Someone Else's Garden (52 page)

She deserves it; for sure she deserves it. She is back in her husband’s hut, with her foot poised in the door of maturity, holding on to Rani for companionship.
Tell no one, we will run away together and be safe forever.
She’d said those words. Yes, she deserves it.

‘Are you well? You can stay here. You will stay here with me. You must meet my mother. Oh, Rani, you will be so happy here. Come, you will sleep in the blue room tonight. Upstairs. Next to me. My mother-in-law decorated the walls of it herself. It is beautiful. Oh, Rani, we will be so happy here together. Forgive me. I should have come back, but I can’t even begin to tell you how it was. No direction, no hope, no safety till Manno’s father came along. Forgive me,’ she says, her exuberance lye soap for lifelong guilt.

Dinner is a solemn affair. There is seriousness to their happiness, an acknowledgement of Devi’s divine hand in bringing them together.

‘You two have much to talk about,’ says Eyebrows, stretching after an unusually heavy meal. ‘I must get back to the Sangat. Good thing I brought the bicycle. Three were brought in today, they will all sleep in my room.’ Mamta knows Eyebrows is talking about the babies rescued from the dumpster. Some mothers pretend their babies are born dead so they can throw them in the garbage. Mamta shudders with guilt. The babies rescued from the rubbish have more of a chance than she gave Rani.

‘Tell Amma I will come to the Sangat tomorrow.’ It is Mamta’s job to make sure the cement is mixed properly. Her shoulders ache from carrying Shanti at the mixer all day, but she never complains. What do they say? A mother’s arms are never tired. She pushes back her chair and stands up. Rani, following her stepmother’s actions closely, also stands up.

‘Who’s this?’ Ram Singh always appears at this time for his meal, just before she leaves the public downstairs to go to bed.

In deference to her husband’s unspoken wishes, Mamta is civil with her brother-in-law. They haven’t fought since Lokend’s death, and have managed to somehow carve out their own separate orbits at the Big House. ‘This is my friend. My friend Rani.’ The women look at each other. It isn’t a lie, but it is so far from the truth that it could be one.

He nods without looking up from his thali. He has made a tacit agreement with himself to be dispassionately satisfied with his loneliness. He will never have a legal heir, because the Big House is lost to him forever.

‘We are going upstairs. Rani is staying.’ She could never have dared say those words to him before. No explanation, just three words: Rani is staying.

*  *  *

The true dawn reveals an old cracked photo of herself as a young girl and Lata Bai lying next to a steaming cup of tea. She’d never forgotten that photo, the one from her memory box. The one she’d left behind in the dip of Rani’s bed when she ran away, the one that Rani carried with her all these years.

Some time while she slept, Rani slipped back into the night, disappeared from sight.

Mamta looks into her cup. Her face still, even thoughtful, resigned, like her stepdaughter’s heart must have been last night. Help me, she thinks, and turns around, seeking his eyes. The feeling of being watched over is strongly with her, but before she can grasp it fully, it is gone like a shiver on a warm day, leaving behind the reality of her loneliness.

Rani must have known all through dinner that she wouldn’t be here in the morning. Why did she leave?

Don’t fault her for her decision. There are so many Ranis in this world. They come in all guises, all lacking any sort of encouragement from their circumstances. Had Rani experienced a great drought she might have had the courage to stay, had there been less acceptance in her father’s prostitute she might have had the fortitude to ask for what she’d lost, had there been just something a little different about one of her patrons she might have accused her stepmother of cowardice . . . But there hadn’t, and so her life played out in an altogether other way.

In the end, this is not Rani’s story but Mamta’s, so all we can do is wish Rani an obstacle-free journey and the kindness of destiny.

‘Amma?’

She jumps with surprise.

‘Shanti!’ her two-year-old crawls into her lap. She puts down her cup, the tea still hot enough to burn.

As she takes this daughter in her arms, she realises she will never see her other daughter again. Rani will once again lose herself in that great faceless, nameless mass of unloved humanity that flits from here to there trying to make sense of this world. Every once in a while, Mamta will catch a glimpse of her in a crowd, will run to her, but won’t be able to catch up. Until one day. One day she will be by her side, will tap her on the shoulder, only to come face to face with a stranger’s eyes as befuddled as her own.

Mamta’s name means mother’s love. It is a good and fitting name. In her own mother’s love, she had more than most. It was a practical kind of love, never frivolous, always conferred with discretion, much like a limited resource. In that she is different.

‘Make a chapatti, bake a chapatti,
Give one to your father, give one to your mother,
One for your sister and one for your brother,
Then what’s left? One burned and dry,
Give it to the little girl to make her cry.’

Each phrase of her nursery rhyme is punctuated with kisses on her daughter’s palms. She sings the words not to toughen up Shanti but to remind her of where she came from. Finally, she burrows her face in her daughter’s hair.

What is it they say about innocence? It is being harmless and unharmed at the same time.

Glossary

Abba:
see Bapu.

Aindri Mata:
a manifestation of Devi. All perception is a manifest -ation of her energy.

Amma:
mother; Mummy.

Apsara:
these young women, with supernatural powers and complete mastery over the performing arts, are the handmaidens of Indra, ruler of Heaven; intoxicatingly beautiful, divine entertainers, they may be considered to be the equivalent of the muses, naiads, and nymphs.

Arey-oh/Arey:
a call to attract someone’s attention, as in ‘Hey there . . .’

Ashram:
place of sanctuary or refuge, usually associated with a particular temple or religious group.

Atal Bihari Vajpayee:
Indian statesman who served as Prime Minister of India, heading a coalition government from March 1998 until May 2004.

Avatars:
manifestation of Hindu gods in human or animal form on earth. Avatars possess the same attributes and powers as the gods they represent.

Babuji:
a respectful way of addressing a man from a higher caste.

Babul:
type of tree also called the Acacia Arabica.

Bakelite:
kind of hard plastic used for making toilet seats.

Bapu:
father; Daddy.

Barfi:
sweet made from reduced milk solids and sugar.

Betel-leaf:
also known as paan is a leaf from the pepper family. It is chewed with slaked lime and betel-nut, and turns the saliva red. Red betel-juice paan stains are commonly seen on Indian streets and in buildings.

Betel-nuts:
Areca nut chewed by Indians wrapped in betel-leaf.

Bhagvat/Bhagavad Gita
:
literally ‘the Lord’s Song’, the holy book of Hindus. The content is the divine learning imparted by Lord Krishna to his disciple Arjuna on the eve of the great Kurukshetra war mentioned in the Mahabharata epic. The
Bhagvat Gita
, rendered in verse, is the oldest spiritual text known to mankind. The English translation referenced in this book is by Annie Besant.

Bhai/ Bhaia:
elder brother.

Bhajans:
hymns; devotional songs.

Bhajiwala:
man who sells bhaji, a vegetarian preparation.

Bibiji:
a respectful way of addressing a woman from a higher caste. Bidi: hand rolled tobacco-leaf ‘cigarette’.

Bindi:
dot between the eyebrows of a woman placed for adornment.

Brahmi Mata:
a manifestation of Devi. She is divine speech, her energy represents the immutable sound.

Brooke Bond:
brand name of a bestselling Indian tea.

Chacha:
literally ‘father’s younger brother’; respectful way of addressing a man belonging to one’s father’s generation.

Chai:
sweet spiced brewed tea.

Chaiwalas:
chai seller.

Chakra:
literally ‘wheel’; chakras in the body are focal points for receiving and transmitting cosmic energy.

Chitrahaar:
literally ‘garland of pictures’; this popular thirty-minute television programme features the latest songs from Hindi films.

Charpoy:
literally ‘four legs’; Indian rope bed.

Choli:
short blouse that may be worn with a ghaghra or sari, leaving the midriff exposed.

Chunni:
long scarf (2.5 metres) worn with a ghaghra or salwarkamiz.

Congress Party:
complete name The Indian National Congress; a major political party in India.

Daal:
soupy lentil stew, a staple throughout India.

Daku:
dacoit; bandit.

Devi:
the Hindu divine mother, embodiment of all expressions of female energy. Devi has many manifestations propitiated on specific days for specific purposes.

Dhobi:
washerman who does the laundry off-site.

Dhobi-ghat:
the place, usually by the banks of a river or stream, where a dhobi does the laundry.

Dhoti:
four-metre-long loincloth commonly worn by Indian men.

Dhruv Tara:
the constant North Star.

Didi:
elder sister; respectful way of addressing a woman your own age. Diwali: festival of lights; the start of the new year for Indians. Eve-teasing: euphemism for groping/sexual harassment of women in public.

Fenugreek:
a bitter leafy vegetable whose seeds are used as a spice.

Ficus:
a type of tree with aerial roots.

Ganga:
another name for the Ganges river.

Gautam Buddha/Buddha:
literally ‘Awoken One’; spiritual teacher and founder of the Buddhist faith.

Gayatri Mantra –
Ohm Bhoor Bhuwah Swaha, Tat Savitur Varenyum, Bhargo Dewas Dhimahi, Dhiyo Yo Naha Prachodaya:
Highly revered mantra recorded in the
Rig Veda
, requests the blessing of enlightenment.

Ghaghra:
skirt made with 8.25 metres of material.

Ghazal:
poetic song that celebrates the pain of loss and the beauty of the struggle.

Gnostic:
of or having mystical knowledge.

Gopal:
another name for Krishna, the blue Hindu god of love. Gulab jamun: deep-fried dumpling made from reduced milk soaked in sugar syrup.

Gundas:
gangs of men and boys who indulge in Eve-teasing and unruly and destructive behaviour.

Gurdwara:
holy temple for the Sikh community.

Guru Dutt:
Indian film actor, director and producer. He ushered in the golden age of Indian cinema, always tackling social issues head-on.

Guru Nanak:
the first of the ten divine teachers of the Sikh faith.

Hai:
long sigh.

Halwa:
any preparation that is made with a combination of carbohydrate, clarified butter, sugar and spices. Halwa can be made from semolina, flour, carrots, lentils etc.

Henna:
a flowering plant. The dye made from its leaves is used to decorate palms during marriage ceremonies;.

Hijras:
members of a third gender, neither men nor women. They refer to themselves linguistically as female and usually dress as women, though they never attempt to pass for women. Some hijras are eunuchs, and many consider only castrated men to be true hijras.

Hir-Ranja:
tragic Muslim Jat couple who died for love.

Indigo:
plant used for producing blue-black dye.

Ishvari Mata:
a manifestation of Devi. She is pure reflection, she represents absolute freedom.

Jaggery:
blocks of unrefined sugar.

Jai ho/Jai ho Devi, Devi jai ho:
Hail/Hail to the Divine Mother, Divine Mother hail.

Jalebi:
deep-fried sweet pastry doodle soaked in sugar syrup.

Kabari-man:
the man who collects a household’s recyclable rubbish.

Kali/Kali Mata:
a manifestation of Devi. Her energy represents cosmic destructive power.

Kalidas:
one of the greatest and most enlightened Indian literary personalities of all time.

Karma/Karmic:
the Hindu law of cause and effect that governs the universe.

Kaurav:
the hundred sons of the Kuru clan; in the epic tale of the
Mahabharata
they fought the five brothers from the Pandava clan.

Khadi:
Indian hand-spun and hand-woven cotton cloth.

Koyal:
bird from the cuckoo family, famous for its sweet song.

Kshatriyas:
warrior caste, ranked just below the priest caste.

Kumari Mata:
a manifestation of Devi. She represents valour. Harmony of thoughts, actions and feelings are guided by her energy.

Kurta/Kurta pyjama:
long tunic worn with baggy pants.

Laddoo:
sweets made with lentils, nuts and clarified butter.

Ladli:
beloved.

Laila–Majnu:
tragic Persian love story in which Majnu goes mad when he discovers that his beloved Laila is to be married to another man. The story appealed to the Indian psyche so much that it developed a local Indian ‘twist’. The graves of the lovers are believed to be in Rajasthan and their gravesite has become a place for pilgrim for other desperate lovers.