Smother (24 page)

“You have to understand. You have to understand all of it.”

She nodded jerkily, catching the apology in his voice.

“I wasn’t on my own long—just a few months. Tried pickpocketing a man one day, but he caught me. He gave me an ass whooping, but it wasn’t like the other times. I deserved it that time. He did it to teach me a lesson, not hurt me.”

Reese turned to face him. The light outside faded and turned the room into shadows. She focused on his voice, let it wash over her and seep into her head. Her father saved him. Envy slithered in to taint her emotions. He hadn’t saved her and Morgan, but he’d saved Leo. If he hadn’t left, they would have been okay, but Leo wouldn’t have been. He didn’t deserve to be saved more than she or her sister. He didn’t deserve it any less either.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

She looked up, surprised to find his eyes on her.

“I’m not sure you would have been better with him.”

“Why did he hit you?” Reese’s mouth was dry, made her words choked and rough.

“I wasn’t supposed to interact, or get close. I wasn’t supposed to get involved.” His expression told her to understand.

Her eyes narrowed. “He beat you up for going after men that hurt me?”

“Emotions aren’t allowed in this.”

“In this? What is
this?
” She gestured to the floor and him and her.

More than anything, she wanted to know what they were. She felt more for him than she ever had for any man, but she didn’t really know him. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t sexual. It was more, and it was confusing. She understood him, he understood her, and in knowing him, she understood herself as well.

Leo moved fast, causing her to stiffen, but all he did was pace back and forth over the carpet. “I don’t know,” was his less than informative answer. “I don’t know,” he repeated in a mutter.

His boots rustled the papers littering the floor as he walked over her history. She watched his feet, wishing each time he stepped on something, it made it disappear. She didn’t want to see it anymore.

“Why did he leave us?” It was the question she’d asked the most throughout the years, even more than why her mom’s husband hurt her. If he’d just stayed, none of it would have happened. All of it was decided by his choices, all the resulting years because of them.

“Your father is a dangerous man. That’s all I can tell you.”

Rage spewed forth, instantaneous and scalding. She marched up to Leo and shoved her face close to his. “You have been spying on me for years. You have my life all mapped out, in pictures and papers you have no right to have. You are associated with my father, a man that deserted his wife and kids, and left them for a pedophile and rapist to have his way with.”

His eyes darkened as his jaw shifted.

“You know things. You know things about my life, about the missing pieces of my life, and I deserve to know them. I need to know them. Why are you protecting him? A man that beats you up when you do something he doesn’t want you to, a man that you say is dangerous. Tell me.” Her voice ended on a plea.

“I’m not protecting him. I’m protecting you.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that before.” She crossed her arms. “From
what?
”

“I wasn’t supposed to get this close.”

Reese moved back a step. “What does that mean?”

His plain face awash in emotion and bruises, he lifted a hand and touched her cheek. “The job, the apartment. Any of it. I’m too close to you.”

She was struggling to breathe. “Then why did you?”

“I couldn’t stay away, couldn’t keep watching.”

“Did my father make you move here because of me?” She fell back another step, mind racing. “Does he control your whole life? Have you always been near me, in the same town, or at least close by? Please explain this to me.”

His lips thinned as he shook his head. “I can’t. Want to, but I can’t.”

“Why would he let him do that to us and not end it?” She blinked her eyes, but they kept filling up with tears.

“He’ll pay. Over and over.”

Leo promised it, but she wasn’t sure who he was talking about—her father or her adoptive one. Their eyes locked, so many secrets kept within. She wanted to uncover them all.

“Time for you to go, Reese.”

She frowned at this firm dismissal. His tone said she wouldn’t be getting any more information out of him, not this time. “I want to know where my father is.”

“No.”

“I need to talk to him. I have that right.”

“No.”

Reese put her hands on his chest to push him back and caught the barely imperceptible cringe. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, not seeing muscles or black ink, but purple and yellow blotches that turned something lovely into something impaired. She wasn’t sure whose hands had done this to him, but none should have.

She impulsively dropped to her knees before him. There was nothing erotic about it. There was no passion, no desire, only tenderness. She wanted to heal him, to take some of the pain he always hid, away. He kept so much of himself unseen. It had to wear on him.

Air hissed through his lips as she gently pressed hers to his abdomen, feeling it bunch and contort beneath her mouth. His hands went to her head as though to move her away, but instead held her there. She kissed his battered flesh. The warmth and softness of it made her want to gather all his broken pieces in her arms, as if she could mend him. It was a silly thought, but she didn’t care.

Reese slowly stood, and unable to take the stricken expression on his face, she ran. Too much feeling—his face wasn’t supposed to have that much emotion on it. Down the stairs she went. He was her, some version of her life his, and some version of her living in him. She hurried out the shop door and into the stinging winter air. Both of their lives were formed around her father’s actions.

As she walked into the apartment building, it hit her that this wasn’t her place, or even Leo’s. It was her father’s. It all belonged to him, whether indirectly or otherwise. She had to leave. She had to quit her job and she had to move out. Her father was not going to control her from afar.

Strangest of all, was the yearning she had to take Leo with her. They could escape together, leave this dark world that belonged to her father and live in a brighter one without his influence. She shook her head at her whimsical musings. As if Leo wanted her to save him. As if he needed it.

As if she could.

Everything shifted in her head, thoughts and truths turned into others, morphed, became obscured while others were startling clear. Her father left. Her father was dangerous. Her father took Leo in when he was thirteen, around the time he left them. Her father used Leo to spy on her and those around her. Leo was only meant to observe. Leo reached out to her when he wasn’t supposed to. Why would her father try to keep him away from her? Why would Leo do what her father wanted? What hold did he have on him, or was it a messed up sense of loyalty? What did he know about her sister?
Did
he know her sister?

Who was her father?

She entered the darkened apartment, wanting to drown in all her many vices, and because of that, she refused. This time, she wouldn’t give in. This time, she would tell herself no. Someone cared about her. She sat on the couch in the dark, grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her. Someone fought for her. Reese had a perfect view of the tattoo shop and her eyes drilled into the side of it. A light was on, a shadowy form moving within. Probably cleaning up her mess. Guilt swam through her veins, burned her. Someone wanted to save her.

Reese took deep breaths, lay down on the couch, and closed her eyes.

In life, there are choices. Some you regret, some you are thankful for. When you choose someone, you don’t give up on them. I don’t give up on them. You don’t get to change your mind about someone halfway through. You see the bad, you see them at their absolute worst, and you still choose them. That’s life. ~ Leo

Reese opened the door to his unsmiling face and her stomach dipped at the sight of him. A wine-colored shirt showed through the opening of his unzipped black jacket and dark jeans molded to his muscular legs. He looked like Leo, and he didn’t. Something had shifted in his eyes recently whenever they went to her, though the rest of his face remained blank. Her first inclination was to touch him, which was new to her, and probably wouldn’t be appreciated.

“What do you want?”

“What do you like to do for hobbies?” he asked carefully.

Leo stood stiffly, but at the same time, his body was turned toward her instead of away. Reese knew how to read body language. Leo wanted to reach out to her, but didn’t think he should. She in turn wanted to grab him and pull him to her.

Reese crossed her arms. “I think we’ve gone over this before. You weren’t too impressed.”

His lips pressed together at the reminder. “Do you like pets?”

“What? Like a dog?” She shook her head as he remained unblinking, waiting. “You’re so odd.” Odd and intriguing.

“Art? Cooking? Music?”

“No. No. No.” The last one was a lie, but Reese was used to keeping things to herself. She loved music, especially the kind that made her feel understood by melodies, voices, and lyrics never actually acquainted with her. It was like knowing she wasn’t alone, even though everything in the world tried to tell her she was.

“Go away. I have sleep to do.” Reese moved to shut the door and his boot stopped it. She glowered at it before lifting her gaze to his. “It’s Sunday. I am not required to be in your presence today. Unless that’s a new requisite to living in your apartment building?”

“We’re going for a drive.”

“Who?”

“You and me.”

“We are not going for a drive.”

He reached forward, grabbed her arm, and gently pulled. “I wasn’t giving you a choice.”

She stumbled into the hallway. “What are you doing?” Reese protested, trying to get her arm from his grip and failing. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you. Leo.
Leo.
Let me go!”

Leo dropped her arm and swung around on her, something in his face halting all further complaining from her. The frown on his face was concealed pain, longing, and hope, all twisted into the downward pull of his mouth.

“Maybe I don’t want to be alone,” he said in that measured way of his.

Reese looked away from his tumultuous eyes. “Why didn’t you just say that?” she grumbled, but her heart pounded at the admission and it was hard to breathe. The more he shared, the more she felt.

Shoving her arms though the coat sleeves of her jacket, she pulled a stocking cap and gloves on and followed him out. Reese traced his broad shoulders with her eyes as they walked. She wanted to demand he tell her every single thing he knew about her father, and his relationship with him, but she couldn’t, not when he was coming to her like he was.

Their relationship was pocketed with holes of deceit, encrypted with ugliness. One big wall of collected secrets. She should feel awkward or angry, something other than how she presently felt, which was relieved, and happy, to see him. Whatever else, they were in this together, and that wasn’t something that could be taken away or changed.

Reese glanced at his face as they left the apartment building, surprised to find his eyes already on her. “Are we just going to pretend yesterday didn’t happen?”

He looked forward as he answered. “That’s impossible.”

She paused on the sidewalk, shivering in the cold air. “Then what are we going to do?”

Leo looked at her then, his eyes a kaleidoscope of gray shades and unspoken words. It hurt to look at his beaten face. “Act like it did.”

Reese swallowed thickly, knowing he was talking about that kiss she’d placed upon his skin. Since he was being honest, she felt she should be as well. “I’m quitting and I’m moving out,” she blurted.

He flinched, bringing his gaze down before lifting it. Leo didn’t say anything, not looking surprised by her announcement. He slowly nodded.

“Do you want notice for the apartment or job? Do you need time to find someone else?” It was getting harder to speak. She didn’t want to be replaced. Reese didn’t want to leave him—she just wanted to leave.

Leo pressed his lips together and started walking. “No,” he said quietly.

Reese hurried to keep pace with him, placing a hand on his arm to halt him. She didn’t understand all the many sides to him, but she did know one thing about him that outshone anything else and made the rest of it close to irrelevant. “You try to protect me.”

She wanted to ask why. Instead Reese let her hand fall away as she took a step back. “Thank you,” was all she said.

Leo jerked his head in a rough mimic of a nod, continuing to walk.

“You didn’t need to give me a job.”

“No.”

“Why did you?”

“Couldn’t stand to see you cry,” he mumbled.

Reese’s throat tightened. “You weren’t supposed to become involved.”

“No.”

“You weren’t supposed to let me stay in the apartments either.”

Grim-faced, he answered, “I was advised against it.”

“It’s funny that you had more empathy for me than my own father.”

Leo’s pace picked up. “I know what it’s like to feel like you must have.”