Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work (11 page)

Her only regret was that her days as a runner were probably over now that Interpol knew about her. She had vague plans to become a stockbroker or a real estate agent. Meanwhile, she was working on a scheme to be deported, in hopes that it will lead to a reduced sentence. In a letter to a British official about this matter, Caroline suggested that his wife or girlfriend might like a “little sparkling something on her finger,” and that she could easily arrange this for him.

Your reputation may not coincide with the public self you are trying to project, or the internal personality you personally experience. In an ideal world, all three views of the personality would line up. We would be happy with our private self, feel comfortable revealing it through our persona, and feel safe in the knowledge that those with whom we interact come to know us for who we truly are. But the world is not such a perfect place and people are not perfect be-ings. The best that we can hope for in most social situations is that our persona reflects the things we want to share with others, and that observers are open-minded enough that their attributions about us and our resulting reputation are accurate.

Sales representatives, human resources staff, and other professionals who spend much time interacting with people become good at judging personality traits and characteristics. Psychologists and psychiatrists, of course, are trained in doing personality assessments
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and can usually see a bit more of the underlying personality dynamics. So do poker players looking for “tells” leaked by other players.

But to their credit, psychopaths have the deserved reputation of being good judges of the personalities of others—perhaps because they work hard at it—and have the uncanny ability to project the most effective persona, depending on the situation, to get what they want.

How do they do it? To psychopaths, your face, words, and body language are your autobiography, printed in large type.

Let the Games Begin:

Forging the Psychopathic Bond

Foremost on the psychopath’s agenda during the assessment phase is deciding your utility or value, followed by figuring out the inner workings of your personality. While this assessment progresses, the psychopath begins to focus efforts on building a close, personal relationship on which later manipulations will rest. As noted above, one need not be rich and powerful to attract the attention of a psychopath on the make; almost everyone has some sort of utility for an enterprising psychopath.

As interaction with you proceeds, the psychopath carefully assesses your persona. Your persona gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics you value in yourself. Your persona may also reveal, to an astute observer, insecurities or weaknesses you wish to minimize or hide from view. As an ardent student of human behavior, the psychopath will then gently test the inner strengths and needs that are part of your private self and eventually build a personal relationship with you by communicating (through words and deeds) four important messages.

The first message is that the psychopath likes and values the strengths and talents presented by your persona. In other words, the psychopath positively reinforces your self-presentation, saying, in effect, I like who you are. Reinforcing someone’s persona is a simple, yet powerful, influence technique, especially if communicated in a
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convincing—that is, charming—manner. Unfortunately, many people we deal with in our personal and professional lives are so self-absorbed and narcissistic that they rarely see our persona because of the preoccupation they have with their own. Finding someone who pays attention to us, who appreciates or actually “sees” us, is refreshing; it validates who we are and makes us feel special. The psychopath quickly fulfills this need.

The Puppetmaster

In describing his role in the murder of his friend’s father and the attempted murder of his friend’s mother and sister, an offender had this to say:

A friend of mine came in and we started talking, getting to know each other. Well, I started to get to know
him
better. Because the more he told me about himself, the more leverage I had. The more I know about the guy, the more I know what buttons to push. So, I started pushing those buttons. He had a lot of unresolved issues from his childhood, so I tried to get to the root of the problem and started to get him to feel very angry, very hostile toward his family. I said, “They have money. Why don’t you take some? I’ll help you spend it because I’m your friend.” We got together and it escalated and I encouraged the escalation. I don’t know if in the back of my mind I truly believed what the capabilities were, but I didn’t care. So it started to become a plan. I just keep fueling the fire, the more fuel I added to the fire the bigger payoff for me. And plus that sense of control, power. I was the
puppetmaster
pulling the strings.

We invest considerable mental energy in presenting our persona every time we interact with someone. But behind our outward presentation, and sometimes mixed in with it, are aspects of our private
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self, both positive and negative, that we like to keep private. We rarely want to share parts of our private self with business associates and acquaintances; we reserve this for close friends and serious relationships. However, as a motivated student of human nature, the psychopath, on meeting us for the first time, can often surmise some of the issues or concerns that exist in our private self. Using this information, the psychopath crafts a simulated persona—a mask—that mirrors or complements these characteristics. Subtly, through clever banter, the psychopath begins to share bits of personal information, seemingly letting down his or her guard with us. These conversations resonate with you because someone is sharing personal details that reflect values, beliefs, and issues similar to your own. The psychopath’s second message is I am just like you.

Meeting someone who shares the same values, beliefs, and life experiences is not very common, so it is wonderful when it does occur. It is easy to open up to someone like this, and soon we are sharing more and more of our inner thoughts and feelings. To our great pleasure, we want to believe that this person understands us at a much deeper level than anyone else we have met. Having parts of your private self understood and accepted by someone means you can relax, let down your guard, and begin to trust that this person is different—he or she may like you for who you really are, behind your own mask or persona. Happily and with relief, you conclude that the psychopath will not pose a psychological threat; in effect, the psychopath’s third message is: Your secrets are safe with me. Safety or security is one of our most basic psychophysical needs; the psychopath willingly fulfills this need.

Giving Them What They Want

Like many writers, John Steinbeck understood the ways in which psychopaths—in this case, a female—can use sex-role tools. This excerpt is drawn from his description of Cathy Ames,
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who would marry to become Cathy Trask, the madam in Steinbeck’s novel
East of Eden
.

Cathy learned when she was very young that sexuality with all its attendant yearnings and pains, jealousies and taboos, is the most disturbing impulse humans have. And in that day it was even more disturbing than it is now, because the subject was unmentionable and unmentioned.

Everyone concealed that little hell in himself, while publicly pretending it did not exist—and when he was caught up in it he was completely helpless. Cathy learned that by manipulation and use of this one part of people she could gain and keep power over nearly anyone. It was at once a weapon and a threat. It was irresistible. And since the blind helplessness seems never to have fallen on Cathy, it is probable that she had very little of the impulse herself and indeed felt a contempt for those who did. And when you think of it in one way, she was right.

When the psychopath convinces us that he or she understands and accepts our weaknesses and personal flaws, then we begin to believe in the potential of the relationship to go further; we believe this person will be a true friend. True friends, of course, share information—often intimate information—about themselves with each other. Relationships develop and mature as people share more and more of their private lives with their partners, including their inner desires, hopes, and dreams. Some of it is personal, other topics are mundane, but all of it is relevant to manufacturing a picture that fulfills our deep psychological needs and expectations. The psychopath is all too ready and willing to fulfill these needs. Because a psychopath—our new true friend—is an excellent communicator; he or she easily picks out topics that are important to us and reflects sympathetic points of view, sometimes complete with enthusiasm or

“emotion” to reinforce the spoken words. The psychopath uses glib verbal and social skills to build a firm reputation in your mind—one
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that includes strengths you wish you had and weaknesses you understand. This psychological bond capitalizes on your inner personality, holding out the promise of greater depth and possibly intimacy, and offering a relationship that is special, unique, equal—forever. This is not easy to carry out, but the psychopath exerts notable effort communicating that he or she is exactly the person you have been looking for in a friend, partner, or new hire. The psychopath’s fourth message is: I am the perfect friend . . . lover . . . partner . . . for you.

Once this is accomplished, the psychopathic bond—your fate—

is sealed. Later interactions merely reinforce the foundation formed during this early part of the manipulation process.

What makes the psychopath-victim relationship any different from a real bond formed between two people who meet each other and find that they have a lot in common? For one, the persona of the psychopath—the “personality” the person is bonding with—does not really exist. It was built on lies, carefully woven together to en-trap you. It is a mask, one of many, custom-made by the psychopath to fit your particular psychological needs and expectations. It does not reflect the true personality—the psychopathic personality—that lies beneath. It is a convenient fabrication.

Second, these relationships are not based on informed choice.

The psychopath chooses you and then moves in. Outsiders, without the benefit of intimate conversation, may see what is really going on, but we tend to discount these observations, and may spend energy convincing our friends that this person is special.

Third, because it is faked, it won’t last like genuine relationships.

While genuine relationships change over time—love may turn to hate, marriages end in divorce—the initial starting point was based on real data, as it was known at the time. People change over time, and sometimes grow apart. The psychopath, though, will not invest more than minimal energy in maintaining the relationship unless you can offer something really special, which is not usually the case.

Hence, when the relationship ends, you may be left wondering what just happened.

Fourth, the relationship is one-sided because the psychopath has
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an ulterior—some would say “evil”—and, at the very least, selfish motive. This victimization goes far beyond trying to take advantage of someone on a date or during a simple business transaction. The victimization is predatory in nature; it often leads to severe financial, physical, or emotional harm for the individual. Healthy, real relationships are built on mutual respect and trust; they are based on sharing honest thoughts and feeling. The mistaken belief that the psychopathic bond has any of these characteristics is the reason it is so successful.

In summary, the psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.

We have reviewed many cases of individuals involved with psychopaths. Those who have been in long-term relationships with psychopaths often describe them as the supreme psychologist or mind reader. The more they interacted with the psychopath, the more they felt drawn in or mesmerized by the façade. Many referred to their psychopathic partners as their “soul mates” and reported how much they believed they had in common with the psychopath.

It is even more disturbing to hear some victims’ reports—once they have been cut loose during the abandonment phase—that they miss the relationship and want the psychopath back in their lives. It is very difficult for many to believe the relationship never really existed. The whole process is particularly insidious and difficult to get over if the psychopath is physically and personally attractive. How to avoid being ensnared in this one-sided relationship will be discussed later.

ACT II, Scene II

PLUCKING THE APPLE

Dorothy sat hunched over her laptop studying the recent report from the focus groups on the new project. She liked what she read and smiled to herself. Garrideb had always supported “skunk works” by their top employees, and Dorothy’s recent promotion gave her the authority to proceed. She had shown her boss that she could get all of her regular work done with time to spare to work on her own ideas.

The sun had long set and the cleaning staff had all left the building. She enjoyed her work and putting in long hours did not bother her. Engrossed in her thoughts, she had not noticed what time it was.