So Good: A Ribbon Ridge Novel (Love on the Vine Book 1) (34 page)

“Brooke?” Kelsey asked. “Does Monday night work for you?”

Brooke mentally shook herself. “Probably. Let me look.”

She opened her calendar and saw the winery dinner tomorrow night. She hadn’t decided if she should go. But somebody for Willamette should. She’d told her boss yesterday that they needed to assign West Arch Estate to someone else, but they hadn’t done it yet.

Kelsey nudged her, and Brooke realized she’d lost track again. She looked at Monday and said, “Yep, I’m good.”

Crystal peeked around Kelsey and asked, “You okay? You’ve seemed a little off today, but I don’t know you too well, so maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

“I’m fine… Just a little off my game.”

Kelsey’s gaze took on a knowing glint. “Is it what I think it is?”

Brooke laughed nervously, not at all sure she wanted to tell them what had happened. But she supposed she had to tell Kelsey since she thought Brooke and Cam were dating. Plus, Kelsey was her friend. And so were Crystal and Alaina.

“It might be,” Brooke said. “Cam and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

Kelsey touched her arm. “I’m sorry to hear that. But wow, that was quick.”

“We want different things.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Was she going to hide this forever? It was who she was, and it was time she learned to live with it. “No, that’s not quite right. We’d like the same things, I think, but it isn’t in the cards for us. I can’t have children, and I think that’s a deal breaker for him.”

All three women gasped and immediately hugged her. The people Brooke had told had reacted similarly, but this felt different. Maybe it was the fact that it was three of them. It was like empathy in surround sound.

Alaina went and got her chair and brought it around next to Brooke’s. “Sit and tell us all about it.”

Brooke wasn’t sure what to do with the attention on such a sensitive subject. She didn’t regret telling them, yet she wasn’t sure she was ready to open up completely. “You need to get home. It’s okay.”

Alaina shook her head firmly. “Not a chance. You need some shoulders, and here’s six of them.”

Kelsey turned her chair to face Brooke’s and moved Brooke’s so that it was facing out. Crystal fetched her chair, and soon the three of them were seated in a semicircle.
 

Crystal pointed at the empty chair. “Sit. We’re not going anywhere. Unless you really want us to.”

Surprisingly, Brooke found she didn’t. She dropped into the chair and summoned a smile. “Thanks.”

Alaina reached over and patted Brooke’s knee. “We had a child-related situation before we got married—Evan and I. I was actually trying to have a baby on my own—that damned biological clock was killing me—and inadvertently got pregnant with him. Oops. Happy occurrence, right? Only if the baby daddy wants to be a baby daddy, which Evan didn’t think he did. No, he was damned sure he was never going to be a father.”

Brooke relaxed listening to Alaina talk. It soothed her own anxiety. “Why?”

“Maybe you don’t know, but Evan has Asperger’s syndrome. He didn’t think he’d make a very good dad, and he didn’t want to chance passing that on to his kid.” She exchanged a smile with Crystal. “Lucky for me, he decided he loved me enough to give it a try, and you know what? He’s the best damned dad Alexa could ever have. And no, she doesn’t have Asperger’s, but that doesn’t mean our next kid won’t. Yes, we’re trying for another one, and I think we may have been successful. But shhh, don’t tell anyone. We haven’t spilled the news to his family yet.”

Crystal smiled smugly. “I knew, of course.”

Alaina laughed. “Of course. Anyway, I know this story doesn’t really have much to do with yours, except that sometimes even in the face of certain adversity, things can work out.”

“I’m so glad they did for you,” Brooke said. “I just don’t know if that will happen here. Cam and I just started dating. I’m not sure there’s enough between us to make it worth fighting for.” Saying that made her throat constrict because she loved him, and she’d come to realize over the past couple of days that she wanted to fight for a future with him, but she couldn’t if he wasn’t invested too.

Alaina crossed her legs. “So, when I was looking into my own baby-making options, I was amazed at how many ways there are to have a family without a man. Not that you don’t want a man, but you get me.” She winked at Brooke. “I’m sure you’ve researched everything, but if you ever need a sounding board or want help hunting down information, I’m your girl.”

“We’re all your girls,” Crystal said. “Just look at what researching badasses we are.”

Everyone laughed again, and Brooke felt better than she had in ages. She also felt like she belonged here, something she’d begun to doubt heavily over the past few days. She’d even looked at other jobs within Willamette that were far away from Ribbon Ridge.

“Can you use a surrogate?” Kelsey asked.

“Not with my eggs. I don’t have very many, and the ones I do have are all nasty and useless.” For once, she was able to say that without feeling like she might be overwhelmed with grief again.

“Stupid eggs,” Crystal said. “I don’t know that I’ll ever use mine, and as far as I know, they’re peachy. Wish I could give them to you.”

Alaina’s eyes widened, and she turned her head toward her best friend. “Are you offering to be her surrogate?”

Crystal laughed. “Uh, no. Part of my probably not having children comes from an aversion to all the disgusting side effects that came along with your pregnancy. No, thanks.”

“Hey, there were lots of good things too.”
 

Brooke expected Alaina to apologize for saying that, and when she didn’t, Brooke realized she was glad she hadn’t. Talking about this with them was the most normal conversation she’d ever had. She didn’t feel pitied or condescended to. She just felt understood.

“You guys are the best,” Brooke said. “I can’t thank you enough for your support. Really.”

Alaina turned her attention back to Brooke. “I meant what I said about being here for you. You have options—you don’t need a kid of your own blood to be a mother. You don’t even need a baby. There are so many older kids who need loving parents.”

Brooke knew that, but it would take a special partner to agree to that kind of journey. Was Cam capable of being that partner?

They all stood and hugged again. Kelsey stayed to tidy up a little, and Brooke walked out with Crystal and Alaina, who squeezed her hand before they walked toward their car down the block.

Brooke strolled back to her loft, feeling better than she had in days. Maybe she’d even work out tonight. Yeah, some yoga sounded great.

She went into the lobby of her building and nearly tripped.
 

Standing up from the chair with a manila envelope in his hand was Cam.

Chapter Twenty-one

C
am watched the surprise on her face fade to confusion and then wariness. “Hi, Brooke. Before you yell at me for having someone let me in, I didn’t. I was waiting for you outside, and your neighbor insisted I come in and sit down.”

“Okay. Why are you here?” Her tone was as guarded as her gaze.

He missed the glow that usually emanated from her, that light that had drawn him to her weeks ago at the salmon bake. When she’d given him the brush-off.

“Did you know that I have a three-strikes rule?” he asked. When she shook her head, he continued. “I give myself three shots with a woman. If she shuts me down every time, I’m out.”

“Like baseball.”

“Exactly. I figure with you, I’m on about strike ten or something.”

She cracked a smile, and some of the tension left his frame. She inclined her head toward the envelope in his hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, I’ll get to it. Can we maybe go upstairs?”

She hesitated, but only briefly. “Sure.”
 

He went ahead of her to press the elevator button. Once they were inside, he said, “I meant to text you about tomorrow night. You’re still coming, right?”

“Yes. Unless you don’t want me to.”

“Of course I want you to. You’ve been a huge asset.”

“Thanks.” She glanced at him with a small smile as the doors opened.

He gestured for her to precede him and then followed her down the hall to her loft.

Once inside, she set her purse on the counter and turned to him. “Can I get you anything?”

He stood on the other side of the island from her and shook his head, suddenly nervous, his throat going dry. He didn’t want to screw this up. “I messed up the other night. I’m afraid I might do it again.”

She shook her head too, but with more intensity. “No, I fucked up. Not you. I should’ve told you the truth. I was scared you’d leave.”

He wanted to kick himself. “Which is exactly what I did.”

“Yes, but I don’t blame you. Especially given your experience.” She took a deep breath. “Besides, you came back. With an envelope. I have to admit I’m very curious about that.”

He laughed and set it on the counter, sliding it across to her. “Open it.”

She picked it up, looking at him, and then tipped her head down to pull back the flap. She reached inside and pulled out infertility pamphlets and papers he’d printed from the Internet. Slowly, she sorted through them, setting them on the counter as she glanced over each one.
 

When she looked up at him, her eyes were wide and such a clear blue-green, he would’ve sworn he could see himself in their depths. “Where did you get all this?”

“Some of it I printed at home.” He’d stayed up until four this morning reading everything he could about infertility, surrogacy, adoption, everything he could find that might be pertinent to their situation. Yes, their situation. “The rest I picked up in Portland at a fertility clinic.”

Brooke stared at him. She opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. He waited another moment to give her a chance to find her words, but when she remained quiet, he continued.
 

“I’ve looked at a lot of options—probably not all of them—and I think there are avenues we can explore. If we get that far. I mean, you might tell me to get the hell out when I’m done rambling.”

“I won’t,” she whispered. “Not ever.”

His chest expanded with emotion. “I’m so sorry about the other night.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my fault. I can’t—” She looked away for a moment, and when her gaze found his again, there were tears in her eyes. “What are you saying?”

He came around the counter, and she turned to face him. He moved as close as he dared, close enough that he could touch her, but not close enough that they were touching. “I’d like to give this—us—a try.”

“Even…even knowing what you know?”

“Especially knowing what I know. I didn’t realize I wanted a family until I met you. And now that I know I do want one, I don’t think I want it without you.”

She made a sound, a broken sob, and brought her hand to her mouth. A tear fell from her eye, and he reached out and caught it on his fingertip. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. Not about this. We’re going to be okay. I hope. I’m going to try.”

She nodded and hugged him, her fingers digging into his back. She suddenly pulled back and looked up at him. “Are you sure? This isn’t going to be easy, and everything we try might fail.”

He’d thought about this intermittently during his nearly all-night research session. “I know. There are no guarantees in life, as much as we want them. I wanted to be sure no one would ever get close enough to hurt me again. But here you are. I nearly let my own hurt and distrust keep me from something wonderful, and I don’t want to live like that. YOLO.”

She laughed. “Did you just say YOLO?”

He shrugged. “You do only live once. I’ve spent eight years drowning in regret, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be happy and feel good, and with you, I get both of those things. I can’t make you promises for how this will go, but I can tell you that I love you. I’ve been in love before, and it wasn’t like this. Once I got my head back on straight, I thought about moving on without you, and I just didn’t want to do it. And before you ask me again—yes, knowing what I know. You’re who you are, Brooke, faulty reproductive system and all. And I love every piece of you.”