Sometimes Love Hurts (10 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Natalie’s Journal

It was the summer before your freshman year of college when I felt a lump under my arm.  I tried to ignore it and funny but it seemed as if it would go away for a while, but then come back.  Finally, it was so big and so sore that I complained to your father, and he told me I should see the doctor.  Your dad was at dialysis when I went.  It was scary to go alone, especially with all that I was going through with your father.  However, the staff knew my situation with your dad, and
was so kind and polite.  They took some blood tests before they sent me to a specialist.  I have to admit that scared me even more, even though they told me not to worry because it was just a precautionary measure.  The new doctor took some tissue from the tumor under my arm and sent it off for analysis, along with more blood tests, which were sent to another lab. 

I was very secretive about these things, and did them on days that your father was at his dialysis so he would not become alarmed. As for me, I was scared to death.  I had no one to share my fears with, choosing to also keep it from your grandparents. I knew they would not agree with my decision to not tell your father.  Of course, I couldn’t tell you, because I knew you would quit school to take care of us.  I knew I must do it all alone.  After tissues were taken and analyzed along with the blood work, I learned that I had lymphoma.  Plus I was told that it was a fast spreading cancer, and had already entered my lymph nodes. 

I did not believe them at first.  I never felt sick, nor did I have any pain, so how could it be?  I was told it had spread quickly and that if I didn’t do anything to stop it, I would not have long to live.  It was all over in my body so they could not take it all out.  They also said that with all the pills I would have to take and the chemotherapy treatments, I would be left tired and weak.  Added to that, they said there would still be no guarantee how much longer I would survive.  Needless to say, I was devastated.

I did not know what to do, Lisa.  We were paying out so much already for the medical treatments for your father.  Then with my health at risk, I worried about who would take care of your father?  The doctors said I would need someone to take me to chemo, as well as someone to take care of your dad.  They asked me if I had a support group that could make us meals.  The doctors said I would soon not be able to do that on my own.  The more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn’t live without your father, and I did not see him getting any better.  There was no kidney transplant in the near future for him.  As he grew sicker and weaker, the chance for a transplant would be lost to a healthier person.  In the end, I decided not to tell your father, and to kept taking care of the man I loved until the day he died.  I found that when I made that decision, it became a great weight off my shoulders.  The pain was gone; I felt good, and made a conscious choice to forget about the cancer. 

I hope you understand, Lisa.  I do love you, and I loved your father.  Life was a gift, and I truly appreciated the love I received from both of you.  But just as we are born, we must also die.  It is a part of life.  However, I do want to apologize to you.  I won’t be there for your wedding or when you have your first baby and that hurts my heart, but there was no guarantee that I would have been there even with the chemo.  I wanted to live my last days taking care of the man I loved, my best friend.  I don’t know how long I will live, but I do know that I love you so much.  I am very proud to say that you are my daughter.

Lisa laid back on the bed as tears streamed down her cheeks over the unselfish thing her mother had done.  She was so strong and wise, and had so much love in her for everyone in the family. She was the most generous-hearted person she knew, with so much compassion and caring for everyone she met.  Lisa fully understood what her mother was trying to tell her.  If you want love to stay, you have to work on it, not just throw it away because you don’t see eye-to-eye. She was not sure if she could ever be as strong as her mother, but she knew she was in love with Joey and would fight to keep their love alive. 

For the next year, Lisa continued to live in her parents’ house while continuing her studies.  She did the things her parents did when they were alive.  At Halloween, she dressed up as Raggedy Ann, and Joey became Raggedy Andy while they passed out candy to the neighborhood children.  At Christmas, Joey helped her pick out a tree and put it up for her.  He put up the lights, and she took out the old ornaments to place them on the tree.  She went to church with her mom’s parents on Christmas Eve, and with her dad’s parents that night for dinner.  Her memories were good ones, when Santa Claus came to the house for the little ones reminding her of when she was young.  On New Year’s Eve, Joey took her out.  They stood on a high floor in the John Hancock building to watch the New Year roll in.  And she finally knew what her mom meant about tinsel all over the carpet after the tree came down. Joey came over often, and sometimes spent the night.  Her plan was to marry him one day, and of course become a teacher.  It was a good time in her life, and she enjoyed each moment.  Lisa graduated in December with her Bachelor’s in teaching.  Then came the hardest part – getting a job.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The Proposal

Lisa’s Story Continues

It was in the first week in February when she received a phone call.

“Hey, Lisa,” said that familiar voice.

“Hi, Joey.”

“May I have the honor of taking you out on Valentine’s Day?” He asked without waiting for an answer.  “You need to dress up.”

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“I want to take you someplace special, if you don’t mind.”

“You’ve got a date!”

Lisa had over a week to get ready, and her intuition told her to put on her mother’s purple dress.  In preparation, she took it to be shortened and cleaned.

When the evening arrived, the doorbell rang.

“Hi, handsome,” she said rushing down the porch into his arms.

Joey looked good in his dark blue suit, white shirt, and striped tie.  His hair was pulled back in a ponytail making it look like he had short hair.  She could not imagine him without the beautiful blond locks falling onto his shoulders, so she was glad it was only for the evening.

“May I put this on you?” He asked revealing a corsage in his hand.

“Only if you promise you won’t hurt me,” she giggled. 

He opened the car door for her, making her feel like Cinderella.  They shared small talk on the way to a restaurant downtown.  Once inside, Joey ordered steak, baked potatoes, and green beans for the both of them, with chocolate mousse for desert.  After dinner, they took a walk down by the river. 

“You’re so beautiful, Lisa,” Joey said as they walked with fingers intertwined. 

“Thank you,” she blushed.  “You dress up well yourself.”

Joey stopped walking, and turned to study her face.

“Lisa, I don’t like living without you.  I want to wake up with you in the morning, and come home to you every night.” 

Lisa’s heart started beating so fast she could hardly breathe. 

Is he going to propose?
She could feel her legs tremble.

She quickly thought back to what her mother wrote… that the purple dress brought her good luck. 

“I fell in love with you the first time I met you,” he continued.  “I think I told you that a long time ago, and I also told you I would wait for you.”

He took in a deep breath. 

“I will still wait for you, but I’m hoping you feel the same way.”

Then Joey got down on one knee and pulled out a ring box holding it up to her.  Lisa’s eyes opened wide.

“Will you marry me?”

She got so excited that she knelt down to hug him. As her arms reached around his neck, the box fell to the ground.

“I thought you would never ask,” she squealed with tears tumbling down her cheeks.  “I thought that after seeing how I acted when my parents died that maybe you didn’t feel the same any more.  I thought you would never ask me to marry you.”

Joey picked up the box and helped her up.  Slowly her trembling hands opened it, and her eyes glowed when she saw the sparkling ring.  She looked up at him lovingly, and then looked back at the ring. Something was familiar about this ring.

“This is my mother’s ring,” Lisa suddenly realized.  “Where did you get this?”

She felt a shiver go through her and their eyes met again.

“This is my special surprise for you,” Joey said. “Your mother gave it to me to give to you.” 

He paused for a few moments watching her face. Then he continued.

“Along with this letter…”

Joey reached into his pocket and pulled out a wrinkled envelope. Lisa felt faint.  It was as if the dead had come back to life.  Joey caught her elbow as she teetered. 

“You never answered me, Lisa.  Will you marry me?” He asked again.

Joey leaned forward and lightly kissed her lips.

“Y-Y-Yes!” she stammered.

Joey threw his arms around her slender waist, picked her up, and spun her around.

“Yes?  You have made me the happiest man around.  Come on, let me take you home so you can read your letter.”

Lisa breathed in everything around her – the lights, the noisy Chicago street, and Joey’s cologne.  She had to admit it, she loved everything about him and was so happy that he finally asked her to marry him. But there was trouble in her mind which arose over the letter he gave to her from the dead.  She could not get home fast enough. 

Joey agreed to give her some space so she could read the letter by herself.  He kissed her passionately goodbye with a promise to be over bright and early the following day.  Lisa then went to her parents’ room and fell on their bed.  She stared at the envelope for several minutes before opening it.  Across it were written the words: “To My Darling Daughter.” 

Lisa’s body began to shake.  She was not sure what she was feeling and it took a few minutes more before she finally opened the letter.  She had to will her hands to quit trembling so she could read it.  Tears gathered in the back of her eyes, and some slipped away falling to her cheeks.

How am I supposed to read with my eyes all blurry?
She pondered. After composing herself, she tried again.

Lisa,

I know this must be kind of disturbing to you, but believe me, I have done this out of love.  The last time we had dinner with you and Joey, he said he needed to talk to me.  He told me he loved you more than life itself, and I could see how he looked at you that he was telling the truth.  He
reminded me of when I was young and going out with your mother.  I saw the love in his eyes when he even mentioned your name.  Anyway, he asked me not to be offended, but he knew I was sick and asked me for your hand in marriage.  He said he wanted to marry you the right way by asking me first.  You have no idea how happy I felt.  I found some new respect for Joey after that.  Of course, I gave him my blessings.

I enquired as to when he would ask you, but he wasn’t sure yet.  He said he was unsure as to how strongly you felt about him, so I asked him to do me a favor and wait until you finished college.  I told him how proud your mother and I were of you, and that you were the first one to get a college degree.  I did not want anything to get in the way of that.  I told him I could see by the way you looked at him that you were in love with him too. 

Well, he agreed and we shook on it. I told him how I asked your mother to marry me.  She was so beautiful wearing that purple dress with the sequin flower in the front.  I told him I took her downtown for dinner and we walked by the river when I popped the question.  He seemed enchanted by that, and said he might do the same thing. 

This part he didn’t know until I sent him the package.  I talked with your mother, and we agreed to let you have her engagement ring.  We truly wanted it this way, so we packed it up and sent it to Joey with this note to give to you when he proposed. 

I am so proud of you, honey.  Remember, Lisa, love can last between two people as long as the people love themselves, and are ready to give love to another person. I am so sorry I can’t be there to walk you down the aisle, but don’t think I won’t be watching you from heaven.

Love always,

Your Father

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lisa’s Wedding Day

Lisa’s Story Continues

It was a beautiful day in May with the sun shining, and flowers all over in bloom.  Lisa remembered to put on her mother’s opal necklace and earrings.  She was with both of her grandmothers, who hovered over her helping her get ready for her wedding – putting her hair up in a bun with some curls hanging down, and putting on her veil.  They cried as they remembered that her mother, Natalie, had worn the same dress.

She had both her grandfathers walk her down the aisle taking the place of her father, and Joey was standing so handsome in his white tux waiting for her.  Lisa felt like a princess as her knight in shining armor stood at the altar. 

“You look incredibly beautiful, Lisa,” Joey whispered as she approached.  “I hope you’re as happy as I am.”

She blushed and looked deep into his eyes. “I have never been happier, Joey.”

The ceremony began, and in the middle of it, the song, “I’ve Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher was played.  Lisa glanced up and noticed a smile on Pastor Clems’ face.  While the song continued, they passed out roses to his mother, his grandmother, and both of her grandmothers – a tradition that she decided to carry on for her parents.  After they said their vows, Joey held Lisa in his arms and kissed her passionately until finally they heard clapping.

Their reception was held in the church parlor.  The tables were covered with white linen, pink ribbons, and family photographs of her parents – each of them when they were young.  As they cut and fed each other a piece of cake, they saw raindrops fall from the sunny sky.  Lisa knew that meant good luck for their marriage.

She truly understood what her mother tried to relate.  She looked up toward the ceiling and softly said, “Thanks mom and dad.  I know you are with me.  I will make you proud.  This will be the hardest job I ever have, and also the most rewarding.” 

“Are you all right?” Joey asked coming to her side. He took her hands and added, “I think they’re playing our song.” 

“As long as I have you, I will be fine,” Lisa replied.

Then she followed his lead to the center of the floor.