Soldier On (28 page)

“There’s . . . something else we need to discuss.”

“What’s that?”

“Our sleeping arrangements.”

“Are you unhappy with your accommodations, Mr. Walker?”

“No, I love them, and that’s why we need to talk about it.”

With a sigh, Steph slides onto the couch once again. Probably wise. It might be difficult to have a serious conversation about sex with her sitting in my lap.

“We’re tempting fate,” Steph says. “I know that. Every morning, when we wake up together and do . . . the things we do, I know it’s just a matter of time before I’ll want more. And you’ll want more.”

“We’re twenty-two years old and in love. I’m pretty sure we already want more.”

She smirks, and I see a faint blush creep across her cheeks.

Beautiful.

“I have a confession,” she says softly. “You’ll be my first.”

I can’t say I’m shocked, but I am a little surprised. And it makes me thankful that we’ve waited. Steph doesn’t ask, so I don’t tell her I haven’t exactly been a saint when it comes to girls. I dated a lot in high school, but once I got to college, most girls just wanted to hook-up because of my uniform. That was fun during my first two years of school, but once I became serious about ROTC, I had weekend volunteer missions and morning training sessions, all of which left very little time for girls.

Steph mistakes my silence, and her face falls.

“You’re disappointed,” she whispers.

“What? No! I’m glad, actually. And a little amazed.”

Steph shrugs. “There’s nothing amazing about it. I’ve just never dated much. School was always my focus. Love didn’t interest me. Random hook-ups
definitely
didn’t interest me, and in college, that’s what most guys want.”

“Not this guy. He just wants you.”

She smiles. “I know. That’s another reason why I love him. I also think that’s why we should wait to have sex. I just think . . . your leaving is going to be hard enough. Until you’re settled—”

“Until
we’re
settled.”

She nods. “Until we’re settled, I just think we should wait. No matter how much I really don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to, either, but I think you’re right.” I take her hand and gently lace her fingers with mine. “So, what about that
tempting fate
thing? Do you want me to sleep in my room from now on?”

“No. Do you want to?

“Not really.”

With a sweet smile, Steph stands up and pulls me by the hand, leading me down the hallway. We reach her bedroom, and she disappears into the bathroom while I change out of my clothes. After turning off the light, I set the alarm on my phone and climb under the covers. I try to stay awake while she showers, but I must doze off because, suddenly, I’m awakened by the scent of peaches and cream.

“Sleepy head,” she whispers against my ear.

I sigh contently as she snuggles into my arms.

“Brandon?”

“Yeah?”

“Speaking of temptation,” she says softly, “I’m glad you didn’t propose tonight. I would have been tempted to say yes.”

Pulling her close, I bury my nose in her hair.

“I would have wanted you to,” I whisper.

We hold each other a little tighter before we both drift off to sleep.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Stephanie

The next morning, I head over to Tessa’s apartment, armed with orange juice and blueberry muffins from the coffee shop. Finding out from my boyfriend that Tessa has the flu just proves I’ve seriously neglected my best friend for far too long.

It takes four knocks, but Tessa finally opens the door. When she does, I’m struck by how
green
she looks.

“Wow, you really look terrible.”

She sniffles softly. “Did you come over here just to tell me I look like crap? Because trust me, I know.”

Smiling apologetically, I dangle the box of muffins in her face. Unfortunately, this causes her eyes to grow wide and sends her running for the bathroom.

Not the effect I was hoping for.

I let myself in and close the door behind me. Xavier’s nowhere to be found, so I put the muffins on the table and the juice in the fridge before heading toward her bathroom.

I wait until I hear the flush before knocking on the door.

“You okay in there?”

“No.”

“What can I do?”

“You can get in here.”

I’m not entirely sure I want to, but she’s my best friend, so I slowly open the door. When I peek inside, I find her sitting on the edge of her tub. Her head is bowed as she quietly sobs.

“Tessa?”

She looks up with red-rimmed eyes.

“Tessa, what is it?”

She wipes her eyes and stands up. With a heavy sigh, she opens the drawer under the sink before sitting back down on the tub.

I look down. Five pregnancy tests are lined up in a neat little row.

“Are those . . . what I think they are?”

“Yes.”

“Have they been used?”

She nods.

“By
you
?”

“No, Steph, by Xavier. I must say, his aim has been a little off, but—”

“Okay! I’m sorry. It was a stupid question.” I sit down, wrapping my arm around her. “You don’t have the flu, do you?”

Tessa shakes her head. “I have thrown up every morning for the past week. I was so sure it was the flu, but then I looked at a calendar . . .”

“Oh, Tessa.”

This makes her cry harder.

“I just don’t understand how it happened, Steph! I mean, I know everybody says that, but I
really
don’t get it. I’m on the pill. Xavier
always
uses protection. We’ve always, always been so careful and responsible.”

“What’s Xavier saying?”

“I haven’t told him. I wanted to take one more test . . . just to be sure. Every morning for the past five mornings . . .”

I look toward the drawer.

Peeing on five different sticks might have been a tad bit excessive.

I don’t say that, though. I just wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.

“What am I going to do, Steph?”

“I really think that’s a conversation you need to have with Xavier.”

“All Xavier thinks about is basketball. He wants to coach somewhere. Anywhere. And I was fine with that because I can cook anywhere. But now . . .” her voice trails off as she points to her stomach. “
This
was not in our plans.”

I smile and think about Brandon and his family.

“Tessa, if I’ve learned anything this semester, it’s that plans change. And sometimes, it’s not so bad when they do. It makes you grow up. It makes you view the world with completely different eyes. And you realize the things that seemed so important aren’t really important at all.”

Her eyes search mine. “Holy crap.”

“What?”

“Tell me you’re still a virgin.”

I blink. “Umm . . .”

“Please tell me you’re still a virgin!”

“I’m still a virgin! What is wrong with you?”

Her entire body relaxes. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Good. You’ve just been so smart, Steph. So responsible. You’ve kept your focus on school and you’ll graduate with honors and get a great teaching job somewhere. I know you love Brandon. I know you do. Please don’t be stupid like I’ve been.”

I’m instantly reminded of last night’s talk with Brandon. If I’m being honest, I have to admit I’m grateful he initiated the conversation. We’ve been tempting fate, and it was only a matter of time before our early morning make-out sessions turned into something more. And I wouldn’t have regretted it, because I love him. But as I look into the frightened eyes of my best friend, I can’t help but feel relieved that Brandon and I are on the same page when it comes to having sex. We both know the timing is crap, and if I was to get pregnant just as he was leaving, I don’t know how I would handle that.

I brush Tessa’s hair out of her eyes. “Okay, first of all, you are not stupid. You guys have been together a long time, and you love each other. Also, it’s not like you’re some teenager who just found out she’s knocked up. You are a smart, strong, twenty-two-year-old woman who is absolutely capable of being a mother.”

Tessa’s eyes fill with tears again. “I am?”

“Of course you are. Aren’t you happy? Just a little bit?”

Tessa reaches for a tissue and dabs her eyes. “I . . . don’t know. I feel a thousand different things. I’m scared. I’m excited. I’m
sick
. I’m mortified. His parents love me, Steph. Like really, really love me. Will this change their opinion of me?”

“Well, if it does, it better change their opinion of their son, too. You didn’t make this baby on your own.”

“And what about
my
parents? Do you have any idea how many mother-daughter talks I’ve had to sit through about this very subject? How many times I’ve listened to my mom tell me that good, Catholic girls remain virgins until their wedding night?” She stops to take a deep breath. “I haven’t been a good, Catholic girl in a long time. With all that weighing on me, am I even
allowed
to be a little happy about this?”

“I think you are. I know the timing isn’t the greatest, but
this
was happening eventually, right? You guys were planning on getting married and having a family someday.”

“But not
now
. Did I tell you about my Aunt Nadia? The one who lives in Chicago?”

I shake my head.

“She owns a gourmet Mexican restaurant. She invited me to work with her chef as soon as I graduate. He’s ready to retire but wants to make sure he’s leaving his kitchen in capable hands. He would train me, Steph.”

“What about Xavier?”

“Xavier’s all for it. He’s checking out their local high schools and colleges, hoping to find a coaching job. A few are interested.”

“Tessa, that’s amazing!”

Her face falls. “Is it? I’m just not sure now. And I know there are options out there . . . for unplanned babies. But those aren’t options for me. This is
our
baby. It doesn’t matter if the timing is right for us. For whatever reason, God has decided this
is
the time. I have to accept that and figure out a way to make it work.”

“And you
can
make it work. Women have been making it work for centuries.”

She sighs heavily and makes a sour face.

“I need to brush my teeth.”

“You do that. I’ll get us some juice and meet you in the kitchen.”

“Okay.”

As I make my way to the fridge, I find it funny how our roles have changed. It’s strange, Tessa being so pessimistic while I’m the one busting out the pom-poms. I’ve never been a silver-lining type of girl. I’ve never bought into the whole
everything happens for a reason
concept because everything that happened to me seemed crappy and unfair.

Or at least that’s what I thought.

But now, I think maybe there is some truth to it. Maybe there is some cosmic reason for things happening just as they do. I didn’t go looking for Brandon. He found me, in the most unlikely of places. And because he did, I’ve been forced to question the enormous chip that has lived on my shoulder for far too long. Brandon was not in my grand plan, just like this baby wasn’t in Tessa’s, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be there, and it doesn’t mean they can’t be wonderful.

Scary, but wonderful.

I sit down at the table just as Tessa comes into the kitchen.