Somewhere Between Water and Sky (Shattered Things #2) (42 page)

Kevin grimaces and turns to face me.

“
I always knew you could do it
—
ever since the moment you mentioned back at home how you wanted to kill him. I knew you had it in you. But I didn
’
t want you to have to be the one who killed your father.
”
He grabs my hand.
“
You
’
ve been through so much because of him, why add killing him to the mix?
”

I frown.

“
I think I have my reasons.
”

“
Absolutely. All of them valid.
”
His thumb rubs the top of my hand and I glance down.
“
Look at me, Stephanie.
”

I look away and then sigh and then turn to look him in the eye.

“
What.
”

“
Are you mad? At me?
”

My breath catches.

“
No,
”
I mumble.

“
Then what
’
s going on here?
”
He brushes my hair back with his finger and I close my eyes against his touch.

“
I almost lost you,
”
I whisper.

“
But I
’
m here.
”

I pull my hand away and wipe at my tears.

“
But you almost
weren
’
t.
Do you know what it was like turning around and seeing your body on the ground like that? Do you know how it felt to try and stop the blood from gushing out of that wound?
”
I point to his bandage wrapping around the left side of his chest and then my hands press up against my own lungs as if to remind them to move. It
’
s not working very well.
“
You said we had forever and then suddenly we didn
’
t. How was I supposed to handle that?
”

He just looks at me.

“
But I
’
m okay. Right now I
’
m okay. We
’
re okay.
”
He smiles.
“
We still have that forever.
”

“
Stop that,
”
I mutter.

“
Stop what? Stephanie, I won
’
t ever leave you. I
’
ve told you this. From the moment I saw you in that coffee shop
—“

I hit the bed.
“
God, Kevin. Stop. You have to stop! You don
’
t fucking know.
”
I look at him in the eyes.
“
Seriously. I need you to stop promising me things you don
’
t know if you can deliver.
”

His lips turn downward.

“
Why wouldn
’
t I keep that promise? Why would I ever leave you, Stephanie? When have I ever showed you otherwise?
”

My head falls against his arm laying on the edge of the bed.

“
Kevin, this is what Jude was talking about
…
this right here.
”

He sighs.

“
What are you saying, Stephanie.
”

“
I
’
m saying, I need to know you to love me for
me
—
not because I
’
m some helpless girl you can save. I need you to know that loving me is risky because it doesn
’
t guarantee anything.
”
I find his eyes.

“
Since I
’
ve left I have these mood swings, Kev. One minute I
’
m okay and the next all I hear is my dad
’
s voice in my head and I just go batshit, you know? It
’
s scary as hell. And I can
’
t figure out a way to stop it. Are you going to be okay with that? I need to know that all my shit is not going to make you lose your own.
”

“
I won
’
t lose my shit, Stephanie.
”

“
I will run, Kevin. At any given moment I will run and I will not want you to find me because everything I
’
ve ever known is coming to haunt me. I
’
m trying not to
—
I
’
m trying this crazy thing called
staying.
But sometimes, sometimes I get overwhelmed. And I run.
”

“
I
’
ll run with you, if you let me.
”

I smile.

“
Stephanie, for as long as we
’
ve known each other, you
’
ve tried your hardest to get away from me.
”
He grabs my hand and kisses my fingers.
“
But you can
’
t. You have me.
”

“
I have you?
”

“
You have me.
”
He moves his lips to my wrist and my forearm and I catch my breath, leaning in closer until I
’
m not sitting on the chair anymore but leaning both of my arms against the good side of his chest. For the first time since I walked in the hospital room, I relax. He stares at me with those iridescent blues and I
’
m struck, my pulse turning electric all over again. He pulls my hand down and presses it into his own.

“
When my mom and dad were in their good days, before everything went to hell, my dad would always talk about this mantra they had
—
them against the world.
”
He looks at me.
“
I can
’
t tell you how many times he
’
d start talking about how he knew my mom was the one because she was the only person he
’
d fight the world for
—
how she was the only one he
’
d be willing to stand next to and find the next adventure holding her hand instead of trying to run up ahead and beat her.
”

He laughs.

“
And when I got old enough to know how to play the system and would ask one parent because I know they would say yes over the other my dad would just look at me and shake his head and remind me,
‘
it
’
s us against the world son; don
’
t think for a moment you are not included in that world.
’”

“
He has it tattooed on his ring finger, you know.
UATW
—
the letters wrap around his finger.
”
He rubs his finger around my ring finger, showing me where the letters stain his father
’
s skin.

I look at him, barely breathing.

He squeezes my hand.

“
You are the only one I
’
d fight the world for, Stephanie. The only one I want to find adventures with
—
whether it be runaway trains or abandoned buildings or tattoos.
”
He runs his finger against my new tattoo, leaving goosebumps in his wake. I hear his voice fading and I look up in time to see his head drop off to the side. I glance at the whiteboard signaling his automatic dosage and note that he should have been given pain medication a little while ago. I push myself up and position myself carefully next to him on the bed, weaving my way through the wires and sheets until I
’
m pressed up next to him. I wrap my arms around his waist, careful to avoid the wound.

“
You
’
re the only one I
’
d stay for, Kev,
”
I whisper against his hospital gown, the scent of sandalwood coming up to greet me. I close my eyes and inhale, and rest my head against his shoulder, and am just falling asleep when the door to his hospital room opens.

Jessa
’
s head peeks around the door first, her eyes bright when she sees me on the bed. She points at me and breaks into a huge smile and throws a thumbs-up sign my way. I roll my eyes and place a finger over my mouth.

“
He just fell asleep.
”

Ren nods and takes care at pushing Jessa in with as little noise as possible. They end up rolling back toward the door, in case a quick getaway is needed. Jessa leans forward and places her hands gingerly on her knees and then motions with her index finger toward the cloth draped against the wall.

“
You just give me the word and we
’
ll roll this curtain closed.
”
She winks.

“
Jessa.
”

Her eyes widen and then a slow smile creases across her face.

“
You look happy.
”

“
I
’
m
…
content.
”
I push down the blanket on his leg and look back at her.
“
We still have a ways to go but we
’
re getting there.
”

Jessa fingers a loose thread on her gown and then glances up at Ren. A look passes between them before she looks back at me. I sit up.

“
What.
”

They both laugh nervously and Jessa lifts one of her hands, waving me off.

“
It
’
s nothing. Just that we ran into Jude in the hallway and started talking with him.
”
She leans forward again.

“
Listen, Stephanie. I
’
ve talked to my dad. There
’
s some programs available for you to receive therapy if you were open to it.
”

I jerk my head back.

“
You think I need a shrink?
”

She leans her head on her hands, her arms resting on the side of her wheelchair.

“
I think everyone deserves the chance to sit in a room and talk about themselves for an hour.
”

My mind goes to the money I have stashed in the bank. I know it
’
s not enough to cover everything. I give her an apologetic look.
“
Maybe when I save up more money? Right now I only have enough for my first year at USC.
”

Her eyebrow lifts almost imperceptibly.

“
What if I told you that these programs could offer you
free
therapy and tuition? They
’
re meant to help you get what you need to succeed.
”

I wrinkle my nose.
“
Would your dad being my therapist be
…
I don
’
t know
…
weird?
”

“
Absolutely. Which is why we
’
ve connected with a colleague of his we both trust. She
’
s the leading therapist on the West Coast with specialized training in severe trauma and EMDR techniques for those with PTSD.
”

“
Sounds severe.
”

Jessa laughs.
“
Trust me. Therapy isn
’
t for the weak
—
but it
’
s what saved me.
”

Ren squeezes Jessa
’
s shoulder and then looks at me and shrugs.
“
And it
’
s
free.
”

I shift uncomfortably and try to avoid the wires draped over my arms. I look at Kevin, crashed out next to me.

“
I don
’
t know. Talking about myself seems redundant.
”