Soul Enslaved (Sons of Wrath Book 3) (58 page)

“This goes deeper than her
servosx
.” Zayne’s gaze held a chilly earnestness. “Trust me. Her servosx was only the beginning.”

A twinge of sickness churned in Gavin’s stomach at the thought of where Denya could end up. “You have responsibilities here. You left without so much as a goddamn word. No way to reach you. How do I know you won’t fall into old habits and—”

“I need this. It’s not about making you proud, or getting your permission. I need this assignment, and I’m taking it whether you hand it to me, or not.”

Gavin splayed his entwined fingers. “Then, why did you bother to ask?”

“Because I wanted to know if you trusted me.” Zayne pushed away from the chair. “Thanks for answering loud and clear.”

“Zayne!” Gavin sucked in a breath and exchanged a glance with Maddox. He didn’t have much choice. He couldn’t up and leave Sabelle right then. Abandon her and run off into the underground scene. “I do trust you. But Denya means
everything
to Sabelle. Finding her means everything to me.”

“I’ll find her.” He strode out of the office and closed the door behind him.

***

Gavin sank onto the edge of his bed, where Sabelle lay staring out toward the window. “Do you need anything?”

She shook her head.

“Please don’t tell me you’re okay. I know you’re not. Even when you’re lying beside me, you’re not here.” He reached for her hand, feeling a dismal lurch of pain in his gut when she pulled it away. “Tell me what they did to you.”

She glanced up at him. “Our son … I didn’t even know.”

Gavin’s tears mirrored hers, as he pushed the hair back from her face. “I know. One breath at a time, baby.”

“I’m so grateful for so many things. To have my children back. To be out of that … disgusting place. You.” The brimming tears spilled over onto her cheek. “But I feel like I left something behind there … and there’s this gaping hole in my heart, where life was ripped right out of me. Like I was … a hollow vessel … to reach inside and take from me. And the pain is … it hurts.” She wiped the tear away. “And Denya. I had horrible dreams of her while I was there. I’m so scared for her.”

Gavin rested his forehead against hers. “I’d give anything to make this pain disappear. To make you feel whole again.” He kissed her cheek. “It’s just going to take time.” His hand squeezed her nape. “We’ll find Denya. If we have to crush every fucking traffic ring in this city, we’ll find her.”

“I’m afraid to sleep. That darkness. I see their faces. All of them.”

“Sabelle, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. If it takes a lifetime for you to come back to me, I’ll wait for you.”

“They think I’m a monster. Gods. What have I done to them?”

Gavin shook his head. “No. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not strong. If I’d been strong, this wouldn’t have happened.” Tears finally spilled over. “No lies, Gavin. This isn’t about making me feel better. I can’t feel better.”

“You won’t for a long time. But someday you
will
wake up and feel okay. Have faith in that. And don’t doubt your strength again. You’re more resilient than you even realize, Sabelle.”

“Everything feels so broken around me. This pain … it’s slowly picking at the seams inside of me, and soon, I’ll unravel into such chaos, you won’t be able to sew me together again.”

His heart nearly burst at the desperation radiating from her sad eyes.

“Promise me you won’t give up on me, though. I’ll come back to you. Just don’t give up on me.”

“Don’t be crazy, woman.” He stroked her hair. “It’d take a fleet of tanks to keep me away from you now.”

***

Light slowly crept into the bedroom, and Sabelle wiped the salty residue where tears had dried on her cheeks. Heat throbbed in her eyes, so swollen from crying she could hardly close them. An ache lingered across her forehead, and though her stomach pulled for more tears, it physically hurt to cry anymore.

Gavin’s silhouette filled the doorway before he crossed the room carrying something, which he set somewhere in the shadows beyond her periphery.

He slipped from the room and closed the door without a word, and Sabelle sat up in bed and turned on the bedside lamp.

In the corner of the room sat the art easel, one of Gavin’s T-shirts hanging from the top corner, and the case holding all of her supplies.

Despite the pain still swelling within her, the sore tiredness of her eyes, she felt the first hint of …
something
since returning.

It’s worth a try.

For her kids, she had to try to work through the constant images plaguing her thoughts, her dreams at night. Ones so horrific, they felt real. Perhaps painting them on canvas would eliminate them from her mind.

It’s worth a try.

CHAPTER 30

Across the bed from Sabelle, Calla sat with her body turned to the side. Probably an intentional move, to keep Sabelle from seeing her pregnant belly. The evidence that life still thrived inside
her
body.

“Sabelle, I just came … I just …” Calla shook her head. “If you need anything, I want you to know … I’m sorry for …”

Almost as painful as listening to her stutter for the right words was knowing why she did. Sabelle’s baby had been torn from her in a way that would give any expecting mother nightmares.

“Thank you, Calla.”

She nodded and tipped her head forward, almost hiding a smile that seemed laced with uncertainty. “Thomas and Janie have been such a joy in this house. You have two beautiful twins.”

Even though she agreed and offered a slight smile, Sabelle’s heart ached for her slain child. “I wasn’t even supposed to get pregnant.” The words she hadn’t intended to say tumbled from her mouth, and her eyes watered as she sucked in a breath through her nose. At Calla’s silent stare, Sabelle continued, “When succubi give birth to children with their pimp, they naturally become sterile. A protective measure, I guess. I’ve had sex with men in the past, and never gave it any thought.” A tear spilled onto her pillow. “He would’ve been a miracle baby.” She turned to see the glisten in Calla’s eyes.

“I wish I had something wise, or useful, to say. But all I feel right now is pain. And I wish taking some of the pain would leave less for you to grieve, but I know it doesn’t. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I know the joys of pregnancy. I just wanted to know the joy with a man I love. Maybe someday.”

“Can I get you anything? Do anything?”

Sabelle shook her head. “Really, thank you, Calla.”

“I was thinking of taking Thomas and Janie out to the garden to play for a bit. Is that okay?”

Sabelle tried not allow her tears get the better of her beneath the crippling feeling of not being mentally able to do that herself. It angered her that she didn’t want to be out in the sunlight, smiling and laughing with her living children. It grated on her ribs that there was some comfort and solace in the misery. “Sure. They’d love that.”

Not seeming to sense the tug in Sabelle’s throat as she’d spoken, Calla offered a smile and rose from the bed, her growing belly leading the way as she left the room without another word.

In the darkness and silence, Sabelle closed her eyes and, once more, let the waves of agony crash over her.

***

Gavin entered the rundown shithole Jeven called home. Ferno followed behind—perhaps not one of Gavin’s better ideas to bring the most unpredictable brother along, but it kept him from doing something stupid. Gavin kicked garbage and debris out of his way as he searched for the scrawny piece of shit pimp.

They found Jeven slumped in his chair, a collection of liquor bottles at his feet.

“’The fuck do you want, demon?” The pimp’s head rolled against his shoulders like a bowling ball attached to string. “What? You ain’t taken enough from me? My woman? My business? And now I’ve got Cash looking to send my ass to Stygius.”

“And, if you cooperate, I won’t send you there myself.”

“Fuck you.”

Gavin signaled for Ferno, who hoisted the pimp and pinned him to the wall. “I’m a man of little patience. And little time.” Arms behind his back, Gavin paced to keep from pummeling the little prick for the role he’d played in Sabelle’s capture. “There was a guard. In Obsidius. I understand you were there the day Sabelle was taken to the hospital.”

Jeven spat at Gavin but crumpled beneath Ferno’s powerful blow to his stomach.

Gavin wiped the phlegm from his face. “Were you present?”

The pimp’s lip twisted. “Yes.”

“Do you remember the guard?”

“Nope.”

Gavin nodded, and Ferno jabbed two punches to the pimp’s face.

He snorted blood from his nose and cursed.

“Do you remember the guard?” Gavin asked again.

“Yeah.”

“Good. You will escort my brothers. Identify the guard. And should you do this without incident, I might let you walk away.”

With blood streaming from his nose, Jeven lifted his gaze. “And should I not?”

“You’ll never walk again. Or eat. Or shit. Or talk. Is that clear?”

Jeven’s jaw shifted. “Yeah. Clear.”

Gavin sent Ferno an earnest stare. “I want the guard brought to the mansion. Alive.”

***

Screams broke Gavin from dreams, and he awoke to Sabelle, upright, fists swinging beside him in bed. His jaw caught a punch, before he forced her back against the pillow and pinned her arms to the bed.

“No! No! Let me go! You sick
sonofabitch
! Let me go! Now!” Her jaw strained, as she sucked in a breath through her teeth, tensing into something that resembled a Tourette tick. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!” She snarled and squirmed in his grasp.

Another nightmare.

For three days, she’d suffered at least a couple of dozen nightmares that interrupted both her and his sleep. Gavin didn’t mind being awakened so much as the fact that each nightmare seemed to get worse as time went on. Her hatred seemed to be more focused. On him.

“Baby, calm down. Shhhhh. Calm down.” He held her stiff against the bed and placed his lips to her ear, gently whispering as she wriggled beneath him.

“Get off of me! Let me go, you baby killer!”

“Shhhhh.”

Her chest heaved with frantic breaths, until widened eyes, their pupils dilated, seemed to come into focus. She sucked in one long inhale and caught herself, those eyes filling with tears.

“Don’t. Don’t cry. It’s okay. Okay? Shhhhh.” Gavin hated the part when she loathed herself for what she’d had no control over. “Relax, just relax and go back to sleep, baby.”

“I’m so sorry.” Her body writhed beneath him, and Gavin could guess that she probably wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She’d told him so once. Her nightmares seemed to make him out to be the culprit—a killer of her children—and that hurt because Gavin knew how much she loved her kids and what kind of piece of shit that’d make him.

“Just a dream, Sabelle.”

“No. It’s a never-ending nightmare. A lie that I can’t seem to let go of.”

“In time.” Much as Gavin wanted to believe it, his words burned holes in his mouth. “They’ll go away in time.”
How many fucking times have I told her this?

Every nightmare had become more and more intense, to the extent that Gavin had begun to wonder if he’d somehow said or done something that her mind had interpreted as an attempt to kill her children.

“It’s not you. I … they … all lies, Gavin. I know this. I’m not crazy. I know it’s not true. Not a single bit of it.” She buried her head in the pillow. “When I was lying there, thinking everything was gone. And they … were shocking me, cutting me, hitting me, demanding that I release you.”

Fuck
. Anger gurgled in his stomach, and he wanted nothing more than to punch a hole in the wall.

“That one connection. That one vital bit of information that I had and they didn’t gave me strength.
You
gave me strength. Because I couldn’t imagine them hurting you. You were my last attempt to save something good in my life. And without you, I knew I was dead.”

Gavin quickly swiped the tear from his eyes, his hand hovering over her. Not touching, though. She didn’t want to be touched. Despite wanting to respect her, to give her time and the space she needed, he still wanted to sweep her up into his arms. “I would have taken your place a thousand times, to have spared you that pain. I’d have suffered the worst torment, to keep you from the sadness you now face. For you, I would commit the vilest sins and revel in the flames of hell, if that would grant you some happiness.”

“And that’s exactly why I held on, Gavin.” Her lip quivered. “I know you would.” She sniffed. “I haven’t lost my mind.”

“No, baby. Do you want me to bring Janie and Thomas in here so you can lie with them?”

“Not yet. If I hurt them …” A glisten of tears shone in her eyes, as she shook her head. “You keep telling me, in time, but the nightmares are worse. Aren’t they?”

Gavin remained silent, his gaze falling from hers.

“Answer me.”

He nodded. “They seem to be getting more intense.”

She clutched her head with both hands, and a sharp exhale preceded sobbing. “I’m … I’ll get better. I promise, Gavin. Please.”

Much as Gavin wanted to ignore the signals firing inside his head, he couldn’t deny that … perhaps
he
was the problem. “Sabelle, why don’t we try letting you sleep with Thomas and Janie? Just a few nights. See if you feel better lying next to them?”

“No! Please! What if … what if I wake up swinging and I punch one of them? Or worse? Please, Gavin. I’m sorry. I’ll stay awake.”

“Don’t stay awake, Sabelle. Sleep. This will pass. In time, you’ll get back to the way things were.”

She nodded, burying her face in his neck, and pain seared his chest, burning like a caustic acid he couldn’t seem to swallow past.

Truth? He didn’t know what fate awaited Sabelle. Would she get better? The nightmares were one thing, but once her mind let go of the hallucinations of Gavin killing her children, she’d awake to an entirely new nightmare—Denya was still gone. Gavin could see her through the pain of her loss and the rehabilitation of bringing her back to her old self, but nothing would fill the hole left by her sister’s disappearance. No amount of laughter, love or comfort would change that until Denya returned home.