Song of the Guardians (4 page)

"Oh, I know that. It’s just—"

"I’m not ready," Emma finished for me.

I shook my head. "I think it’s mostly me who isn’t." I sighed, looking back on her last question. "Sometimes the need to protect another, and our instincts alone, can be mistaken for love. That's why I can't say for sure."

"Is love the other half of the bond?"

Her question caught me off guard, and I gave her a sideways glance.

"You haven’t said anything to me since we got here unless it was worth saying," Emma said. "And since you asked when I first fell in love with you, I figured it had to do with the bond you mentioned earlier."

I cleared my throat. "Love is the other half of the bond, yes."

"So after we bond, what happens next?"

"We wait. Unfortunately, the bond isn’t enough. The songs I mentioned?"

"Yeah?"

"I don’t know the words. It’s something I need to learn from our bond. I need you to give me the words. I need you to inspire me."

"How do you know all of this?"

"It probably seems like some messed-up guessing game right now, but I’ve been here once before, only the roles were reversed."

"So you were bonded to another."

"Yes, but it was many, many years ago."
Way too many for it to be relevant.

Emma’s face twisted in pain. I could’ve kept the truth to myself, but what good would it have done?
It’s better I tell her now.
The ache was something I’d carried with me ever since I'd lost my guardian. There were times I'd wished she would’ve told me the same thing. Prepared me for what was to come.

"What happened to her?" Emma asked, setting her empty mug on the floor before joining me. She took my face in her hands so she could look into my eyes. "What went wrong?"

I took an unsteady breath and patted my lap for her to sit down. Emma accepted my invitation and curled up in the chair beside me.

I combed my fingers through her hair as I spoke, winding one of her curls around my index finger. "When a guardian and his or her child fully bonds, the guardian learns a set of lyrics from the child’s memories or actions. This is why imprinting is so important. Think of the memories you have now as a set of photographs. Each one stands for a different word, and the stronger the memory, the more important that word becomes."

Emma leaned against my chest. "Why not sing the song your guardian learned from you?"

I closed my eyes. "It doesn’t work that way. I tried, many times. The song must be given to a guardian from his or her child. When the time is right, they sing together, becoming a single form in the night." I pressed my forehead to hers. "I need you to open your mind. I can show you what happens, but there are words I can't speak. Words that are too painful. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes." Emma’s voice shook.

"Close your eyes and empty your mind. Let all of your thoughts go. Think of nothing else except what I’m about to show you."

I pushed past the pain, sharing a series of images with Emma. She tensed when our minds connected, then went limp, falling victim to my memories.

* * * * *

E
mma

Tucker’s body shuddered beneath me by the time I’d emptied my mind. At first, all I saw was black, but then things started to focus. A gray wolf stood at the base of a great tree accompanied by a young man. The two forms sang a mournful melody across the landscape, and as they sang, the Earth began to mend.

The wolf and the man who I could only assume was Tucker, swayed from side to side, their voices growing stronger as the moments slipped by. Then, Tucker’s form was gone.

The song ended shortly after, the gray wolf’s pelt turning a light brown. The wolf continued to sing, but he sang with a single voice. I knelt a few yards away from him, a heavy weight pressing against my chest, and pain—so much pain, I could barely see.

When I opened my eyes, the images were gone.

* * * * *

T
ucker

Emma stirred in my arms, and I tilted my head back, severing the link I'd formed around her mind.
Gods
,
I shouldn’t have shown her.
The memories weren’t meant for her, but I’d done it anyway.

Emma pressed a hand to one of my cheeks, her eyes full of worry. "What happened?"

I blinked. "Didn’t you see it?"

"I-I did, but I want to hear you say it. I can’t believe it if you don’t say the words."

"I became the wolf, and she..." I couldn’t say anything else. My throat tightened anytime I tried to speak.

"I don’t think she’s gone," Emma said, curling up in my lap. "You remember her, which means there’s still some of her left."

"Emma..."

"You left me, and I could’ve thought you were gone, but I still remembered you. I remembered what you told me, and I waited for you. Maybe she’s waiting for you, too."

I hugged her against my chest, breathing in her hair and the sweet shampoo she’d used earlier. I knew what had really happened, but I let her hold on to her dreams. It was all I could do to keep from going back to that place. I was hers now, and until I fell into the Earth, I’d remain at her side.

T
ucker

I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were too scattered. After tucking Emma into bed, I crept into the bathroom. I leaned forward until my nose touched the mirror. My eyes were dilated, my flesh paler than usual as I emptied my mind, preparing to shift.

I gripped the edge of the sink. I didn't have to go through my bones breaking or my skin stretching into new shapes, but my nerves still held me back.

Changing from one form to another as a guardian was more ethereal than most might’ve believed—releasing one form of energy to make room for another. But even without pain, it always made me sick to my stomach. With Emma in the other room, I emptied my mind, sucking in a breath before letting it out again.

I changed shape and lowered onto all fours. It usually didn’t take me this long. The transformation was second nature to me. But thoughts of Emma and what we could’ve done in the same bed distracted me, making it impossible to shift in front of her.

After breathing in my new skin, I sauntered into the bedroom and hopped onto the bed. I curled up near the pillows.

Emma moaned behind me, nuzzling my ruff with her nose as she draped an arm over my side. She breathed into my fur, and her heart rate slowed until, finally, she slept.

Feeling terribly alone, I let my thoughts wander, holding me prisoner as I looked back on the day’s events. I loved her, I'd known as much before bringing her home with me, but it wasn’t supposed to happen. I'd vowed to never let myself feel that vulnerable again.

But it happened anyway, and I had to wonder if the love I felt for Emma could compare to the first time I’d fallen in love.
It has to.
It had been enough for Ika, my guardian, which meant there had to be a way for me to achieve that love again.

Even so, the love I had for Emma was new to me. I’d always wanted to protect her and accompany her, but that wasn’t the same as love, was it? And what about Emma? She'd fallen in love with my memory. Was that love?

Wolves sang outside, far from the house. They sang to me, asking me to run. To leave my human skin behind. To give up the woman I was guarding to be one with my pack.

And it took everything I had not to join them as Emma slept soundly beside me.
She's your responsibility now.
I never should've brought her here.
Not when she's so new to all of this.
Pure.

Even if she had bedded with another human during my absence, there's no way she was ready. not for my imprint, our bond or the road ahead of us.
And she never will be unless you give her a chance.

I wanted to give her the choice. To see if she'd stay not because I needed her to but because she wanted to. And not just from our bond, either. If I could strip our past away so she'd see me for what I was at the moment, would she have run?

A low growl rumbled in my chest, hitting my tongue before it made any sound.

I rolled over to check on Emma. Her eyes were open, her body frozen as she listened to the pack's songs.

"I thought you said they couldn’t sing," she whispered, her eyes searching the room.

I licked her face, then rested my muzzle under her chin as she wrapped her arms around me, her fingers buried in my mane. "They can, but like me, they don’t know the words."

"Will you learn them?"

"With your help." I closed my eyes as a form of acknowledgment and nodded so she could feel it. "Sleep now. The others can't get inside."

Emma squeezed me again before holding her arms to her chest. Once she settled, I curled against the ball of her stomach and watched the door to our room.

As the sky turned from pinks and oranges to the blue of day, sleep stole me away.

* * * * *

I
woke what felt like hours later to find the bed empty and Emma’s scent nearly gone. I stirred under the blankets, surprised to find myself naked and in human form, which explained her faint scent.

Emma stood in the doorway. "I didn’t want to bother you, so I've been downstairs. Have you been up long?"

I rubbed at my face until the fog cleared from my vision and shook my head. "Just got up, actually. What time is it?"

"Morning." Emma tiptoed to one of the windows, opening the blinds halfway. Her eyes were gentle when she looked back at me. "Don’t worry, you didn’t miss much."

I sat up in the middle of the bed, piling the blankets in my lap to hide a rather embarrassing erection. "You mind waiting outside?"

Emma frowned and canted her head to the side. "Oh, that?" She laughed. "You’ve been like that for most of the morning. But if you insist." She shrugged and left the room. "Breakfast is waiting for you when you’re ready."

I took a handful of unsteady breaths and, once Emma left the room, I threw the sheets from my legs. But not even the cool air helped. Whenever I gained an ounce of control, a random thought popped into my head, most involving Emma and the way she’d looked at me.

Then there was the pack, my responsibility to it along with Emma. No one had ever said this was going to be easy. I just hadn't expected it to be so hard.

After pushing myself off the bed, I pulled on a gray tee along with a pair of tight-fitting jeans, refusing to adjust myself until my sex drive calmed down. It was bad enough Emma had discovered my predicament while I slept, but that didn’t mean I was ready for her drop a fork and notice it under the kitchen table.

My stomached groaned as soon as I stepped into the hall. Emma was waiting for me at the bottom of the steps.

"I was about to come up and get you," Emma said, twirling a finger through my hair. "Is everything all right?"

"You're lucky you aren’t a guy."

"Hey, guys aren’t the only ones who have that problem, you know."

"No, but at least you can still get your clothes on."

Emma smirked, her eyes darting to my groin. "There’s a cure for that."

"Mmm." I hugged her to my chest and kissed her on the lips. "You're such a tease."

"Who says I’m teasing?"

Emma wore the same playful smile she’d used on me the night before, only this time I was planning to give in to her. That is until the scent of wolves prickled against my nose. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and I broke out of Emma's embrace.

"What is it?" she asked, craning her neck at me. "The wolves again?"

"Just one," I snarled.

"Wait." Emma grabbed my arm. "You said they couldn’t get inside."

"They can’t."

"Then why let them get to you?"

"Because, the pack—he knows the rules."

"Zarrius?"

I looked at her, surprised. "How do you know his name?"

"You said it in your sleep. A few times, actually. Is he the one who’s been—"

"Marking? Yeah. He was... he’s pack alpha."

"What does he want with you?" Emma stepped around me so she could duck into the kitchen.

I glanced back over my shoulder at the entryway before following after her.

"Sit," Emma ordered, pulling a chair out from the kitchen table. She gave me a stern look, and for a brief moment, I could’ve sworn she was an alpha. "Your breakfast is cold."

She sounded more hurt than she probably intended.

I inclined my head. "Sorry." I sat down while Emma perched in the chair opposite of me. "I'm impressed you can do so much around the house. It’s almost as though you know where everything is."

She’d started the fire before my return in the evening, and she’d opened her mind to me as if it was something she’d done a thousand times before. Thinking back, it hadn’t been easy for me to adjust to this new lifestyle, but Emma didn’t seem to mind one bit.

But you weren't locked in a cage, either.
I'd had time to be a child. To adjust to the idea of being imprinted on. I'm sure, given where I found her, Emma didn't have the same.

"What? It’s just eggs and bacon," Emma said matter-of-factly, pulling me from my thoughts. "It’s all you had in the fridge." She shifted in her chair. "Any idea what this Zarrius guy wants from you?"

I shoveled a hearty bite of egg into my mouth, delighting in the flavor as it danced over my tongue. It didn’t matter to me if the food was cold or not. It sure beat chasing down rabbits and moles.

"It’s not me he’s after," I said after I’d finished chewing.

"Then he’s one of the rogue wolves you mentioned yesterday—the ones that would try to steal another guardian’s child for a chance at immortality," Emma said, leaning back in her chair.

"He’s the only one—"

"And because he’s your alpha, what? You feel like you need to listen to him?"

I shrugged. "Something like that."

"But you’re human now, and you can shift. Doesn’t that make you better than him?"

"I guess."

My shoulders slumped forward as I chased a small bit of bacon around my plate, stabbing at it with my fork. Zarrius had always been the alpha of the guardians, and for as long as I could remember, there’d been no other wolf brave enough to challenge the pack leader or to take his place.