Smash Into You (6 page)

             
If I wanted to send Marley for the hills, that would be one darn good way to do it.

             
I shook her hand off and downed my last shot. I felt raw in my insides, but the alcohol was helping the pain in my shoulder. That was a plus. The jukebox was playing country something or other. There was a girl dancing on the bar with short jeans shorts and cowboy boots, like Marley's. A vision of Marley up there doing that dance...

             
No.

             
I turned to nameless-girl and smiled. "Hey, darlin'." She beamed. "What are you doing in a place like this?"

             
"Looking for you, sugar," she said, sweet as saccharin. Her eyes wandered my scar before her fingers did. She made a
Hmm
hum and then purred, "Your scar is pretty hot."

             
"How about that," I slurred, though my teeth clenched. I felt her hand on my arm and winced when she pulled me.

             
"Take me to your room," she whispered in my ear. She smelled like vanilla something. I almost shook my head. She was pretty and smelled good, and had no business in a place like this giving herself to any man, just like that. She got closer, pressing her lipglossed lips to my ear. "Take me to your room."

             
I should do this. I should do it to make sure that Marley didn't have any problems getting the hell away from me when it was time. I should go up there and make a scene so that Marley knew I was a bad guy.

             
I should do it...

             
"All right," I drawled. "Let's go."

             
"You got a tab, pal," the bartender barked.

             
"I'll get it in the morning."

             
"You'll get it now."             

             
It was then I remembered how stupid I was. We barely had money for food and now I was drinking the money away. I was becoming a real gem these days. I tossed the money on the bar and heard him grumble about the lack of tip. The girl tossed my arm over her shoulder. I was sure she could see how wasted I was, but I was also sure that she didn't care.

             
My mind was blank as we made our way to the room. When we stopped at the door was when my brain decided to start working again. I didn't knock or use my key. I turned to the girl and opened my mouth to tell her this wasn't going to happen.

             
As much as I wanted to piss Marley off for her own good so she'd leave, I'd done enough damage tonight. But the door swung open hastily and a worried Marley stepped out...only to step back as if I'd slapped her. Then my lips were being pressed harshly to someone else's and it took a second to realize what was going on. I pushed back a little, but the girl hung on tight before scooting her face along my cheek to my ear and whispering, "You pick up women in bars? Cheaters are bastards. I hope she leaves your sorry behind."

             
I laughed. "Now, darlin'-"

             
She leaned back and grinned. "Thanks for that, baby. You want another go-round in the bathroom, you come find me."

             
Then she sauntered away, fully thinking she'd ruined my relationship with her little infidelity show. I was actually impressed.

             
But when I looked back at Marley, I wasn't impressed anymore. She had this look on her face....I'd seen it somewhere before. It was right there on the tip of my brain, but wouldn't come. She walked backward into the room and tapped the door almost closed as she went inside. I followed.

             
"Marley, that wasn't what it looked like."

             
She chuckled sadly. "What if it was? We're not a couple. I don't care if you bang every skank in this hotel."

             
"I didn't bang her. I was going to pretend to...or something." My foggy brain was done for the night. "I was bringing her here, but you opened the door before I could tell her no and then she kissed me to get revenge on me for being a cheater."

             
"What?" she asked. "You're slurring so bad I can't understand you."             

             
"I didn't bang her. I was going-"

             
"Not this whole spiel again," she groaned. "And will you stop saying
bang her
." She gripped my arm and made me sit on the bed. The room spun and the bed broke my fall. "Wow, you are so drunk." She sounded disappointed. I kept disappointing her. All I wanted to do was protect her, but I kept hurting her. "Let's get your shoes off."

             
I felt her yank them free and the thud of them hitting the floor.

             
She leaned over me and I smelled her. That clean, shampoo smell. She touched a spot on my neck and sighed. "Come on," she commanded. "To the bathroom we go."

             
She threw my arm around her shoulders and we trudged into the dingy bathroom. We stood in front of the mirror, the light blinking with its last breath above us, but even with that, I could still see it. Still see the thing that had made Marley sigh. At some point, nameless-girl must've kissed the side of my neck with her bright red lipstick. There was a clear imprint there. I also had a little on my lips. I leaned on the sink, feeling sick. I turned the water on and put a little soap on my hand, rubbing at the spot and then my mouth.

             
"Here," she said and handed me a toothbrush with paste on it. She must've bought that while she was out, too. I brushed hard and long. Eventually she took it from me, sat me on the toilet, and helped me take off my shirt. I hated that she was doing this. In my ill attempt to drown my sorrows because of the sorrow I'd caused her, I'd just made things worse.

             
She looked at my shoulder and hissed. "Oh, my..." She searched around and then ran to the bed and back. "OK, we've got to clean this."

             
She dabbed, poked, and put things on it. I was too far gone to care or feel it. She taped it all back up and helped me stand. She let me fall gently to the bed.

             
"You're gonna choke if you throw up." She climbed on the bed with me and tried to push me, to roll me over. She licked her bottom lip in frustration. So I did something epically stupid, but something I very much wanted to do.

             
And with my inhibitions low, I was apparently going for it.

             
I pulled her to my chest, my arms around her, and pressed my lips to her neck. I didn't kiss her, just pressed them there.

             
She was draped across me so I rolled so her legs were on top of us and she was partially under me. I blocked out the spinning room and tried to make her see. I just wanted her to see that I was so broken I didn't even know how to be human anymore. I felt the most raw I ever had and I needed her to see without me saying so that I was a good guy. I wasn't. I wanted her to run...but I wanted her to stay.

             
"Jude," she whispered and I opened my eyes. She looked confused. "I'm not her. You know that, right? I'm Marley."

             
I chuckled a little under my breath. "I know exactly who you are," I whispered against her jaw. She took a shuddering breath. I held her tightly, refusing to relinquish her. She didn't fight me and I didn't know why, but I wasn't about to ask.

             
"I didn't kiss her," I heard myself say, and I wasn't sure why I was supplying the info.

             
The lamp was on in the corner and I wanted it off, but couldn't move. I drifted. Bits and pieces fought through my mind. Lockers, a school, girls with too much make-up, a girl with a face that could melt hearts, but she was sad. Destroyed...I felt bad for her...

             
The next thing I knew, the light was winking from the window at me and I felt like my guts were boiling over. Wait, they were...

             
I bolted to the bathroom, scrambling over the body I was lying next to. I didn't even get to shut the door before I was hugging porcelain. My stomach wretched over and over and over again and then some more. An eternity later, I was sore all over, my head hurt as I laid it against the cool wood of the wall, and I felt too awful to be embarrassed. I heard the water running and then Marley was hunching down, putting the cold cloth on my forehead. I looked at her, knowing there was something that I was supposed to remember.

             
She watched me. When she licked her bottom lip and sighed, it all rushed back. Me rushing to the bar and spending too much money on alcohol we couldn't afford, bringing the girl back, but changing my mind, her kissing me and hoping I got dumped, Marley taking care of me and then I...I wasn't sure what you called it. I didn't kiss her. No, that other girl had kissed me and I didn't want to taint Marley with that. So I had kissed her neck and jaw instead and then...there we were. Marley and Pukey.

             
I sighed, letting my head fall back to the wall with a thud. "Wow, I'm an ass."

             
She smiled sadly, the scar on her lip visible and kissable. "Yeah," she agreed.

             
"I'm so sorry."

             
"I know."

             
She gave me the wet rag and I wiped my mouth and face with it. When I looked back at her, I saw the redness of her throat. I stared at in confusion before understanding smacked into me. "Did I do that to you?"

             
She ran her fingers across it, her lips falling open. "It's nothing."

             
I touched my jaw. I hadn't shaved in days. "Dang, I can't do anything right, can I?"

             
"It's all right."

             
I rubbed my face with my hands. "Bet you can't wait to get away from me. I'm a one man demolition team."

             
"That's not true," she said, surprisingly forceful. "Will you stop with the pity party this morning?" she spouted and stood. "Come on. Get up. You're buying me breakfast and then we're leaving."

             
I felt my eyebrows rise. Well...dang. "Yes, ma'am."

             
I stood with her help and stayed close, looking down at her. Her small hands were on my sides as she attempted to keep me upright. "Are you OK to stand?"

             
"I'm OK," I told her. "I'm sorry about...everything. And that." I pointed to her neck.

             
The small smile had more than one meaning. It had my inner guy perking to attention. "Girls don't generally complain about beard burn, do they? Isn't it supposed to be a way for guys to mark girls, claim them, be all romantic in a Neanderthal kinda way, like hickies?"

             
I arched an eyebrow at her.
Oh, is that right.
She blushed, furiously and adorably, and backtracked.

             
"I didn't mean you were trying to mark me, I just meant you didn't have to apologize."

             
I couldn't help myself. I leaned in, putting my hand on the wall behind her head. "How many hickies have you had?"

             
She licked her bottom lip. Again. "None," she breathed. She put a hand on my chest to keep me from coming closer.

             
I pursed my lips in approval. "That's a good answer."

             
"Why do you care?" she asked. It wasn't a demand that she know, it was more like she was genuinely interested. Why did I?

             
I enjoyed her being that close for a few more seconds before leaning back. "Thanks for taking care of me last night. And for fixing my bandage. I know I was an ass, I'm sorry. I think I owe you some breakfast." I took her hand and towed her to the room. I sat down and tied my boots. When I looked up, she was still standing there, looking a little stunned. "Get your shoes on, sweetheart."

             
She scoffed, but still smiled as she pulled them on and gathered all our things from the bed. We left in a hurry and I drove us to a place that looked cheap enough for some eggs and bacon.

             
I couldn't eat and just the smell of bacon made my stomach turn, but I had to let Marley get some food in her. As the sweet, dark coffee made its way down my throat, I stared out the window. Even after what I'd done last night, she still took care of me. Even now, she wasn't angry. I didn't know why. I'd had plenty of female scorn come my way, I was used to it, but she seemed reflective more than mad about everything. I was reflecting on my own.

             
I realized that Marley reminded me of my mother. Not
like that
, but in the way that they both sacrificed anything and everything for what needed to be done.