Something Forever (14 page)

“You’re lying and we need to talk. I’m not leaving until you hear me out,” he said sternly. I knew he meant it by the look on his face. “Come sit next to me and let’s talk like mature adults.”

I narrowed my eyes at him
, not liking his comment. I knew I was being stubborn, but this was the only way I knew how to deal with problems. Running away had always been the easiest way out. “Fine. But I’ll stand here.”

“Okay.” Matthew nodded. “I’ll go first. Why didn’t you take my phone calls?”

“Because there is nothing to talk about. We were broken the minute you walked out the door.”

“I told you that I needed space. I didn’t
say we were done. Don’t put your words in my mouth, Becca.”

For some reason
, my anger grew. I could feel it boiling inside of me with every breath. “You thought I knew that my friend killed your precious Tessa and that I kept that secret from you,” I huffed. I couldn’t tame my emotions any longer; the hurt and anger were pouring out. “You blamed me for her death. You walked out on me even knowing how devastated I would feel.” Oh shit! Tears were coming.

“Asking you was a natural question
, and I didn’t blame you for her death. Why would you think that?”

The pain was too much, and
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “It was the way you looked at me. And then it was the way you wouldn’t look at me. It was the way you said her name, and the way you said mine. It’s what you believe in...friends don’t let friends drive drunk. How could you even want me after what’s happened? What I did? You could have been with her. You would have been married by now, living happily ever after. I can’t believe—” I stopped. The words had flowed out of me so fast, I had allowed myself to be vulnerable for that second, but no more.

Matthew rushed to me and placed his hands on ei
ther side of the door. I had nowhere to go as he prisoned me like before. Oh God! I was going to lose it. Feeling dizzy from his proximity, I turned my head away.

“Becca,” Matthew gripped my arms. “Look at me.” When I refused, his voice got louder. “Look at me!”

Tears flowed against my will when I did. Seeing his eyes red and teary pained me, too. “Damn you, Becca. Stop punishing yourself. This isn’t your fault.” Matthew pulled me to his chest. The smell of him intoxicated me to the point I wanted him. It took every ounce of will power in me to stop myself from kissing him when his lips inched toward mine.

Though Matthew’s grip was too strong, I managed to create a space between us. Wiping my tears
, I said, “It doesn’t matter if it’s my fault or not. Every time I look at you, I see her. You and I will never be the same. Her death came between us. Her death is fate telling us that we don’t belong together.”

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I was in shock. You can’t blame me for being in shock, Becca. If the role
s were reversed, you would have been the same way. And you’re very wrong. Tessa’s death opened the road for our paths to cross. Don’t think of it as a negative thing. Fate screwed me once before, but it made up for it when I met you. My heart was empty and you filled it up with hope. You are the reason I found love again. You’re the lighthouse to my storm. You’re my beacon that brought me home. You can stand there and tell me how wrong I am, but I’m not giving up on us. I’m not going to let you go that easily, Becca. I love you, and I know you love me, too.”

Oh God! What could I say after that? I wanted to tell him that I felt the same.
However, I loved him so much that I would rather push him away. When he walked out on me, he’d crushed me. I felt a constant stabbing ache in my heart that never stopped bleeding. Now that I felt the raw ache of what it was like to lose him, I didn’t know if I could go through it again. “You’re wrong, Matthew. In fact, I have a date tonight. So I think you should leave. He’ll be here any minute.”

“Tell me I’m wrong after this.”

I had no idea what he was talking about until I felt his hands on my cheeks. Matthew conquered my lips without my permission. I was in so much shock that I let him at first. This was the very thing I was trying to avoid, but I had no will power. It was completely gone the second his lips were on mine. Missing Matthew had killed me this past week. At the first taste of him, I lost it. I utterly freakin’ lost it.

My heart pounded faster. I wanted to rip of
f his clothes and feel him inside of me, to have him stay there forever. Tears were pouring just as fast as my panting breath while I kissed him back with passion and hunger. The pain and anger were subsiding, until I realized why we had fought in the first place. Then I heard Matthew’s words echoing in my mind, “Her name is Tessa Young,” as if to remind me how much he loved her and that I was just a replacement.

Managing
to pull away, I wiped my mouth, disgusted at myself. “I want you to leave,” I said breathlessly. “I need to get ready.”

Matthew let out a laugh. What was so funny?

Since I wouldn’t look at him, he leaned down to me and whispered in my ear, “I know you still care, Becca. I could feel it in your kiss. I’m going to prove to you that we’re meant to be together. I’m going to leave you now since that is what you want, but I’ll be back. I’m not giving up. By the way, I know you don’t have a date. Jenna texted me to let me know you were free.”

I closed my eyes
and cringed after Matthew kissed my cheek and left. My heart softened a little bit and my guilt lessened, but it was still there. It felt wrong to kiss the man I loved when he should have been with someone else, and would’ve been had it not been for my poor judgment and careless ways.

Chapter 1
8

Becky

I had no idea what Matt
hew had meant by showing me how much he cared for me, but if the number of roses were any indication, his love for me was more than I could measure or comprehend. Vases of roses were delivered to our place. Jenna kept going to the door and bringing back more and more. At first I thought they were for her, but they were all for me...except a couple of them.

Jenna wore a huge smile. “See how
much he loves you? Don’t punish yourself and him. Take him back, Becky.”

Feeling overwhelmed, I inhaled the sweet fragrance and took it all in. I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. No one
had ever apologized to me in this way before. Matthew could have said, “Screw you,” and walked away, but he didn’t. I needed some time. If he could give me a little bit more, then I might be able to move on with him.

“Your phone wa
s ringing.” Jenna passed it to me and headed back to the kitchen. She was filling the vases with water.

“Thanks.” I scrolled
through it to see who had tried to reach me. One was from Tanner, and the other one was from Matthew. I texted Tanner first and let him know that I was considering visiting him since I was planning to attend the London book convention. I could take the train and swing by his place after the convention. I scrolled up to find Matthew’s.

Just in case you didn’t read my messages on the
cards, I’m texting it to you
.
Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I’m sorry for hurting you. Each petal on all of the roses is how many times I’m saying I miss you. And each petal on all of the roses is how much I love you. Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.

Tears streamed down my face and my heart lit up in ways it hadn’t for weeks. “I miss you
, too,” I mumbled under my breath. My fingers itched to text him those words, but I couldn’t. When I looked up, Jenna was right beside me.

“Hey.”
With tears in her eyes, she smiled at me.

T
hen I lost it. I embraced her and sobbed like crazy in her arms. I needed her comfort. I needed for her to tell me that everything was going to be fine, but she had no idea what I was going through. Nobody knew. I had never told her about my condition.

“It’s okay. Let it all out.” She rubbed my back, holding me tightly. “I don’t understand why you are doing this to yourself, but I do understand why you feel guilty. The first step is telling your friends how you feel. The second step is talking about it and working things out. I’m not in your shoes
, so I don’t know what it’s truly like. I’m not judging you, but you deserve all the happiness life presents to you. Don’t let it slip away. I’m sorry, but Tessa had her chance. God took her away, not you. You didn’t kill her, Becky. It was just her time to go. Someone better was meant for Matthew.”

I nodded
, letting her know that I’d heard every single one of her wise words, and I’d needed to. Pulling back, I wiped my tears. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. All these years you kept this bottled up. It was eating up your heart and soul, Becky. I don’t care about Tessa. She is only a name to me. But I care about
you. You’re a wonderful person who deserves Matthew more than she does. Don’t think you deserve anyone less. If Matthew was an asshole, I would tell you to forget him, but look around you. This place is filled with his love for you.”

I glanced around, still unbelieving. Everywhere I looked was a reminder of Matthew. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll talk to Matthew, but I need to take one step at a time. He’s going to have to give me space. We can’t just jump into where we were.”

“I understand, but Matthew is going to Sydney this weekend for the annual Australia Fashion Show.”

“
Oh...I’ll be going to the London Book Fair the same week. Then several weeks later is your wedding.” Seeing Jenna’s worried eyes I jumped in again. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there, even if Matthew and I can’t work it out. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Jenna rubbed my arm with a caring smile. “Just do what your heart tells you to do. That is what you always told me. Now I’m giving you the same advice back. Your heart won’t lie to you.”

“I love you, Jenna.” I pulled her in for a tight squeeze. “What am I going to do when you get married?”

Jenna sniffed into my sweater.
“I’ll always be here for you.” Her voice cracked. “I’m just a phone call away. When you and Matthew get back together, you’ll be a floor below me.”

I knew she w
as saying those words to make us feel better, but we both knew that once she got married things would be different. It already was when she got together with Max, and it would get worse when she married him. I wouldn’t have it any other way for her. She deserved all the happiness. Me, on the other hand, I didn’t know.

Maybe Matthew and I would work
things out, and maybe we wouldn’t, but that was all up to fate. Before I decided to do anything, I needed to take a trip to the doctor’s office again. If my predicament was what I thought it was, then I was in deep shit.

After the doctor’s
visit I went to Starbucks near my apartment. With a hazelnut coffee in my hand, I settled into my favorite corner table where the sun shone just enough on my back to give me warmth. As I took a sip, it soothed my throat and blocked out my troubles.

I had an
important decision to make, but the question was should I take care of this on my own? I didn’t want to trouble anyone. It would have to wait till after Jenna’s wedding. How would I tell Matthew about this life altering situation? Either way, I was screwed. Surprisingly, I was calm...too calm. Maybe I was more in shock. I jerked a little when I felt a body brush against mine. A part of me wished it was Matthew. Reminiscing on our last encounter there, it made me miss him. I didn’t know why I thought it was Matthew, but I glanced up with a smile.

“I was wondering if this seat was taken?”
a tall, good-looking guy asked.

Feeling
disappointed, I was about to tell him that it was when someone else spoke for me.

“Actually, this seat is mine.”
His tone was territorial.

I flashed my eyes
in the direction of that familiar voice, and saw a sexy smirk across his face. My heart thumped mercilessly from just the sight of him. Our eyes finally met, then he turned away and stared hard at the guy who was still standing there waiting for my answer.

“Uh
,” I started to say, but no words came out of my mouth. However, I didn’t have to say anything as Matthew pulled out the chair and sat. The guy scowled and left.

“Hello, Becca,” Mathew said. “You’re not working today?”

I took a sip to give myself some time as I tried to decide if I should tell him the truth. “I just got back from a doctor’s appointment and I decided to stop by here.”

“
Is everything okay? Are you sick?”

I shook my head and took another sip. “Everything is fine. Just a routine check up,” I lied. Biting my lip, I forced myself not to cry. I wanted to jump in his arms and tell him the truth, but I couldn’t.
“Why are you here?” I diverted the subject.

Matthew leaned forward on the table with his arms crossed.
“I came by, hoping you would be here. You told me you needed space and I’m trying to give it to you, but I miss you. I miss us.” Matthew paused. “I was going to sit at the opposite corner table and watch you, but then I saw that guy checking you out. I wanted to punch him.”

“Matthew,” I said softly, but my high pitch made some heads turn.

“He was lucky we were in public,” he added. “I came here because I wanted to be where we shared our very first not so friendly connection.” He made me laugh, recalling that day clearly. “It’s the day you stole my heart, and you never gave it back.” He leaned forward, piercing me with his eyes. “It’s still with you.”

When Matthew reached for my hand, I let him take it. “Becca, l
et me in. Let me help you. Whatever you’re feeling or whatever your worries are, I’ll take it away. I’ll fix it. I promise you. If the roses don’t show you how I feel, at least hear my words. Let me make this right.”

He had no idea how much I wanted to say yes and jump
into his arms, but not until I got more results, so I had to think of something fast. “Matthew, let’s talk when you get back from Australia. You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”

“Come with me,” he pleaded.

I looked away. “I can’t. I’m going to the London Book Fair. It’s my first time.”

Matthew nodded, but it hurt me to see the sadness in his eyes. And I knew it would hurt even more when I
built the courage to tell him unwanted news.

“Al
l right, Becca. I’m still going to text you to make sure you’re okay, and I expect you to text me back to let me know. Otherwise, I will worry and call everyone you know. Hell, I’d call the whole damn world just to know you’re okay.”

“Got it
.” I smiled.

“Well, Becca, like before, duty calls. I’ll talk to you soon.” Matthew stood up and planted a long
, lingering kiss on my cheek and left.

Without turning to see him walk out the door, I looked down at my drink a
nd let the tears that I’d held in stream down my face.