Smoke and Shadow (12 page)

“
Respect him?
Why? Where was his respect for me? Where
’
s his respect for
you?
”

“
We
don
’
t respect him
for who he is, my dear. We respect him for what he has given
us.
”

“
What has he
ever given us?
”

“
He gave me
you.
”
The words
spilled out without any hesitation.
“
Without Wei Chu, I could have never
known Hamilton Chu and I wouldn
’
t give you up for anything. You are
my perfect prize.
”

Sunny
’
s
words brought tears to Hamilton
’
s eyes. He didn
’
t try to talk. He just admired his
mother
’
s strength.
She tried to whisper soft words into his ear to comfort him, but
the more she spoke, the more he cried.

“
Your father
will be your father as long as he can still walk and talk, baby.
It
’
s who he was,
who he is and who he
’
s going to be. You can
’
t live in anger because of him.
That
’
s worse than
anything anyone can do to you. Live your life the best you can and
nothing else will matter. Do you understand me?
”

“
Yes
Ma.
”

“
That
’
s my
special boy. Now go to sleep. You probably have to wake up early to
go on a secret mission. I
’
ll talk to you
later.
”

“
Ok. I love
you.
”

“
I know you do
baby and I love you too. Everything will be fine. Just remember
what I said.
”

Hamilton Chu
didn
’
t stop crying
when he hung up the phone. He sat in the dark as confused and
helpless as a small child.

Hamilton Chu
didn
’
t remember
his first experience fighting Wei Chu. The encounter
couldn
’
t really be
called a fight. Wei was a thirty year old enraged dock worker.
Hamilton couldn
’
t
have been more than four. But the difference in age
didn
’
t prevent the
youngest Chu from throwing a bottle of formula at the back of his
father
’
s
head.

Hamilton had no
concept of age or fighting when he attacked. He
didn
’
t understand
family social constraints or the financial pressures of immigrants.
He only understood pleasure and pain. So when Dad threw Ma against
the wall of their little apartment, Hamilton waddled over on pudgy
little legs and hurled his afternoon bottle in
retaliation.

He missed.

Wei Chu cursed and swatted his son
with a backhand, dropping him to the floor. Sunny Chu fell on her
son without hesitation, shielding his body with her own. On that
day, mother and son became inseparable.

Sunny taught
Hamilton to ride a bicycle when his father spent his time at the
gambling hall. Hamilton wiped the blood away when
Sunny
’
s husband
came home and smacked her in the mouth. As he got older, Hamilton
stood up to his father when he got drunk and tried to rape Sunny.
Sunny begged her husband for peace when he beat Hamilton and tried
to throw him out into the street. Wei Chu held his family together
by being a brutal monster. Sunny and Hamilton clung to each other
in codependent survival and support.

So Hamilton had
no intention of going off to college after high school. He
couldn
’
t leave his
mother alone. When she insisted he apply to the best schools around
the country, he resisted. He had the size and the strength to keep
Wei Chu in check now. The beatings had dissolved into hollow
drunken tirades. The tiger lost his claws. The young man planned to
maintain the uneasy peace. He would live at home to watch over his
mother and remain a constant threat to his
father.

But Sunny Chu
wouldn
’
t hear of
it. She had dreams of her son becoming a lawyer, then a politician
and then who knew how far he could go? She wanted him to help other
people and have a life beyond what they called the Little War of
Chu. Hamilton told his mother he could do all those things and
still live at home. Her response ended the
conversation.

“
How are you
going to go out and find yourself a nice boy if you waste all your
free time with me?
”

Hamilton never
came out to his mother. He never came out to anyone. He
wasn
’
t willing to
put another burden on her. He didn
’
t want her to have to choose between
her son and her church. He didn
’
t want her to feel guilty or ashamed
of her son, especially in the face of her
husband
’
s constant
cruelty. He didn
’
t
want her to feel alone if she decided to reject him. He
didn
’
t want to be
alone, either, so he kept his sexuality to himself. But Sunny Chu
knew her son, and she loved him more than the church or her husband
or her own safety.

The new dimension to their
relationship made it even harder for Hamilton to leave, but Sunny
insisted on his happiness through tear soaked eyes. Hamilton
applied to the best schools and got himself a scholarship. He left
for orientation on a Saturday in early fall, with a promise to see
his mother again as soon as he could.

Hamilton came back to Queens the
following Tuesday to visit his mother in the hospital.

Wei Chu told the
paramedics Sunny fell down the stairs. He told the doctors she hit
her head during the fall. He told the police they had no history of
domestic disturbance. Wei Chu didn
’
t tell Hamilton anything. He
wouldn
’
t look his
son in the face or even stay in the ICU when Hamilton arrived.
Hamilton didn’t care about his father. He just wanted his mother to
wake up so he could see her again.

Sunny woke up.
She blamed the slippery stairs for her fall. She chastised herself
for hitting her head. She apologized to Hamilton for revealing his
secret. She didn
’
t
mean to tell Wei Chu anything. She made a terrible mistake in a
moment of pride and begged her son for forgiveness. Hamilton didn’t
care about his secret. He just wanted to be close to his
mother.

So Hamilton Chu
stood by her bed when the doctors explained her injury. He held her
hand when they told her about the damage to her spine. He held her
close when she found out she
’
d never walk again. Hamilton heard
their words, but he didn
’
t listen to them. He focused his
attention on Wei Chu.

Hamilton knew
what happened. He saw it play out in his mind. Wei picked a fight
with her without realizing she felt stronger and more confident
than any other time in her life. Her perfect prize had escaped the
War of Chu. Sunny finally stood up to her husband. Maybe she even
blurted out Hamilton
’
s secret to punish Wei
’
s distorted image of manhood.
Whatever his mother said and however she said it, Wei Chu responded
with renewed violence. All the months of uneasy peace exploded into
a single act of rage. Wei Chu grabbed Sunny by the hair. He threw
her down the steps. The man crippled his wife and Hamilton
couldn
’
t think
about anything else.

He
didn
’
t say what he
planned to do about it. He didn
’
t talk about going home to look for
the hammer in Wei Chu
’
s tool box. He didn
’
t explain how he planned to confront
his father and break all the fingers in the hands Wei used to grab
Sunny
’
s curly
hair. He didn
’
t
mention smashing his father
’
s kneecaps as he dragged him to the
staircase. He didn
’
t say he wanted to crack the back of his
father
’
s skull
opened before throwing him down the stairs. Hamilton sat next to
his mother and kept it all to himself. But Sunny Chu knew her son,
and she wouldn
’
t
let him go.

“
Please
don
’
t hurt him.
Please promise me you
’
ll stay with your auntie while I
’
m here and you
’
ll go back to school when I go
home.
”

“
You
’
re not
going back home while he
’
s still there. But
he
’
s not going to
be there by the time you get out.
”

“
Don
’
t hurt
him. I don
’
t want
you to suffer anymore for this.
”

“
He
’
s going
to suffer for what he did, not me. I don
’
t care who he is. He
can
’
t do anything
to me.
”

“
If you hurt
him, you won
’
t be
able to finish school.
”

“
I
don
’
t care about
school.
”

“
I care about
school and I care about you. I need you to get out of this. He has
ties to the Hip Sing. If you go after him, they will come after
you. They will come after me. The police will get involved. Your
life will be over. Everything I did for you, and everything we did
together, will be for nothing. Please don
’
t do that to me. I need you to get
out of this life. I need one of us to escape this war. School is
your escape, so promise me you
’
ll go back there
soon.
”

Hamilton never
faced his father or his brothers in the Tong. He never spoke to Wei
Chu again. He went back to school after pushing his mother home in
her new wheelchair. He learned how to channel his rage into skills
and training he could use to protect people who
couldn
’
t protect
themselves.

Hamilton sat in the dark,
remembering the War of Chu and wondering if the fate of Sunny Chu
would become the reality of Maria Maas. Then a flash of inspiration
brought a smile to his face and movement to his body. Hamilton
walked out of his apartment and into the night to give fate a
little push.

Chu dissected the
route between Maas
’
s dive bar and his brownstone with the precision of a
surgeon.

No one roamed the
side streets of Park Slope at three a.m., so he took his time to
pick the perfect spot. He needed a place he could reach before Maas
paid his bill and stumbled home. It had to be on the same route
Maas took every night to go back home. It had to be far enough away
from the corners to be invisible to traffic from the intersections
and secluded enough to give him a few seconds to work. It
couldn
’
t have
security cameras mounted on the side of the house or open sight
lines from any windows. Finally, he needed to find a set of
descending stairs high enough and steep enough to create the effect
he wanted to mimic. If he couldn
’
t find the perfect location, he
might not get another chance. The thought of Maria in his
mother
’
s
wheelchair drove him forward.

His first location had the solitude
and the stairwell on the side of the building, but the lens on the
camera positioned over the front door could have been wide enough
to capture movement on the side of the building he planned to work.
Chu kept moving.