Something Forever (11 page)

“Nice fri
end,” I commented sarcastically while rolling my eyes. “Go on.”

“I have a new roommate, but you probably already knew that. Her name is Jenna. We were like two opposites, but now I think her goodness rubbed off on me. She doesn’t call me chicken shit. She actually influences me to be a better person. I’m not saying anything bad about you, but we
did some crazy, wild things together.”

“Really?”

Becca nudged me with her elbow, gesturing me to keep comments to myself. “We were in college,” she said quickly. “That’s the time to experiment.”

“True.” I kissed her cheek and squeezed her a little bit tighter on her waist.

Becca grunted when she felt the pressure. Releasing a sigh, she continued, “Matthew, who is a leech on my back right now, is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’ll be happy to know that Matthew is not an asshole and I am officially not an asshole magnet any longer.”

I rocked us from side to side, letting her know how much I appreciated her words.
“I’m glad you don’t think I’m an asshole,” I added quickly.

“
Shhh. I’m still talking.” Becca laughed. “I wish you could meet him in person. He’s truly a gentleman, more than I could ever have expected. Sometimes I don’t think I deserve him.” She paused. “Matthew is really good to me, unlike any of the guys you’ve seen me date, but fate took you away so soon. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t force you to get out of the car. I should have yanked you out...or taken your car keys, anything to stop you from driving.”

Becca’s hand reached
for her face to stop the tears from falling. Seeing her like this not only made my heart ache, but made me sad for her. However, I also knew that once she passed this stage, she would learn to forgive and let go. There would be closure, and no one understood that better than me.

“It’s not your fault, Becca,” I whispered in her ear
. Switching positions, Becca was now facing me, her whole body was engulfed in my arms.

“I
t is my fault,” she muttered into my sweater. “I could have prevented it. I could have done so many things differently, but I didn’t. It’s my fault. Amber didn’t die alone.”

At this point Becca was sobbing. I could tell how much she was hurting from the guilt and the loss
of her friend. Her pain traveled inside of me. Whatever she felt, I felt it, too. That’s how much I cared and loved her. That’s how much she meant to be. I would do anything to mend her pain and hurt, anything to make it right for her.

But
...something stone cold struck me. My heart started thumping harder against my chest and my muscles became stiff. I couldn’t move. For some strange reason, Becca’s last words felt like a slap on my face.
Amber didn’t die alone.
My eyes shifted from the ground to the headstone. I hadn’t paid attention to what was written on it since I was standing behind Becca, trying to give her some privacy.

When Becca
had told me her friend passed away on the same date as Tessa, I thought, ‘What a coincidence’. There were billions of people on this planet, surely many people died on the same date. Yet when I traced Amber’s full name with my eyes, I thought I was going to drop dead. Amber James kept echoing in my mind. Surely it couldn’t be the same person. Could it?

I
didn’t know what came over me, but tears blinded my eyes. My grip on Becca loosened. I dropped down to my knees. Oh God! Please don’t let it be true. I needed answers...fast, but not here.

“Matthew
...Matthew...what’s wrong?”

I felt my body shake and my name
echoed in my head...until I finally came to. “Becca, I need to take you home. Now!”

Chapter 1
5

Becky

I wasn’t sure what the problem was or what had triggered Matthew’s sudden anger, but I didn’t want to add to it
, so I kept my mouth shut and got in the car. Matthew didn’t even look at me or say a word. In fact, the drive back to my place was dead silent. I wanted to ask him questions, but the cold stone look on his face made me so nervous that I dare not say a word.

Replaying the words I had said to him didn’t help
make me understand his actions. Matthew had been so loving and supportive while we were there until he saw something or remembered something, causing him to drop to his knees. Flabbergasted, I tried to remain calm and steady my heartbeat, but my stomach was doing nasty somersaults, and the acid feeling inside of my chest was only building.

“Matthew, what’s wrong? What happened back there?” I finally asked, starting to feel a little ticked off seeing him pacing back and forth in deep thought.
His lips were parting and closing; I could tell he was trying to tell me something, but it never came out. Now I was beyond annoyed. Sitting uncomfortably on the sofa, I stared at him hard, as if that would make him snap out of it. I had never seen him like this before, but enough was enough. “Matthew, what the hell happened? You can’t just shut down on me like that.”

Matthew stopped in front of
me, peering down at me. Either he looked really concerned or really scared...I couldn’t tell which one. “What happened the night your friend died?”

Where was he going with this? “I already told you. She drove wasted and died from a car accident. I was—”

Matthew dropped to his knees to meet me at my eye level and interrupted, “You’re hiding something. You didn’t finish the story, did you?”

My eyes flickered back and forth; I couldn’t look at him. “I’m not hiding anything.
”

“How did Amber die?” Matthew’s tone was calm, but I felt goose bumps up my arms. It was the way he had asked, like he knew. Surely he couldn’t have.

“I already told you. What the fuck, Matthew? What is wrong with you?” I stammered, standing up to walk away, but Matthew gripped my arm.

“Sit down.” His tone was cold and demanding.

Under other circumstances I would have told him to screw himself and walked away, but I listened. Clearly something was bothering him. When I sat, Matthew sat on the floor with his knees tucked in. “Please answer with the truth. What do you mean ‘she didn’t die alone’? Did your friend, Amber James, kill someone the night of her accident?”

How could he
possibly freakin’ know? Not even Jenna knew. And there was no way Jenna would spill the beans if she did. Regardless, I needed to tell him the truth. Oh God! Now I remembered. My tongue had slipped at the gravesite. Maybe it would do some good to get it off my chest. Matthew would understand. Amber was right. I had always been a chicken shit.

Inhaling a deep breath
, I let it all out. “Not a day goes by where I don’t hold this guilt inside of me. It has been eating me alive. There are days when I’m fine and days when I feel so much remorse that I wish it was me. I could have prevented this.”

Matthew
lowered his head. Taking a deep breath, his chest expanded. With a puff of heavy air, he looked at me again. His hands gripped the sofa and he seemed thoroughly pissed off. “Tell me. It’s a simple word. Yes, or no?” His words seethed out of his mouth in a way I’d never heard before. He was right. It was a simple answer, one word that was hard to say.

I looked away shamefully. “Yes. Amber killed someone. She killed herself and someone else. So that makes me responsible for two deaths. Is that what you want to hear?” Tears started pouring down my cheek
s.

Matthew
was nonchalant about my tears, unlike before. He had a motive, but why? “When and where did it happen?” Matthew leaned in closer, as if I would speak faster.

“It was raining hard that night. We were at a party, somewhere near Santa Monica. Amber took off. From the police report and wh
at her parents told me, she ran a red light on 7
th
Street. I think—” I stopped talking when Matthew’s face turned pale.

“No
...no...no,” he repeated, gripping his hair tightly. Standing up, he stared at me like I was his worst enemy. That stone cold look he gave me was one I was not prepared for. That alone killed me, stabbing my heart a thousand times.

I had no clue what the hell was
the matter with him. “Matthew. What’s wrong?” When I took a step to him, he jolted back. He didn’t want me near him, and that action twisted painfully in my heart. Tears began to fall again.

“Did you know?
” He took another step back.

“Know what?” I wrapped my arms to my chest to hold my shaky body together. “Please
, I don’t understand.” I felt like I was losing him and I had no idea what I had done.

Matthew raked his hair back and turned his back on me. He was now closer to the door. “Amber
...killed...Tessa. Tessa’s car was hit on 7
th
Street, and she died the same night your friend died. She...killed...my...Tessa.” Matthew’s tone was soft, but I could feel every stabbing pain.

Dead silence filled the air. I
stopped breathing. This wasn’t happening. Not my Matthew. Not the man I wanted forever with. What should I say? There were no words for comfort and no words to apologize. I tried to take a step to him, but my body was too stiff—too much in shock—that all I could do was let the tears flow and try to find the right words...but nothing.

“Matthew
.” I swallowed, hearing my voice crack. “I swear to you that I didn’t know. I never knew the name of the person. I never wanted to know her name. The guilt was already too much, and I thought if I didn’t know her name then it would be as if it never happened. I know that it’s probably not right to think that way, but it was the only way I could go on.”

“Her name was Tessa
Young,” he gritted through his teeth softly, but sternly, as if I should have known.

“I’m sorry, Matthew. I really didn’t know.” Tears kept flowing
, and no matter how much I tried to stop them, I couldn’t. Although Matthew was physically present, he was long gone. I’d lost him. I knew this when he wouldn’t look at me, even after I apologized, even after telling him I didn’t know.

I found the courage to stand next to him and place my hand on his shoulder. “Matthew, please say something.”

“Becca,” he said, inhaling a deep sigh, “I need some space right now.” Without looking at me, he walked out the door with his head down.

I dropped to the floor where he left me and sobbed into the palm
s of my hands. My pounding heart hurt like hell, traveling through every nerve, bone, and muscle in me. Matthew was simply gone. He said he needed space, but he might as well have said we were done, because that was how it felt. All of my energy had been spent pouring out the gut-wrenching ache through my tears. I didn’t know how long I sat there crying, but I sat there until there were no more tears to be shed. When they ran out, I cried more empty tears.

Matthew

I could not believe what was happening. Fate had fucked me big time. What the fuck? What were the odds of Becca’s deceased roommate killing my Tessa? I was in so much shock that I couldn’t remember what I had said. All I knew was that I needed air; to get away to think and soak the news in.

With keys in my hand, I was already at my front door. I had no idea how I got home. Pouring myself a drink, I didn’t know how I was going to remain calm while visiting Tessa with her
sister. It would feel like I was hiding a secret. Though it wasn’t Becca’s fault, the connection was just so freakin’ weird. I was dating the girl who was best friends with the girl that killed Tessa.

I sat on the sofa,
tilted my head back, and spread my legs. Grabbing a sofa pillow, I hugged it tightly, as if it would help get rid of my frustration. I was holding it so tightly that I could see my veins protruding. This wasn’t happening. It felt like my whole world was crumbling. Not only that, it felt like Tessa had died all over again.

It was
bad enough already knowing the name of the girl that killed her, but it was worse when Amber somehow became more than just a name that I hated. I didn’t know anything about her, but now she was taking a physical form. I never knew or wanted to know what she looked like, but now I could see her standing next to Becca even though she was dead.

“Fuck!” I hurled the
pillow across the living room so hard that it made a loud thump noise as it bounced off the wall.

If Becca and I were to get through this, I had to suck it up and
try to get Amber out of the picture. I just needed time to wear off the shock. Too tired to move or think, I decided to call Becca tomorrow. I was pretty sure she needed time to take in the news, too.