Some Kind of Hell (22 page)

“Boom,” Tripp said. “It’ll be over then. If that’s what he wants. Boom.”

“Stop,” I whispered. “Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.”

“Annie, let me help you inside,” Maggie said.

I turned and opened the door, leaving, just like Logan had done. I hurried to pull the door shut behind me and was consumed by the evening air and the dark sky. I looked where Logan’s car had been, the space formed in and around by our cars. He had to wiggle his way out of the spot but did it.

He was gone.

Really gone.

But... what kind of gone?

Was he gone like spending time alone? Or was he gone like Tripp’s brother?

My nerves shook at that thought.

More pain attacked me. I hunched over and let out a cry. When I could stand again, I started to walk, taking stuttering steps along the gravel, my hand out, my fingertips touching the garage. I forged my path towards Tripp’s house and once inside, I started to run. The pain hadn’t gone away and the uncomfortable feeling everywhere made me believe that I was going to be sick.

I rushed to the bathroom and collapsed to the floor. I lost all feeling in my legs for a few seconds. As I crashed to the floor I landed on my right knee. The pain from that didn’t hurt quite as much as the rest of the pain in my body. I pulled myself to the toilet and positioned myself, ready to throw up.

I waited but the feeling never came.

The pain remained.

I started to cry, as much as I didn’t want to. When I cried, it hurt worse. But crying was the only reaction my body could have to the pain. I found myself rocking back and forth, one hand on my stomach the other touching my hair.

The pain started to feel like a swell in the pit of my stomach. A swell like someone squeezing me, hurting me, maybe even killing me. Then I felt something wet... something wet between my legs. I closed my eyes and cried out in pain again. I touched my pants and undid the button. My panties were a very light blue color and the second I opened my pants I could see...

“Annie? Are you okay?”

I turned and saw Maggie. I was never so relieved to see Maggie. I hated the world in that moment but a true friend, like Maggie, would always be there. And she was there, just when I needed her.

“What is it?” she asked me.

I licked my lips. “Blood...”

The pain swelled again and this time, it won.

Everything went black.

~24~

At first, when I realized I was in a hospital, I thought it had to do with Logan. My mind decided to pick up where the conversation had left off in the garage. I thought I was the one sleeping in a chair in the hospital room, hoping and waiting for something good to happen to Logan.

But the roles were reversed.

I was in the hospital bed.

I pushed myself to sit up, expecting pain, but none came. I actually felt...
good
. I didn’t mean to think that word, considering the mess surrounding my life, but it was the first word that came to mind.

Then I looked to my right and saw him.

Him.

Logan.

He sat in a chair in the corner, wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled up, his head resting against the wall. His arms were folded as he slept. My lips began to quiver, somewhere stuck between excitement and feeling thankful. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him again.

But there he was.

His beautiful face, his beautiful body.

Logan.

My Logan.

I took a deep breath and settled back into the bed.

I thought about the night before and all that had happened. I looked down at the bed sheets and touched my stomach. That’s when a wave of terror came across me.

“Oh, no,” I whispered.

I tried to sit up again and bumped a button that turned on the television. It made a scratching sound for a second as it turned on. The morning news began to blare, a skinny looking man way too excited to give out alternative directions around an accident on the highway.

I saw Logan stir for a second and then his eyes opened. When we saw each other, we both smiled. Of all things, we both actually smiled.

Logan lunged from his chair and pulled his hood back.

“Annie, oh, Annie,” he said. “You’re...”

“I’m fine,” I said.

Logan was there, next to the bed. Staring at me. Then hovering over me. But he didn’t stop there. He bent down and kissed me. Right on my lips. He kissed me once, he kissed me twice, he kissed the tip of my nose, and then he kissed my forehead. When he stopped, he lingered, and that’s all I needed. I put a hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down again. This time we kissed like we were supposed to.

Our lips parted and I tasted his mouth.

We would have kissed all morning and all day if it wasn’t for a knock at the door followed by someone clearing their throat.

The morning nurse came into the room as Logan and I stopped kissing. My face was on fire... my body feeling the same.

“How are we feeling this morning?” the nurse asked.

She was a tall woman with thick black curls and glasses. She looked haggard and tired. I pushed to sit up and smiled at her.

“I feel good,” I said. “Rested. And good.”’

“Okay,” the nurse said. “The doctor will be here in a few to check on you. I’m guessing you’ll be released this morning. Everything looks fine.”

“What happened?” I asked.

The nurse’s eyes left mine and I turned my head to look at Logan. I saw the look on his face. That look of worry, that look of fear.

“What?” I asked. “What happened? Am I okay? Is...”

I touched my stomach but wasn’t sure what to say.

The pregnancy?

The baby?

The...

“Annie,” Logan said, looking down at me.

“I’ll let you two talk,” the nurse said. “But I’m a button press away if you need anything.”

“Logan, what happened last night?” I asked.

“You’re not pregnant anymore,” he said, his words shaky and awkward.

“What do you mean...”

But then it came to me.

The pain.

The blood.

I closed my eyes for a second.

“I...”

“... lost it,” Logan said. “That’s what happened. But you passed out as Tripp and Maggie hurried to get you here. You were confused and dehydrated while everything was happening. So they kept you overnight, just in case.”

“So, I’m not...”

“No,” Logan said.

He licked his lips. I bit on my bottom lip. I looked at Logan for a few seconds and then stared straight ahead at the white wall of the hospital room. My mind flooded with thoughts.

Should I be happy?

Should I be upset?

When I looked to Logan again, I saw the emotion on his face.

“I know,” he said. “I know.”

I opened my arms and we hugged each other. We held each other even though the position was very uncomfortable. We needed it.

I cried for everything. I cried for my life, for Logan’s life, for Logan’s loss, for my loss, for the time I obsessed over, for the time I lost. I cried for love because no matter what had happened I was still in love with Logan. That burning feeling never went away, and something told me it never would.

Logan cried to me, finally. He squeezed me tight, not wanting me to see him crying and that was fine. I just wanted him to do this, to open to me like this.

He put his damp cheek to my damp cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Annie,” he whispered. “I did all this...”

“No you didn’t,” I said. “We did this together.”

“No. I shouldn’t have broken my bass and trashed the garage. If that hurt you or made this happen...”

“It just wasn’t meant to be,” I said. “That’s life.”

“I fucked up,” Logan said. “I wanted to just fade away and die. He was the man who started this dream for me.”

“And your dream is coming true.”

Logan pulled away and wiped his eyes. He then used his thumbs to wipe my tears away. He shook his head.

“What?” I asked.

“Do you really think I’m part of DownCrash?”

“Of course you are,” I said. “Didn’t you talk to them?”

Logan shook his head. “I came here when Maggie called me.”

“You spent the night?”

“Of course I did. Leaving your room was the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Where did you go, Logan?”

Logan hung his head. “I had to see if it was still true.”

“What was true?”

“That my grandfather was dead.”

The words were like a punch to my stomach. For being such a strong, sexy man, there was an innocent tone to his voice then. It broke my heart.

“What did you do?”

“I went to the cemetery,” Logan said. “I waited for you to fall asleep. I held you, kissed you, smelled you. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t get my mind to calm down. It’s funny because when you said you were pregnant, the one person I would have wanted to talk to was... him. But he’s dead. He couldn’t talk to me. I began to wonder if it was all a bad dream. I mean, not you, Annie, but the situations, you know?”

“I thought the same thing,” I said. “I wanted to wake up from my bad dream with you in my bed...”

“That’s what I wanted,” Logan said. “So I snuck out and went for a drive. I got to the cemetery and waited for sunlight. I drove through and stopped, walking to what my mind swore to me was going to be a flat patch of grass. My grandmother’s headstone would be there but nothing else. When I saw the mound of fresh dirt, my mind just... went...”

I reached for Logan’s hand and squeezed. I pulled at his arm, wanting him closer to me. He bent down over the bed again and his nose touched mine.

“I fucked up,” he said again.

“We all fucked up,” I said. “But that’s part of life, right? We fuck up and we wait to see who’s there waiting for us. Those who are there are the ones who care the most.”

“I care,” Logan said. “Annie, my heart hurts because I care so much. If I lose you...”

“Never,” I said.

We kissed again and this time nobody interrupted us. We had to stop because it started to get really hot in the room. Logan wanted his body against mine and I wanted the same. I pulled at his hair, touched his stomach, and even teased him at his pants. One of his hands touched my chest and I moaned.

That’s when we had to stop.

We laughed and then waited for the doctor to come.

I was cleared from the hospital two hours later and Logan drove me home.

“Call them,” I said.

“Not yet,” Logan replied. “I want you first.”

I wasn’t going to argue that.

Logan lifted me and carried me to my room. We couldn’t do exactly what I wanted. My body needed time to recover from what happened. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy each other’s company.

We touched, we kissed, we groaned, and we slept.

We let the day slip away without a care in the world.

Maggie texted me and I let her know that I was fine. I was out of the hospital and in bed with Logan.

I asked her about DownCrash and she replied with a long text.

IDK. They are at the studio right now. Jason called and wanted them there today. I overheard Tatum and Tripp talking to Jason about everything that happened. They were all calm but Jason wants the demo recorded. I heard something about someone already showing interest in the band. Logan needs to call... they aren’t the same without him.

I turned my phone off and rolled to face Logan.

He was sleeping.

I traced lines on his face, wondering what to do. I could give him my phone and let him read the message. Or I could wait it out and let him make the decision. Logan always seemed like the shy one in the band and maybe the coming success had him worried. Had him scared. Maybe it’s not what he wanted.

The longer I waited the closer the time came for DownCrash to start recording. To record without Logan. That meant someone else would be sitting there, in a studio, playing bass and guitar. It was like...
cheating
.

Yes.

Cheating.

That was the word that came to me.

Cheating.

It was Logan’s job to be the bassist for DownCrash. It was his job to play acoustic guitar when needed. It was his acoustic song that was going to take the demo in a whole new direction and get the band signed.

I pushed at Logan, waking him.

“I’m up,” he said and opened his eyes. “You’re nervous.”

“Me? Why me?”

“I can feel you breathing,” he said. “You’re driving yourself mad about the band.”

“How did...”

“They’re recording, aren’t they?”

“Maggie sent me a text... if you want to read it...”

“No,” Logan said. “I’m going to kiss the love of my life and then we’re going to the studio. Right where I belong.”

~25~

The kiss turned into more kissing and thirty minutes later we scrambled to get out of the bed before I lost complete control of my urges. Then Logan hurried to drive to the studio which was close to an hour away. It was the end building of a long strip of stores and looking at it from the outside, nobody would ever know it was a recording studio.

He parked at the back and I saw the collection of vehicles.

Tripp’s car.

Tatum’s car.

Maggie’s car.

Scarlett’s car.

Everyone was there.

Everyone but Logan. And myself.

When we got out of the car, Logan came to me and put his arm around me.

“Annie, you’re part of this,” he said. “Know that. This isn’t just the three of us... there’s six now.”

“I didn’t do anything,” I said.

“Yes you did. You loved me. You never stopped. If it wasn’t for you, I would have been gone. I would have gone to the funeral and then just left.”

“You wouldn’t do that to the guys,” I said.

“I wouldn’t,” Logan said, “but the person I felt like... he would have been gone. You saved me.”

“Logan, you saved me too,” I admitted. “Before I met you” - my hands touched his chest and stomach, my fingers curling, wanting him so bad again - “I was lost in time. Literally. I stared at calendars and tried to find the days and moments that made me happy and the days and moments that broke me. It’s sort of ironic because when I met you, I lost track of time and it wasn’t until I got sick did Maggie say something about... well... what happened.”