SoloPlay (15 page)

Last night she’d been glad she hadn’t declared her feelings to Mark. Now she wished she had. It would have been a suicide mission, but she should have thrown off the covers, sat up and told him she had fallen in love with him, in spite of the ice in her chest and the certainty of rejection. If she had been honest with him, at least she’d have closure.

The door opened behind her and she automatically edged forward to make room for another customer.

“Slumming?” Eric’s nasal voice sounded behind her.

Crap. She turned around. “I beg your pardon?”

“I figured since you took up with the sex toy king, you’d be having lunch in style every day.”

“How do you know where Mark works?” she asked, too curious to shut Eric down as he so richly deserved. Worm.

“I did a little digging on him since his name sounded familiar.” Eric made a clicking noise with his tongue. “Turns out he got a loan through my office to expand his company last year. A little more digging proved that he’s using the bank’s money to fund product development—at least, that’s what he calls it. He didn’t tell the bank he was paying people to play with themselves. I hope he’s not leaving money on
your
nightstand.”

She glared at him. As a matter of fact, Mark wasn’t leaving money by the bed, but he might as well have been. She was expecting a check any day now.

Eric didn’t notice her dismay. “I told the bank manager, of course. He’s looking into it. Better tell your boyfriend to double-check his loan covenants.”

“Trust me, he’s got nothing to worry about.” Mark probably checked his loan covenants daily—along with his profit margins. She inched forward, weighing the benefits of chocolate cheesecake against the annoyance of standing in line with Eric. God, what had she ever seen in this petty little jerk? She glanced at her watch and thought about her empty fridge. Ten minutes, she decided. Cheesecake was worth ten more minutes.

Mark hit refresh on his computer screen. He had been thinking about Alisa all morning, waiting to receive her reviews for the last two DoublePlay toys. She usually fired them off first thing, but it was almost lunchtime and there was nothing from her in his inbox.

He frowned and checked his sent mail, discovering he had forgotten to send them. God, he was really distracted today.

His stomach growled, so he decided to head down to the coffee shop and grab lunch. Maybe that would help him focus. He could pop his head into the library on the way, just to say hi. Being out of contact with her was making him feel edgy, especially since they had no plans to get together tonight, or any other night for that matter. He needed to do something about that.

As soon as he entered the bright library, he knew she wasn’t there. There was no sexy buzz in the air that told him she was near. Damn, he’d been looking forward to seeing her in one of her precise little skirts and carefully buttoned shirts, her hair piled up on top of her head. Just for fun, he imagined her wearing glasses and almost groaned aloud before he noticed a redhead glaring at him from behind the reference desk. He backed out of the library before he could embarrass himself.

As he continued down the street to the coffee shop, the idea that had been teasing around the edges of his brain suddenly gelled. He could hire her. Not just as a toy tester, but as a full-time employee. Hell, maybe even make her the head of product development, which was basically what she had been doing for him anyway. The idea filled him with exhilaration, and a dozen ideas hit him at once.

She could write a blog for the website. Hell, they could use excerpts from her surveys on the website too. Her toy reviews always made him hard as a rock, and he bet they’d do the same thing for the customers. Sologirl embodied the essence of SoloPlay Enterprises. What could be more perfect? As soon as he got back to the office, he’d call her.

He pulled open the door of the coffee shot and stepped inside. When he spotted Alisa in line ahead of him, for a minute he thought he was imagining her, but his skin began to tingle. Arousal, never far away when she was near, increased his pulse. No, it was definitely her. He stepped forward, shrugging a smiling apology at the people in line ahead of him. His delight dimmed when he reached her and saw she was with that asshole from the restaurant, Eric, the one who had hurt her.

“Hey, if it doesn’t work out, give me a call. You look really hot these days, Alisa,” Eric said, just as he reached them.

Mark growled and the other guy shrugged unrepentantly. Alisa waved Eric ahead of her in line.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Getting lunch, but I’m so glad you’re here.” He reached out to stroke her arm. At the first touch of skin on skin, the anxiety he had been feeling all morning disappeared. “Do you have to hurry back to the library?”

She shook her head. “Going home early today. Why are you so glad to see me?”

She drifted closer to him and he could smell the warm scent of her, way better than the scent of the coffee and muffins perfuming the shop. “I had a great idea this morning while I was waiting for your surveys.”

“I never got them.”

“I know—I forgot to send them. I was going to call you as soon as I got back to the office to set up a time for us to talk.” He took her hands in his. Her blue eyes widened. “I don’t want to lose you, Alisa. You and SoloPlay are made for each other. I don’t have all the details in place yet, but would you consider accepting a full-time position with SoloPlay Enterprises?”

She gasped.

He smiled down at her. “You don’t have to say yes now. You can think about it, but—”

She pulled her hands out of his grasp and held them up in front of her. “Wait—I want to make sure I understand. That’s why you were excited to see me? Because you wanted to offer me another job?”

“Well, yes,” he said. What could he say to convince her? How could she not see the beauty in his plan, the possibilities for her within the company? “You are so perfect for SoloPlay, Alisa. I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier. It would be criminal to let all your raw talent go to waste. You are a fantastic beta tester, the best, but you could do so much more for the company in a larger position.” She made a strangled sound that was not quite a laugh or a cough. Looking down at her, he noticed that her eyes were red and her face was very pale. Had she been crying?

He reached toward her again, but the line moved forward and she turned to move forward too. He saw her delicate shoulders shake as she chuckled. The sound was much different from her usual lighthearted laughter, and it made him nervous.

“Alisa?” he asked, edging in front of her again. “What do you think of my idea?”

Her head was bent, but as she raised her face to his he knew her answer, even before she spoke. “I think I quit, Mark. SoloPlay and I aren’t good for each other anymore.”

As she said it, Alisa knew it was true. She wanted to do more than just play at love. She wanted to experience it.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mark said loudly, causing Eric to glance over his shoulder at them. She glared at him until he turned back around.

Alisa slowly shook her head at Mark. “I’m not being ridiculous. I’m being honest. With you and with myself. I just can’t do any more.” He began to protest but she raised her hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll get your last two surveys. I can do that much for you. Your precious DoublePlay line will go into production on time and under budget. In fact, don’t worry about sending me a check for my
work
. After that first night, I would have done it for free just to—” She bit her lip. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I’m done with SoloPlay and DoublePlay.” She lifted her chin and met his eyes. “And I’m done with you. Goodbye, Mark.”

Alisa left him standing in the line and made it to the sidewalk before her tears began to fall. For a minute, just a minute there, she’d thought Mark had been going to offer her his heart. The possibilities of a life with him had swirled inside her until she thought her own heart would burst with joy, but she’d been fooling herself. She wasn’t a lover to him, she was an employee.

She walked quickly to her car, unlocked the door and climbed in, shutting the door behind her before she allowed the first sob to break from her throat. She dropped her head into her hand and sat there, crying quietly. She had taken control and said goodbye to Mark, but it still felt like rejection.

It was over.

The sensual tornado that had been spinning around her for months had finally touched down to the ground. She wiped her wet cheeks with her hands and lifted her head, slowly realizing something else—the tornado had picked her up, twirled her around and left her somewhere else entirely. She was neither the same timid doormat who had feared she was frigid nor a shy acolyte exploring another woman’s body, and then her own, with increasing absorption.

So where did that leave her?

Alisa fumbled in her purse for her cell phone, intending to call Crystal for some insight, but she stopped. She didn’t need to ask for words of wisdom. Alisa already knew what she had been searching for now, and it wasn’t just good sex.

She had set out on a sexual adventure, all right, but what she was aching to find was love. She wanted the kind of connection the woman in the restaurant enjoyed with her silver-haired husband and what Irene celebrated with her husband of forty years. She wanted history, communication, fondness and honesty, the kind of tried-and-true love that was still hot after her hair turned gray and the kids left for college. The kind of love she hadn’t thought existed.

She started her car and as she pulled out of the parking lot, she vowed to continue her journey by being honest—with herself and with other people. She didn’t want to hide in silence anymore, pretending everything was fine and that she didn’t need anyone or anything to be happy. There was no risk involved with living her life silently, but there wasn’t enough of a reward, either. Beth was right. If she wanted connection, she was going to have to open her heart and take a few risks, even if it hurt.

Chapter Fourteen

After Alisa left the coffee shop, Mark stood in line in a daze, glad he had checked the impulse to follow her out of the café. Clearly, offering her a job had been a huge mistake. He wanted to figure out why before he spoke with her again or he might compound his error. Unfortunately, his brain felt frozen and his usually reliable powers of reasoning had deserted him. When he finally reached the register after what felt like an hour, he got his lunch to go and headed back to the office. He ate the sandwich at his desk, but he didn’t taste it. His cell phone rang and he answered it.

“We’ve hit a snag with the bank,” Ryan said, instead of hello.

Mark groaned.

“It’s just a glitch. We haven’t done anything wrong. They want documentation on the product development for DoublePlay. Nothing we can’t give them, right?”

He heard the questioning edge in his friend’s voice. Time to bite the bullet. “Well, actually, no.” He took a deep breath, then spilled his guts.

Ryan, to his credit, didn’t say a word until Mark was finished. Then he snickered. “You’ve been a busy boy this month.”

Mark let out a deep sigh. “Aren’t you going to tear me a new asshole for jeopardizing my company by screwing an employee? Tell me I’m fifty kinds of idiot for lying about it and that it’s a lousy idea to try to hire her? Providing I can even get her to talk to me again.” Mark had expected all of this abuse and more. He deserved it.

“Nah. Don’t have to. You just did. Anyway, hiring her is a great idea. I’ll even pay her salary, since I’m pretty sure you’ll be screwed if the bank pulls your loan. I’ve always thought it was stupid to pay interest when I’m dying to loan you money. Don’t give me any more of that bullshit about wanting to figure it out on your own, either. How many guys in your position have a filthy rich best friend willing to hand over a blank check?”

Mark knew he was damn lucky to have Ryan’s friendship, with or without his money. Even so, the money would help. “Thank you,” he said, realizing he didn’t want to do this alone anymore.

“Enough!” Ryan bellowed. “You’re being a stubborn idiot and I’m totally getting on a plane tonight to fly to Norton and kick your—wait, what?”

The shock in his voice made Mark chuckle in spite of his gloom. “I said thank you. I’ll take your money, and if you’ve got any advice, I’ll take that too. I’m fresh out of inspiration.”

“Excellent! I’ll move the money right now before you can change your mind. I’m going to enjoy having something to hold over you for the next ten years or so. Hang on. I have to set the phone down.” Mark heard a clunk, then the sound of fingers flying over computer keys, solving his cash flow problems. He wished Ryan could work some easy magic with Alisa. He growled in frustration just as Ryan came back on the line.

“All set, and since you asked, I do have one question.” Ryan paused. “Why exactly did you go hunting for Sologirl?”

“Because I wanted her to test DoublePlay prototypes. Weren’t you listening?” he grumbled.

Ryan snapped back a reply, “Yeah, I was listening, smartass. Every word. Seems pretty simple to me. You broke the law at least twice and risked your company to get this girl. Either you’ve lost your fucking mind or you fell in love with her. Which is it?”

Silence. Urgency built in Mark’s center. Too late, it was too late. Why couldn’t they have had this discussion yesterday? “I’ve got to go now,” he said.

Ryan chuckled. “Yeah, no shit. Let me know how it works out with Sologirl.”

“Fuck off.”

“Always a pleasure, buddy. Good luck.” Ryan was still laughing at him when Mark snapped his phone shut and dashed out of his office.

He had to get to Alisa’s apartment. It was clear to him, thanks to his chronically smug best friend, that all of his visions for Sologirl and SoloPlay Enterprises living together happily ever after were born out of his own desire to be with Alisa. Sologirl was a perfect match for SoloPlay because Alisa was a perfect match for him. Now that he was finished being an idiot, he wondered if he had hidden his feelings for her because he was trying to keep some distance between them. She’d been so focused on DoublePlay. Had he tried to protect his heart by pretending his interest was purely professional?