Someone Else's Life (26 page)

Holly

The pier looms up ahead of us before I even realize we’re back. I stare at it, disorientated, unsure quite how I got here, how to continue.

“You okay?” Andy asks and I turn, startled. I’d forgotten he was there.

I nod quickly. “Yes, yes, sorry, I was … somewhere else.”

“Understandable.” He nods, climbing off the boat. “You’ve been in a sort of trance the whole way back. You missed all the whales.”

I look up, surprised.

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “There were dozens—
massive
ones.”

A smile tugs at my lips. “Liar.”

“You’ll never know, will you?” He winks, heading up the hill.

“Thank you, Andy,” I tell him, following. “For everything. That was … it was …”

“Horrific,” Andy finishes for me.

I grin. “Horrific,” I agree, fumbling for my keys. “Thanks for lending me your cell phone, too.”

“Hang on to it for now,” he tells me. “In case the clinic rings about your appointment.”

“You’re sure? What if someone calls for you?”

“No one’s got that number—no one except Rosie, anyway. I got the SIM especially to make calls in the States—keep it for now.”

“Thanks.” I smile, the expression freezing on my face as a black stretch limo rounds the corner and heads toward us.

“Holly?” Andy looks at me. “Holly, what is it?” He glances at the car.

I stare at it, frozen. “It’s her.”

He frowns. “Who?”

I swallow hard. “Kitty.”

“Kitty?”
Andy stares. “What the
hell?
What’s
she
doing here?”

My heart pounds deafeningly, my skin prickling as the car gets closer, closer—then it’s gone.

I close my eyes.

She’s gone
.

“Holly?” Andy says quietly. “Are you okay?”

I nod slowly, forcing myself to take deep breaths.

She’s gone now
.

Andy wraps his arm around me gently. “Are you sure?”

I nod again, swallow. “I just want to go home.”

Andy nods, squeezing my shoulders tightly as we slowly round the corner onto my street. We make it up the driveway, up the steps, and then I stop, suddenly exhausted. The thought of taking another step, of opening that door, of facing Dad and Megan and dealing with everything, is overwhelming.

“I don’t think I can do this,” I breathe.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Andy soothes. “Remember, it’s your decision.”

I bite my lip.
My decision
. The hardest of my life.

“Come here,” he says, pulling me into a hug. I lean into his warmth, closing my eyes and trying to pretend it’s all been a dream—a nightmare—that soon I’ll be able to wake up.

“Oh, Rosie.” Dad’s voice floats through the open kitchen window and I freeze. “I never stopped hoping, never stopped trying … so many letters …” He trails off and I hold my breath, turning to look through the glass to see Dad holding Rosie tightly.

“Holly?” Andy glances at me nervously.

I can’t breathe. My eyes are glued to the pair of them. My dad. With his daughter. His real daughter. His
healthy
daughter.

“If she’d just given us a chance, if she’d just tried … we could have been a family …”

My chest tightens as he strokes her hair.

“Oh Rosie, it could’ve been—it
should’ve
been so different …”

My heart stops.

Did he just say that? Did he really just say that?

“Holly?” Andy says distantly. “Are you okay?”

What about me
—
and Megan
—
and Ben? We’re his family. Or at least, they are …

But not me
, I realize, my legs trembling beneath me.
It’s never been me
.

I stare at Rosie, folded so tightly in his arms, the world revolving around her, as always. Where I should be. Where I used to be.

She’s taken everything
.

“Holly?” Andy’s face swims in front of mine as he searches my eyes, his hand soft on my cheek, his gaze clear and blue.

Suddenly I lean forward and kiss him, hard, pushing against him as if my life depends on it.

He breaks away and stares at me. I stare back, my lips stinging, my pulse racing, hardly believing what I’ve just done.

“Andy?” Rosie’s voice is small, hesitant.

The look on her face is priceless—shock and surprise painting her cheeks a beautiful shade of gray.

Maybe now she’ll know how it feels.

“Rosie …,” Andy starts. “Rosie, I—”

“Holly?”

I freeze at the familiar voice.

Slowly, I look down the steps, to where Josh is staring at me, his eyes wide, an inappropriately cheerful bunch of daisies hanging limply from his hand.

Rosie

“What’s going on?” I say quietly, my blood running cold as I look through the open window at Andy, then Holly, then back again. He looks away. “Andy …?”

He glances at Holly, then glares at me.

“Oh, sod the pair of you!” he mutters angrily, pushing past her and storming straight past me through the kitchen and thundering upstairs.

“Andy!” I cry, racing after him.
“Andy!”

I find him in the bedroom stuffing clothes into his rucksack.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving, remember? I wanted to go before, but you begged me to stay—said you needed me. And like a stupid sod, I believed you.” He wrestles with his bag, his fingers fumbling in his hurry, his anger.

“Andy, what’s wrong?” I ask quietly. “What happened?”

“You happened, Rosie.
You
happened.” He shoves his clothes down, pushing and pounding as he struggles with the zip. “I warned you—I
warned
you that you didn’t know what you were doing, what pain you could cause, what a
bloody mess
you’d make—but oh, no,
Rosie
knows best.” He yanks the zip up finally, tightens the cord, then sighs, pushing his hair back from his face, his eyes closed. “Such a bloody mess …”

I step closer, wanting to hold him, to soothe away his anger, but something pins me to the spot.

“Is this about Holly?” I ask, my voice small, the words stinging my tongue as they rise unbidden. “Did you … did something happen?”

“Oh, here we go!” Andy laughs, lifting his bag off the bed.

“I’m only asking,” I defend myself, hugging my arms. “Did you spend the day with her?”

“Why?” He rounds on me suddenly. “Why, where were you, Rosie?”

I stare at him. “I—”

“You were meant to be with me, we were supposed to go whale watching, remember?” He glares at me. “But when I get out of the shower: surprise, surprise, no Rosie. Again.”

“I’m sorry!” I cry. “But Kitty just turned up—I had to go—I left you a note!”

“Really? A note?” Andy laughs. “Where? Where, Rose? I don’t see any note, do you?” He sweeps his arm around the room. “And even if you did, you
promised
we’d spend today together, Rosie. You promised.” His eyes bore into me. “But no. You left me.
Again
. And it wasn’t even for Holly! You left me for Kitty—
Kitty!
After the way she treated you in New York, the message she left on the answering machine—she just snaps her fingers and off you go? Are you crazy?”

“She’s my mum!”

“No, you had a mum, Rosie. A terrific mum. She loved you, she cared for you, and yes, she’s gone, but I’m telling you now, if you think Kitty’s going to be some magical replacement, you’re in for a big disappointment.”

“That’s not what I’m doing!”

“Well, I don’t know
what
you’re doing anymore—what you want, where you’re going. You’re coming traveling, then you’re not. You’re finding your mother, then you’re not. You’re spending the day with me, then you’re not—I can’t keep up!”

I stare at him, speechless.

“I’m sick of it, Rosie!” His bag thumps to the floor. “I’ve been working shitty jobs since July to save up for this trip—it’s my gap year! I’m supposed to be seeing the sights, digging wells in dusty villages or getting off my face at full-moon parties—not chasing around after messed-up girls with their incessant issues who piss me about, then screw me over at every turn!”

My cheeks burn. “That’s not fair.”

“Well, you know what? Life’s not fair. It wasn’t fair that Trudie died, it wasn’t fair that she turned out not be your mother. But you can’t just take another person’s parents because yours have gone, then flaunt them in their face with fishing trips and hugs and bloody
limos
—
that’s
not fair, Rosie!”

“They’re my parents!” I protest. “She’s my
mother
, Andy! He’s my
father!
”

“He’s
Holly’s
father!” Andy rounds on me. “He’s been her father for eighteen years, and now you’ve ruined her life!”

“Me?” I stare at him, dumbfounded, anger rising against the guilt and shame. “I didn’t even know about Jack—it was
you
who found him,
you
who brought me here, Andy. I was going to walk away, leave everyone well alone, but you
made
me tell her.
You
said I had no choice!”

“Well—”

“No, Andy, you’re in this as deep as I am, but it’s so much easier to just blame me, isn’t it? To do a runner when things get complicated—like you always do? When the truth is, we wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for you!”

“Well, maybe you’re better off without me, then,” he counters. “You’re right, I’m wrong, whatever.” He shrugs. “I’m well out of it.” He swings his bag onto his shoulder and pulls on his Yankees baseball cap.

My heart hurts, beating frantically. I bought him that cap in New York—we’d laughed so hard.

“Andy, wait!” I grab his arm. “Please!”

“Why?” His eyes bore into mine.

“I—”

“You don’t need me, Rosie—you’ve got your family now. The whole reason you came, remember?” His eyes blaze at me.

“Andy—”

“Goodbye, Rose.” He yanks open the door. “I hope it was worth it.”

Helplessly, I watch him go, pinned to the spot by his words—the truth—as the door slams shut behind him.

Holly

“Holly?” Josh looks up at me. “Holly, what’s going on?”

I can’t look at him, can’t face him. My cheeks are burning and I feel nauseous.

“Holly? Could you come down here, please?”

I close my eyes, then walk slowly down the steps, my grip tight on the handrail, my eyes on the ground.

“So?” he says when I reach the bottom. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I mumble, my eyes glued to the path. “Nothing’s going on.”

“Right,” he says, nodding thoughtfully. “I get a dozen missed calls, plus texts and voice mails begging me to call you—there’s something urgent you have to tell me—yet when I try calling you today you don’t answer your phone, then when I come all the way down here I find you kissing some other guy!”

I close my eyes.

“So tell me, Holly, what was it that was so urgent? What was it you just
had
to tell me?”

He looks at me and I look away, take a deep breath, willing the words to come, the impossible, awful, life-altering truth.

He laughs bitterly. “I suppose that’s a stupid question.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

“
This
is what you were so desperate to tell me?” he says. “That you’re dumping me for someone else?”

I stare at him incredulously, the blood pumping wildly through my veins, the enormity of my news overwhelming as I look at him, so agitated, so outraged. Then suddenly I laugh—a brittle, edgy sound.

“Yes, Josh,” I tell him. “Yes, that’s exactly it. I’ve found someone else—I’m in love with Andy.”

“What?” He stares at me dumbfounded. “Who the hell is Andy?”

“I’m sorry.” I close my eyes, forcing the words out painfully. “It’s over.”

“Holly …”

I march away from him.

“Holly, wait—”

I bite my lip, don’t turn.

“Holly!”
He grabs my arm. “What’s going on? What’s happened?”

“It’s over!” I tell him, pulling roughly away. “Are you stupid or something? Do you need me to spell it out?” I stare at him, my blood racing, out of control. “It’s over, Josh. I’ve
moved on
. Deal with it, okay? You’re free—go screw as many college girls as you want.”

“What?” Josh stares at me. “Holly—”

“Why didn’t you answer your phone, Josh?” I ask miserably. “Where were you?”

“What?”

“You knew how upset I was, how much I needed you, yet you wouldn’t let me come with you, wouldn’t answer your phone …” Hot tears streak down my face. “I needed you, Josh. I needed you and you weren’t there.”

“Holly, baby, I’m sorry—I’m here now, I—”

“It’s too late.” I turn away sadly. “You’re too late.”

“Holly …” He sighs. “… I didn’t get your calls, I couldn’t answer. I didn’t have my phone—I left it … in a friend’s room and when I got it back I called—I came straight over!”

I bite my lip.

“Jeez, Holly, it was just one day!”

One day? Is that all? One day and my whole world has fallen apart.

He looks at me for a moment, then sighs heavily. “Look, Holly, I don’t know what’s happened, what’s changed, but—”

“Everything,” I mumble. “Everything’s changed. I’m—” I sigh. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand.” He cups my face, his hands trembling. “Holly … Look at me. You’re what?”

I look at him and see our future in his face. The sacrifice he would make—the future I’d destroy.

“I’m …” I take a deep breath, trembling on the brink, the precipice. “I’m … not in love with you.” I turn away, closing my eyes against the hurt in his eyes, the lies in mine. An awful silence trails behind me, and I shiver at the enormity of it, the great abyss I’ve created, filled with shock and hurt, as I walk away from him, from our life together.

“I—I don’t believe you,” Josh says, panic lacing his words like arsenic. “Holls, I don’t believe you. Holly … this is me!” He grabs my arm. “This is us!”

His eyes are full, deep wells of sorrow. “Holly … is this about that kiss? About kissing another guy?”

I close my eyes.

“It’s okay—it didn’t mean anything—I understand …”

I shake my head miserably. “You don’t understand.”

“Holly, I do …,” he says, his voice trembling. “I do understand.”

He looks pained suddenly, distraught.

“The guys, they … they told me I was crazy to get engaged so young—insisted on taking me out last night, drinking, clubbing … They wanted to show me what I’d be giving up, what I’d be missing out on, and I …” He sighs, his face crumpling. “That’s why I didn’t get your calls … My phone was—”

“In a friend’s room,” I quote, the blood leaving my body.

“Holly, it’s not what you’re thinking—nothing happened—I couldn’t! I love you!”

I look away.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head. “I feel sick. I came straight here when I got my phone. I haven’t eaten, haven’t slept—”

“I bet.” I bite my lip so hard it bleeds.

“Holly …” He shakes his head wretchedly, his eyes swimming. “Baby, nothing happened, I swear! I left before anything happened—I realized it was a mistake. Like you and him, right?”

I turn away, tears flooding my eyes.

“It’s this engagement, it’s freaked us out, made us crazy, that’s all!” he insists desperately. “I knew you were scared, that you were worried about our future when I left for college. That’s why I took you to New York, to prove to you that nothing had changed, that I’m yours—I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

I close my eyes.

“And New York … it was so incredible, so perfect—and then I saw that ring vendor and suddenly realized there was one way I could truly convince you, one way I could prove my commitment to you once and for all …” He sighs.

“But we’re too young, Holls, we’re teenagers, for God’s sake! It was too much, I get that now. I understand … 
That’s
why we both freaked out—that’s all it was—a knee-jerk reaction, a meltdown, right?” He searches my eyes, his gaze pleading, desperate. “Let’s just take a step back, okay? No ring, no pressure. Just you and me. We’re great together—so great—let’s just go back to the way we were.”

The way we were …

“Holly, please,” he begs. “Just you and me. I love you.”

Just you and me
.

I shake my head. “It’s too late.”

“No,” he insists, squeezing my hands hard. “It’s not too late, Holly, please. You’re still you and I’m still me and I love you so much …” Tears streak his face. “Please forgive me, Holly. Please.” His voice cracks, breaking my heart. “I love you, Holly Woods.”

Tears blur my vision as I look up at him, biting my lips to stop them from trembling. Here it is—my excuse for leaving him, for setting him free, handed to me on a plate. But somehow it doesn’t make it any easier.

“I forgive you,” I say, closing my eyes, the tears spilling down my cheeks. “But it’s too late.” I swallow hard, pulling gently away. “It’s over.”

I turn and run blindly up the steps, past Andy coming down, into the house and up to my room before I can change my mind—before I turn back and crumble into Josh’s arms and ruin his life forever.

This is for the best
, I tell myself.
It’s better this way. It’s the right thing. For both of us
.

I throw myself on my bed and curl up around my stomach.

For all of us
.

So why does it feel like the end of the world?