Snow Melts in Spring (20 page)

THIRTY-SEVEN

“DID YOU ENJOY SAN FRANCISCO?” GIL ASKED AFTER THEY’D SETTLED into their first-class seats on a nonstop flight to Kansas City the next day.

Mattie played with the air controls above her head. “It was . . . interesting.”

“Meaning you liked it, but you don’t care to return?” He tried not to sound offended, but it aggravated him that the city made little impression on her. Their trip to the coast hadn’t changed her feelings either, and this discouraged him even more.

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Mattie pulled a container of ibuprofen from her purse, then asked the flight attendant for a bottle of water.

“But I’m right, am I not?”

She closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her forehead. “I’m not up to a battle of wits this morning, Gil. But yes, if you must know, I’m glad to be going home where there aren’t so many people.”

“You get used to it after a while. But you’re right, the population of Diamond Falls wouldn’t fill the vacancies at the hotel.” He grinned, but Mattie covered her eyes with her hand, apparently not up for jokes this morning.

After the stewardess brought a bottle of water, Mattie downed the caplets. When the airplane readied for takeoff, the seat belt light blinked on, and the captain’s voice came over the loudspeakers. Mattie clutched the armrest, her body as rigid as a goalpost.

“I take it you don’t like to fly?”

Mattie peered at him from the corner of her eye, her head unmoving. “This is the second time I’ve been on a plane.” With that, her face turned a ghastly shade of green, and she covered her mouth.

Gil reached for the little white bag stuffed inside the pocket of the seat in front of him, but by the time he snapped it open, it was too late. She had leaned over her knees and vomited on the floor.

A putrid smell seeped up to his nose, and he dug in his coat for a handkerchief.

“I’m so sorry.” Mattie rose from her bent-over position, her forehead beaded with sweat.

Wanting to ease her embarrassment and discomfort, Gil dabbed at her mouth with the white cotton. “Do you feel better now?”

She nodded, and as soon as the plane stabilized, he had them moved to a new location. After a trip to the bathroom, Mattie rested against the seat and closed her eyes. Gil prayed this wasn’t an omen of how the rest of their trip would play out.

Halfway through their flight, Mattie woke in his arms, her face revived of its color.

“I’m sorry about before,” she said. “It must have been something I ate.”

“Don’t worry about it. You almost missed my shoes.” Her look of distress caused him to laugh. “I’m teasing,” he said as an attendant came by to offer Mattie an iced drink and a bag of snack mix.

“Are you brave enough to let me eat?”

Gil checked her color. She looked much better. “You be the judge.”

Mattie nodded and tore open the sack. “But give me that barf bag, just in case.”

“I’m glad your sense of humor has returned, because there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Her nap had given him time to consider how to explain the situation between him and Jenna. He wanted to come clean so nothing was hidden between them, and knew he needed to get it over with before he lost his nerve.

“It has to do with why I left Diamond Falls all those years ago,” he said, his words somber. “And part of why I’ve struggled to come back.”

Mattie’s expression now matched his, and she set her snack aside. “Because of Frank’s death, right?”

“Partly, but there were many factors. You already know that Dad and I don’t get along. There are reasons for that, other than us both being stubborn.” He forced a grin and swallowed the fear crawling up his belly to his throat. “I’ve told you he got along better with Frank. I was jealous of that, and jealousy can make you do some pretty stupid things.”

“We all do foolish things when we’re young. Mistakes can be forgiven. God gives us the power to forgive.” Mattie squeezed his hand, and her smile willed him to go on.

“I’ve sought God’s forgiveness, but I’ve never admitted my sins to Dad. Different times I’ve tried, but I’ve always fallen short.”

The truth was he’d never had the guts. Gil knew from his Bible studies that God could forgive his sins, but accepting this as his own and in his heart was another thing entirely. And if there was even the slightest chance that his heavenly Father wouldn’t forgive him, how on earth would his dad, who wasn’t a believer?

Once again, doubts stirred within — made Gil question the power of God’s grace. His torso flushed with heat, and sweat soaked his shirt. Gil closed his eyes to will back a semblance of control.

Please, Father, help me tell Mattie the truth. Help me not to hurt her. Help her understand.

“Believe me, I want things to be right between us,” Gil continued, “for Dad and me to stop bickering. But there are so many things I want to tell you. I need you to understand, Mattie . . . It was a long time ago . . .” He pulled his hand from hers and wiped his palms on his jeans.

“If you’ll trust me, I’ll help you get through this.” Mattie rested her hand on his neck and combed her fingers through his hair. The soothing action, combined with the earnest look in her eyes, made him believe it might be possible. “We can do this together.”

Oh, how he cared for this woman. No one else had ever been able to comfort him this way, not even his mama. “You say that now . . . but there are things you don’t know. Things that involve your sister, Jenna.”

Mattie drew back at his words, and doubt inched its way into his heart.

“With her dating Frank, you probably shared many secrets, things I know nothing about.” Mattie smiled tentatively. “After all, when she was seventeen, I was only eight.”

Oh, Mattie, but if you only knew the secrets we share. Father, do I have to risk losing her?

“She’s coming back, you know.” Mattie played with the hairs on his neck.

Gil’s muscles tightened as his heart began to race. “Jenna’s coming home?”

Mattie nodded, but her expression seemed void of emotion. “A cousin of ours is getting married. Jenna’s flying in for the wedding. Our whole family will be there.” Her voice edged with tension, and Gil wondered what was coming next.

“I hate to ask, but . . .”

At this point, Gil welcomed any diversion. “Ask away.”

Mattie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “At the risk of having my family swarm around you, I wondered if you might accompany me to the wedding.”

To the wedding, where Mattie’s entire family would be . . . including Jenna?

A shiver spliced through Gil as he considered her request. He suddenly doubted the wisdom in telling Mattie the truth about his relationship with Jenna. The entire situation had disaster written all over it. “Sure. I can do that.” He swallowed the dread that lodged in his throat. “When is it?”

“This weekend. I thought I might have Jenna over for supper one night to catch up.”

He’d hoped never to see her again, and now Jenna was coming to his father’s ranch? Gil could think of nothing worse. “It’s been a long time,” he said instead.

“What secret were you going to tell me about her? I’m sure it was juicy. Jenna always had a knack for getting into trouble.”

Gil stared at Mattie, now the one feeling sick to his stomach. “She’d probably kill me if I told you,” he hedged.

Mattie tossed him a mischievous smile. “Then I’ll have to get her to tell me, won’t I?”

Lord, what am I going to do now?
Feeling miserable and his stomach roiling from tension, Gil closed his eyes and pretended to sleep for the rest of the flight.

THIRTY-EIGHT

GIL AND MATTIE CLIMBED INTO HIS LARAMIE AT THE AIRPORT AND headed back to Diamond Falls. As the miles ticked closer to his father’s ranch, Gil saw a puff of gray in the distance. A yellowish haze hung in the sky, and a thick musty smell blew into the cab’s enclosure through the vents. He lowered his truck window to locate the smoke’s origin.

The Lightning M.

Gil gunned the gas pedal, spinning the tires on the loose gravel. A mile down the road, he tore onto his father’s pasture, and the big, heavy truck jolted in and out of the hidden ruts. Rather than ease off the pedal, he darted around the gullies and rocks to get in front of the blazing head fires.

“Be careful, Gil.” Mattie braced herself against the dash.

Despite her warning, he didn’t slow down. “Jake ought to have more sense than to work this fire on his own.” He jockeyed through the glowing obstacle course and veered left to dodge an outcropping of jagged rocks. Thirty yards ahead, Jake’s four-wheeler shot in and out of the fire, his kerosene-filled pipe dragging along behind him.

Gil swore under his breath. “What’s he thinking?”

Then another vehicle emerged from the smoke. Gil accelerated to catch up, and as he neared, he recognized the figure driving the dented black Ford.

Dad?

He slammed on the brake and jammed the gearshift into neutral. “You drive,” he shouted to Mattie, then jumped out of the truck.

As Gil approached the other vehicle, his temper raged as hot as the burning pasture. “What are you doing here?”

“What’s it look like?” His dad stared back with a scowl.

“Scoot over and let me drive.” Gil grabbed the door handle and waited for his dad to shuffle to the passenger side. The truck moved at an idle, and he climbed in without difficulty. Now safely behind the steering wheel, he glowered at his father. “Have you lost your mind? Why didn’t you wait for my help?”

His dad held a box of matches and pitched the small burning stick out the passenger window. “How was I to know when you were coming back?”

“You knew I planned to return this week.” He checked the rear window to assess the fire’s path. “Did you contact the fire department?”

“Jake and I took care of everything. Got a water tank in the back for emergencies.”

Gil noted the two-hundred-gallon sprayer in the truck bed, and his anger lessened. “Still, you have no business being out here. Two old men trying to do the work of four. How many acres are you burning?”

“One pasture at a time.” His dad rubbed his shoulder, then tossed another match out the window. “Was on my way to start another backfire when you came tearing up from behind. Near scared me to death.”

“Think how I felt when I saw you here.” Gil scratched his chin, knowing better than to argue with the man. He studied his dad from across the seat and noticed the pallor of his skin, probably from jostling around in the truck. “You feelin’ all right?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ve been burning pastures longer than you’ve been alive.” His words came out choppy.

Trusting his instincts, Gil pressed on the horn to draw Mattie’s attention and motioned her to follow him deeper into the pasture, away from the burning flames.

“What are you doing?” His father frowned.

“Getting you out of here. Then I’m going to help Jake manage this fire.”

Mattie hopped out of the Dodge and stuck her head in the passenger side window. “Everything okay?”

Neither answered.

Gil peered into her eyes, and she seemed to read his unspoken words. “Come on, John, how about I take you to the house? You can help me unload our suitcases.” She opened the door and held out her hand.

He swiped it away. “After all I’ve done for you, I never expected you to turn on me. Must be the company you’re keeping.”

Mattie flinched as though slapped.

“There’s no reason to take your irritation out on her.” Gil grabbed his dad’s shirtsleeve. “Mattie hasn’t done anything to hurt you. If you want to be mad at somebody, be mad at me.” He could handle it, unlike Mattie, who seemed shaken by the hard words.

In a huff, his dad slid out of the truck. “Tell Jake to come see me when it’s done. Don’t want him thinking I skipped out on him.”

The worn look on the man’s face belied his gruff demeanor. In that moment, Gil realized his dad’s desire to feel needed was what spurred him to lash out. Was that what it was like when a man had nothing to live for? He’d experienced a portion of that when he retired, knowing he’d never play football again, but this seemed nine times greater. “Jake will understand. I’ll tell him Mattie needed you at the house.”

His dad glanced back with scorn. “Don’t you dare lie to him. If you’re going to tell him something, tell him I ain’t man enough to take care of this land anymore.”

Gil’s throat tightened, and he turned his attention to the burning prairie, to something he understood from boyhood and could handle. As he went to meet Jake, the crackling flames licked up the dry, dead grass, and he compared the charcoaled ground to his father’s life.

Spring rains would charge the roots to grow and burst forth in tender new sprouts so green they would brighten the earth with energy, but what did his dad have to look forward to?

A dead wife, a dead son, and another who antagonized him. Poor health and a ranch that had outgrown his capabilities.

For the first time in his life, Gil felt sorry for the man who’d raised him. A man who once held the admiration and respect of all who knew him, now reduced to a mere shadow of his former self.

His dad wasn’t invincible.

Gil ducked his head as this knowledge hit him square in the gut. It didn’t matter if he and his dad never made up, or if his dad made Gil’s life miserable from now until the end. One thing did matter, however, and it had nothing to do with Gil’s past or his own selfish motives. It had to do with things eternal. He had to forgive his father for his shortcomings, and he needed to share what gave his life purpose.

He’d spoken of his faith to Mattie, his teammates, even complete strangers in hospital beds, but not once had he shared it with his father, too afraid of his condemnation.

Now he knew that had to change.

MATTIE PARKED IN FRONT OF THE MCCRAY HOME TO LET JOHN OUT. The man barely said two words since leaving the pasture, and she was concerned about his pale lips and rapid breath.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m parched,” she said. “Let’s go inside and get us a drink of ice water.”

Mattie went around to his side of the truck to help him down. As she reached for John’s hand, he clutched his chest, his face twisted in agony, beads of sweat on his brow.

She measured the pulse on his wrist and noted the erratic rhythm. “John, are you okay? Is it your heart?”

“Need my pills,” he panted. “In room.”

Nitroglycerine
. Mattie feared what might happen if she left his side. He stared at her, his eyes huge against his ashen face. They seemed to look right through her. Then he slumped against the leather seat of Gil’s truck.