Sometimes Love Hurts (4 page)

Chapter Six

Moving Forward

Lisa’s Story Continues

Lisa put the journal down, sighed, and drew in a deep breath.  Her mind was at ease for the moment.  What she had just read was exactly how she envisioned things might have been with her parents.  She got up and put the wedding dress back into the black paper inside the box before returning it to the closet.  It would be the last room she would clean out, because there were just too many memories, and she was not ready to part with even one of them – at least not yet.

Lisa spotted a clay ashtray she’d made in the fifth grade sitting on the dresser.  She had to mold it like a small snake and curl it around until it looked like a bowl.  Then, she glazed it and chose a blue color before it was placed in an oven.  Mom had set a pair of gold earrings in it.  Neither of her parents smoked, but her mother said it would be great for her jewelry. 

Next to the bowl was her mother’s Esteé Lauder Beautiful Perfume Spray.   She shook the bottle before squirting a few drops onto her wrist.  She always knew when her mother was going out, because that was the fragrance of choice for any special occasion.  The thought made her frown as she recalled how long it had been since her mother had actually gone out and worn her perfume. Her jewelry box was sitting there too, and Lisa opened it up to find her mother’s favorite opal necklace with matching ring and bracelet.  She picked up the dainty silver chain.  Her mother always told her that she wore it on her wedding day, and was saving it for her to wear on hers.  The colors within the opal were simply magnificent.  Carefully, she tucked it back inside.

“Why?” She whispered out loud.  “Why didn’t mom tell me before that she had cancer so I could take care of her?”  

Maybe because I had been so busy with school she did not want to be a burden on me.
  Suddenly she felt ashamed.
I should have noticed that mom was losing weight before dad’s death.  I should have been around her more.

Tears gathered and burned behind her eyes, and she blinked to try to stop them.  It was not long before Lisa found herself crying uncontrollably, her body trembling and feeling as if she were living a horrible nightmare.  When she finally regained her composure, she picked up the journal and began reading where she had left off.

By the time the holidays arrived, we were inseparable.  Christmas Eve came with small snowflakes that floated to the ground like little glass snowballs.  That evening, Michael accompanied me to the Baptist church with my parents.  Then we drove to his house for dinner.
 
He was raised Roman Catholic, and his mother believed in the Feast of the Seven Fishes, which was comprised of different seafood dishes.  Their dinner included fish, bread, and noodles.  The house was full of relatives both young and old, and Santa showed up bearing gifts for the little ones, as well as a gentle reminder that they needed to go to bed early so he could visit their house again later that night.  The house was full of laugher and love.  We ended the night by attending a midnight mass at their Catholic church, which was spoken in Latin, and was so beautiful. 

January came and went with Michael and I still together all of the time.  We talked every day on the phone, and he picked me up each day after I got off the bus.  He was starting to feel like he belonged to me, and I to him.  It was the first week in February when Michael called me early at work.

“Natalie, hi. Can I ask you out on a date for Valentine’s Day?” He asked in a rushed tone.

“Of course you can!” I giggled with delight.

“This is a formal date, Natalie,” he said more seriously.  “We need to be dressed up.” 

To be honest, I wondered what he was up to.  On the night in question, he showed up wearing a classy suit coat and tie.  I had purchased a formal purple dress with a sequined flower in the front just under the bosom.  On the way to Kon Tiki Ports Restaurant in downtown Chicago, he made a point of telling me how beautiful I looked.  What woman doesn’t like a compliment like that!

Michael was still a true gentleman opening the doors for me and pulling out my chair.  He ordered cordon bleu with mash potatoes and sugar carrots.  After our tummies were full we strolled down a quiet Chicago street to enjoying the beautiful sights of the night.  There was nothing more beautiful than that city at night.  He took my hand and swung it gently in rhythm with our strides. 

“Thanks for such a wonderful dinner,” I said.

“No, thank you for letting me enjoy your company,” he replied. 

His fingers intertwined with mine as we walked for a while in silence. However, I could not help noticing that Michael seemed fidgety, like he had something on his mind. 

“Natalie?” He finally said breaking the silence. 
We had walked to the river and were looking out over the water.

“Yes.”

“I love you so much,” he began.

I stopped walking and stared straight at him.

“I treasure everything about you.  I miss you when we’re apart for just a couple of hours.  Every day when I’m working, I can’t wait to see you that night.” 

He paused for a moment and took a deep breath.  Then he pulled a little box out of his pocket. 

“Natalie, will you marry me?” He asked, opening the box to display a gorgeous diamond ring.

I pulled back and looked directly into the soft brown eyes of that special man.  How had I been so lucky to find him – or maybe, he found me.  Either way, I could not help myself.  The smile on my face grew bigger reflecting the incredibly wonderful way I felt inside.

“I love you, Michael.  And yes, I’ll marry you!”

Lisa closed the journal again, only this time feeling a warm sensation rush through her body.  

Reflecting on what she read and reliving her mother’s words in the journal, as well as watching her parents as she grew up, she knew this is what love is supposed to be like.

She tried to picture her parents on the streets of Chicago when her dad proposed to her mom.  She had seen their wedding picture a thousand times and laughed to herself at the way they wore their hair, but she was also taken by the love they shared for each other. It gave her hope that someday she would find love just like that. 

Lisa made her way to the closet again and pulled out the purple dress – the same one her mother wore when she got engaged.  Her mother had told her a million times to please have it shortened.  Since it meant so much to her, she wanted her Lisa to share it too.  Her mom said that the dress brought her good luck, and she wanted to share her good fortune with Lisa.  She decided to try it on.  It was too long and the bosom needed to be adjusted, but it was so pretty. She felt like a princess in it.  Fixing the dress would definitely be on her ‘to do’ list.  Carefully, she took it off and hung it back up in the closet.

Lisa often watched her parents – the way they looked at each other, and how gently they spoke to each other.  She missed them so much and began to feel a little queasy.  Sadness overcame her, as tears found their way down her cheeks again.  Maybe it was hormones that kept her eyes leaking.  Or perhaps it was just a normal reaction to everything abnormal that had happened to her.  She went to her room, took the afghan off the chair, and wrapped herself in it.  She then recalled the time when her mother was knitting it for her.  Lisa had watched her anxiously asking if she could learn how to knit too.  Naturally, her mother said of course, but Lisa became too busy and never did take the time to learn that art.

Remember what you have to do
, she reminded herself. She was supposed to clean out the house and go through everything that she had inherited.  However, she just did not feel ready yet.  As she lay on her parents’ bed taking in the surroundings, the smells, and anything that made her feel close to them, she wished with all of her heart that they were still around.

Chapter Seven

Their Wedding Day

Natalie’s Journal

Lisa opened the journal again.
I want to share our wedding day with you
, her mother had written. 

It was a beautiful spring day in April, the day before Easter - April 13, 1974.  The sun was shining, but it was barely sixty degrees. A few clouds floated across the sky with the threat of a shower in the air, which I was told brings good luck to the bride and groom.  My bridesmaids wore yellow dotted Swiss dresses and each of them held a partially closed parasol trimmed with lace and flowers coming out.  The men wore dark pants with white shirts, and yellow cummerbunds around their waists.

My mother helped put my hair up in a French twist while my grandmother, who had made my veil, placed it on my head.  My mother-in-law gave me the opal necklace, and placed it around my neck.  She said that Michael had bought it for her, and she that felt I should have it.  So I had something old, something new, something borrowed, and my garter had a blue ribbon on it for something blue.

I felt like a princess when I walked down the aisle with my father toward Michael.  The church was full of relatives from both sides of the family.  I could see the tears in my father’s eyes as he kissed my cheek and put my hand into Michael’s.  I knew that they were happy tears, and that my father only wanted the best for me.

Your father was incredibly handsome in his white tuxedo with his hair trimmed nicely for the occasion.   His smile was more radiant than I had ever seen it before. As we stood at the altar, he leaned in toward me.

“Are you as happy as I am?” He whispered.  “You look incredibly beautiful.”

I felt myself blush and gazed into Michael’s eyes.  I knew this was so right.

“I have never been happier or more sure of anything in my life,” I replied softly.

We surprised our parents by giving them roses in the middle of the service while a couple sang “I’ve Got You Babe”. As I listened and repeated the words given by Pastor Clem, my heart sang too. 

“I Natalie, take you Michael to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part.”

As Michael repeated those words to me, I began to weep, and tears slipped down my cheeks.  The preacher followed by reading the verse from 1
st
Corinthians: “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy.  It does not boast.  It is not proud.  It does not dishonor others.  It is not self-seeking.  It is not easily angered, and it keeps no records of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and preserves.”

I took each word and carved them into my heart.  What God had put together, let no man take apart.  That was us, and our love.  When the pastor introduced us as husband and wife and told Michael he could kiss his bride, the kiss seemed like it lasted forever.  I don’t think I had ever been so happy in my life.  In the church parlor there was soft music playing as everyone enjoyed little finger sandwiches, while Michael and I cut the cake.  Outside the window the sun continued to shine even as splashes of water drops hit the screen.  I knew that good luck had landed upon us.  I was the luckiest girl in the world to be married to Michael.  I loved him so much.

Lisa set down the journal for a moment. Her heart pounded with excitement as she pictured her parents in her mind.  She remembered one of the last conversations she’d had with her mother about finding her knight in shining armor.  A smile formed on her lips as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. It was a comforting feeling to know that her parents were as happy as she had always imagined
.
 

Chapter Eight

The Honeymoon & After

Natalie’s Journal

Dabbing a tissue to her cheeks, Lisa re-opened up the journal and continued reading.

Lisa, we had a wonderful honeymoon.  We took your father’s car with a trailer attached carrying a motorcycle on the back of it toward Colorado. What a feeling of freedom I felt when your father drove me around the Colorado mountains on his bike.  I don’t know if I can explain in words the beauty of that state.  The mountains were so high with a veil of white clouds hovering over them and on the very top you could see snow outlining them.  I bet that’s just what heaven looks like.

We found a cute little cottage that had a kitchen, living room, and bedroom for our two-week honeymoon.  It finally felt like we were really married.  I loved the idea of not saying goodnight to him at the end of the evenings.  I also loved it when he held me in bed and made love to me.  One day, we drove the motorcycle through the Garden of the Gods, a place with unusual and steep rock formations with beautiful scenic views. Must be what heaven looks like.  The rocks had names like Cathedral Spires, Steamboat Rock and Balanced Rock.  The beauty is hard to describe, and you could only feel peace and God’s presence all around you.  I did cartwheels on the Royal Gorge Bridge.  Imagine this long skinny bridge that just maybe two cars could cross and so high above the ground - one of the World’s highest suspension bridges – that makes everything below look like toys. 

We found a place where fish were well stocked, and I fished for the first time.  It was exciting to throw my line into the water and to see the fish fight over the bait.  It was also a relief to know that neither one of us had to clean them.  We waited afterward to get them gutted, and then went back to our honeymoon cottage with an ice chest of freshly cleaned fish.  We cooked, ate, and watched television just like a married couple – which we were!  It was kind of funny because we really didn’t know each other very well or for very long, but we knew we loved each other and wanted to make it work.

Before we knew it, the two weeks had flown by.  Of course all good things must come to an end, and we had to return home.  My father-in-law, your grandpa Joey, was a very handy man.  He could build walls and work with electricity as well as tackle any plumbing job.  Well, he had built an apartment in the basement of their home, and that is where we laid our hats for a while.  The plan was to save enough money to put down on a house before we moved.  During the first five months, Michael attended baking school while I continued to work downtown. Our evenings were romantic with your dad usually making dinner.  I would steal a kiss here and there before we finally retired in the living room to eat and watch TV.  Afterward, we fell happily into each other’s arms for the night.

When your father graduated, he acquired a job at a bakery but his hours were changed to the midnight shift.  After a couple of weeks, we decided that was not going to work with us because we became like strangers passing in the night.  He would be sleeping when I was awake and vice versa.  I did not like sleeping alone anymore so I quit my job and got one with a 7-11 chain store working the same hours as he worked.  The next year was crazy eating dinner by four in the afternoon and going to bed by six so we could get up by eleven to go to work. 

However, we were your normal couple with our ups and downs.  We did not always agree on things, and could accidentally upset each other.  One time, I decided to take your father’s motorcycle out for a ride on my own.  I kicked up the stand and walked it out into the driveway.  It was a lot heavier than I anticipated.  When I tried to start it, the bike began to take off and fell sideways.  It slid and I landed on the ground with my leg under it.  I managed to get my leg out with just a few scrapes but I damaged the side mirror.  I thought your dad was going to kill me!  Yes, he had a temper being Italian, but so did I.  We sure argued that day, and for a few hours neither one of us spoke.  I hated it when we fought.

On another occasion, I made him spaghetti for dinner.  I found a recipe book and followed it to a T.  When I dished out the meal, I was so excited and proud of myself, but he rose from the table and told me that it was not the correct way to make Italian spaghetti sauce.  He put his in the garbage and made himself a ham sandwich.  My feelings were never so hurt. I cried for hours.  Finally, he apologized for throwing out his dinner, and I vowed I would never make Italian food again.  Before the end of the night, we always ended up lying in each other arms again.

Lisa, I just want you to know that just because you might argue or disagree with your partner, that does not mean you don’t love each other.  It’s just a part of growing and maturing together.

Lisa felt some comfort with those words in the journal.  It was nice to know that her parents did not always get along, but they knew they had something special and made every effort to keep it.  She had some arguments with Joey and had quite a little temper herself.  In fact, she could go on for a couple of days and ignore him when she was really angry.  At those times even though she felt attracted to him, she was not sure if he was the man for her – the one with whom she would spend the rest of her life.

How do you really know?
She wondered. 

Lisa remembered the first time she met Joey with a group of kids at school that were all going to the movies.  As they dispersed, she lagged behind since she did not feel like joining them.  Joey noticed her standing alone and not following the group, so he asked her if she would like to get a milkshake or go somewhere to talk.  She agreed, and to her surprise he took her to the Lincoln Park Zoo.  They walked and looked at the animals in their small cages, which were so close together that they did not need to walk too far to see another one. They continued to walk and talk for hours while enjoying popcorn and cotton candy. 

When they arrived at the house for the apes, he teased her saying that they were her family members looking at her through the glass. She didn’t mind since it was all in good fun.  Surprisingly, that small zoo offered plenty to see with a lion house, alligators, a reptile house, and a birdhouse just to name a few of its exhibits. It was a great way to break the ice, especially when they went into the children’s zoo and were able to pet some animals.  At the same time, they talked about everything from movies and music to their favorite stars.  Lisa felt as if she had known him for years because he was so easy to talk with. 

Joey admitted that he had seen her around, but needed to work up the courage to talk to her.  That made her blush.  After that day, he called her and met her after her classes so they could do their homework together.  He told her a week later that he was in love with her, but did not expect her to feel the same way yet.  However, he hoped given time that she would.  It was difficult for Lisa to comprehend how Joey could know from just a week of talking with her that he was in love.

Where did the time go?
Lisa wondered glancing at her watch.

It was already three in the afternoon.  Her stomach made some noises, so she made her way downstairs to the kitchen.  She opened the fridge door and found a bowl of chicken cacciatore that a neighbor had brought over.  After she heated it up and ate it, she decided to clean the kitchen.

First she scrubbed out the fridge sorting what food was given the day of the funeral and what was old.  The garbage can stunk from the old pieces of fruit and casserole bits that had mold on them.  She took the garbage outside and used Mr. Clean to wash the shelves.  The scent of spoiled food was soon replaced with a new fresh smell of cleanliness.  Next she washed off the counter tops and the chandelier that hung over the kitchen table.  The dust on the chandelier was a sure clue that her mother had not been herself during her final weeks.  She had too much pride not to keep her house spotless.  She then swept and washed the kitchen floor. 

Time had gotten away from her, so Lisa decided to spend the night in her old room.  She would be able to get an early start in the morning, but she felt a little lost.  Perhaps in some way, she just needed to keep familiar things around. She just was not ready to leave, even though her parents were gone.  Not to mention the fact that her mother had left her something to hang onto, and she absolutely had to finish reading her mother’s wise words. 

There was a knock at the front door that brought Lisa back to reality.

“Hi,” said Joey, his long blond hair tied behind his back and a bouquet of daisies in his hands. 

“Hi,” Lisa replied walking out to the front steps. 

What a wonderful surprise it was to see him.  He leaned down to give her the sweetest kiss on the cheek and her heart pounded inside her chest.

“Do you feel like company?” He asked. 

Lisa reached down, took his hand and led him into the house.  She really felt the need to be with someone at that moment. She watched him as he strolled around looking at the pictures on the walls as if it were for the first time. 

“You sure were a funny looking kid when you were growing up,” he teased. 

That put a smile on her face. 

“Want to see the house?” She asked. 

He nodded and followed her as they went from room to room.  Joey had been there before, but she never really went through the whole house with him.  He seemed interested as he looked at the markings by the bathroom wall. As they gazed upon her parents’ wedding picture in the china cabinet, he commented on how handsome they looked.  Then they went upstairs and she showed him her parents’ room before she showed him her own.  Lisa still found it a little unbelievable that the house belonged to her.

Joey walked around commenting on the animals and little love items that her parents had given to each other through the years.

“Your parents discovered true love, and I want the same thing one day,” he said.

Lisa was a little old fashioned when it came to sex; she had not been with anyone yet.  Even though she was in love with Joey, the right time had not yet presented itself.  He looked at her room and sat on her bed so he could take in the wallpaper’s planet pattern. Then he beckoned her to sit beside him. Immediately, she became nervous.  Perhaps it was the way his eyes locked onto hers or how he whispered her name when he kissed her, telling her how much he loved her.  That day marked the first time she ever made love.  He was so natural and at ease, while she was scared. He was gentle with her and knew how to hold her, how and where to touch her, how to wait, and then how and when to just let everything on the inside explode.  She loved the way he touched her, the gentle way he kissed her lips, her cheeks, her neck… well, everything.

“You are absolutely beautiful and you don’t even know it, do you?” He asked sweetly.

His fingers stroked her face from her temple to her chin and she felt that all was right with the world.  They lay in each other’s arms until the sun came up.  Then Joey had to leave for school. But before he did, he planted a deep kiss on her, which left her wanting more. 

After he left and shut the front door, Lisa quickly ascended the stairs to her parents’ room, jumped on the bed and opened the journal again.