Somebody's Someone (12 page)

I didn’t think nothin’ of getting up early and leaving with Big Mama, ’cause we did that some of the time. She loved traveling round Texas doing her business, and since she liked to keep company at the same time, she’d let me come along.

When I finished rinsing my mouth and dressing, I went back and stood by the little floor heater in Big Mama’s room, paying special mind to not let the back of my legs touch the heated grates. No matter what time of year, Big Mama stayed cold, so her heater was always the first thing turned on in the early morning. One time, b’fore I knowed better, I bent my legs all the way back and scorched perfect metal lines into the back side of my knees, only to have my stupid sister say that I was ’fflicted with double joints, and that I was lucky I hadn’t burned my ass while I was at it.

While I was dressing, Big Mama walked into the room and handed me a li’l vanity case. We had bought it, and ’bout twenty more like it, at a Kress’s close-out sale. I held the case and thought that it was so pretty, made of off-white leather and decorated with gold rope drawn all round the edges. Big Mama said that she was glad to finally find some use for these damned cases. Somebody had told her ’bout the sale and convinced her that she could sell them cases along with Avon and make a lot of money, fast.

I opened the case. Inside was a bag of Nilla Wafers and a strawberry Cragmont soda. They was some of my favorite traveling foods. I could always tell when we were going on a long trip, ’cause of the way Big Mama’d packed the food. The more containers of Vienna sausages and sardines we had, the longer we’d be on the road. Vienna sausages was Big Mama’s favorite; she loved to drink the little juice that was left over in the can.

We heard a car pull into the driveway and turn off its engine. I set my case down and went to the window to see if it was Cousin Eli, and sho’ ’nough it was. He didn’t bother getting out on account he knew we’d be right there. We never kept him waiting.

After our things was loaded on the bed of his truck, I climbed in the middle b’tween Cousin and Big Mama, and we was off. I really didn’t know where we was going, but it wasn’t important. I loved to just plain ole ride round with Big Mama. It gave me a chance to be still and listen to my own mind talk. Anyway, I knew that as long as I was with her, I didn’t have to worry that she would leave me.

Halfway down the road Big Mama noticed that she had left her teeth in the jar by her bed. We turned the truck round and went back for ’em. I jumped out and ran into the old house, and without disturbing anybody, found the jar. I picked it up as gently as I could and held it out in front of me, as if I thought the teeth was gonna jump out the jar and bite me. I walked quickly back out to where Big Mama and Cousin was waiting on me and scooted back into my place. This time we was on our way for real.

Big Mama had to have her own teeth pulled right out her gums a few years b’fore. She said it was ’cause she had py-orrhea and that they were no good for chewing anymore. I r’member coming in from the out of doors one day and finding her slung ’cross her bed, hollerin’ to the high heavens. “Oh, Lordy, why’d ya have to go and take my teefs.” She cried like that for two or three days and had us draw the shades in the room like somebody had died. I guess it wasn’t so bad, ’cause shortly after the doctor pulled all her teeth he gave her new ones that she cleaned and stored in a Mason preserve jar. She kept the jar on her headboard; that way the false teeth could watch her sleep at night. I held up the jar and watched the Efferdent that Big Mama must’ve put in b’fore we left go to work on the li’l piece of meat that was stuck in the two gold pieces that sat next to her front teeth. Johnnie Jean loved them gold teeth more than life itself.

Rumor had it that the gold was a ring my mama had given her to keep until she came back for me and my sister. And as the story goes, Ruby never rightly came back for us. Once she realized that Ruby was never gonna return, Big Mama had the jewelry man melt down the ring and put it in her dentures. She said looking at her teeth would always make her think twice b’fore she made a promise she wasn’t hell-bent on keeping.

Somewhere b’tween I-35 and Ben White Boulevard, I fell off to sleep. By the time I woke up, it was clear that we was way outta the city limits. I wanted to know where we was going.

“Big Mama.”

“Yes, chile, what you want?” she answered me, her gums slamming into one another like a newborn baby.

“Where Cousin Eli and us going?” There was a long silence. I got ready to ask again. “Big—”

Johnnie Jean cut me off at the gate. “Now, Gheena, please don’t go axing a whole bunch of questions, jus’ wait and see; we almos’ dere.”

She always called me Gheena when her teeth wasn’t in. Sometimes it sounded like she was talking with a mouth full of cotton. Once I told her that, and she slapped me upside my head and told me I didn’t know nary a thing about cotton and for me to watch myself. Now I just secretly made fun of her in my mind. She couldn’t tell me what to do there.

I had what grown folks called a wandering mind. I could spend hours, maybe even days, thinking ’bout what was and what was to come. I always seemed to be too many steps behind what was, being reminded only after it had left me. I stayed the most time with what was to come, like my own mama coming for me. Sometimes I seen her on a big white stallion, riding sidesaddle, her red plaits flapping in the wind. I’d see her coming from a distance, and hear the sounds of her horse stirring up the dirt under its speed. With one arm holding on to the rein, the other would be open wide, waiting to scoop me up; I’d nestle my body into hers, and off we would ride. And there were those times when she’d heard my tears and knowed that Lula had welted up my body. Then, my mama and two bodyguards would come round the way, riding in a Cadillac, ready for action. Their guns drawn and aimed at the place right in the middle of Lula Mae’s beady eyes.
Pow! Pow! Pow!
Boy would she get shot up if only my real mama knew.

The sign for Cross Timbers brought me back to now. We sure had gone outta our way. As Cousin came to a stop, I read another sign pointing us towards the Greyhound bus station. Outside of five minutes we was pulling into the driveway. The windows in the truck cab was rolled down, so I could smell them fumes that only come from a bus depot. We pulled the ole Dodge into the parking lot and rolled into a spot next to some motor bicycles, and Big Mama took the jar-o’-jaws and put her choppers in. After making sure her wig was sitting on her head straight, she made her way to the rest room. Cousin Eli, who finally decided to speak, got out and stretched his legs and announced that he needed to go to the li’l boys’ room. He closed one of his eyes and told me to stay put, that he’d be right back. Then he waddled off. He was ’bout as much of a li’l boy as I was. To say the truth, Eli was nothing short of huge! The man was real big, with hands that reminded me of the stretched-out-ness of a baseball glove. Not to mention that he had a big head with lips to match. So li’l boy he wasn’t.

From the looks of it, there was nowhere for me to go, so he didn’t have to worry none. Seemed like the worrying was up to me. For one, I wanted to know why we had to drive clear out into the boondocks to the bus station, when b’fore, all we did was drive over to Koenig Avenue. For two, how come nobody was talking ’bout why we was here? I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Big Mama coming. Her small brown body moved from side to side as her feet dragged her back to me. Right behind her came Cousin, who waited till he got good and outside before he fastened his pants up. He took the belt and pulled it way over to the other side of his body as he shook one leg, like he was trying to get something hot outta his pants.

“Come on now, girl; help me with this stuff so we can leave,” Big Mama told me. She never once looked at me, and her voice was shaking. She sure seemed strange-acting to me. As Eli reached us, I climbed down and pulled my vanity case out, and he handed me my sweater. I also took the jar-o’-jaws—Big Mama would need it when it was time to take them out again.

As we moved towards the bus depot, I turned and looked back at Eli and seen that he wasn’t coming with us. I kept on wondering why he’d dropped us off here. I swear, as I started walking away, I seen water hanging in the skin of his eyes. But I tried not to think nothing of it. I yelled to Cousin that we’d see him when we got back. He smiled that Gomer smile and waved as he nodded his head. By the time we reached the station door, I turned and caught the tail end of his truck as it disappeared.

We had to run to get on our bus. I handed the driver the two tickets and found us seats, like I had done many times b’fore. After everybody was on, the driver reached over and pulled the big hook handle and closed the door. I usually looked at the front of the bus to see where we was going; that way I would know how long the ride would be. This time, though, I just sat back in my chair and hoped that me and Big Mama was goin’ on a trip that was gonna last forever.

“Houston. We will be arriving in Houston in five minutes. All y’all folks gettin’ off here should grab yo’ bags and go inside the terminal and wait for more information.” The driver’s voice jumped me right outta my seat. Big Mama said that we wouldn’t be getting off here, so I relaxed and tried to fall off to sleep again.

“Gina.”

“Huh,” I answered her, bothered by her waking me up again.

“Wake up, I wanna talk to you.”

I opened my eyes to see Big Mama bucking her big ole cataract peepers at me.

“Yeah, what you wanna talk ’bout?” I asked, while my stomach started bubbling up. In the whole time I’d known her, Big Mama had never talked to me ’bout much. I didn’t wanna hear this.

“Gina,” she said, her voice real small but straight. “ ’Member when I told you ya’ mouth was gonna get you in a world of trouble one day?”

I didn’t say one word. I watched as each word slipped from her tongue and tumbled from b’tween her lips.

“Well, chile, that day has come, and you is in trouble. You shouldn’t’ve run over to dem damn Mes’cans, running your mouth. And if they ain’t ’nough you had to go tell your daddy’s peoples. Now folks is all tied in knots ’bout you, and you gots to go away.”

I listened.

“I’m only going as far as Texarkana with you; then I go on back home.”

“I cain’t come back wit’ chu, Big Mama?” I asked, as my breath started to cut off at my throat. I tried looking into Big Mama’s eyes, but she wouldn’t let me rest there; she kept turning her face where I couldn’t see nothing but the side of it.

“You cain’t never come back ’cause if you do, the authorities are waitin’ on you, and they will take you into custody. All ’cause of you opening that mouth of yours.”

I listened to Big Mama, but I couldn’t hear the words themselves. It was like the alphabet just rolled outta her mouth all mixed up. Not making a bit of sense. I felt like hell had opened up on me and left me for dead. I couldn’t make anything right with what Big Mama was saying to me.

I thought for a minute that maybe the authorities coming for me wouldn’t be so bad. It could be that they’d find a nice white family for me to go and stay with. Seemed like they was the only folks that knowed how to treat kids nice. I thought I’d seen on TV where the police would come and take folks off to a betta’ place. I wondered if they took kids? I also figured that maybe Big Mama didn’t want me to go anywhere betta’. I kept listening to the jumbled alphabet fall out her mouth—not making any sense to me ’cause they was just letters.

By the time Big Mama was through, my insides felt like cake in a mixing bowl when you wound the beaters too fast. I held my breath in the high part of my chest to keep the tears from falling outta my eyes. I learned that from Lula Mae. She would say to me, “Shut the hell up, ’fore I give you somethin’ to cry for.” I’d stop my breath, and the wetness in my eyes would go away, and then she’d leave me alone. I looked again at the eyes that had rings of cataract, round ’em. I no longer seen Big Mama’s face. I cain’t rightly say I seen much. I wanted to break into a hundred zillion small pieces and become the air that Big Mama had to breathe so that I wouldn’t have to sit and listen to no more. I could just be there with nobody seeing me.

It seemed like I held my air in forever. I hoped with everything I had that I could just disappear and not know how it happened. Like when you fall off to sleep and you never know you did till you wake up the next day to start over again. I sat and tried to think of where I was going. Who did I know that wanted me? There was nobody who came to my mind. Big Mama’d turned her head away from me after she said what she had to say. For a while, I sat there and let the quiet rest itself b’tween the two of us. I didn’t know what to do. For the first time ever, I stared at Big Mama’s hands. They was small as mine. And on her left hand there was a thin gold ring that rode on her second-to-the-last finger. Her nails was jagged and kinda yellow, like she’d been cooking with mustard—but I knew it to be from pinching snuff. It was the color of her hands that made me wanna look at ’em forever. They was brown—the color of vanilla extract—with small white lines in ’em where the lotion forgot to go. I thought ’bout the times those hands would rub Pond’s cold cream all over my face, leaving me to shine all day in the sun. She’d forgot to oil my face up that morning.

If a jackrabbit had any notion of what it would feel like to be cooked then ate, I’m certain he wouldn’t stick round long ’nough to find out. That’s just what it felt like to have Big Mama tell me I was gonna have to get on some bus and leave all I ever knowed. This was my punishment for disturbing God with my troublesome self. The truth is, he has a whole world to run and look after, so I could see how I had got on his nerves and he was tired of me. He must’ve sent Big Mama a sign to send me off. Now I could really see that Big Mama took more of a liking to Sister than she did me. And now that I knowed the truth, I couldn’t believe I wasn’t even allowed to see Doretha ’fore I left. If I’d known I was gonna leave for good, I’d at least have woke her up to say good-bye. I didn’t get to say nothing to nobody, as a matter of fact. It’s like everybody know ’bout my leaving except me. Well, forget them and they sorry asses anyways! My sister and them ain’t so special! They all gonna get whooped by Lula Mae too! And for all they know I could be living with a nice family that didn’t beat kids like you’d beat a rug hanging out on a line. Or yell at folks up in they face as if they deaf, dumb, and stupid! Yeah, I was prob’ly going to someplace where nobody was gonna know me for being troublesome! They was gonna like me and buy me pretty dresses and coats that wasn’t two sizes too big or make me wear funky-smelling sweaters that wasn’t even mine! I couldn’t wait to get to where I was going just so I could let ’em all see how better I was than them! I was gonna be good. I was gonna be good.