Something Old (23 page)

When he’d first seen her in the foyer, his heart had nearly stopped. Her eyes were so alive and her lips slightly open; she’d been awestruck with her surroundings. And he’d been awestruck with her, so plain yet elegant in her black gown. He had never seen her so lovely and yet vulnerable. He’d stood and stared, unable to move until Addison momentarily slipped away. When Katy’s expression became troubled, he’d come to his senses, snatching at the opportunity to approach her.

He shot Erin a tender gaze across the cab. She had been a natural with Addison, providing him an open door to talk to Katy. When she was off the phone, he thanked her for her help. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Don’t let her get away this time,” Erin replied. “By the way, Jessie says hi.”

Her remark was just what he needed to bring him back to task. He’d promised Katy to share his story tonight, the one that included Jessie, and he didn’t even know where to start. He only knew he needed to express his genuine sorrow over his falling away. Katy wasn’t the only one he’d hurt. Now Erin was following his path of folly. “Tell her ‘hi’ for me.” Near Erin’s dorm, he pulled his truck to the side of the road. “And be careful. Stay out of trouble, won’t you?”

She leaned over and kissed his cheek before she hopped out of the truck. He watched her stroll toward her dorm as if she didn’t have a care in the world. He had plenty. He had an hour to figure out what he was going to tell Katy over dinner.

T
he Worthington Inn, a historical Victorian restaurant, provided a charming atmosphere to prolong the Cinderella spell. Katy placed a cloth napkin on her lap, smoothing the surreal fabric of her skirt, and inhaled contentment. The waiter handed them their menus and disappeared.

“Look.” Katy pointed at a descriptive item on the menu. “They use Amish, free range eggs.”

“We can dine in elegance and still feel right at home. But Beef Worthington for me. Never hurts to try the house dish, right?”

With a giggle, Katy marveled, “You and Lil could be twins.”

He leaned forward. “We are, but our parents gave me away.”

“As you well deserved,” Katy teased, then folded her menu. “The garden vegetable plate for me.” The waiter returned for their orders, and they relaxed over coffee.

“One time when we were kids, I asked Lil why she didn’t play with Erin instead of you. She said you were more fun. That Erin could hardly keep up with you two.”

“Erin always tried to keep up with me,” he admitted with a hint of sadness in his voice. Then he gazed into Katy’s eyes and changed the subject. “The Cinderella fairy tale suits you. Especially the pretty part.

You look lovely tonight, your hair swept up like that. Your eyes are amazing. They draw people in, Katy. Did you know that?”

His scrutiny made her uncomfortable. “And the cleaning part. I’m pretty good at sweeping cinders. But I thought we came to talk about you.”

“We did. But I want you to know that you’ve always intrigued me. That has never changed. My problem was a spiritual one, wondering where I fit in. Our family’s divided when it comes to beliefs with the whole Amish-Mennonite thing. My mom broke away from the Amish, but my dad was always Conservative. Then my brother moved to a higher Mennonite church. So I never felt like there was only one church or one way to get to heaven or to please God.”

He paused when their dinners arrived, and once the waiter left, he asked, “Shall we pray?”

She nodded, pleasantly surprised. Even David hadn’t prayed over their meal at Lil’s restaurant.

Jake bowed his head. “Lord, we thank You for this food, but mostly I thank You for the opportunity to share my story with Katy. Amen.”

The sincerity of the simple prayer touched her with tenderness. “Amen,” she breathed. When she opened her eyes, Jake was watching her.

“Anyway, when Dad died, it did something to me. Made me think about how short life is and how trapped I felt. I guess my brother Cal saw my struggle, and he invited me to his Bible study. For the first time I heard about grace.”

Katy clenched her fork. “What do you mean? Brother Troyer teaches grace.”

“But I never heard it. Never understood.”

“Oh.”

“Now there was another decision to make on top of wanting to break away from farming. Cal suggested construction, and it appealed to me. So I signed up for some courses. I wanted to get through school as quickly as possible and get on with life, so I took a full load. But I was still torn about the grace thing. At the time, I thought that if I chose grace, I’d have to leave our church and join Cal’s. To be honest, I enjoyed his Bible study. But I missed some of the studies and delayed making a choice. I knew that if I moved up to another church, I’d lose you.”

You lost me anyway,
she thought. But she asked, “Why didn’t you talk to me about this? Instead you just withdrew.” Remembering how painful it had been, Katy whispered, “You just left.”

“I knew where you stood. You’ve always been rigid in your beliefs.”

Rigid.
She despised that word. His perception of her matched Lil’s. “Was I? Then why was I drawn to the orneriest boy at church?”

“I’m just saying that’s how I felt at the time. Then my surroundings desensitized me and pulled me into the world. I didn’t intentionally go off to college to sow my wild oats. It just happened one step at a time. There was a new world to explore.”

She felt her ears heat. “And new girls.”

“I guess. Jessie was in my business class, and she liked to poke fun at me, but at the same time she helped me out, explained things.”

I’ll bet she did,
Katy thought, jealousy rising in her spirit and stealing her appetite.

“She was fun loving and comfortable to hang out with. She convinced me to go to some parties, and the next thing I knew I was drinking. I knew that lots of Mennonite guys drink before they settle down, and I just figured it would help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. If I even wanted to settle down. But after the initial excitement wore off, I realized that Jessie wasn’t for me. I knew I’d lost my most precious gift, you. I tried to win you back that night in the parking lot, but I went about it all wrong. When you smelled the alcohol on my breath, you despised me for it. I want you to know that if I hadn’t been drunk I never would have manhandled you that way. I’m so sorry about that. I hope you can forgive me.”

She shrugged, not able to answer that question. “I don’t know.”

The waiter came and refilled their drinks, giving Katy a moment to consider everything Jake had just told her. She realized that he was right that she wouldn’t have understood then what it was like to feel the pull of the outsiders. But since she’d started working in their world, she’d experienced some of that excitement, and the lure, too. Wasn’t that what tonight was all about? She didn’t want to condemn him—maybe a guy was drawn with even more force—but his actions had stolen his innocence. At least sexually, she assumed. And that bothered her a lot.

“When you told me off, I decided to leave the church where I wasn’t wanted. The world took me in.”

“Jessie did, too.” Katy murmured.

“Yes. But I was miserable. Soon after that, I broke up with her. Then one night I ended up drunk on Cal’s doorstep. He sobered me up, and we talked a long while. I knew I needed God so I confessed my sins and attended Cal’s Bible study and even his church. Once the Lord entered my life, I viewed everything differently. I’d changed and would change even more in the months after that.”

He continued. “By then, Erin had come to school and hooked up with Jessie and started following my dead-end path. I tried to talk some sense in her, but she wouldn’t listen. Gram got worse, and I decided Mom needed some support at home.”

“Why did you come back to the Conservative Church instead of Cal’s?”

“Because I love it here. And you’re right about grace. It was here all the time, but I was too wrapped up in the dos and don’ts to understood it. Now I realize that church restrictions are put in place to shield us from temptation. They don’t get us to heaven. I could attend a higher church without going against my conscience.”

Katy wondered how he could be content in either church. Couldn’t he see the differences between them? “So you came back because of your friends, and you intend to live Conservative the rest of your life?”

He nodded. “I knew that I had to come back for you. I knew that you’d probably refuse me, but I had to try to recover my most precious loss. Aside from God. Except I don’t think I was ever a Christian to begin with.”

That startled Katy.

“But I am now,” he quickly clarified.

She believed he had repented for his falling away, but she didn’t know if she could take him back. She longed to know how intimate he’d been with the other woman, and yet she didn’t know if she could handle the truth. The question tickled her lips. “I always thought we would get married. To me, it was like you committed adultery.”

“But I didn’t. We weren’t even engaged. If anything, my experience deepened my love for you.”

The admission of his love caught her off guard. She didn’t know how to respond, wanting him, yet not sure she could forgive him. She wanted to trust him.

He looked so handsome in his Sunday suit, but it reminded her that this date was still part of the fairy-tale experience. He seemed caught up in it, too. As much as she desired him, she knew she wasn’t ready to take him back. But how could she let him go? She felt torn.

The waiter returned to their table. “Are you finished with these?”

Katy nodded.

“May I bring you a dessert menu? We have freshly churned ice cream.”

“That sounds good. I’ll have chocolate.” Jake said.

“Me, too.”

When the waiter left, she fiddled with her knife. Jake reached across the table and covered her hand with his. She stilled.

“Thanks for listening. Please. Try and forgive me.”

He must have read her mind. She could tell that his asking for forgiveness was difficult. He was such a masculine guy, and he’d pretty much bared his soul. His feelings. He loved her. She looked into his tender gaze and wanted to swim there forever, but how could she settle for less than perfect? Finally, she repeated what she’d earlier told him. “I don’t know if I can.”

At his crestfallen expression, she quickly added, “I’m sorry. I forgive you as a sister in the church, but as a girlfriend, I don’t know if I can. I still resent Jessie. I’m angry you chose her over me. I don’t know if I can forgive you for those months of…being with someone else.” Her lips trembled, and she said, “I’m even angry over the way you and Lil manipulated me.”

“You haven’t forgiven her?”

“Actually, I did. We’re closer now than ever.”

He licked his lips and frowned. “I understand your frustration, because I’m just as jealous over your dates with David.”

The ice cream arrived, and he released her hand. When the waiter

left, he said, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ll never hurt you again. Just think about it.”

How could he promise such a thing? She nodded, unable to speak. “It isn’t midnight yet, and I don’t want to spoil our dessert. Let’s talk about something else. Addison sure is a cute little thing.”

“Much sweeter than her brother, Tyler.”

“Girls always are sweeter,” he teased, and soon he had her feeling at ease again. When she relaxed, she could almost imagine she was sixteen and nothing had ever changed between them.

When he dropped her off at the doddy house, he walked her to the porch. “Thanks for a wonderful evening, Cinderella.” His finger grazed her chin, and drawn like a moth to light, she turned her face upward. He lingered. “See you at the next builders’ meeting.”

She replied softly, “That’s one way to bring a girl back down to earth. Look, don’t expect much from me. But I’m thankful for tonight, for a good memory.” One that would go far in erasing the uglier, more painful ones.

She thought he might try to kiss her, but then his hand fell away, and he left her alone to the sound of his truck rumbling down the country road and to the blackness that could only be midnight.

Jake shifted gears. Although he’d grown up on a farm, the country road stretched out dark and lonely as his heart. He ached inside for his mistakes, for the beautiful, dark-eyed beauty he’d just taken to dinner. He ached because he was afraid to hope that she might give him a second chance.

Over dinner he’d watched her expressive eyes. He’d seen the desire in them when he admitted he still wanted her. But when she spoke, her eyes had glittered with anger, and when he’d asked her to forgive him, they had saddened with regret. Her lips also held clues. When he spoke about Jessie, they quivered. When he talked about the changes he had made, coming back to the church, she had tucked them between her teeth, showing her suspicions. And when he had wanted to kiss her on the porch, they had seemed willing. But he had made that mistake before. So he left, almost abruptly, to keep from giving in and pulling her into his arms. He knew she was not ready. With a sigh, he turned on the radio.

K
aty spent Sunday with her family. They enjoyed a meal of ham and coleslaw, and her married brothers and their wives all played the card game Rook, while Katy’s oldest niece entertained the toddlers. The fireplace crackled, and Katy’s heart swelled with love for her family that only weeks earlier she’d taken for granted. She considered the new confidence in Karen’s behavior.