Somewhere Between Water and Sky (Shattered Things #2) (21 page)

He
’
s here. Ohmigod he
’
s here. This can
’
t be real.

My breathing turns erratic and I close my eyes, shaking my head. I straighten up and turn to face Jessa, my eyes still closed.

If I keep my eyes closed it won
’
t have to be real.

My hands come up to meet either side of my face and I
’
m crying and begging someone to do something because I have to be crazy
—
he really can
’
t be here
—
I really can
’
t see him right now and my heart is breaking because
why did he have to follow me
and
why does it hurt so much to hear his voice
and
why do I want to fall into his arms and let him take away the pain.

I breathe in deep and wipe my eyes and look at Jessa. She nods.

I don
’
t know how I find strength to turn around, but I do. My legs feel like cement. My hips feel like magnets for the linoleum beneath me. My head wobbles like a helium balloon.

I don
’
t want to do this I don
’
t want to do this I know I have to do this.

I breathe in, and turn.

I breathe out, and stare.

My voice cracks.

“
Kevin.
”

Chapter Eleven

Jessa clears her throat behind me.
“
Um. I
’
m going to go get something
…”

“
Don
’
t you leave me.
”
I turn for half a second, my heart about to break through my chest, and I plead with her.
“
Please. Don
’
t leave.
”

Her eyes widen and she freezes, arms akimbo. As I turn back toward Kevin I see her reach for her phone in her pocket.

Probably texting Ren.
I think as I stare at the ground, Kevin
’
s shoes, the sky turning orange and pink through the window.

This moment
—
right here
—
is one I
’
ve waited for and feared for months. I want all of the things at once: I want him to wrap me in his arms and remind me that I am okay. I want to taste his lips, his throat, his everything. I want to punch him. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to laugh.

“
Stephanie.
”
His voice cuts through the silence and I fight the urge to fall into his arms. It
’
s an all together different sensation to both desire something and dread it at the same time. I hate it. I clench the fabric of my jeans.

“
Are you going to look at me any time soon?
”
I open my eyes and see his feet take a step toward me. I stumble away. My dad
’
s voice roars in my ears again.

Stupid bitch
.
Of course he didn
’
t love you
.
Don
’
t let him get closer.

“
Kevin
…”

“
Listen. I know I screwed up. I know I should have told you
…”

I put my hands over my ears.
“
Please
…
.stop.
”

All of the voices grow so loud I don
’
t know who I
’
m talking to anymore.

“
I didn
’
t know I
’
d fall in love with you when I agreed to help Jude
…”

“
Stop.
”
I repeat, a little louder than the first time.

He ignores me, reaching for my arm. I breathe in quick and snatch it away from his grasp. A wail escapes me and I put my hands out in front of me as a barrier.

“
Don
’
t. Touch. Me.
”

He flinches.

I think of the poem left on my door the night before and the journal last week. Something crystallizes. A ball of cement centers itself in my gut.

He led him to me.

“
How long have you been following me, Kevin?
”

“
What do you mean? I
’
ve been looking for you for
…”

“
Answer me.
”
My voice is poison. I can hear it. I can
feel
it. My skin sets fire to the anger and I
’
m undone
—
I look at Kevin.

“
Since you got here.
”
His voice has dropped to a whisper. He
’
s the one looking down at the floor now as I let the truth sink in: I
’
ve never been free. Not once.

I feel the vein pulsing in my neck.

“
You fucking
asshole.
I told you to leave me alone. I told you! I told you. I sat in the hospital bed and pushed you away and you
’
re still here
—
you followed me. You
freak.
”
I walk toward him and for a moment, see a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

My voice grows so quiet only he can hear me.

“
My dad is here
—
did you know that?
”

He grimaces and I know. I know he
’
s still on the job. I laugh and shake my head.

“
What were you going to do Kevin?
”
I spread out my arms.
“
Were you going to come in and rescue me? Am I the fucking damsel in distress?
”
I put my hands on my head.
“
Oh god, where
’
s my knight in shining armor now?!
”
He shakes his head and looks away from me but I walk around him to make sure we
’
re eye-to-eye.

“
Were you going to be the one to save me from the evil Sam Tiller?
”

He places his hands in his pockets and shoots a glance toward Jessa.

“
I don
’
t give a fuck who knows anymore, Kevin. You
’
ve ruined me. I don
’
t trust anyone.
”

I can feel myself losing control and I throw my head back and laugh again. It feels good to not care
—
to lose yourself to the flames threatening to burn away everything around you.

He frowns.
“
Stephanie, just
…
can you listen for a second?
”

I drop my head and look him in the eye.
“
Are you fucking serious? You want me to listen to you? You want me to hear your story?
”
I shake my head.
“
No. No you don
’
t get that. You don
’
t get to tell me your side.
”
I press my finger into his chest. As soon as it hits I know I
’
ve made a mistake.

Contact.

Bit-by-bit, the armor around me cracks. I stare at my finger and scowl.

Traitor.

My head drops and the sobs come deep and fast. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. I don
’
t even try to fight it because I can
’
t
—
I just melt into him, inch by fucking inch.

“
Shhh. Stephanie. It
’
s okay. It
’
s okay. I
’
m here.
”
His breath falls hot on my ear and I wince.

Clarity.

I choke on a sob and push myself away. I point at him again, this time staying far enough away where touching is impossible. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ren walk in from the back. Jessa leans sideways and whispers in his ear.

“
I need you to leave.
”

Kevin blinks.

“
Go, Kevin.
”

“
Stephanie
…”

“
I said go!
”
I
’
m yelling so loud now my entire head feels as if it may explode.
“
You are not
here
for me, Kevin. You
’
re here for a job. You
’
re here for some type of hero-status. Just leave. Leave. FUCKING LEAVE.
”

I don
’
t even know when I start to hit him but I
’
m throwing punches and kicking and and scratching and he
’
s trying to get control of me but it
’
s not working because he won
’
t ever have me
—
never again. The anger builds and builds and builds and I throw one final punch to his shoulder before wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. Only then do I realize I
’
m crying.

Ren steps in between us and faces me.

“
Steph. Why don
’
t you come with me. Take a breather.
”
He turns around and looks at Kevin, still rubbing his shoulder from where I hit him.
“
I think it would be best if you listen to her, brother.
”

Kevin laughs.
“
Who are you?
”

I reach for him again, so tired of his arrogance and assumptions, but Ren grabs my hands and twists me around and maneuvers me toward Jessa.

“
Ren, let me. I
’
ll take her. I know where to go.
”

She
’
s waiting with my purse and her keys.

I blink.

“
Where are we going? What about the shop? Who
’
s going to run it?
”

She shrugs and grabs my hand when Ren passes me off to her and turns to square off with Kevin who
’
s shouting in the background about strangers and trust and knowing who I
’
m leaving with
—
I place my hands over my ears for the second time and groan.

“
Make him stop, Jessa.
”

“
Come on.
”
She looks at me and offers a small smile.
“
I know just the place.
”

.::.

We get into her car and she pauses before putting her keys in the ignition. Glancing at me with a side-eye, she turns on the car and backs out of the parking space and toward the road.

“
That was intense. Are you okay?
”

I wipe my cheeks and shake my head.
“
I
’
m sorry
—
I-I don
’
t know what got into me there.
”

She puts her hand briefly on my arm and then pulls it away.
“
Stop. Don
’
t even think about apologizing. Just put on your seatbelt for me?
”

I nod and click the latch into place and rest my head on the window, gripping my hands together to keep the tremors from being too noticeable. My father
’
s voice is loud and clear in my head and I close my eyes to get away from him. It doesn
’
t work. I can hear his laughter and the way his words stumble into each other after drinking. I can see his snarl and the way his hand reaches up to push me against a nearby wall.