Smash Into You (5 page)

             
Her face stayed the same, but her eyes looked up at me. "Still going with that crazy story, huh?"

             
"It's the only story I got." I snapped open the menu again and pretended that there wasn't cheese or some other byproduct stuck to the pages. "You want something?"
              She glared at me. "What? Poor little homeless girl can't buy herself a turkey sandwich?"

             
"I wanna eat. All I was doing was asking if you did, too. Pay for your own, I don't give a..." I sighed. "Whatever. Just consider it a farewell slash thank you gift and let me buy you dinner."

             
She didn't say anything. The waitress came and asked what we wanted to drink and if we were ready. I nodded, not bothering to ask about Marley. "I'll take a sweet tea, the biggest burger you've got, and chili fries. Thanks, darlin'."             

             
She winked. "And you, honey?" she asked Marley.

             
Marley just stared at the table, not even looking at the menu, and said, "A big glass of orange juice, a side of green beans, a side of fruit, and a BLT on wheat, extra tomato and extra bacon, please."

             
The waitress just nodded and left. I stared at the girl across from me. What the hell kinda order was that?

             
"What? Why do you care what I eat?"

             
Had I said that out loud? "Uh...just strange is all."

             
"I like to balance out my meals."

             
We stayed silent until the food came and I watched in stupefied fascination as she picked up her green beans like French fries and ate them with her fingers. Then she did the same with a piece of fruit. Then she did the same to her sandwich, picking the tomato out of the bread and devouring it, licking her fingers.

             
I'd never been so turned on by a slice of tomato before. I clenched my teeth and tried to look away, but then she picked up another green bean and nibbled it. Nibbled it! Even I heard my growl as I leaned back in my seat. My shoulder hit the wood behind me. I cringed and gritted my teeth. "There's a fork there," I said.

             
"I don't use forks."

             
"Got a problem with silver? Are you a child of the moon and I just wasn't aware?"

             
She sneered. "Ha. Freaking. Ha. No, I just...nothing."

             
"What? You can burden me with your secret. I'm never going to see you again anyway."

             
She stared at me. "You're really leaving? Like for good."

             
"I'm really leaving. I have to." I took a monster bite of my burger.

             
She swallowed and blinked. "You're so nonchalant about it. Like it doesn't even matter."

             
"It doesn't. I've done it so many times...I can't even count."

             
She nodded, pensive. "I moved a lot, too, but I was never as happy about it as you are."

             
"I'm not happy about it. It's just something I've always had to do."

             
"All by yourself?" she questioned. She nibbled that green bean...nibbled...

             
"Not always." I gave her a look that said everything. "And no, I don't want to talk about it."

             
"Hmmm..." she mumbled. "She must have been a great girl."

             
I stilled. My eyes found hers. I knew she was probing and I should tell her to screw off, but...I wanted to tell her. I spoke softly, hoping the bitterness in me wasn't going to scare her. "My mom did everything to keep me safe from them...even gave her life."

             
She stopped nibbling and stared. Her eyes began to fill just a little. Just enough to make me see that it was absolutely genuine and she was heartbroken for me.

             
"I'm...so sorry." She shook her head and looked at the table, running her finger over a name carved into the wood. "I know that's lame when people say that, but I don't know what else to say." I started to speak, but she glanced up and my pulse banged in my ears at the look she was giving me. "I get it now. I get why you're so jaded and just push people, you don't let anyone in because you're afraid that by getting attached to you, they'll be dragged down with you."

             
Daggum perceptive girl... "So you believe me now, about being on the run?"

             
"It doesn't really matter, Jude. You're on the run in your heart and nothing I say or do can change that."

             
I almost scoffed. Almost.

             
"Eat your beans, Marley." I smiled slowly and shook my head. "We need to get going."

             
She smiled, too. A little shy smile that said she didn't know why I was smiling, but she just couldn't help but answer it. She ate her entire plate, every bit, and never touched her fork. Those green beans were my nemesis and as I watched her, and yes, I watched, she was completely oblivious.

             
When we were done, I paid and Marley didn't put up a fight like I thought she would. I wondered how much after tuition would she even have left over. I couldn't imagine it would be much. The one class I took cost a small fortune on its own.

             
I checked around and then towed her to the truck swiftly. I hoisted her inside and ran to my side. My arm was throbbing, even after taking the pills. I was trying to hide it because if I told her how much it hurt, she wouldn't leave and I was unable to make her.

             
I drove carefully, my hat pulled low over my forehead. The key wasn't to keep turning your head in looking, that was suspicious, it was to face forward and let your eyes wander. When we made it back to the bar, I was a little worried. My white knuckles ached from their steering wheel grip as we passed the tree line and saw the demolished bar. Marley gasped and glued herself to her window to get the best look. I shook my head. Biloxi cared for no one or nothing. I was going to find out one day what he wanted from me. What was so daggum important that he'd risk killing people for it? For me?

             
And then I saw him. The cops and fireman walked around under the whirring lights of all colors, but it was the man digging through Marley's car that had my attention.

             
Biloxi.

             
"Hell," I spouted in an angry whisper.

             
"What? Wha-" She saw him and stopped. "Why are they looking through my car?" She looked at me and she believed now. "Is that the guy?"

             
"Yes."

             
"But why..."

             
"Because I took you with me?" I wondered aloud. "God, Marley..." What had I done? It was too late to save her. "I'm so sorry. I thought I was keeping you safe by taking you with me, but I was wrong. Now he thinks he can get to me through you. He knows who you are now."             

             
"It's not like I have an address he can find me at, Jude."

             
"What address did you give the bar when you applied?"

             
She looked sheepish and tucked her hair behind her ear. "This little abandoned house on Oxford. But it's all locked up. I've never slept there or anything."

             
Biloxi slammed the door to her car in anger and then jumped in the front. In no time, he had it hotwired, unbeknownst to the cops who were preoccupied, and was spinning in the gravel heading out the back entrance.

             
It clicked. I had an idea where the bastard was going and so, I followed him slowly. When we came to Oxford Street, I slowed even more. Biloxi was there, out of the car already, and I waited for him to go knock and interrogate Marley, because he figured either she was there or we were hiding there.

             
Instead, he pulled his gun that I knew all too well from inside his jacket, the silencer on the end making it protrude, and opened fire on Marley's supposed house.

             
I stared in shock. He wasn't even going to interrogate her to find me? He was just going to kill her? But...why wouldn't he try to lure me back with her, or hold her hostage to make me come back? My truck wasn't there...he knew I wasn't there with her... He knew that we left together...

             
Something wasn't adding up. What the hell did he want with Marley?

             
The trembling on my side registered too late. I looked over at her. She was pressed to my side, her eyes wide as she watched this man demolish her supposed home. It wasn't the home that was upsetting, it was the fact that he obviously thought she was inside it.

             
The sob seemed to be stuck in her throat and her breaths were ragged. Her fingers were wrapped in my shirt and she was hanging on for life.

             
See, this was what I was talking about. I didn't know how to take care of somebody. I wasn't capable of doing and being all the things a girl like her needed me to. But I pulled my arm around her, ignoring the sting and ache from moving the wound. She melted into my side and got as close as she could get, but she couldn't look away. I pulled her face over with my other hand, keeping my arm firmly around her. She looked wild and unhinged.

             
"Hide right here," I told her gently and pulled her face to my neck. "You don't need to see that."

             
With her face pressed into my skin, I slowly edged us down the street, Biloxi none the wiser.

             
Damn, damn, damn.                            

             
I didn't even know what to say. I was so angry at her right then for all of a sudden becoming my problem.

             
But she was so vulnerable and open and alone and raw. It didn't feel right to be the guy I always was with her. But I
had
to be, for her sake. So, fine. We'd skip town and then I'd find her somewhere to go and... We'd cross that bridge when we came to it. For now, I just drove and tried to remember that the girl in the seat was not my girl and though she wanted my comfort, the line was drawn right there.

             
And I refused to cross it.

Five

            
 
Dawn broke over the road as we trudged down the highway into the next town. She was asleep in the seat, laid down like a child in the fetal position. I tried to toe the line between speeding and following the law because I knew we needed to get the heck out of dodge, but we also needed to not get pulled over. I imagined Biloxi was behind me somewhere, catching up and right there behind me like he always was. There were four main roads out of that town, and I hope he picked the wrong one and was a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction.

             
But since when was luck on my side?

             
I looked down at Marley and got angry all over again. Now I had this girl to look after. It was always me after my mom died. I never even had an inkling to add someone to the mix. Now when Marley got hurt or killed because of this, I'd have another death on my conscience.

             
What a friggin' tragedy I'd fallen into. Boy meets girl, girl makes boy question everything for a split second, boy gets girl killed. I didn't like the sound of that. So, though I knew I was being cliché and would ultimately hurt her, I knew what I had to do. I just had to make her see that it was a good idea to get away from me. I could help her get set up somewhere else and then skip town as quickly as I'd come.

             
Being hated wasn't the hard part. It was living with myself when it was too late.

x

            
 
"One room, please," I spouted. I didn't dare look around the place because I knew the film of gunk and stench would just make me regret stopping. But at $39.99 a night, you couldn't really be picky. We both needed to sleep and get a shower before we started on the road again. I was sure we'd have to start roughing it at some point, but hopefully, she would be gone by then.

             
"Cash only," the man replied dully and looked at my neck, not my face. "We have too many issues with stolen cards and bank fees."

             
"That's all I got so that's just perfect, now ain't it?" I handed it to him and wanted to shake my head. It was no secret that these pay-by-the-hour dives were shady and yet they still wanted to keep up the pretense of civility and propriety.

             
"Here's your key." And it was. The cracked, plastic keychain had the number thirteen on it and from it dangled an old, rusted key.

             
"Thanks."

             
"Checkout's at ten, bright and early."

             
"Swell."

             
I pushed open the glass door, towing a silent Marley behind me because there was no way I was leaving her alone, and climbed in the truck. We parked in front of our room and went inside. We had no bags, but I'd fix that tomorrow and take her to the nearest Goodwill. The room was all I imagined it would be. Marley was obviously not a frequenter of these types of establishments because she looked around and gasped a little when she saw the ashtray overflowing with butts on the table.

             
"It's all right," I assured her. "We'll sleep in our clothes and leave first thing in the morning."

             
I shut the door and went straight to the bathroom. I lifted the shirt off my body, holding in my groan of agony, yanked off the bandage, and got my first good look at the wound. It looked pretty nasty, and although I was skeptical that the hotel water would help in the gangrene department, I stripped out of my pants next and turned the water to scalding.

             
I'd been in the shower for several long minutes before getting out. My shoulder was pulsing in a bad way and I had nothing for it. I stood there air-drying in that dirty bathroom and wondered what the hell I was going to do. I had my small stash of cash that I always kept on me, but the rest of it was in my apartment. I wondered if it was worth it to go back for it. It was hard enough to take care of myself. A few more days of meals and hotels, and my pockets would be dry.

             
I threw my clothes back on and came out to tell her we needed to try to save as much as possible and eat something small and cheap tonight, but the room was empty. My breath jammed in my throat. "Marley?" I called out.

             
When she didn't answer, I bolted to the door and threw it open, only to find a surprised Marley. Her arms were full of bandages, aspirin, and peroxide. She even had two sandwiches and two bottles of apple juice. I yanked her inside and slammed the door shut, bolting it before turning and glaring at that daggum gorgeous girl. She had my ball cap on. "What the hell are you doing?" I roared.

             
She leaned away as if taken aback by my response. How could she not understand why I'd be upset? I explained to her that we were being followed, she'd seen with her own gorgeous blue eyes that he'd shot her place up, and she knew we were running and being careful, so why...

             
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought-"

             
"What part of
we're on the run
don't you get?"

             
"I know that, but I was hungry, so I knew you would be, too-"

             
"I can handle that. You don't ever do that again." I lifted my hands in frustration, my knuckles grazing the cheap ceiling tiles. "I'm at a loss at what the hell to say to you right now. I can't even go take a shower and trust you to sit tight 'cause the second I do, you bolt for a snack?"

             
My breathing was crazy, the wound on my back aching and pulsing angrily. She looked like I'd struck her. I waited for her to defend herself, and when I finally saw the hardness come over her, I bucked up for a fight. "Wow, you are so jaded, Jude."

             
"That's nothing new."

             
"I was just trying to-"

             
"Just stop."

             
"You're not the leader of this outfit. I don't know why you think-"

             
"Enough," I growled, leaning back against the door. I winced as my shoulder protested. "If you're with me, you can't just leave whenever you feel like it. I already have you on my conscience. Let's not add your death to it."

             
Her chest deflated, like she held a breath to say something and decided against it. She stood there, her sweet face wearing a weary look that hurt my chest.

             
I looked, really looked, at the stuff in her arms. Dang... It was all stuff for me. She went and got the stuff to re-dress my bandage and the pills out of the truck for me to take. And something to eat. I squinted my eyes shut tight. "Marley, I'm sorry."             

             
"You're right." She looked up at my face. She looked disappointed more than anything else. "Here. This is for you. I won't leave without your
permission
again."

             
She tossed it all into a heap on the bed and slammed the bathroom door behind her. I turned and bumped my forehead against the door a couple times. I was so out of touch with people that I forgot how to deal with them when I wasn't using them for a purpose.

             
Wow, what a tool that made me.

             
I waited for her to come out. I knew knocking wouldn't help. I heard the water running and tried to push the image of her being naked beyond that wooden door out of my mind. I had to remember what I was doing, saving her. I was saving her by keeping her at a distance.

             
I took my shoes off, but left my socks on, and flopped onto the bed. There wereonly three channel
s—
one that apparently wasn't friends with the rabbit ears on the TV top. So I watched the news and ate the egg salad sandwich she got me, and then gulped down the juice, too.

             
She emerged, her blond hair wet and straight. I didn't look away. I wanted her to see that I was sorry. "Sandwich was good. Thanks."

             
She stared at me for a minute, her shoes in her arms, before finally saying, "You're welcome. I was just trying to help."

             
"I know," I admitted low and stood. I walked to her and took the shoes from her arms, tossing them in the pile on the floor with mine. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, especially since you're in this mess because of me. Can you imagine what I'd feel if you were hurt and it was all my fault?"

             
Her face fell a little. "I wasn't looking at it like that. I just thought you needed to rest and I could get back before you got out of the shower."

             
"I understand," I said. And I did. "I was thinking we could get as far as we could tomorrow and then find you a little place to stay. You can't go back, you know that, right?"

             
"You're...dropping me off somewhere?" She asked in a high, incredulous tone, before nodding and turning. "Of course, yeah."

             
"It's too dangerous to stay with me. Plus, I'm sure you're ready to get your life back to normal."

             
"Normal," she scoffed. "Homeless is the new normal, right?"
              She was still facing the wall.

             
"I'll get you set up somewhere and then we'll get you a job. It'll be fine. I help you find a home before I leave."

             
"What about my classes?" She finally turned and I wished she hadn't. Her cheeks were lined with tears, her face full of sorrow. "I worked so hard, sacrificed a place to live, just so I could finish school and find a job that would make it so that I never had to wonder what I was going to eat again. Never not have somewhere to go again. Never have to depend on anyone for anything ever again. You're saying I can't ever go back? That all that time and money spent was...for nothing?"

             
Oh, no... What had I done? I hadn't just put her in danger, no. No this was way worse. I'd ruined her life. She was right. She could never go back, never transfer to another college with her same name which meant she couldn't transfer her credits. She had to become someone else. He'd find her. All because he'd use her to get to me. All because of me...

             
"Oh, God...Marley. I'm so sorry."

             
"Jude," she pleaded, "please don't say that I can't finish school."

             
"You can't. I'm sorry. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know." I turned with a laugh that was anything but humorous. "See, this is why I don't do people. I can't. They get hurt, they're ruined, life shattered, they die because of me. If you had never met me, you wouldn't be in this mess right now. You could keep on doing what you were doing, finish school, and never have known anything but your life."

             
"No," she argued. I didn't turn. "It's not your fault that he's doing this."

             
"It pretty much is." I looked over my shoulder. "I'm sorry just doesn't quite cover it, but I am sorry."

             
I stepped into my boots, not even tying them, and went for the door.

             
"Where are you going?" she asked, panic coating her words.

             
"Out," I bit out. I knew I was being a jerk, but I needed to get away from her. She was causing me aches and pains in my guts at knowing what I'd done to her, and I wasn't used to caring about…anything. "Stay in the room and lock the door."

             
"Jude," she protested. "Come on-"

             
"Stay in the room," I repeated before slamming the door. I waited right there, listening, for her to bolt the latch. When I heard it, I headed downstairs to the bar I'd seen on the way in.

             
Yep. It was about to be a cliché night all the way around. I was going to get drunker than drunk because I couldn't handle what she was telling me. It was stupid. I was stupid.

             
I was heartbroken for her, heartbroken that she'd ever had to cross my path.

x

            
 
"Another," I ordered and didn't give a care about the slur. He gave me a look. The look that meant,
You're about to get cut off, buddy
. "Another," I said, harder.

             
He rolled his eyes and poured the amber liquid into my glass. The bar was a dive of the best kind. Dirty, cheap booze, and nobody cared about what anyone else was doing but themselves. Except the female currently raking my hair. I looked over at her. I hadn't said one word to her, but here she sat, trying to see if she could get lucky with me tonight.