Authors: Catherine Aird
He gave a huge yawn and deliberately steered the conversation towards more neutral ground. âThere's one funny thing, though, Margaret â¦'
âWhat's that?'
âThe family have gone all quiet about the main beneficiary, Nicholas Petforth, Briony's brother. They say they don't know where he is.'
âPerhaps,' she said consideringly, âhe'll come home again now that there's something to come back for.'
âThere! What did I say?' He gave her an affectionate grin. âYou're really as bad as the Superintendent after all.'
âMe?' she said indignantly.
âAll he does is concentrate on who gains.' He stretched his legs out before the blaze in the hearth. âAt least it means that I know what tomorrow's first job is going to be.'
She looked up. âWhat's that?'
âFind Master Petforth.'
âNot,' she enquired ironically, âa search and destroy mission â destroy with great wealth, I mean.'
âNo.' He shook his head. âWe'll just put the word out. That's all. If he's in Calleshire, we'll pick him up tomorrow. If we have to ask questions outside the county, of course it'll take longer â What is it?' His whole tone changed suddenly as he saw a spasm of pain crossing her face. âMargaret â Margaret, what is it? What's wrong? Is it â¦'
âI've just thought ⦠that horrible nursery rhyme.'
âOranges and lemons?'
She stared at him. âI've remembered how it finishes.'
âDon't look like that, my love,' he pleaded. âYou frightened me. For a moment I thought â¦'
â“Here comes a candle to light you to bed”,' she intoned, â“and here comes a chopper to chop off your head.”'
It was Detective-Constable William Edward Crosby who found out where Nicholas Petforth was.
People who went native these days usually did so in one of two ways. They either took to the road or they joined a commune.
Putting the word out in the county had had the desired effect.
They learned down at the Berebury Police Station fairly early on that their man wasn't on the road in Calleshire. He was too young for that game for a start and those who were walking the countryside â that pathetic group whose worldly possessions were clutched to them, who tramped from somewhere to anywhere like a variety of land-locked Flying Dutchmen, without either anchor or rudder, answering to any wind or to no wind at all â had not come across anyone sounding like Miss Beatrice Wansdyke's nephew. There were fewer of such travellers about these days but those that there were were conspicuous, and â up hill and down dale â they obligingly stopped long enough to tell the police that Nicholas Petforth wasn't one of their number. Mind you, stopping wasn't something they liked to do. If you stopped, you had to think: and for them thinking was the only unbearable activity.
Today's drop-outs didn't walk the countryside. When they wanted to cast off Society's links they squatted: especially the younger ones. If enough of them squatted together, somehow the community became a commune.
It had fallen to Detective-Constable Crosby's lot to call on the one in the town of Luston.
âYou can't miss it, lad,' the friendly station sergeant at Luston had told him, adding, âI dare say there'll be a bite left to eat in our canteen when you get back.' He chuckled. âIf you still feel like eating, that is.'
Any connection between what went on in this Calleshire commune and the dreams and the reality of the days of the French Commune of an earlier age must have been purely coincidental. Urban decay had reached the old centre of the industrial town: urban renewal hadn't. Constable Crosby made his way to a faded early-nineteenth-century town house that in its prime had had some considerable style to it. Now its paintwork was peeling and some of its windows were boarded up. Other windows sported blankets doing duty as curtains. Somehow, though, the once-graceful building had contrived to retain an air of decayed gentility â distinction, even.
Detective-Constable Crosby's pounding on the front door shook it visibly but produced no answer from within. Immediately, however, the door of the house next door flew open and a raven-haired woman put her head out.
âIf you're the gas,' she said, âyou're wasting your time. It's cut off.'
Crosby said he wasn't the gas.
âThey've found a way round the electricity meter for sure,' she said.
Crosby said he could well believe it.
âAnd if you're the Water Board,' she grimaced, completing a trinity of public supply undertaking, âyou needn't worry. They don't use it.' She rolled her eyes. âThe whole place stinks.'
By now Crosby had been able to appreciate this fact for himself. Château Commune certainly had a bouquet all its own.
âI can tell you one thing for sure,' she cackled. âThey can't read bills in there.'
âSome people have all the luck,' said Crosby.
The neighbour's head, which seemed as disembodied behind its owner's front door as the Cheshire Cat's on its wall, looked him up and down.
âCome to serve a summons,' ave you?' she asked shrewdly.
In a way it was a tribute to his manner, if not his suit.
âI'm making enquiries,' responded Crosby.
âYou'll be lucky,' she sniffed. She jerked her head towards the other house. âNot many of them get up in the mornings, I can tell you.'
He looked up at the blind windows.
âWork's a dirty word with that lot,' she said.
âSome of them must do some,' protested the young policeman in spite of himself. They'd been very firm in his primary school about tying the male image to the work ethic. The boys hadn't learned knitting. They'd been taught instead that men must work. The corollary that women must weep (“Georgie Porgy, kissed the girls and made them cry”) they'd been left to find out for themselves in the playground afterwards. âYou can't live without working,' he said, though you couldn't be a policeman long without meeting a group who tried to do just that.
âTwo or three of the fellers do go out to work,' she conceded. âNone of the girls.' She raised her eyebrows heavenwards. âWhat they do all day long don't bear thinking about.'
It was quite apparent, though, from her keen expression that she thought about it a lot.
Crosby kept silent.
She jerked her head towards the next-door building. âBeats me,' she said, sucking her teeth, âhow the police let them get away with squatting.'
Crosby drew breath. âCivil law â¦'
âTake Fred Smith's boy down the road.'
âWell?'
âThey had him for breaking and entering last week.'
âDid they?'
âCamera shop in Calleford High Street.'
âAh.'
âDon't you go and say that that's different'
âI shan't.'
âThis lot next door,' she said richly, âdid their breaking and entering and they stayed.'
âI can see that.'
âAnd nobody's touched them for anything.'
âNo.' It was funny how the word âtouched' hung about the law.
âIt's not right.'
âNo, madam.' If anything, squatting offended the police even more than it did the public. âBut the law is that â'
âYou looking for anyone in particular?' she interrupted him off-handedly.
âTall, youngish lad,' said Crosby, also cutting the cackle and getting to the horses. âAuburn hair. Still a bit freckled.'
âThere's one or two of 'em in there,' she said slyly, âthat shouldn't be.'
âI dare say. This chap â¦'
She jerked her head. âAnd not what you'd expect, either.'
âOh?'
âA couple of clever dicks and some girls who should know better.'
âFrom good homes, you mean?' he said naïvely.
Her face assumed a curious expression. âIf that's what you'd call Calle Castle â¦'
âThe Duke's daughter?' Crosby took another look up at the dilapidated house.
âHis youngest.' She sniffed.
âBit of a change, wasn't it?'
âI should think they had their hands full with her at home. She's a one, all right. Oh, her father came round and made noises.'
âI'll bet.'
âIt didn't do any good. It was her mother that got her out.'
âHow?' asked Crosby in spite of himself.
âSent the chauffeur round each week with a box of groceries and a brace of pheasants.'
âHow did that do it?'
The face grinned at his innocence. âThe Lady Alicia was all for sending them back, snooty-like, unopened.'
âFair enough.'
âSaid it made her feel different.'
âI'll bet it did,' said Crosby warmly
âBut the others wouldn't let her,' cackled the woman shrewishly. âThey ate 'em.'
âToo bad. Then she grew up or something?'
âAfter a bit,' she crowed, âshe got to see the others were making a fool of her.'
âSponging,' pronounced Crosby.
âEnjoying what they said they despised,' mimicked the woman in high ladylike tones. She grinned. âGive her another ten years and she'll be opening flower shows with the best of them.'
âThis fellow that I'm looking for â¦'
âCalled Nick?' hazarded the woman.
âCould be.'
âYou're wasting your time.'
âNot here?'
âOne of the workers. Goes off early.'
âWhere?'
âUp the motorway site.'
âThanks.' Crosby turned to go. Then he stopped. âYou'd miss them now, wouldn't you?' he said.
She slammed the door.
âThe bank,' reported Sloan gloomily, âwill surrender details of their late client's account if â¦'
âYes?' said Superintendent Leeyes eagerly, leaning forward across his desk.
âIf,' repeated Sloan, âwe get a court order.'
âBah!' said Leeyes, who never in any circumstances whatsoever himself divulged confidential police information to any other unauthorized person or institution.
âAnd not without one,' underlined Sloan.
âObstructionists â¦'
âAny other assistance that we may require,' repeated Sloan fluently, âthey will, of course, be only too happy to give us.'
âThe source of the money,' said Leeyes promptly.
âI asked them that,' said Sloan.
âWell?'
âThey said “What money?” as bland as butter.'
âWhat about her lifestyle?' said Leeyes in a challenging fashion. âThat didn't go with a quarter of a million pounds, did it?'
âThat,' admitted Sloan, âdid seem to strike a chord with the bank manager.'
âWell,' said Leeyes tartly, âshe wasn't exactly living it up, was she?'
âIt's not,' ventured Sloan cautiously, âquite the same down there at the bank as it is round here moneywise.'
âI should hope not,' retorted Leeyes speedily. There was a pause. Then he said, âJust exactly what are you getting at, Sloan?'
âDown there, sir, they're more used than we are here to folks without money spending it.'
âDrinking whisky on a beer income,' said Leeyes graphically.
âAnd to customers with it not spending it,' added Sloan fairly.
âOrange juice on a brandy income.'
âI understand,' replied Sloan drily, âthat they've got a fair number of those too.'
Shaking his head at what he saw as a waste of natural resources, Leeyes said, âAnything else?'
âEvery time I came up with a question they referred me to their client's executor.'
âBertram George Wansdyke,' said the Superintendent, who always did his homework.
âHe doesn't use the Bertram,' Sloan informed him. âThey told me that at the bank.'
âDon't blame him.'
âHe's always known as George.'
âNever Bertram,' noted Leeyes. âPeople can be funny about Christian names.'
âWatch out for any man who calls his son Samson,' said Sloan.
âYou and your wife got all that sort of thing lined up all right, Sloan?' asked Leeyes gruffly.
âWhat? Oh yes, sir. Thank you, sir.' Potential names of babies were not in short supply in the Sloan ménage. On the contrary. And had they been, Sloan's mother had a reserve supply.
âMind you,' said the Superintendent reminiscently, âour Brigadier was called Cecil so it doesn't always signify.'
âI was once attacked by a social misfit called Algernon,' contributed Sloan. The Superintendent had to be diverted from recounting his wartime experiences at all costs or the day was lost. âAt least, his mother called him Algernon and the judge called him a social misfit and I â'
âThis Bertram George Wansdyke â¦'
âA partner in Wansdyke and Darnley.'
âThe firm down by the bridge?'
âThem. Plastics manufacturers.'
âAnything,' enquired Leeyes, rolling his eyes, âto do with the celebrated Malcolm Darnley?'
âEverything.'
âGood God! The agitator?'
âConservationist,' murmured Sloan mildly, âis what he calls himself.'
âHe's practically maniacal about it.'
âDedicated,' said Sloan austerely, âis the word the newspapers use.'
âInspector Harpe can't get a roadway corner in the whole of Calleshire straightened,' declared Leeyes. âEvery time he wants a tree down it turns out to have a preservation order clapped on it.'
âThat's Malcolm Darnley,' agreed Sloan. âHe insists that trees do not get up and hit passing motorists. He wins every time.'
âAnd the Town Council can't widen the roads round by the cattle market either. Every building they want out of the way turns out to have had Queen Elizabeth sleeping in it or something.'
âListed,' said Sloan more technically.