sure how she eventually ended things with Hef, but a few years later I heard she was arrested for cocaine possession.

Girls like these really made me skeptical about the people at the Mansion. I had a hard time figuring out who was good and who was
bad, so after trying to make friends for a while and getting burned, I just sort of shut down and started living in my own world and keeping to myself.

I still didn’t really have much of a relationship with Holly or Bridget at that point. We didn’t have a lot in common, so we tended to go our separate ways. The two of them would spend some time together, but I was rarely invited to be part of their fun. Maybe they didn’t like me back then; maybe they saw me as a threat, or maybe I was just not enough like them, but either way we were hardly friends.

Of course, when it was club night, we would all go out and then end up in the tub together before all taking turns with Hef in his bedroom. But even there we had no relationship. You’d think three girls who spent their Saturday nights together naked in a bathtub would find something to talk about during the week, but not us. When we were in that room with Hef we each did our own thing, and it was like the other girls weren’t there. I usually got very drunk as I sat around waiting for my turn to do what I had to do. Then it was in and out and I was out of there. Very few words were said.

The best times in Hef’s room were actually when other girls came up with us. Whenever there was a hot Playmate in the room, I would always have a good time. It brought more life to the party. I would be belligerent and act like a total fool, but the girl and I would usually mess around, smoke some weed, and kiss a little. That was fun. Bridget, Holly, and I had a different relationship; we never touched one another.

One time a crazy Russian chick came upstairs with us, and she was totally wild and kinky. She literally attacked me up there. Everyone was having a good time and out of nowhere she just bit me. I was like, “Bitch, get off!” She was insane, but most of the girls were fun.

That first night we went to Hef’s room, when I didn’t know anyone or anything about what was going to happen, I was scared, but as time went on I didn’t care as much. There was always a fear of diseases, though. After that first time I ran to the doctor to get checked out and came back with a clean bill of health. Then as I got more comfortable in the Mansion I asked around about some of the new girls and it seemed like everyone was clean. I still got checked every few months, however, and in the back of my head there was always that fear. But since I was usually very, very drunk during those evenings, I tended not to care so much until the next day. I
had
to be very drunk or smoke lots of weed to survive those nights—there was no way around it.

I would spend the Sunday after club night hungover, and by Monday I would be recovered enough to get back to sitting on my ass. The rest of the week would be okay, but the cycle was taking its toll on me and getting boring. I had to get out.

Instead of finding Playmates to hang out with, I decided I wanted to go to school. After all those years of skipping class and being forced to go to different schools because of my terrible behavior, I was actually deciding on my own that I wanted to enroll and apply myself. It’s amazing how things can change over time.

I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to go to school for, but I knew I had to get involved in something. I looked online at different options and came up with physical therapy classes at Bryman College. Hef was very supportive. He always wanted us learning and experiencing new things, so he paid for the entire program.

I loved school. I went for a few hours every day. I spent half the time massaging a person in class, and the rest of the time I learned
about the anatomy of the human body, CPR, and various types of massaging techniques.

It was fun and interesting, but more important, it got me out of bed. I was up by 6:30
A.M
. and in class by 7:30
A.M
. every morning. Sure, I was late a lot for various reasons (I always found a way to get away with it), but still, I was there, which was pretty impressive considering we were going to the clubs with Hef two nights a week and staying up until three
A.M
. most nights. I was exhausted but I went to class.

I had my share of mishaps at school, of course. One day after I had been constipated for about five days, I took a laxative the night before class. It was the first time I’d ever taken one—I had never even heard of such a thing before—and I was told that it should work in three or four hours. The next morning I woke up and still nothing was happening down there. Then, about halfway through class, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to shit so bad, and the bathroom was practically in the classroom—it was set up like an elementary school, so the bathroom was tucked into a corner and not down the hall or far, far away, as I had hoped.

“I have to poop!” I announced to the class, and I ran to take care of my business. It was so gross. I was in there for about an hour and stunk up the whole classroom. I even made a sign once I got out that read
DO NOT GO IN THERE
and taped it to the bathroom door.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, on my ride home from class I got a second stomachache. I drove back to the Mansion at approximately 105 miles per hour, and if a cop had come after me I wouldn’t have pulled over. I flew west on I-10 and up the 405 North, weaving in
and out of L.A. traffic, and made it back to the Mansion just in time to avoid shitting my pants.

While that was a rough day, school as a whole was definitely not shitty. It forced me to wake up early, it gave me my own thing to care about, and it made me start feeling good about myself again. It also kept me at the Playboy Mansion during a time when I was definitely thinking about leaving, which shortly after turned out to be a very good thing.

CHAPTER 13
 

Playing the Role of Kendra Wilkinson

Taking classes was the best decision I ever made at the Mansion. It gave my life some meaning and allowed me to start enjoying the incredible opportunity I’d been given. I mean, it’s not every day that you get asked to live in the Playboy Mansion. I liked the parties and hanging out with Hef and everything else the Mansion had to offer, but school made me feel like I was doing something with my life, and that was important.

After school I continued to work out to get myself back into my pre-all-you-can-eat shape. I worked out like a maniac; I took martial arts classes at the Mansion, hiked Runyon Canyon regularly, and climbed the stairs in Santa Monica—a set of nearly two hundred steps that locals use for a workout. (At my best I could do the fifteen sets of stairs, which is pretty damn good.) I even took tennis lessons and played tennis with Ray Anthony, the inventor of “The Bunny Hop,” and some of Hef’s other friends. I
loved
Hef’s friends. I thought Walter Ralph, the heir to the Ralph’s grocery company, was the biggest celebrity ever. I’d hang out with all of Hef’s buddies after
movie nights, teaching them slang terms and getting these old guys to say things like “What it is, ho” to girls at parties.

Thanks to all the work I was putting in, I got in really good shape. I was going to sleep at normal hours, waking up early, and doing something with my days. I felt great, and with the workouts I was looking great, too. It’s not easy to have high self-esteem when you’re surrounded by all the hot-ass girls walking around that mansion. For a long time I compared myself to everyone else and nearly lost my mind because I felt like I couldn’t compete. But with school on and the flab gone, my confidence was back to normal.

Soon after I’d declared victory over the chili cheese fries Hef came to us and said they were going to be filming a documentary at the Mansion. At the time I didn’t know who “they” were, but eventually I found out it was producer Kevin Burns and his team. The film was going to be called
Holmby Hills
, after the area of Los Angeles where the Mansion is located, and it was going to be about Hef and his family. It seemed like a good idea for a documentary, but I wasn’t sure at the time how—or even if—the other girls and I were going to be involved.

Somewhere along the line, the concept changed and it was decided that the documentary was going to be a reality show about Hef and his girls. We were all weirded out by that idea. Where were they going to film? How were they going to make us look? Holly, Bridget, and I didn’t like it at all, and initially we all said no.

Despite the fact that we were very skeptical, we ended up going along with it anyway. Hef wanted to do it, and I could have said no if I really didn’t want to be on the show, but we trusted Hef and knew he wouldn’t steer us in the wrong direction. Plus, I was just starting
to really enjoy my time at the Mansion so I wasn’t going to just pick up and leave over something like a little reality show.

A week or two later the camera crew came and shot the pilot, which was called “The Girls Next Door.” They filmed me at therapy school for that episode. I was about to graduate and classes were over, but they liked the idea of me being in school so we rented out a chiropractic office for the day and filmed a pretend therapy school class with some friends of mine playing the roles of the teacher and students. It was so weird to me because it was supposed to be a
reality
show, and I assumed it would all be real, but instead the pilot was sort of just
based
on reality.

After the school scene, the producers sat me down and I did a twenty-minute interview on camera in which I talked about Hef and the Mansion and everything we do as girlfriends. I was wearing my Terrell Owens jersey because I was a die-hard TO fan and they wanted us wearing clothing that represented who we were.

Everything was going smoothly until the producers told us that they wanted to film us in Hef’s room, where the action happened after club nights. When I heard that, I was pissed. There was no way they were filming me in there, or even walking in that room implying anything was going to happen. I was prepared to take a stand.

Holly, Bridget, and I talked it over even though we weren’t very close at the time. We knew we would have to stick together on this issue or we would get pushed around. I started getting aggressive about it and really rallied the girls into fighting for our privacy. Eventually, we agreed that our personal lives (which obviously included nights with Hef) should remain personal and we wouldn’t be filmed anywhere near the room. We went to Hef and he agreed and told the producers that it wasn’t going to happen.

Even with that win under our belts, the three of us were still very nervous about the show. We didn’t know how they would portray us or how people who didn’t know us would view us. But all the people behind the show loved it, so we were moving forward. Well, Bridget and Holly were moving forward. I soon realized the girls had other plans for me.

Even though we’d banded together to preserve our privacy, I still wasn’t that close with them then, and by that point they were best friends. Since I wasn’t fitting in to their little group, they thought the show might be better with another girl instead of with me. So Holly and Bridget went to Mary and told her that I was dating another guy behind Hef’s back.

After living in the Mansion for a year I
did
miss dating, and there were times when I was out during the day (before my nine
P.M
. curfew) or at therapy school or even at
Playboy
parties when I met guys. It’s only natural. I needed to have my own life or I would have gone crazy. But at the same time, I didn’t want to disrespect Hef or the
Playboy
name—that always came first. So if I did meet someone, I kept it a big secret and made sure, especially when the show was filming, not to be photographed with them.

So yes, there was some truth to what they told Mary, but they weren’t looking out for Hef’s best interests. They just wanted me off the show. Instead of me, Holly and Bridget wanted to bring in Audra, this girl who was looking to move into the Mansion and become Hef’s girlfriend. She and I had issues—our personalities totally clashed—and she was trying desperately to take my place, and for some reason Holly and Bridget were on her side. They all had a pact that they were going to stick together and get rid of me. I don’t know
why; I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’m tough and I would never in a million years have let them know it, but it hurt my feelings.

I went to Hef and told him that Audra was a liar and out to get me, but he let her move in anyway. At one point I thought I was going to get kicked out and she was going to get my room. That really made me mad. There was a time when I wouldn’t have cared, but now that everyone wanted me out and off the show, I really wanted to be there. If I was going to leave it was going to be on my own terms.

As the days went on they continued filming all of us doing our thing around the house. We were basically just being ourselves, but I could tell they were shaping us into characters. Bridget was the smart one, Holly was the nice one, and I was the athletic one. As for Audra, I don’t know what she was supposed to be—the bitch? (This is my book, so I get to say that!)