So Feral! (17 page)

‘Pruneface’s contact lens. For her eyes. I reckon this is as good as I’ll get to
eye of beaut.’

Rob threw up his hands. ‘The eye bit I accept, but the
beaut?’

Geoff chuckled. ‘I agree. Newt would be a better description for Pruneface. Beaut really is stretching it.’

Rob laughed, saying, ‘Go on.’ ‘You’ll need to have an open mind for the next two.’

‘An open mind!’ exclaimed Rob. ‘Any more open and it would be missing.’

Geoff grinned. ‘Okay, my friend …’ Reaching for the second envelope he tipped some nail clippings onto the bed. They were pink, more jagged than the tooth of a hacksaw.

‘Let me guess,’ said Rob, beginning to enjoy himself. ‘It can’t be the wool of rat, so it must be the toe of mog.’

‘You’re good,’ said Geoff.

Rob scratched his head. ‘I know the nails come from toes, and I’m cool with that, but what about the moggie? Toe of mog,’ he repeated.

‘Simple,’ said Geoff. ‘The mog is Caterina. Caterina. Get it?’

Rob shook his head in admiration. ‘How’d you get her to give you this stuff?’

‘She didn’t,’ said Geoff. ‘Let’s just say, the
Cat
burglar took it.’

‘Pruneface must’ve flipped when she saw her toes,’ said Rob with a smile.

‘Flipped isn’t the word,’ said Geoff. ‘She was terrified.’

Rob looked at the empty space that once held Caterina’s bed. ‘How’d you do it?’ he asked. ‘How’d you make her clear out?’

‘The Spell of Evanescence. It frightened her out of the room.’

‘Pruneface has gone for good?’

‘Yes,’ said Geoff, pointing at the trophies on the shelf. There was not a stuffed toy in sight. In fact, not one of Caterina’s things was left in the room. ‘It’s all mine!’

‘Where has she gone?’ asked Rob,

‘To Mum and Dad’s room,’ said Geoff. ‘She’s petrified. You see, she keeps
losing
things.’

‘What else did she lose?’ asked Rob.

‘We’ve had eye of beaut and toe of mog and tongue of hog. Now, I’m going to explain the last one,’ said Geoff, picking up the final envelope. ‘Wool of rat.’ He tipped a small pile of fuzz into Rob’s hand.

Rob fingered it, a puzzled look on his face.

Geoff burst out laughing. ‘I have to say it, this one is good.’ He stood up, hovering over Rob.

‘Sure is funny sort of wool,’ said Rob.

Geoff nodded, trying to keep a straight face. ‘You could say that. It’s not real wool. It’s hair. Wool — hair — they’re all the same.’

‘What sort of rat does it come from?’

‘A Pruneface sort of rat.’

‘Huh?’

‘My sister can be a real rat,’ explained Geoff. ‘This is from her.’

Rob frowned, saying, ‘This isn’t Caterina’s hair. She’s a redhead.’

Geoff giggled. ‘Not every part of her is red.’

‘But Caterina’s hair is straight and long.’

Geoff giggled, again. ‘Some of it is short and spiky.’

Rob looked at the pile of hair in his palm. It was thicker and coarser than Caterina’s usual hair. ‘You mean …?’

‘Yes,’ cried Geoff, before snorting with laughter. ‘Wool of rat. It’s Caterina’s hair. You know, her golden angel eyebrows!’

Rob flung the hairball into the air and spat on his hands to clean them. ‘Gross!’

Geoff laughed so hard his tummy hurt.

‘How did you get them?’ asked Rob, wiping his hands on his jeans.

Geoff shrugged modestly. Holding up the razor he said, ‘Let’s just say … it was a close shave!’

As always, this could not have been written without the love of my family; Tullia, Shevaughn, Hugh and David and my parents, Nola and Garry.

Thank-you to authors Sue Murray, Pauline O’Carolan, Anne Melano and Alan Mills for their advice and encouragement. Special thanks to Susanne Gervay and the Sydney Children’s Writers and Illustrators Network of the Hughenden Boutique Hotel for their support. An extra big thank-you goes to Lisa Berryman, for her vision and warped sense of humour, and to Gus Gordon, for his wicked illustrations.

J.A. Mawter had a misspent childhood, concocting vomit and faking weird diseases. The vomit looked suspiciously like cordial with bits of carrot in it, and the weird disease was ‘outed’ as a rolling-in-the-grass sort of rash. This search for the ultimate sickie helps to explain J.A. Mawter’s continued fixation with the fouler side of life.

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