Something Wonderful (2 page)

“I’m serious. You can’t drive,” I urged, as I pounded my fist on the window. I was desperate. My words to her were not registering the urgency of the situation. I thought I had convinced her when she looked up at me again, but her mind was apparently somewhere else. When your heart is breaking to that intensity, nothing matters. You just want the pain gone, even if you have to distance yourself from it. I understood. I had been there before.

“It’s not that far!” she yelled.

“Please…stay with me.”

When she saw I wasn’t getting into the car, she sped away. Drenched from head to toe, I ran back into the house. Feeling the warmth, I shivered from the drastic temperature change, fumbled through my wet purse, and took out my cell phone to dial Amber’s cell.

It was difficult to hear her voice when she answered because of the pouring rain, the thunder that just boomed, and the worst reception from her Bluetooth.

“Amber, come back. It’s dark, it’s pouring, and you’re freakin’ wasted.” She was putting herself out there, vulnerable, risking her life over a loser who wasn’t good enough for her.

“He broke my heart,” she bawled.

Her cry was loud and she gasped for air. I knew that cry. I’ve cried it several times myself. I also knew it would be difficult to drive in that condition, not to mention the other reasons why she shouldn’t be behind the wheel.

“Amber!” I said loudly. For some unknown reason, my heart pounded against my chest. I had a terrible feeling and I couldn’t shake it. I was scared out of my mind and I didn’t even know why. “Pull over. I’m coming to get you.” Looking around the living room, I urgently searched for someone sober…anyone.

“He’s such an ass and I—”

What I heard next tore my world apart. It was worse than a boyfriend break up, worse than failing a class. It was something you never think would happen to anyone you knew because at that age, you think you’re invincible…untouchable…unbreakable. I heard her try to say my name, followed by a loud screeching that caused immense pain in my ear; then silence as the call disconnected.

It happened so fast that it felt like a dream. I’m sure I went into shock as my phone slipped out of my hand. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. Then I knew…I just knew that was the last time I’d ever speak to her again.

S
OMETIMES LIFE WAS CRUEL
and fate did things not in your favor. I wondered what the hell I did to deserve this. Her family certainly didn’t deserve it.

As I sat there on a chair next to the hospital bed, feeling my heart pumping into overdrive, I gazed at my Tessa hooked up to a bunch of machines, the only things keeping her alive. She was already brain dead and she was bleeding internally. Tessa…my Tessa…was gone, and yet I could still feel the warmth of her hand as I held it to my cheek. My lips quivered and every cell, every nerve, every muscle in me was in a state of panic…so tight, constricting, preventing me from moving, preventing me from breathing. I was running out of time; SHE was running out of time.

I spoke to her, desperately praying for a miracle. “Tessa, baby. How am I supposed to let you go? How do I breathe without you? Don’t do this to us. Come back to me. I know you can hear me.”

I didn’t think I had any tears left to shed, but when I realized this was going to be the last time I would ever see her…touch her…speak to her face to face again, I’d lost it. “Why did you run off and get in that stupid car?” My tone was soft, but reprimanding. “And why the fuck did it have to rain that day? If you leave me, you’re taking everything good in my life. You’re going to take my heart…my soul…my will to live. Do you hear me? Your parents need you. Your sister needs you. I need you. If you want to punish me, then fine. Just…come…back.”

I let go of her hand and rubbed my face with my palms. My throat made an awful grunting noise, but there were no tears left. I was utterly drained, dried out. The life had been sucked out of me and all my will had been spent. Letting go of what you love was difficult enough, but holding onto something you thought was meant to be forever was detrimental. Though I knew it was time to let her go, I couldn’t…I just couldn’t.

“You know what’s really fucked up?” I continued. “Your parents have to decide whether to pull the plug and let you die. How the hell are they going to live with themselves knowing they gave up? How the hell am I going to live with myself knowing that I stood by and let it happened? You tell me?”

Standing up, I hovered over her and gave her one last soft kiss on her lips. It was the most painful kiss I’d ever given anyone. I lost it again when I buried my face into the side of her neck to inhale her scent. I needed to memorize how she smelled…memorize the feel of her soft skin… memorize…
her
. I was afraid I would forget her, afraid she would disappear in my mind; afraid I would forget how much I loved this woman. I don’t know what had gotten into me, but I started screaming at her. “Wake up,” I said loudly. “Wake up!” I shouted at her.

“Matthew.” Max placed his hand on my shoulder. “It’s time to let her go. The doctor is on his way.”

I don’t know what I would have done if Max hadn’t been there. Even understanding what he had said, I didn’t budge. My body refused to listen.

“You need to step aside. You had your time. Her family is waiting.”

“I can’t, Max. I fuckin’ can’t. How am I supposed to walk out of here? This is where I belong…with her. The moment she dies, I’ll die with her.” I looked at Tessa again.

Hoping....

Wishing....

Praying....

I was waiting for her to open her eyes, staring at her so the first thing she would set her beautiful eyes on was me.

“You’ll make it through, Matt. I promise. You have your family; we’ll help you get through this. You’re not alone.” Hearing Max’s shaky voice didn’t help the situation. I could feel he was in pain too, but I knew he was being strong for me.

I knew Max meant every word he said, but it wasn’t enough. The pain was too deep and it had cut through whatever faith I had left. When the doctor came in, followed by Tessa’s family, Max grabbed my shirt and pulled me to the other side.

“Please…let’s wait one more day,” I pleaded wearily.

“Matthew,” Tessa’s father started to speak in between taking small breaths. He was trying his best to contain himself. “She’s gone. And even if somehow there was a miracle, she wouldn’t be the same Tessa.”

I knew he was right, but I hoped he would change his mind. “No,” I said quietly as I watched the doctor do his thing in horror. “No…no, no, NOOOOO!” I didn’t realize how loud I was, until Max dragged me out of the room. He knew I would’ve attacked the doctor if he hadn’t restrained me. I could see through the window that her family was sobbing, and I was doing the same in Max’s arms, feeling helpless, like someone had ripped out my heart.

“It’s my fault, Max. It’s my fault. I…let…her…go,” I sobbed. My body trembled in Max’s hold as I let out a gut-wrenching cry that poured out of my soul, until there was nothing left of me. My body and mind had disjointed and I was lost to the darkness…to the emptiness.

Air…no air.

I needed air.

I couldn’t breathe.

My air, my purpose, my will to live had been sucked out of me. My world was shattered that day. It broke me in ways that would change me. I cursed at life and I cursed at God. I had been damned to hell, but I didn’t care. I was dead anyway.

“
B
ECKY!”
I
EXCLAIMED, RUNNING
toward the open front door. “Let me help you with that.” Grabbing the tail end of the Christmas tree, I lifted it up to my waist and helped her carry it to the living room next to the television. Thank God we had wooden floors; the pine needles left a trail and my head spun at the thought of having to sweep them up.

“You okay, Jenna?” Becky asked worriedly, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I must have looked flustered. “Yeah…just…nothing,” I smiled, inhaling the fresh scent that spiraled into my nostrils, imagining myself in an enchanted forest.

“Doesn’t that smell heavenly?” Becky proudly looked at the tree with her arms crossed as I mimicked her stance.

“Yeah, it does.” Looking at her, I scowled. “Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”

“You had company. Speaking of which, is Max still here?” Taking off her red scarf and black coat, she flung them on the sofa.

“No, he left a little while ago. He’s going to stop by the office, then come back around noon.”

Becky headed to the kitchen, coming back with a broom and started to sweep the pine needles into a pile. I wanted to help her, but we only had one broom; so I became creative and tore off some paper towels, got down on my hands and knees, and swept up some needles.

“Jenna? What are you doing?” From her tone, she didn’t like my ingenuity.

I stopped and peered up to her. “Helping, silly. We only have one broom.”

“Get up,” she demanded, sounding a little irate, but her intonation was soft. “Stop. I can do this. It’s no big deal.”

Standing up, I glanced at her, feeling baffled by her expression. Without a word, I headed to the kitchen and threw the paper towel in the trashcan. As grateful as I was, I guess a part of me was also feeling helpless. Max had been here day and night taking care of me, though I was feeling much better since the car accident. What I really needed to do was get out of this apartment. I wasn’t the type to mope around and have everyone treat me as if I couldn’t lift a finger.

“Jenna.” Becky stuck her head into the kitchen, looking guilty for slightly blowing up at me. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I just didn’t want you to overdo it.”

“I’m fine. I wish everyone would stop treating me like I just got out of the hospital.” I rolled my eyes.

Becky’s eyes popped open, unbelieving what I had just said. “But…you…did.” Then she went back to sweeping.

Leaning back against the kitchen cabinet, I crossed my arms in annoyance. “Is that the reason why you didn’t ask me to go pick out a tree with you?” I asked loud enough so she could hear me. I was trying to brush this hurt aside, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. We had always gone tree shopping together. It was a tradition. How could she go alone?

Becky came inside the kitchen and stood in front of me. “I’m just thinking of you, dummy.” Draping her arms around me, she squeezed me tightly and spoke with sincerity and tenderness. “Don’t ever end up in the hospital again. I thought I’d lost you.”

A sudden pang pierced my heart from her words. I could imagine how she felt. If she had been the one in the hospital, I would have felt the same. Tears pooled in my eyes and one drop managed to escape at the corner. When she released me, I quickly wiped it away and she did the same when she turned from me. “Anyway,” she continued. “Who’s going to pay the other half of the apartment cost?” she snorted, trying to hide the fear and sadness as she walked out of the kitchen.

I was deeply touched and though I was the one who had physically suffered, I could understand—Becky, Kate, Nicole, Max, and especially Matthew—what they had been through because of me. I felt guilty for being so stupid, driving while clearly incapacitated by gut-wrenching sobbing, hurt, and anger; all because I thought Max had cheated on me with his ex, Crystal. I still hadn’t even told my parents what had happened, since they were on a cruise.

“Is that all you care about?” I followed behind her, stealing the broom away so fast she had no idea what was coming, and started to sweep.

“Good. My cleaner is back.” She didn’t try to stop me this time. Maybe she just needed a hug or a confirmation that I was fine. “I need to run some errands and head to Starbucks since I ran out of coffee. I’m going to bring my laptop and read some query letters while I’m there. Do you or Max want anything?”

“No, we’re good, but thanks.”

Becky looked deep in thought, then dashed into her bedroom, making some noise, and came out with several small boxes in her hands, just as I finished sweeping the last pine needles into a pile. “Let’s decorate the Christmas tree before I go.”

“Sounds good.” I steadied the broom against the wall.

Placing the boxes down, Becky went to the kitchen and brought back a bowl of water as I opened the boxes. Kneeling down, she poured it into the container surrounding the base of the tree. “There, now drink up and stop shedding your greens and make our place smell like we’re in the middle of the forest.”