it.” He paused. “You’re really gonna joke about this?” I didn’t say
anything. “So did you get all your thinking done, or should I expect
another disappearing act from you tonight?” He reached out and
took my hand. I brought it to my lips and lightly kissed his knuckles,
then dropped it and back away.
“No, I’m done thinking, for now.” I turned away and walked
to the bookcases.
“Have you come to any conclusions?” I could feel him walking
closer to me.
“Yes,” I paused but I didn’t turn to face him. I knew if I saw
his beautiful face I would never be able to say what I needed to say.
“I’m leaving.” He stopped moving and I could feel his eyes on my
back.
“What does that mean, ‘you’re leaving’?” he asked. I lowered
my head even though I wasn’t even facing him.
“It means, I’m going home, to Tiffany’s wedding, alone.”
“No.”
I turned to face him.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“You’re leaving me?” he looked so afraid so unsure of
himself. I wasn’t used to seeing him like this.
“No…..I don’t know…..I just think we need some distance
between us,” before I could finish he started talking again.
“No, we don’t need distance and you’re not leaving.” It
wasn’t a question.
“Is that an order, Liam? Because I seem to remember you
standing in this very spot last night telling me I was free to do what I
wanted.” I crossed my arms against my chest.
“You are free to do what you want, but you can’t leave me,
Norah! I won’t allow it!”
“Well either I’m free to do what I want, or I’m still you’re
slave, which is it?” I asked.
“You’re not my slave, Norah, and never have been….stop
saying it. I just don’t want you to go.”
“You don’t want me to go, or you’re not letting me go?” He
walked away and ran his hands over his face.
“What’s the difference?” his back was to me.
“You know the difference. You can, not want me to go, but
let me leave anyway, or you can, not let me go and lock me in my
room.” He didn’t answer. “Which is it?”
“I don’t want to lock you away again,” he breathed.
“But you will if I try to leave?” I asked.
“No. But I want to come with you.” He turned to face me.
“No.”
“Why?”
I walked past him and sat down in the couch. “Because I can’t
think clearly when I’m with you. I need some distance, I need to be
away from you….to figure out what I want.”
“So this isn’t just a trip to a wedding…..you’re leaving me?”
he sat down across from me. “Would it make a difference if I asked
you to marry me right now?”
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
“Would it make a difference?”
“No. Not like this.” I stood up and walked to the other side of
the room. Being close to him was a distraction. He looked so upset
and hurt and I just wanted to comfort him. But I needed to do this
for me. I needed to figure out my true feelings. I was so confused. “I
just know I can’t think straight around you. Marrying you wouldn’t
help with that.”
“And you asking me when you’re just worried about me
leaving you, isn’t comforting. I need to figure out what I’m feeling,
and I can’t do that around you.”
“Your feelings? What does that mean? You don’t love me
anymore?” He turned his body on the couch to face me, then stood
up and crossed his arms against himself.
“Yes I do…….but I don’t know if it’s real. I don’t know what’s
real anymore. Everything in my life changed fourteen weeks ago, and
I haven’t felt like myself since. I had finally wrapped my mind around
this new life and made it work for me, and then you drop another
bomb telling me I can think for myself now, I can do what I want, go
where I want. It’s a lot to take in, Liam.”
“I didn’t realize you weren’t thinking for yourself, Norah.”
“How can you say that to me? Of course I haven’t been
thinking for myself! I was told I was going to be a whore, then I get
here and I’m in solitude.”
“You tell me you don’t want to hurt me, but you did anyway. I
learned to make you happy to keep you….happy….and somewhere
along the line I started caring for you. Now looking back with a little
perspective, I don’t know if I started caring for you for self
preservation or because I really cared.” He walked to the bar to
make himself a drink.
“So you don’t love me….and you never did….is what you’re
saying.” He drank his drink down fast and made another.
“I didn’t say that…..see you’re putting words in my mouth. I
said, I don’t know, Liam! I need to get away from you to find out
what my feelings really are for you.” He drank the second drink
down and held the glass in his hand. “Right now I feel like I love you
so much it hurts,” he turned to me. “I feel like I’m ripping my heart
out of my body.” I took a step closer to him. “But I also feel like if I
don’t go, I’ll never know if these feelings are real or just something I
made myself believe to feel safe.”
I walked to him and stood in front of him. “Can you honestly
look at me and without any doubt tell me that you love me?”
He looked up at me. “Yes, without a doubt, Norah. I love
you,” He reached out and touched my arms.
“Truly? You didn’t just feel sorry for me because of what
happened? You weren’t just trying to make yourself happy since you
were stuck with me?”
“I was never stuck with you, Norah. I didn’t have to care for
you. I tried to stay away, but you kept drawing me in with your
innocence and directness. I found myself wanting to talk to you, get
to know you, touch you, and I wanted you to touch me. Your smile
completely captivates me.”
“So maybe I brainwashed you too.” He narrowed his eyes.
“You think you brainwashed me?” he stepped back.
“I don’t know….maybe. Maybe we brainwashed each other.”
I paused.
“I could see the feelings I brought up in you. I tried to make
you like me, so you would stay with me. I hated being alone all the
time. I thought if I made you happy, made you care for me, then you
wouldn’t hurt me anymore.” He took another step back and walked
to the door. With his back to me he spoke again.
“There are suitcases in your closet, take anything you need.
I’ll make arrangements for a flight this evening.” He walked to the
stairs and ran up. I walked to the door to see where he was going. He
walked down the hall toward his room. I grabbed my purse and went
up the stairs myself, but to my room.
Norah
I stood at the door and watched John take my suitcases to
the car. Liam started down the stairs slowly. He was wearing jeans
and white button up shirt that wasn’t tucked in. I lowered my eyes
and saw he was wearing flip flops; I hadn’t seen him wear those
since our first night together on the yacht. I watched his tattoo of
the black birds and the four leaf clover walk closer to me. He
stopped right in front of me.
“John will take you to the airport, from there my private
plane will take you straight to Nevada. I have arranged a car to pick
you up and take you home.” He took a deep breath and held out a
white envelope. “Here’s some travel money.”
“You don’t have to give me money, Liam.”
“I know. I don’t have to do anything. But I am. It would make
me more comfortable if you would take it.” I didn’t want to argue
anymore, so I took it. As I shoved it in my bag he continued on. “I
would appreciate it if you called me when you arrive home, just to
let me know that you arrived safely.” He took my chin and forced me
to look at him. “This is not a request, Norah.” I nodded and lowered
my eyes a little. He stepped away, turned and starting toward the
study.
“What made you change your mind?” I asked. He stopped
and stood with his back to me. “You were so set on me not leaving,
then you just gave in……why?” He turned to face me.
“I understand you feeling confused about your feelings for
me. I was prepared for that. I knew from the beginning you would be
conflicted about me. I’ve done horrible things to you, it’s
understandable.” He took one step forward. “But now you are
questioning my feelings for you. I thought I had made my feelings for
you very clear. If you don’t know how I feel about you at this point,
there is nothing I can do to change your mind now. You need to
figure it out for yourself.” He turned and walked away.
Chapter eighteen
The house was quiet. Liam had been in this quiet house for
days. Norah kept her promise and called when she landed in Nevada.
But kept the conversation short and quickly got off the phone. He
could tell she was almost in tears and wanted to call her back, but
decided against it. He walked from room to room imagining he could
hear Norah’s laugh or see her smile. He had taken this time off from
work to be with her, meet her family, introduce themselves as a
couple. His first thought was to go back to work, but he couldn’t
think about anything but her. He knew their relationship was
complicated and had an unconventional start, but he also knew he
loved her. Norah had been gone for four days and he could think of
nothing else.
He held her pillow at night and inhaled the scent of her
shampoo. Two business deals had fallen through, but Liam didn’t
care. He wanted Norah back, and all he could do was wait. He
slouched in his leather chair in the study and felt his pocket vibrate.
He looked at his phone and didn’t recognize the number but
it was from the United States so he quickly answered.
“Yes. Hello?” he said.
“Is this Liam Hastings?” a female voice said softly.
“Yes. Who is this?” he asked.
“This is Lorraine Birch, I’m Norah’s sister,” she paused and
took in a breath. Liam instantly worried.
“What’s wrong? Is Norah okay?” he sounded urgent.
“She’s fine. Well she’s not fine, but she’s not hurt or
anything. I just wanted to talk to you and ask you a favor.”
“Go on.”
“She told us all about you, and sounded so excited to bring
you home to meet everyone. Then she shows up here, without you,
and is completely depressed.”
“I’ve never seen her like this. I haven’t seen her in months,
and I thought she would be happy to be home, but she’s miserable.
We asked if you guys broke up, and she said it was complicated.” She
stopped talking waiting for Liam’s response.
“It is complicated. What’s the favor?” Liam got right to the
point.
“Look, I don’t know you, and you certainly don’t owe me any
favors, but I really think she needs you. The wedding is in two days,
do you think you can still come here? I think whatever it is that’s
bothering her, you can fix. She’s so depressing, she’s upsetting
Tiffany. We just want her to be happy. So can you?”
“I don’t know. She doesn’t want me there.”
“Yes she does, she just thinks she doesn’t. I don’t know what
happened to make things so complicated, but she’s miserable
without you. Once you’re here, she’ll be happy to see you. Trust
me.” Liam exhaled.
“I’ll see what I can do,” he huffed in the phone.
Norah
Reuniting with my family was emotional and one of the
happiest experiences of my life. I couldn’t stop crying. We were all
emotional, but I couldn’t control myself. They of course didn’t
understand that only a month ago I thought I might never see them
again, and only two months ago, I wasn’t sure of my future either. I
couldn’t tell them any of this though. Everyone had a million
questions and wanted to see pictures, which I told them I left at
Liam’s house. I did however have a few things to give them courtesy
of Liam. In one of my phone conversations I had told my sisters that I
had bought souvenirs for them, so Liam did just that for me. I had
scarves from Paris and Milan, Rosary lockets from Rome, hair combs
from Berlin and teacups with the Royal crest from London. Lorraine,
Maggie and my mother seemed very impressed.
Jim stood back and just watched us all. I kept glancing over
at him, and he would just smile at me.
