Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (9 page)

“He’d be a great dad,” I said.

Natalie sighed. “He would, but he won’t.”

“What do you mean, he won’t? Won’t what?”

“Nothing. Forget it. He’s just not ready to be in that place in life yet.” She grabbed my arm. “Come on. Let’s hang with them.” She dragged me closer to the band.

We were on the rooftop deck again, this time, it was only the band, Natalie, Camryn, and me. Bella and Jeremy had gone home after the meet and greet. The door was guarded by Jaded Regret security, which seemed necessary after several groupies tried to come up. I couldn’t imagine living this life. It had to be so hard to have no privacy.

Beau’s eyes lifted and met mine as we approached. The little girl scrambled off his lap and launched herself at Natalie. “Auntie Nat!” She was a gorgeous little girl with dark brown curls and large green eyes. Natalie picked her up and hugged her tight.

“Were you a good little girl while Mommy and Daddy were playing at the concert?”

She nodded. “Miss Lara said I could have cake for being such a good girl. Jaden was good, too. He only cried a little. Auntie Nat, who’s that?”

Natalie turned to face me. “Lennox, this is Miss April. April, this is Lennox Gibbons.”

“Age three,” she said with the maturity of a much older child. “My mommy is Bexley Bryant-Gibbons, and my daddy is Johnny Gibbons. They are the stars of Jaded Regret, and they are kinda famous, but to me, they’re just Mom and Dad.”

Natalie and I both laughed. “Well, thank you, Miss Lennox. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Lennox turned and pointed. “See him? That’s my baby brother Jaden. I have to teach him everything. I help Miss Lara take care of him when Mommy and Daddy are working. Do you know Jaden is named after Jaded Regret, and I’m named after a famous musician?” Her little voice sounding so grown up made me stifle my laughter. I somehow thought she wouldn’t find it funny for me to laugh at her seriousness. Three years old going on forty.

“I just met them yesterday,” I said. “But I love their music. And that’s very cool about your names. I love them.”

“They did this concert to help sick kids,” she continued. “Right Uncle Bobo?” Beau appeared next to Natalie, having gotten off the ground where he’d been playing with Lennox before. Uncle
Bobo
? That was cute.

“Sure did, peanut.”

“I have to run down and settle a few things with the hotel,” Natalie said. “I’ll meet you in the room, Beau.”

He nodded to Natalie, avoiding my gaze.

“Bye, Auntie Nat! Love you!”

Natalie turned around and blew Lennox a kiss before disappearing through the door.

“Lennox!” Bex called for her daughter. “We’re heading in. It’s way past someone’s bedtime.” She ruffled Lennox’s hair.

Lennox sighed. “I just met a new friend, Mommy! This is April! She’s so pretty! Don’t you think so, Uncle Bobo?”

Bex examined me. “Yes, she
is
pretty, Lennox. Now let’s go. Say goodbye.”

Beau didn’t respond, and I couldn’t make my eyes meet his. I didn’t want to see whatever was written on his face. “Bye, Lennox. It was nice to meet you.”

“Keep my uncle company, okay, April? He gets lonely without me.” Bex grabbed her hand and pulled her away, flanked by Johnny.

I laughed nervously when the door shut behind them. I turned to see where Camryn was, only to see they were gone. When had they disappeared?

“Seems like everyone left us,” Beau said. “Including security.”

“D-do we need security?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Are you a stalker?”

I sputtered. Was I a
what
? Is that what he thought? “I . . .”

“I’m kidding.” And then he
laughed
. Was I in an alternate universe? Who was this guy standing alone with me on the rooftop deck, this time
teasing
me?

“Oh.” I laughed, wringing my hands in my lap.

“Today went well, thanks to you.”

My throat was so dry; I wasn’t sure I could swallow much less respond. “I would say it was because of you guys, not me.”

Beau reached his hand out, and I swore I stopped breathing. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. Seeming to realize what he’d just done, he took a step backward and ran a hand through his beard, stopping to turn the hoop in his nose.

“Tell me something about you.” He may not answer me, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

Beau

WHAT THE HELL
was I still doing on this deck with her? She unnerved me. Seeing her with Lennox, then listening to that baby girl tell her I was lonely had loosened something in me. I didn’t like it, and I needed to back the hell up.

She wanted to know something about me? Why was that, so she could sell it to some tabloid? Even as I thought it, I knew it wasn’t the truth; April wasn’t a groupie. She wasn’t trying to score a rocker so she could tell the world. She was real. And that scared me shitless.

I’d touched her. My hand had reached out and put her hair behind her ear before I could register what I’d been doing. I’d liked it, too. Her hair was soft.

“What do you want to know?”

Her eyes widened. What was she surprised about? That I’d responded to her, or that I was talking to her? Shit, I surprised myself.

“Um . . . well, I don’t know. Something you don’t mind sharing.” She was nervous, wringing her hands and moving her feet in place.

“Do you want to sit?” I indicated the couch where I’d seen her here last night. She nodded, and we both settled next to each other. Her knee touched my leg, and I jerked in response. I remembered how hard I’d been while thinking of her earlier when I’d taken matters into my own hands.

You don’t deserve to be alive.
I shook my head. No. Not now.
You should’ve died with him. The world would be a better place without you.

“Beau? Are you okay?”

Just fucking fantastic. Now I seemed like a weirdo in front of her.

I forced my eyes to hers. “Yep. Just fine. Okay, so something I’d want to tell you about me. Well . . . I’m a rather dull guy.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Oh, but it was. I kept a predictable routine for a reason. It kept things in order.

“I thought of a question. I’ve noticed you kind of zone out and tap your fingers in rhythm on your legs. Is that because you are thinking of new music, or just playing?”

She was very perceptive. And this was a question I didn’t mind answering. “I almost always have music running through my head. New music, old music, whatever it is. A lot of times I have drumsticks in my back pocket and will just bang out a set on my leg when I’m bored.”

April nodded, and I smelled whatever scent she wore. It was fucking intoxicating. My fingers twitched, wanting to bury themselves in her hair and crush her lips to mine. I wanted to taste her, and that was the most terrifying thing I’d thought about in a long damn time.

“I’m going to ask you something, but don’t answer it if you don’t want to.”

My gut clenched. That meant whatever it was, she worried it would be too personal. Which meant I wouldn’t want to answer it at all.

“I notice you don’t pay much attention to the women who flock to you. Why is that?”

So many answers to her question, but I wasn’t sure if there were any I wanted to respond with. When I stayed quiet just a beat too long, April waved her hand.

“Never mind. I should leave you alone. You don’t know me. I’m sorry, Beau. I just—you interest me.”

She stood like she was about to leave. I didn’t want her to do that. “I’m not interested in meaningless hookups,” I answered.

April stopped and turned her body back toward me. She nodded. “That has to be hard, though. It’s always offered and flaunted in front of you.”

I patted the seat, and she sat back down. This was . . . nice. I hadn’t talked to a female like this in years. “Not really. It just doesn’t interest me at all.”

“Can I tell you something without you thinking I’m a weirdo?”

I was rather sure there was nothing she could say that would make me believe that. “Shoot.”

“I told my friends I wanted to hook up with you.” She blushed so red I could see it in the darkness. She couldn’t have shocked me more if she had stripped naked next to me. April didn’t seem the type.

“Uh . . . really? Wow. I’m flattered.” And terrified. And turned on.

April laughed. “Just so you know, I don’t do that. So my friends laughed at me and told me I’d never go through with it. But then I met you.”

And she realized hooking up with me would be a mistake of epic proportions. I’m nothing that she would want. She recognized that immediately upon meeting me. She’s way out of my league. I don’t even have a league unless it’s one for freaks
. I turned my face from her so she couldn’t see the self-loathing written all over my face.

“Hey, Beau.” Her voice was soft and soothing.

I forced the mask of indifference over my face before turning back to her.

“I realized not only am I not that type of girl and never will be, but you aren’t that kind of guy, either. You deserve way better than some chick hanging on you acting like a groupie just because you’re Beau Anderson. What would then distinguish me from all the other women who throw themselves at you?” Concern etched her features. She regarded me the way Natalie did sometimes, and it unnerved me. Did she see through me?

Before I could fully register her words just may be the nicest thing I’d ever heard in my life, she lifted her hand and put it on the side of my face. I was so frozen I didn’t have the ability to pull away from her touch. “I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But I like you.”

She . . . liked me? Why the hell would she like
me
? She knew next to nothing about me at all, and she was a beautiful woman who could get any guy she wanted. When I didn’t respond, her eyes landed on my lips. Small puffs of air blew out of her mouth. April Knight wanted to kiss me.

My lips hadn’t touched anyone’s in so long, I’d forgotten what the sensation was like. Robyn’s face filled the spot where April’s had been, and I remembered the way she’d felt against me when I’d kissed her goodbye.

No one wants you. I don’t want you. You’re a waste of space.
I backed up, making April’s hand fall from my face. The spell had been broken; there was no way in hell I could let her close to me. I was poison.

“There’s nothing about me to like,” I said. “You’re beautiful . . . successful . . . and I’m . . .” Words failed me. I shook my head. “I’m nothing.”

April stepped forward but didn’t touch me. “Beau.” I loved my name falling off her lips. It was like the most beautiful melody of letters put together. “Don’t say that about yourself. You aren’t nothing.”

Shit. I’d said too much. She now knew just what I thought. Her presence held the ability to make me lose my composure, and I needed to get out of here before it became worse. Before I said something worse. “I need to go, April. It was nice to meet you. Thanks again.”

She placed her hand on my arm. “Please, Beau.” I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. Nothing could ever happen between us. I would take her down into the black hole with me. I strode purposefully off of the deck and down to my room. She didn’t follow me.

I turned the channel on the television, not caring what was on the screen. We’d been home for a week and had been doing nothing but killing ourselves with rehearsals. We’d found out we were flying to New York next week to promote the release of our tour dates and stops with our label. After we returned, we’d have a few weeks of constant practice before we’d leave home to tour.

It was probably a good thing we’d been working so hard over the last week, because my head hadn’t been right since I walked away from April my last night in Orlando. I knew Natalie had been texting with her because she’d been telling me things about her. That was a further reminder of what I’d walked away from every time I heard her name.

If I wasn’t practicing, I was in my room. I hadn’t gotten got out of bed much, and I knew Natalie was worried about me. I couldn’t make myself get up and eat or do anything. She’d taken to almost force feeding me in my room and sitting on my bed, trying to keep me off the ledge.