Somewhere in Between (Madison Square #1) (18 page)

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

She took a step back and looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I mean, she was not far off. I was standing in my bedroom with a gorgeous naked woman who wanted nothing but sex and I was turning her down all for a girl who may or may not be into me. In that moment, I was the definition of a pussy.

She pulled her clothes on, grabbed her shoes, and stormed out of my apartment. I dropped back on my bed and replied to Red.

Drew: What’s up?

Alex: Can you do something for me?

I smiled and typed a response.

Drew: Anything.

She didn’t even know the half of it.

Chapter 16

Alex (Now)

I woke to a pounding in my head. It took me a minute to realize that the pounding wasn’t in my head, it was on the door.

I glanced at the clock and dragged a hand down my still half asleep face. Who was banging on the door at three in the morning? Dragging myself out of bed, I headed to the door, looked through the peephole, and cringed. It was Drew. I couldn’t deal with him now. I tried to swallow through the lump building in my throat.

“Alex, open the goddamn door!” he bellowed, pounding the door so hard it shook on the hinges. I didn’t want to face him, not after seeing him with her, but he obviously wasn’t leaving. I flipped the lock and opened the door a crack. Drew shoved past me and stormed into the living room, keeping his back to me.

“Why haven’t you answered any of my calls?” He turned to face me. He looked so angry and hurt. I quickly dropped my head and picked at my cuticles, chewing on my lip. I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I raised my head, the tears would start and everything I had been feeling would just fall out of my mouth.

“I turned my phone off.” I shrugged, keeping my eyes down.

“Bullshit!”

I flinched. I really had turned my phone off, but it was after I realized he wasn’t going to stop calling.

“What the fuck, Red? You don’t talk to me for days, then you barge into my apartment, no, my bedroom, for only God knows what reason and storm out!” he yelled. “I don’t know what to do with you! You’ve been acting crazy since that damn gala. I try to protect you, you push me away. I give you space and you disappear only to show up in my bedroom at the worst possible moment. What the fuck do you want from me?”

He stared at me, waiting for an answer I wasn’t ready to give him. He sighed, ran his hand over his face, and looked up at the ceiling. I couldn’t say anything. So far everything he had said was true. I had been acting crazy. If he knew why, everything would make sense, but seeing him with Gwen cleared away whatever tiny semblance of courage I had built up to tell him the truth, so I just stayed quiet, letting him yell at me.

“I get you don’t like Gwen.”

My head snapped up. Did he really think this was about her? A mix of rage and pain coursed through my body. I was angry and really hurt and teetering on the edge of losing it. I had to get him out of here before it all came out. My shoulders started to shake as the tears welled up in my eyes. When our eyes met, I saw his were apologetic, but still angry.

“Drew, just go,” I said, trying and failing to sound calm. I brushed past him and headed for my bedroom. He grabbed my shoulders and took a step closer so his chest was almost pressed to my back. I could feel the heat from his body. He was so close, his breath warmed the back of my neck.

“Alex,” he said, his voice softening with concern. “Please. Just talk to me.”

My heart clenched. The tears I was desperately trying to hold back escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to hurt him, but if I told him what was really going on, he would leave. I just needed some time to get past this. I could do it. I could stop loving him and everything could stay the same.

He turned me and wrapped his arms around my back. He ran a hand up to the back of my neck as I dropped my forehead to his chest.

“After seeing you with Peter, I was pissed, okay? I spent most of Friday drunk in my apartment. He is such a piece of shit, Red.” He brought his hands forward to cup my cheeks, forcing my eyes to meet his. “He doesn’t deserve you.” He dropped his hands from my face and continued. “I needed to get out of the house today, so I went to The Den, hoping David or Sean would be there, but I ended up drunk and by myself. She was just there and the next thing I know, you were standing in my door way and Gwen…” He trailed off, not wanting to make this worse, but something inside me snapped.

“Don’t say her name!” I cried, shoving against his chest. “I don’t give a shit about her! She has nothing to do with this.”

“I thought…” He looked even more confused.

He reached for me again and I took a step back. I saw red. Did he think I was so petty to be this upset because he slept with that factory made psycho? I could care less about her. This was about us, or the “us” I wanted but couldn’t have. Walking in on them together was just the last straw for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart just broke open and everything I felt for him just came flooding out.

“I’m in love with you, damn it!” I cried as the emotional dam finally broke. He took a step back like I just shoved him with my confession. I continued, my voice getting softer, unable to hold it back any more. “I love you, and it has been killing me every day to see you knowing you don’t feel the same way. Then I see you with her, and I just can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much. I love you too much.”

He looked stunned, like I had just told him I had testicles. The look on his face just proved that I was right. He didn’t feel anything between us. Everything I felt for him was one-sided. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. I turned and headed for my room.

“This is my issue, okay. I will figure it out. Please, just go.”

I walked into my room, closed the door, collapsed onto my bed, and just let go. I was destroyed. I felt like I just lost the only person who meant anything to me because I was stupid enough to fall for him. I didn’t know where to go from there. We couldn’t just go back to the way things were and forget everything I had just said. It would be horrible, tense, and awkward. The tears kept coming. My heart was shattered, and I didn’t think I would ever get it back together.

After a while, I started to drift off to sleep. I heard the door open, then felt the bed dip behind me. I heard him slip off his shoes and slide under the covers. He pulled me to him, pressed my back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around me, holding on tight. I finally drifted off to sleep as he whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

***

The sun streamed into my window the next morning. My eyes were swollen and sore from crying in my sleep, and my head was killing me. I swung my legs out of bed and rubbed my head to relieve the pressure behind my eyes. My confession last night was a dream. It had to be a dream.

I got up and walked around the bed to the bathroom, my eyes blurring as I yawned my way across the room. I had to look like hell. My foot hit something and I tripped, catching myself on the edge of the bed.

“What the hell?” I muttered. I rubbed my foot and looked down to figure out what I tripped over. My eyes widened. Oh my God! His shoes. No, no!

I sunk to the floor, dropping my head into my hands. What did I do? I glanced back at his shoes and realized he was still here. I vaguely remembered him slipping into bed and holding me last night, but I woke up alone, which is why I thought it was all a dream. At least I hoped it had all been a dream. Denial was kind of becoming my thing.

I looked up at the bedroom door. I knew he was somewhere in the apartment. After sitting on the floor of my room and contemplating all the possible exits and coming up empty, I sighed and got to my feet. Time to put on my big girl panties and face him. God, I am an idiot, and apparently a drama queen. No wonder he rejected me. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

The smell of coffee hit me in the face, temporarily making me forget the complete humiliation waiting for me in the kitchen. I came down the hall, slowly approaching the kitchen. Drew was making eggs, which were obviously not for me. I hate eggs.

“Hey,” I said, my voice cracking. So much for sounding nonchalant.

He didn’t respond or look at me. He just handed me my cup of coffee. I sat at the breakfast bar trying to figure out what to say to him. I had nothing. I already said enough last night.

I just sat there, staring into my coffee, too afraid to look up. He dropped a plate with bacon and buttered wheat toast in front of me. I glanced up as he set his plate on the counter in front of him and dug into his eggs.

We ate in silence. Well, I tried to eat, but my stomach was in knots. I wanted to get this over with, just rip off the metaphorical Band-Aid. Bracing his hand on the counter in front of him, he finally looked up at me.

“I’m sorry about Gwen,” he said, finally breaking the silence. A tremor went through my body. This was not starting out well.

“Don’t. I have no right…”

He cut me off. “No, listen.”

I clamped my mouth shut, waiting for the inevitable friend zone speech.

“I should have never let things get that far. I had too much to drink and I was following my dick. It’s no excuse, and I’m so sorry.”

My throat started to ache. It was the warning sign tears were coming. I swallowed hard, trying to hold them back. He ran a hand through his hair and walked around the bar, stopping in front of where I sat on the stool. I looked at the floor, the wall, the ceiling, anywhere but directly at him.

“Alex.” His voice was cautious, like I would shatter if he didn’t tread lightly. I squeezed my eyes closed and exhaled. When I opened them, I saw a sea of deep blue looking back at me. I desperately searched his face for some kind of answer to what was going on in his head.

Did he still think of us as friends? Was he about to reject me completely? I knew he didn’t have it in him to be cruel, but I knew what was coming.

He stepped closer, running his hands up my arms to my shoulders, to my neck, pulling me forward and pressing his lips softly to my forehead. I shivered as he pressed his forehead to mine. “What do we do now?”

I wiped a hand down my face, trying to clear the storm of doubt and fear clouding my head. Steeling myself and sitting up straight, I cleared my throat. “I just need to get over this so we can still be friends,” I said, sounding surprisingly in control.

He took a step back. He narrowed his eyes as he studied my face.

“I know it’s stupid,” I said. “I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I promise I won’t let things get weird between us. I just don’t want to lose you.”

He put his hands on his hips, watching me. For a second, he looked hurt, but then it was gone. He took a deep breath. “Of course.” He stepped toward me, pulling me off the stool and into his arms. He squeezed me tightly, bringing his hand up to the back of my neck. “You’re stuck with me, Red.”

I couldn’t help but smile against his chest. Everything was going to be okay. Things would be awkward between us for a while, but we would move past this. We had to. He was all the family I had.

Drew cleared his throat. “So, one question?” he said, his arms still firmly wrapped around me. I flinched. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I pulled back and met his eyes. “What were you doing at my place last night?”

Ugh, I didn’t want to get into this now. I knew Drew would be upset, and after everything that happened last night, now that we were good, I didn’t want to stir things up again, but I didn’t want to keep things from him anymore. “I came to apologize to you.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Turns out you were right about Peter. I wanted to…”

“What happened? Did that fucker hurt you?” he interrupted me, appraising me for damage.

“Drew, stop.” I stepped away from his inspection. “It wasn’t like that, okay? He just wasn’t the guy I thought he was, but I took care of it. I won’t be seeing him again.”

He stared at me, trying to figure out if he should be more concerned. “Well, I hate to say I’m glad, but I am. You deserve a lot better than that clown.”

“What? No ‘I told you so’?”

He chuckled. “I’ll spare you this time, but you won’t be so lucky next time.” He pulled me into a hug, then went to refill our coffees.

“Drew?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you…” My voice broke for a second. I cleared my throat and continued. “Are you into her?”

“Who?” He turned toward me. “Gwen?”

I flinched at her name and nodded. He gripped the counter between us. “I told you. I never meant for it to happen.” He sighed. “I don’t want her. I…”

There was a knock on the door before he could finish. He flipped the lock and pulled open the door. A delivery man with a bouquet of lilies stood in the doorway. Drew signed and accepted the flowers, closing the door and handing them to me. I pulled the card from the little envelope.

I was an ass. Forgive me?

I tossed the card and the flowers into the trash. Drew raised his eyebrows. I shrugged. “I hate lilies.”

“Noted,” he said, sipping his coffee.

***

Monday came and I was busy for a good part of the morning working on a proposal for a new spa when Wiley burst into my office.

“Ding dong the witch is dead,” she exclaimed, tossing a handful of confetti she got from her two-hole punch into the air. She laughed as she hopped up on my desk. “Tell me everything. Did she cry? I heard she threatened you and slapped Madeline,” she said, way too excitedly.