Soldiers Live (53 page)

Taglios:

The Melancholy Wife
We wobbled down out of the sky like a family of mangy buzzards. My Voroshk
clothing still had not healed completely. The girls were more tattered than I.

The blast had caught them climbing the stairwell. They had bruises over most of
their bodies.

The real miracle was how well all the posts had come through, though none
remained unscathed.

The Grove of Doom rose to meet us, welcoming us like a mother greeting lost
children.

Bizarre thoughts and images kept worming into my mind now. They worried me. They
made me doubt that Kina was actually gone, not just in hiding.

Jokingly, Shukrat told me what I ought to be worried about was Kina’s father and
husband wanting to get even. I did not laugh. To me it seemed like a worthy
concern.

The Grove of Doom was empty. Of humanity. But some birds had moved in already
and there were a few small animals in the underbrush now.

There was no sense of grim foreboding about the place anymore.

“We did it,” I sighed. “Finally. For real. No more Kina to torment the worlds.”

Not having spent their lives under the threat of the Year of the Skulls, the
girls were less excited.

The white crow settled on a nearby branch, divested itself of a dirty feather.

“Are you sure?” The beast was having lots of fun tickling my fears. She and I
seemed to be headed for a long and unpleasant relationship—unless I kept my
promise to Shivetya.

I said, “If there was any place in this world where Kina’s survival would
manifest itself, that would be here. This place has been almost a part of her
since her cult began. And that might have been here. I don’t think she could
disengage herself from the Grove even if she wanted to.”

“Then let’s get going,” Shukrat said.

Arkana sneered, “She can’t wait to get her hands on Tobo again.” She was not
being mean-spirited. And Shukrat’s counterfire included a mention of Aridatha
Singh and Arkana’s terminal timidity. Which did turn Arkana serious.

“Hey, Pop. What do you think Kina being gone will mean to the Daughter of
Night?” Walking on eggshells. But worried by the glances she had seen Singh lay
upon the girl, not entirely believing that every man reacted like that. “Is she
going to turn normal?”

Shukrat showed a sudden interest, too.

“I don’t know, baby doll. I worry, though. She’s been connected to Kina from the
second she was conceived. Seems like to her it would be about like you or me
having our liver ripped out.”

I was more worried about my wife. Her losing her connection to Kina would
devastate her. Everything she was, in her own heart, was tied up in her being
the terrible sorceress. Without Kina to leech from she would be just another
middle-aged woman gone dumpy and grey.

The weather had been problematic all the way up from the shadowgate. We had had
to skirt rain storms and thunder-heads again and again. That had cost us more
than a day.

Now, only twenty miles out, there was no evading the weather. Except by going up
way high, where it was icy cold and almost impossible to breathe, then zigging
back and forth between seething mountains of cloud while being tossed and
taunted by turbulence. Shukrat and Arkana were dead set against getting caught
aloft in a thunderstorm. Arkana told me, “Think what might happen if you got hit
by lightning.”

I did not think long. There was no one I wanted to see badly enough to have my
post blow up between my legs. I headed for the ground. We holed up in a Gunni
farming village where the locals treated us with the same cautious respect they
would have shown a trio of nagas, the evil serpent people Gunni myth has living
deep underground but surfacing to plague humanity on numerous occasions, always
a couple, three villages away.

We did not steal any of their babies or maidens, nor their sacred cattle, nor
even their sheep. I found it interesting that they were sufficiently flexible
religiously to raise sheep for sale to folks like the Vehdna, who were going to
gobble them right down.

The lightning quit stomping around soon after midnight. We left our hosts with
coin enough to have them blessing our names. Which we never mentioned.

There was no lightning now but there was a steady, light rain. The Voroshk
apparel helped, but only some. I was cold and miserable and my pet crow, now
riding right in front of me in order to get under a fold of my cloak, was so far
gone in the miseries that it no longer bothered to complain.

The Company barracks seemed both unnaturally quiet and abnormally alert. Armed
sentries appeared everywhere. “Looks like Suvrin’s worried about an attack.”

“Something must have happened.”

I hovered. “You girls sense anything?”

“Something definitely isn’t right,” Arkana said. “I don’t know what.”

“We’d better find out.” Gone less than two weeks and everything had gone to
hell?

Survin explained. I controlled myself and did not run off to see Lady before I
got the whole story. Suvrin told me, “General Singh has Tobo in a cell that’s
isolated so the Unknown Shadows can’t reach him for instructions. Singh won’t
let anyone visit Tobo. We do know the kid is hurt, though.”

“Obviously. Or he wouldn’t put up with this. He tried something stupid?”

“Oh, yes. And I don’t have the horses to get him out of it.”

“Now you do. If you want to bother. What about Lady?”

“We don’t know what happened. Nobody was there. And I’ve had no reports
recently. Last I heard, she was conscious but sullen and unresponsive. And the
girl is worse. Your effort was successful?”

“Pretty much. Which probably explains Lady and Booboo.” I did not expand. “It
feels creepy around here.”

“Gets more that way every night. Tobo’s friends aren’t happy. And they get
unhappier by the hour. But Aridatha isn’t intimidated.”

“We’ll see if we can’t change that. After I see my wife.” Or the person who used
to be my wife.

I took Arkana with me. Just in case. “Don’t say anything. Just stay in the
background and cover me,” I told her.

There was a guard outside my quarters but he was not there to keep anyone in.

Probably not to keep anyone out, either. He was an early-warning marker for
Suvrin. He and I exchanged nods. He broke Arkana’s heart by failing to notice
that she was an attractive young woman. I guess that was supposed to be obvious
despite the Voroshk outfit.

Lady sat at a small table. She stared into nothingness. At some time she had
been playing a solitaire-type card game but had lost interest long ago. The lamp
beside her was almost drained of oil. Black smoke boiled off it because its wick
needed trimming.

Wherever she was looking, it was plain she saw nothing but despair.

She had lost all interest in maintaining her appearance.

I laid my good hand on her right shoulder. “Darling. I’m back.”

She did not respond right away. Once she did recognize my voice she pulled away.

“You did it,” she said, more thinking out loud than actually speaking to me.

“You did something to Kina.” Only in the “you” was there any human emotion.

I glanced back at Arkana, to see if she was paying attention. This would be a
critical moment. “I killed her. Just the way we contracted to do.” If there was
any fragment of the Goddess in her now, that ought to provoke a reaction.

It did but not the physical attempt at revenge I would have preferred. Almost.

She just started crying.

I did not remind her that she had known this day was coming. Instead, I asked,

“How is Booboo? How is she taking it?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her.”

“What? Before I left we couldn’t get you away from her long enough to eat.”

The dam broke. The tears started. She became a woman I had not seen before,

busted open like an overly ripe fruit. “I tried to kill her.”

“What?” She had spoken very softly.

“I tried to kill her, Croaker! I tried to murder my own daughter! I tried, with
all my will and strength, to put a dagger in her heart! And I would’ve done it
if something hadn’t knocked me out.”

“I know you. So I know there was a reason other than you just thought it might
be fun. What was it?”

She babbled. Years of holding everything together gave way. The floods swept all
before them.

The timing matched my assault on Kina. Lady’s violent reaction to Booboo could
have been caused by fear leaking through from the Goddess. Booboo’s own behavior
would have been shaped the same way.

Lady sobbed for a long time. I held her. I feared for her. She had fallen so
far. And I had been ballast almost every foot of the way down.

All my fault? Or just the spark and romance of youth’s summer turning to the
bleak seasons of despair of old age?

Arkana was a good daughter. She stood by patiently throughout the emotional
storm. She remained there for me without intruding on my wife’s black hours.

After we left I thanked her profoundly.

“You think she’ll be able to pull herself back together?” Arkana asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t know how to make her want to. If she did, I wouldn’t have
any worries. She’s got an iron will when she wants to direct it. Right now I’m
just going to try to keep on loving her and hoping something happens to sting
her with a spark of hope.”

“I don’t know if I could stand being completely powerless, either. I might kill
myself.”

“Nine hundred ninety-nine people out of a thousand live their whole lives
without having a millionth of your power. And they get by.”

“Only because they’re completely ignorant of what they’re missing. Nobody mourns
losing what they never had in the first place.”

She had me there.

The full meaning of Lady’s melancholy would be denied me forever because I was
never able to experience life as she had at the opposite extreme. Whereas she
knew my way of life very well indeed.

And that might be contributing to her despair as well.

Taglios:

The Lost Child
Booboo was worse than Lady. She was lost inside herself. She had real guards
watching her. They told me she had not done anything but stare into infinity
since she recovered consciousness. Not once had they felt any urge to serve her
or ravish her.

One guard was a Shadar who had followed Sleepy since the Kiaulune wars. He told
me, “Suruvhija Singh and her children are taking care of her.”

I felt a slight twinge. Iqbal Singh’s widow. Favored by Sleepy. But I had been
unaware that the family had survived the fighting south of Taglios. I had been
too centered on my own preoccupations to look after the welfare of Company
dependents.

The Daughter of Night was clean and well-groomed and had been dressed carefully.

She sat in a rocking chair, which was an unusual piece of furniture in these
parts. She was aware of nothing outside the boundaries of her mind. She drooled
on her pretty white sari, which was only a shade paler than her near-albino
skin. Someone had placed a rag where it would catch the drool.

Speaking of albinos. The white crow had managed to arrive before me. But it was
being very careful not to piss me off these days.

It had overheard enough, here and there, to suspect that I might have a great
deal of influence on its future.

Shivetya had given us an unbelievable amount of help in return for our promise
to end his stewardship of the glittering plain. I meant to keep that promise. I
try to keep all of the Company’s promises. Keeping our promises is what
separates us from people like the Radisha, who try to screw us rather than keep
their word when that seems inconvenient.

I circled Booboo twice. She gave no sign she was aware of me. I knelt in front
of her. Her eyes were open. Her pupils were tiny. Her eyes did not track when I
moved a finger back and forth in front of them.

I backed off and considered options. Finally, I led Arkana into the hallway,

told her what I wanted to try and how she could help.

We rejoined Booboo and the bird. Neither appeared to have moved a muscle.

Arkana and I separated, each moving slowly, as though hoping to drift around
behind Booboo without being noticed. Once there we just waited. And waited.

It is hard to be patient when you are Arkana’s age. Eventually she began to
fidget. Which caused the occasional faint whisper of motion, after which she
would even stop breathing for a while.

After a time so long even I began to get restless I signalled Arkana forward.

Doing her absolute best to remain totally silent she dropped to her knees beside
Booboo’s right rocker, out of sight behind the girl’s right ear but with her
face so close Booboo might be able to feel the warmth of her presence. I did the
same on the left. Neither of us moved till my knees were about to kill me. We
tried to avoid breathing on the girl.

I nodded.

Arkana whispered, “Sosa, sosa,” so softly that I could not hear her. So softly
that even someone who did hear the words whispered directly into her ear would
not be able to make them out.

I have no idea why she chose to say that. I leaned closer so the warmth of my
presence would be a hint more obvious. I nodded.

“Sosa, sosa.” No louder than before.

The skin on Booboo’s neck twitched.

I smiled at Arkana, winked.

Treachery will out.

“Sosa, sosa.”

Slowly, the girl began to turn her head toward Arkana, the child within unable
to restrain her curiosity.

It was not that she had been faking. Just that nothing obvious was going to
sneak past her palisade of despair.

I got up and drifted so she would not discover me without making a special
effort.

Arkana gave me a look which asked how I had known that Booboo could be reached.

I shrugged. Just intuition, I guessed. A conviction that her curiosity could be
wakened if it was teased with sufficient subtlety.

But what now? How to hold her attention forcefully enough to keep her from
running away again?

Soon the girl was seeing and hearing us perfectly well. But still she did not
respond. Still she would not answer questions.

She had no will to live. And I could see why. At no time had there ever been
anything in her life but Kina and the struggle to release the Goddess. Never had
there been anything but the quest to bring on the Year of the Skulls.

Suruvhija appeared. I had not known her in the days when she and her husband
joined the Company. She might have been a beauty, then, but I doubted it. She
was not now. And none of her children made you want to jump in and hug them. But
they were good people, if sad.

“You got her to wake up!” Suruvhija said. “That’s great.”

“Now we need to keep her that way. Any ideas?”

“Why?”

We all turned to the girl.

I asked, “What?”

“Why do you trouble me? Release me. I have no reason to live. There is no
future. There will be no salvation and no resurrection now. There will be no age
of wondrous rebirth.”

She was wide awake now, but bleak, depressed. I dropped to my knees in front of
her, took her hands in an effort to keep her engaged with the world outside her
head.

“What does that mean? What you just said.”

She seemed puzzled by the question. I spent a few minutes demonstrating my
ignorance of her faith. I hoped a chance to explain might animate her.

I have not yet encountered a true believer who could resist an opportunity to
expostulate upon his particular truth. Booboo was no exception, though she was a
slow starter.

I did not interrupt until near the end. Until that point she did not mention
anything I had not heard before, somewhere, in some version. “Excuse me,” I
said. “I think I missed something. The Year of the Skulls isn’t the end of the
world?”

Suruvhija’s oldest boy, Bhijar, arrived with food and drink. I made sure Booboo
got served first. She sucked down a pint of water before telling me, “Yes, it is
the end of the world. Of this world, the way it is now. It’s a cleansing. A time
when all evil and corruption get swept away and only those souls with a genuine
chance of redemption get left on the Wheel of Life.”

I felt confused. I felt lost. I did not understand. I knew the Deceivers wanted
to hasten the coming of the Year of the Skulls. That was pretty much what their
cult was all about. I knew most Gunni wanted the opposite, but believed that the
coming of the Year of the Skulls was inevitable. Someday. It was one of the Ages
of Creation, the Fourth Age, ordained at the dawn of time. But this was the
first I ever heard that there was supposed to be something on the other side.

Particularly something apparently positive.

I murmured to myself, “All evil dies there an endless death.” Then I asked,

“You’re telling me Kina’s ultimate task was to clear away all the human dross so
that good and righteous men can pass on to paradise?”

Exasperated by my density, she shook her head violently, then went to work
trying to explain.

I whispered to Arkana, “Have them bring my wife.”

I am not as dim as I pretended with my daughter that evening but I admit I never
did get what she was trying to explain. However, I did realize that she truly
believed that by destroying Kina I had deprived the world of any opportunity to
get past its current age of sin and corruption into an age of enlightenment.

I guess Kina had been meant to devour all the demons again, only this time those
would have been the devils of human kind who make life and history over into
torture chambers.

The Lords of Light were going to have to take it from the top, hatching
themselves a whole new scheme for worldly redemption. Assuming they were still
around somewhere themselves.

Lady arrived, accompanied by Bhijar. She melted the moment she saw that Booboo
was awake.

I watched, numb, as she took my place on her knees in front of the Daughter of
Night. This was my wife? This clump of raw sentimentality was the woman who used
to be the Lady, once able to inspire an entire empire with the terror of her
name?

I did not listen. I have to admit that I was embarrassed by her behavior.

Because I had not realized that there was so much sloppy emotion bottled up
inside her. Around me Lady always clung to shreds of her old image . . .

whenever she was not lost in her own realm of self-pity.

The whole scene seemed to amaze the Daughter of Night. She did not know what to
make of it.

Suruvhija became embarrassed, too. She hustled her brood out of the room. The
boys went quickly, unable to stand so much sentiment. Suruvhija herself offered
me a look of commiseration before she shut the door.

I tried to tell Suruvhija I was thirsty. My throat was too dry. I went after
her. I stumbled as I crossed the room. Not that that made any difference. Mental
clumsiness was my real downfall.

I stepped into the corridor and called after Suruvhija, “Please bring some more
drinking water. We’re all still dry.”

She nodded her understanding. She was embarrassed again, this time because she
was alone with a man who was not her husband. I was about to say something to
spare her when Arkana yelled at me.

It took me a moment to get back through the doorway.

Booboo had a rumel, a Deceiver strangling scarf, wrapped around her mother’s
throat. Her eyes were dark with the last ghost of Kina. Her strength was,

obviously, supernatural. Arkana was having no luck breaking her hold. And that
little blonde was no weakling.

I needed not die to get sent to hell. I had an instant to pick which torture I
wanted to suffer for the rest of my existence.

I slapped Booboo with my bad hand. She did not let up. I punched her. She
rocked. Blood gushed from her nose. She did not ease up on the yellow silk
cloth. I drew the dagger that is with me all the time, that normally gets used
only when I am eating. I reached out and pricked the skin right under her left
eye.

And still she did not stop.

The white crow said, “This is Kina’s revenge, Croaker.”

Which hell?

Lady was almost gone.

I stabbed the girl in the arm.

She hardly even bled.

I stabbed again, trying for the elbow joint.

No good.

I tried to cut the tendons in her wrists.

All the while Arkana was still trying to pull her off from behind or to break
her grip on the silk cloth or to cut that cloth.

I launched as violent a blow as I could manage. When that did nothing but rock
the girl’s head back again I lost control. As the saying goes, I saw red.

When Arkana finally stopped me I had stabbed my own daughter more than twenty
times. I had not killed her, though. Yet. But she had given up her hold on the
strangling cloth.

Possibly too late. Lady was hacking and gasping, still choking. I got down and
started trying to clear her windpipe. There seemed to be some damage to her
larynx.

Arkana remained calm. She summoned help.

“Where did Booboo get the strangling scarf?” I asked. “She didn’t have it before
we went south.” She had been stripped naked, scrubbed down, and dressed in new
clothing. Then she had been placed in this room. So someone had brought her the
rumel. A secret Deceiver. “We need to find out exactly who visited her.” I did
not want it to be Suruvhija, though she was instantly the logical suspect.

Except for the fact that she was a woman. Hitherto, my wife and daughter had
been the only women we knew to have been admitted to the secret brotherhood.

Still, this was a time of great changes. Suruvhija’s sorrow and slowness of wit
could be an act.

They do not call them Deceivers for nothing.