Son of No One (15 page)

How badly would he have to be beaten and tortured to destroy the nerve endings in his flesh like this?

“I'm disgusting,” he whispered. “'Tis no wonder everyone ran. That no woman ever wanted me.”

She turned back to him. “You're not disgusting, Cade. You're one of the most handsome men I've ever seen.”

He fingered the scar at his neck, and as he did so, something weird happened.

She saw in her mind the injury that had caused it.

Suddenly, she wasn't in the room with him. She was lying quietly in an Anglo-Saxon bed in a stone bedchamber with a rib-vaulted ceiling over her. There were two deerhounds sleeping on the floor in front of a large hearth.

Naked and exhausted, she, or rather, Cadegan, lay in bed, listening to the fire crackle. He'd been battling for almost a solid year with his brother's army. Not against Saxons or Mercians.

Demons
.

Someone had unleashed a large nest of them and they'd been warring against humans. Because of the oath he'd taken when he joined Leucious, he wasn't allowed to breathe a word of his duties to anyone.

He was sick of the blood and battle. Sick of arriving too late to help the innocent. Of burying their remains while guilt choked him that his own father had caused much of it.

But Leucious had finally given him a reprieve for a full sennight of rest. He'd come immediately to Æthla's. His intent was to marry her so that he could keep her safe and away from the horrors and dangers of their world.

He'd already asked her father and been given permission to seek her hand. First thing on the morrow, he intended to lavish her with the gifts he'd bought for her. Samite, jewels, and the ivory hair combs she'd seen earlier that day and had remarked upon.

On the verge of sleep, he'd barely heard the door open. With nerves ravaged by war, he rolled, ready to battle. Only to relax as he saw the image of an angel.

Dressed only in a pale green kirtle, Æthla had left her long blond hair loose to flow around her curvaceous body. With a serene expression, she'd approached him slowly.

Instantly hot and aching, he'd returned his dagger to the stand by the bed and turned the furs back in invitation for her. “Is your headache better, love?”

“Nay, 'tis much worse now.”

“Then you should be resting.” He plumped her pillow for her. “Come, and I'll guard you while you sleep.”

She hesitated. The firelight played across her face, making her look even more angelic and sweet. Precious. In all the world, she was the only comfort he'd ever known. “I just spoke with my father.”

His stomach drew tight in fear that her father had spoiled his planned surprise. “Did you?”

“Aye. He told me that I'm to be your bride.”

Cadegan cursed at the bastard's timing. But more than that, he'd expected her joy, not this sad reservation. “I've no intention of forcing you, love. I thought you wanted me for a husband.”

“Why would you think that?”

The anguish in her tone cut him worse than a demon's claws. Confused, he tried to understand what her body was telling him. “You allowed me your maidenhead. You've always greeted me with pleasantries and warmth whenever I've visited you. I assumed you did so because you loved me.”

“Loved you?” she sneered. “How could anyone love a monster like you?”

Those words had slapped him harshly. “Monster? I risked all to save you and yours. When have I ever been anything save tender toward you?”

Once he'd joined his brother's army, Leucious had forbidden him to take part in any human battle. They fought for a much higher calling and weren't to risk themselves for petty human politics.

Any such violation of oath was met with stringent punishment. Leucious brooked no insubordination from anyone. As his brother, Cadegan was held to an even higher standard, and punished much more strenuously whenever he violated Leucious's laws.

Yet when he'd stumbled across her and her family hiding in a ditch while his own people had burned down their Mercian hall, he'd violated every oath he'd ever made.

For her.

Æthla's fear had touched a heart he hadn't even known he possessed. There in that field, he'd quieted her and promised her that he would make sure no one found them. That he would keep her safe from any harm.

He'd battled his own people for the daughter of his human enemies. For the daughter of a race that had done its best to destroy his. A race that had ruthlessly burned down his monastery and slaughtered cloistered monks who had no way to defend themselves.

Once he'd made it safe for her, he'd escorted her family to shelter. Had paid for their lodgings and food with his meager coin, and made certain they returned safe to their noble relatives in the north.

“My father made me give myself to
you,
so that you would continue to help us. But I've never been able to stomach your touch. You make my skin skitter.”

Those words had pierced him like battle lances.

“Now I'm told that I'm to be sold to you like chattel or my father will cast me out to whore for a living. I told him I'd rather whore for a leper's colony than suffer one more night of
you
inside me. He told me that if I didn't do this, he would kill me for it.” Pure unadulterated hatred had burned in her eyes as she glared at him. “I hate you!” She'd launched herself at him.

It was only when he felt the dagger slicing into his neck that he realized she'd concealed the weapon in the folds of her kirtle.

Screaming, she'd stabbed him over and over again as her dogs stirred in anger.

Even then, Cadegan had only sought to free himself from her slashes and the bites of her hounds. He'd knocked her back at the same time his door crashed open to show her three brothers.

“He's raped me!” she sobbed at them, showing her brothers the blood on her that was his. “Help me! He said he'll kill me this night!”

He should have used his powers to flash himself out. But Leucious had made him swear that he'd never reveal his abilities to the midlings who feared their magick. More than that, he wasn't a coward and he couldn't stand being accused of something he hadn't done. Especially something so foul.

“I did no such!”

“Liar!” Her eldest brother had charged first.

As they beat and slashed at his naked body, he'd made the mistake of looking to Æthla, who watched on with a sick gleam of satisfaction.

“I want his heart for what he's done!” she shouted. “I will not wed a demonic bastard!”

At her harsh condemnation and rebuke of his heart, something inside him had snapped in twain. Fury the likes of which he hadn't tasted since the day he saw the monastery's remains tore through him, and awakened the demon he did his best to keep leashed.

In keeping with his oath to his brother, he didn't use his powers. He didn't have to. With skills honed on hundreds of battlefields, he'd fought her brothers off until he stood over their dead bodies.

Æthla had screamed like a banshee as she saw it. “Monster! Son of Perdition! You're inhuman! Revolting! You disgust me!”

Her insults had melded together as he came to his senses and saw what he'd done. As the horror of his actions washed over him and left him heartbroken.

I am a monster.

Born for no other reason than to end lives.

Shattered and numb, Cadegan had dressed as her father finally came and called for his soldiers to arrest him. But he knew even if they hanged him, he wouldn't die, and he'd expose to the midlings a truth they weren't ready to handle.

He'd fled the hall and returned to his brother's camp.

The moment Cadegan entered his tent to tell him of the events and Leucious saw him, his brother turned pale. His vibrant eyes had gone from blue to green to a deep, demonic red. “What have you done?”

“He killed humans,” Misery, one of Leucious's breeders, had whispered as she materialized by his side. “Midlings who were trying to protect their sister he coveted for his own.”

His eyes filled with condemnation, Leucious glared at him. “Is this true?”

“Aye, but—”

Leucious had backhanded him. “There are no buts! You swore to never draw midling blood again. Is this how you uphold your sacred oaths?”

Cadegan bit back his fury. “They attacked me first.”

“You are the son of Paimon! No midling can truly harm you. You know this! A bloody nose or black eye you will survive.”

He wanted to argue, but Leucious was right. He should have used his powers and left. Never should he have fought back. “Forgive me, brother. 'Twas a mistake.”

Leucious shook his head. “Nay, the mistake was mine for thinking for one minute that you were something more than the mindless beast you were born to be. You disgust me! I can't believe I put my trust and faith in
you
.”

Those words shattered his heart. “Please, Leucious—” His brother stopped his words by grabbing his throat and cutting off his breathing.

Cadegan choked as pain racked him. Leucious's hand was buried in the same wound Æthla had given him.

“For crimes against Our Lord, for breach of my trust, I condemn you to the shadowed lands of your mother. No more are you to walk this earth as a living being. You will spend eternity remembering what you've done and regretting your actions. You are no longer one of us. For that, you are sentenced and banished from the world of man. Forevermore.”

Cadegan tried to pry off his grip. To beg him not to send him to the shadow lands. To tell Leucious why he couldn't damn him there. It would be the worst mistake. Worse than even falling into his father's hands. If Morgen were to ever learn his secret, the world of man would be destroyed.

But it was useless.

Leucious threw him against the small looking glass he kept near his bed.

Instead of falling into it, he fell through it … into the hell realm of Terre Derrière le Voile.

Cadegan had pounded against the glass, begging for release.

Leucious had coldly turned away and covered the portal so that he'd never again have to look upon Cadegan's face.

Betrayed and bleeding, Cadegan had picked his helm up from the ground and bravely gone to face this new hole he'd been cast into.

He hadn't gone far before Morgen's fey army had overpowered him and dragged him in chains to her court in Camelot.

The lush blond witch had tried to seduce him with her wiles and body. But he knew better than to believe a single word from the witch's tongue. “Son of Brigid. Tell us where your mother has hidden your grandfather's shield.”

When he'd refused to give her what she wanted, she'd moved straight to torture.

Cadegan had begged for death. Had wished it a millionfold. But there was no relief. No quarter. Not for the likes of him.

Not until an attack had distracted his guards while they'd been transporting him back to his cell. He'd fled Camelot for the only refuge he could think of.

Through treacherous land and avoiding Morgen's hounds, spies, and soldiers, he'd made his way to the Isle of Avalon.

For one heartbeat, he'd breathed in relief as he saw the shining castle where Merlin and Arthur's surviving knights lived, while continuing to fight against Morgen's evil.

Until the knight Ademar and three others had appeared and blocked his way. Swords drawn, they had forced Cadegan back.

“What do you want here, demonkyn?”

“I need to see the Penmerlin.”

Ademar had shoved the tip of his sword so deep into Cadegan's throat that it'd drawn blood. “We don't allow Morgen's dogs here.”

Exhausted and still bleeding from his torture, Cadegan had thrown himself on their mercy. “I'm a waremerlin. Charged with the Shield of Dagda … I needs see it to the Penmerlin before I succumb to Morgen's torture.” Then he'd done the one thing he'd never done in his life.

He begged.

“Please, have mercy on me! I need shelter. At least for a single night, let me lay me head in peace so that I can heal for a bit.”

Ademar had kicked him back. “Liar! No keeper would entrust an object of Arthur's into the hands of a demon! What kind of fool do you take me for?”

Cadegan had tried to argue, but they'd summoned more knights and beaten him back to the gray shadow lands. And there he'd spent a thousand years, trying to avoid the demons sent to claim him for his father and Morgen's beasts. Most of the time, he was successful.

When he wasn't, he endured their torture until he found a way to escape it. And all the while, he'd silently kept an oath that had been forced upon him without his consent. An oath to a mother who had cast him away within an hour of birthing him.

And all for Brother Eurig, who had given him Dagda's Shield when the king had commanded him to war.

“This belonged to your mother. She told me that I was to give this to you should you ever be forced to leave here. Whatever you do, boy, never let evil have it. Swear it to me!”

Jo couldn't breathe as all of Cadegan's memories played through her head. As the full weight of his true horror crushed her.

“Josette?”

She pulled him into her arms. “I'm so sorry.”

“What did you do?”

Tears filled her eyes. “Not for what I've done. For what has been done to you.” She buried her hands in his hair and held him close against her. “I will get you out of this hell, Cadegan. I don't know how, but I swear I will.”

“I wish you luck with that, lass. In truth, I am a bit weary of it all.”

For once, she didn't have to imagine. She knew exactly how tired he was. How beaten down and defeated in spirit. Yet he let no one know. Ever. He bore his inner scars with the same dignity and grace that he did with the ones that marred his body.

External scars that did, indeed, remind him of the inner ones, every time he saw them.