Slip and Go Die (A Parson's Cove Mystery) (5 page)

“So, you think Parson’s Cove is ready for another murder, do you?”

Flori plunked down on my wicker chair. I wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying. Probably, both. Flori has always made a big production out of everything she does. If she cries, she never does it quietly or discreetly; everyone for blocks around can hear her. Of course, when she laughs, everyone can hear that, too. Most folks in Parson’s Cove don’t pay too much attention anymore. Especially after the time someone heard her crying and moaning and called 911, only to find out she’d been watching the soaps on the TV with her window open. Reg warned her that she had to close her windows every time she watched or he’d put her in jail for the night. Flori was mortified. Jake almost killed himself laughing.

Now her shoulders shook as she coughed, hiccoughed, moaned and sniffed, while at the same time wiping tears mixed with mascara, from her face with her sleeve. I handed her some tissue, which I keep on my counter for just such occasions.

“Oh, thanks, Mabel.” She hiccoughed. “That’s so funny.”

“I’m glad you’re laughing. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, you know.”

“That’s why I had to come over. I needed some cheering up.” She looked round the room. “I also wanted to come over and see what you had to sell. Has anyone come over to buy any of Beulah’s things yet?”

I followed her gaze around the room. There was barely enough room to walk. How Beulah ever fit all this stuff into her cabin was nothing short of a miracle. Now I was wishing I’d gone out to her place to have a look. I mean, how many shelves and cupboards can you have for displaying your trinkets, as Bob would call them?

“Not yet. Probably not that many know. Besides, who wants to venture out in this weather?”

She pointed to the two paintings I’d managed to find room for on the wall behind the counter.

“Those look like good paintings. Look at that, Mabel; they’re painted with real paint on real canvas. I wonder why Beulah would have nice things like that out in that old cabin? It’s not like she had lots of visitors coming out to look at them.”

“Seems odd, doesn’t it? However, maybe she had them for years and got attached. You know how it is. Sometimes it’s hard to part with old stuff. Like you, hanging on to Jake.”

This time she almost fell off the chair. I handed her some more tissues.

“Oh Mabel,” she said, in between gasping and wiping, “this is exactly what I needed. You always know how to make me laugh.”

“Well, maybe you’ll have to be the one doing the cheering this time. Look who’s coming down the street and heading this way.”

Flori wiped her cheeks dry. Her mascara had completely vanished but her eyebrows were still bright auburn. She lifted herself off the chair a few inches and stared outside. There, coming across Main Street, straight towards my door, was Esther Flynn.

Now, why had I thought I would have this perfectly wonderful day, enjoying my best friend’s company, thrilling to the hum of my beautiful new furnace and dreaming about all the money I was going to make selling Beulah’s treasures? No one should dream so shamelessly when someone like Esther Flynn happens to be walking this earth.

There wasn’t much of her face showing, not with her purple and black plaid scarf wound around her forehead, nose, mouth and neck. A red felt hat with a black rose pinned on one side was perched precariously on top of her head. Her eyes were the only part of her body that was exposed. With her round black glass’s frames sitting on top of the scarf (her nose was hidden somewhere in there), she reminded me of a raccoon I once caught stealing from my garbage can, except he was cute. She was wearing a dark brown mouton coat that only reached her knees and looked quite worn in places. Her red flared skirt, that happened to be the exact color of her hat, hung below the coat, touching the ground once in awhile as she tried maneuvering over the piles of snow left by the plough.

“Mabel, look what she’s wearing instead of mittens!”

Flori had moved to the window and was staring out at Esther.

We started laughing.

“I didn’t even think they made muffs anymore,” I said, trying to gain some control before Esther walked in. “Is she completely out of her mind? I never saw anyone look so ridiculous.”

She reminded me of someone who had just walked out of the seventeenth century. Or, stepped off another planet. I’m sure if any out-of-towners saw her, they would think Parson’s Cove was the setting for some low budget film.

When she reached the door, she stopped to bang some of the snow off her feet. Her glasses flew to the ground. She pulled one hand out from her muff and reached down to pick them up. As she did so, her foot slipped on a small patch of icy snow and she sat down; her skirt flew up, exposing her red flannel underwear. Before the door opened, Flori and I were back by the counter pretending we hadn’t seen anything. This time, we were both wiping the tears from our faces.

Esther came in, letting the storm door bang shut behind her. She closed the inside door with her hind end. It took several attempts to remove her scarf. First, she couldn’t find the end of it and when she did, she started unwinding it the wrong way. Finally, Flori turned and faced the wall. I was hoping she’d had her fill of laughter and wouldn’t become hysterical. If she did, I’d never find out why Esther was out at Beulah’s place.

“How are you, Esther?” I called out, in the kindest voice I could manage. “What are you doing out today anyway? It must be about twenty below.”

She’d finally unraveled the scarf and slipped her glasses back on her nose. They immediately fogged up. She left them on. I know Esther; she was too proud to remove them. I’m sure her little entrance hadn’t gone exactly as she’d planned either.

“So,” I continued, ignoring the fact that she couldn’t see two inches in front of her, “how do you like the new merchandise that I’ve got in? Are you interested in purchasing anything today, or are you only browsing?”

Esther always browses; she never buys. She is the only person who comes in to check out the clearance rack every week and then bickers with me over the prices. I never lower the price and she never buys anything.

Her glasses were starting to clear. She peered around the room.

“I don’t know why Reg Smee is allowing you to sell all this.” Her eyebrows went up and her thin lips pursed. “He must be out of his mind.”

“Why? Do you have a better idea? Did you want to sell everything yourself?”

She glared at me, huffed, and pushed her glasses back up her nose. “No, I do not. It so happens that I don’t have to go to such extremes to pay for items which I purchase. I am, however, sure I could make more of a success of it than you ever will. You will never be able to receive the correct value for these precious items. Admit it, you just don’t have the expertise.”

“And you do?”

“I could certainly make a grand success of it.” For some reason, when she said ‘grand,’ her head shook.

Flori now turned around. One thing I do have to say about my best friend; ever since we started school together, Flori has protected me like a lioness protects her young. No one dares speak against Mabel Wickles within shouting distance of Flori Flanders. Not that Flori can’t say anything negative about me; she can and does. This, she claims, is out of love and is for my own good.

“Esther, the only success you’ll ever have is making a fool of yourself. You know very well that Mabel is the best salesperson in this town. It might be a way to pay for her furnace but Reg knows that he can count on Mabel. You, on the other hand, are just a nosy old gossip. No one would buy anything from you.”

She could have reached a grand climax by grabbing Esther’s scarf and giving it a tug but she didn’t. Flori has a lot more self-control than I do.

I could tell, however, she was just starting to warm up so I thought I’d better cool her down. After all, I did want to pry some information from the old girl who was now standing on her toes and glaring down at Flori. Esther is already almost six feet tall so there was no need to appear any taller. I guess she thought she’d be prepared in case Flori stood up. They’re about the same height but I’m afraid my friend outshines Esther in the weight department.

“It’s okay, Flori,” I said. “Esther is probably right. After all, let’s face it, she is much more sophisticated than I am.”

Flori sucked in some air. A lot of air from what I could hear. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her eyes bulging.

I looked over at Esther. Not only were her eyes popping, she was staring at me with her mouth open. She moved her right hand up and rubbed her left ear. I’m sure she thought she was hearing things–strange undecipherable things.

“No, it’s true. I have to give credit where credit is due. I know I’m always picking on you, Esther, but you know most of it is all in fun. Never for one minute have I ever suggested that you weren’t an asset to this community.”

At this point, Flori started choking. I grabbed some tissues and shoved them into her hand. It looked like she was going to start crying. I gave her my evil eye, hoping that she’d take the hint and keep quiet.

“Why, Mabel, I never knew you felt that way at all.” Esther’s long thin face lit up with pleasure. I’d actually never seen her look so pleased. Her glasses slid down her nose again and she pushed them back up. “Perhaps,” she said, whispering, “we could get together and work out an arrangement.”

“An arrangement?” I whispered back.

She nodded. The glasses slid down. She pushed them up.

She moved closer to me, eyeing Flori as she did so. “I happen to know someone who might be very interested in some of these things.”

“Really?” I said, aloud.

“Shhh.”

“Esther,” I whispered, “that’s Flori sitting there. We can talk out loud, you know.”

She scowled at my friend, who had now pulled herself off the chair and was pouring a cup of coffee. I guess Flori thought that if she sat and drank something, she’d be less tempted to speak. It was a wise move on her part.

“Mabel,” she whispered again, “this is being said in the utmost confidence. I’m sure I’ll be able to get someone to buy everything in the room from you.” As she said this, she waved one arm in a huge circular motion. She then bent down and put her mouth to my ear. “How-some-ever, you must promise not to tell anyone about it.”

“How-some-ever?” I asked, jerking my head back. “What the heck kind of word is that?”

She shook her narrow head and made a ‘tsk’ing sound. “Oh for heaven’s sake, you know exactly what I’m saying, Mabel Wickles. Are you in, or not?” Her last couple of words came out like a hiss in my ear as she bent over again and put her face right up to mine.

“Am I ‘in’ on what?” I moved away and rubbed my ear. I was sure she’d spewed some saliva into it.

Her beady eyes shifted over towards Flori, again.

“Be quiet, Mabel. Do you want the whole town to hear?”

“I kind of doubt the whole town is listening. Besides, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I turned to Flori who was quietly drinking her coffee, facing the wall.

“Do you know what Esther’s talking about?” I shouted.

Flori slowly turned to face us. She held her cup out in front of her, holding it with both hands. It was almost like looking at a fortuneteller holding her crystal ball.

“I think,” she said, “our Esther is up to no good. It sounds to me like you’re working for the black market, Esther.”

Flori lifted the cup to her mouth, a wise look on her face.

Esther stared at her. The room was silent, except for the cuckoo clock on the wall that suddenly popped out and gave a weak squawk.

“What do you mean?” she gasped. “I didn’t say anything about the black market. How could you even think such a thing, Flori Flanders? You take that back, right now.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” I said. “Nobody says ‘take that back.’ We’re supposed to be grownups here, you know.” I narrowed my eyes. “You have to admit that something sinister seems to be going on. All this whispering is very suspicious, Esther.” I turned back to Flori. “Isn’t it odd that Esther has someone who can buy all of Beulah’s things and it just so happens it’s Esther who found the body?”

Flori leaned back in the chair and slowly nodded her head, at least six times. She still kept the wise look on her face. In fact, I was so impressed with Flori that I almost missed hearing Esther’s intake of breath.