Soul of Smoke (22 page)

Kai watched her for a moment. She stuck her hands in her hoodie pockets, surprised when they brushed against something hard. She pulled it out. A gold pendant set with a single yellow citrine winked at her from her palm. It was Rhys’s necklace, its chain dangling, broken, from her hand. Kai frowned and stuck it in her pocket. She’d give it to him next time she saw him.

Kai fell back onto the bed. Their escape had failed. Juli was heartsworn. They were more stuck than ever. Kai had no idea what they were going to do next.

* * *

“You’re wearing a hole in the floor,” Ashem observed wryly from the doorway of the sleeping room, his arms folded across his chest. The others had gone to the kitchen. Griffith claimed it was to get a start on dinner. In reality, none of them wanted to be present for this.

Rhys turned away from Ashem and paced in the other direction.

“I’m not leaving.”

Rhys clenched and unclenched his fists as he walked. On his next lap around the room, Ashem gave a one-shouldered shrug and leaned against the wall.

“Go. Away,” Rhys growled.

“I did what I had to regarding Juliet
and
Cadoc. You know that.”

“You should be crawling after her on your hands and knees begging for forgiveness, not in here justifying yourself to me. And we should be out there rescuing Cadoc!” Rhys rubbed his chest. The infernal burning would not stop. It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as it had been this morning, but after a few hours of near-normalcy, it was maddening. “My heartswearing was going to cause enough problems, and now you, the sundering head of intelligence, my vee Commander, and a Councilmember.”

Ashem sighed. “I’m aware of the implications of my actions, and my mistakes. Are you aware of the implications of yours?”

Rhys’s anger flared, and so did the fire in the hearth behind him. “I’m not stupid, Ashem.”

Ashem raised an eyebrow at him. “You need to be able to take the rest of the mantle from Owain by force, or he will take it from you. If you don’t end the war, others will be captured and tortured. What’s happening to Cadoc could happen to Ffion, or, Ancients forbid, Deryn. You are being selfish,
Majesty
.”

“I’m giving her a choice,
Commander
.”

“Then we don’t need Seren here to predict the future. Kai will choose to go back to her old life, unheartsworn. Then you die, either because Owain murders you or you can’t stand the pain. Owain controls the mantle, and he sends us, all of us, out to commit genocide. Kai dies. Thousands will, hundreds of thousands, even, that first night. Now you’re dead and she’s dead. Humans retaliate and we’re all dead. How noble of you, King Rhys ap Ayen ap Thân. How selfless.” Ashem’s voice dripped with contempt. “Your father raised you better than that.”

“My father died because he forced my mother into heartswearing. And then she left, and he was so weakened that his own nephew killed him” Heat built inside Rhys until his hands burst into flame. “I will not make that mistake.”

Ashem shook his head. “Kai is not like Mair.”

Rhys shook his hands once, and the fire disappeared. “It doesn’t matter. Owain is going to murder me sooner or later. Perhaps I shouldn’t heartswear to her at all.”

“Stop being melodramatic. If you’re dead, so am I, then at least Kai and Juliet have each other.” Ashem’s dry amusement faded. “Last night, after I gave you the sleeping draught, I contacted Eryri. Apparently Seren foresaw some trouble, though they couldn’t say what. She sent the Invisible out to meet Evan and Morwenna. They’ll be here tomorrow, Rhys.”

His words struck Rhys in the gut like a hammer.
Tomorrow.
It hadn’t been a week, yet. He’d thought they’d have a few more days. He swallowed. “Seren must have seen that we’d need them to rescue Cadoc.” That, at least, was a relief. With the Invisible, a vee of dragons who specialized in difficult or secret missions for the king and Council, they stood a chance.

If Cadoc still lived.

Ashem nodded, troubled. “If Cadoc is alive, we’ll get him out.” He stood and walked toward the main cavern, pausing in the doorway. “Kai has until this time tomorrow to choose, Rhys, but she
will
be heartsworn when we leave this mountain.” He left.

Rhys slumped in front of the fireplace and ran a hand through his hair. Everything was a mess. Perhaps he should have kissed Kai the first night. If he had, Cadoc wouldn’t have, and Rhys never would have lost his mind and chased him off.
Ancients
,
keep him safe.

And Kai. There was so little time, and he
hurt
. Would she hate him any less if he waited until tomorrow?

“Rhys.”

He looked up. Deryn stood at the door. She’d been eavesdropping again.

She stepped into the room. Her long, auburn hair was pulled back tightly, emphasizing the sharp features of her face. “Ashem is right. Please don’t put yourself through this any longer. It’s stupid and useless, and Kai has a right to know the consequences of her choice. The true consequences.”

Rhys shook his head.

Deryn’s face turned to stone. “I’m going to tell her. About the pain. About you being king. All of it.”

“No,” Rhys snapped. Ancients, was it so hard to understand? He wanted a mate who chose him for himself. Not for his power. Not because she felt guilty that he was in pain. Not because he forced her.

Deryn’s face was cold. “I’m finished watching you suffer Rhys. I could have lost you this morning. Do it by morning, or I will.”

Before he could respond, Deryn strode from the room. Rhys stayed where he was, staring into the flames.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Every Second

Kai and Juli slept in the library that night. The next morning, Kai watched as Juli went to go talk to Ashem with the air of a cat going to lay a trap for a dog. Kai waited for her to come back, and then waited more, reading the copy of
The Hobbit
she’d borrowed an eternity ago. After two hours, she’d had enough of waiting. She needed to talk to Ffion.

Kai rolled off the bed and headed into the hall. In the tunnel between the library and the kitchen, she ran into Deryn. Deryn’s arms were folded, hands gripping her elbows so hard the knuckles were white. Her lips were also white, pressed into a tight, thin line.

“Uh...hey. Is something wrong?” Kai glanced up and down the hall, hoping to see someone else. No such luck.

“Did he talk to you?”

Kai frowned. “He who?”

“You have to stop what you’re doing to Rhys.”

Kai snorted. “I’m not doing anything to Rhys. I think that’s his problem.”

Deryn shoved her against the wall, and Kai yelped, more in shock than pain. She squirmed, but Deryn had pinned her in place. “Your little midnight run nearly killed him! He could’ve been captured going after you! Cadoc was captured. Did you know that? He might be dead!” She let go.

Kai staggered. Her stomach became a lead weight. “What do you mean Cadoc was captured?”

Deryn shoved Kai again, but this time Kai was ready for it and didn’t hit the wall. “When Cadoc flew off, Owain caught him.” Her voice broke. “He’s dead, Kai. And if he isn’t dead, he probably wishes he was.”

Kai gaped at Deryn, her mouth working soundlessly. She couldn’t breathe. “What—what are we going to do?”

Deryn’s breath caught, and she blinked rapidly. “Nothing. We’re doing nothing. There aren’t enough of us. Ashem can’t put Rhys or me at risk.”

Kai felt like she was falling. “Why?”

Deryn laughed humorlessly, dashing tears from her eyes. “You are dense, aren’t you? First of all, Rhys is in no condition to fight. Every second the heartswearing is incomplete, he’s in agony. Real, physical pain. How have you not noticed?”

Kai threw up her hands in helpless exasperation. Her mind kept replaying the same words over and over.
Cadoc
,
dead.
Cadoc
,
dead.
“How could I know? No one told me!” Her thoughts jumbled.
Cadoc
,
dead.
Rhys
,
in agony.
“So Ashem can’t go after Cadoc because Rhys can’t fight?”

Deryn laughed derisively. “You really
are
scalebrained. Ashem can’t go after Cadoc because Rhys is the
king
.”

If she kissed Rhys now, maybe they would still have time to save Cadoc. Maybe he was still—”Wait, Rhys is
what
?”

“
Y
Ddraig Goch.
The Red Dragon. The King of Dragons.” Deryn clenched her hands into fists and snarled, like she wanted to shake Kai but was resisting. “When Owain killed our father, he took control of the other part somehow. If Rhys dies, his part of the mantle goes to me. If Owain kills both of us, he gets the whole thing. If we try to save Cadoc with Rhys half-sworn like this, he
will
die.”

Kai’s mind reeled.
Rhys is king.
Save Cadoc.
Rhys is king.
“What if I kiss Rhys and we’re heartsworn? That would make him stronger, wouldn’t it? Could you go after Cadoc then?”

Deryn seemed to deflate. Without anger, she was close to tears. “The Invisible will be here tomorrow, and we’ll see what we can do for him then. But if you think Cadoc’s capture is the most important thing I’ve just told you, you’re stupider than I thought. Rhys is the
king
, Kai. He’s the only thing standing between Owain and attempted human genocide, which means the only thing keeping humans from discovering and killing us. We can’t put him in danger for Cadoc.”

Kai put a hand on the wall. The world flickered. She gulped air. “Human genocide,” she repeated numbly. “All of this depends on Rhys.”

Deryn swiped at her watery eyes. “Yes. And Rhys won’t be able to do anything without you. There’s nothing either of you can do about it, so please just kiss him so he doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Kai opened her mouth, then closed it. “I—I didn’t ask for this.”

Deryn shot her a contemptuous, teary look. “And Rhys did? People don’t ask for natural disasters or accidents or war, but they happen. Things
happen
. Deal with it. Because if you can’t you’re taking everyone down with you. I thought you should know.”

Deryn strode away down the passage. Kai watched her go, unable to move. Unable to think.

Several minutes later, the sound of pounding feet echoed down the tunnel. Kai braced herself for Deryn’s return.

“Kai!” Juli appeared. To Kai’s surprise, Ashem trailed reluctantly after her, his hands in his pockets. “You will not believe what these morons are hiding from you.”

Kai rubbed her face. “Try me.” She tried to keep her voice light, but it came out sarcastic.

Juli turned suddenly to face Ashem, who hadn’t spoken. “You can shut up! He’s an idiot. You both are.”

Ashem grimaced, and Juli turned back. “Kai, he’s their king. Rhys. The one who’s heartsworn to you.”

Kai barked a laugh. “Yeah, so I heard.” She shifted her gaze to Ashem, and her voice went hard. “And I heard about Cadoc. Deryn told me.”

Juli snorted at Ashem. “Clearly, Deryn is more intelligent than you.”

“Then you know why I haven’t gone after him.” Ashem’s face was a neutral mask, but Juli’s face softened.

Kai twisted her finger through her carabiner tight, then tighter, until the metal bit into her flesh and it felt like her bones might break. Cadoc, she couldn’t help. But she could save Rhys. And then he could save everyone else.

All it would cost was her freedom. All it would cost was her life.

Juli tugged Kai’s hands away from her carabiners and held them, dark eyes full of compassion. She pulled Kai into a tight embrace. “What are you going to do?”

Kai hugged her back, squeezing tight.
Throw up.
Jump into a wormhole that erases my existence so Cadoc will be okay.
Go home and hide under the covers.
Tears burned the backs of her eyes, and she had to let Juli go before she lost it entirely. Kai’s stomach dropped at the thought of home.
My family.
Human genocide.

Rhys had tried to give her a choice, but in a way, he’d also lied. She’d never had a choice.

Kai swallowed the whiney, fearful voice that cried that she hadn’t asked for this. She didn’t want to be heartsworn, and she certainly didn’t want to be heartsworn to a war-entangled king.

She needed time—just a little bit. A few hours. A day. Just so she could wrap her head around everything. And then...she thought of walking up to Rhys with the intention of kissing him. Imagined touching him, breathing him in. Enjoying it. Enjoying it very, very much.

But how could he—a dragon, a king, a being with a hundred times more life experience—enjoy kissing her? And what if he didn’t enjoy it? Outside of what he’d been forced to do by the heartswearing, Rhys had never given her any indication that she was anything special. She didn’t want a man who was with her because he had to be; she wanted a man who loved her.

Even more terrifying: what if she fell for Rhys and he never fell back?

She swallowed. It didn’t matter. Love, or lack of it, had nothing to do with the problem at hand. “I guess I’m going to go talk to him.”

* * *

“Rhys?”

Kai was in luck. He was alone. He’d cleared a wide space in the hoard next to a rack of weapons and stood, facing away from her, shirtless, white bandages still wrapped around one shoulder. Daggers hung from both white-knuckled fists. The muscles of his back heaved with every breath, and his skin glistened with sweat. He’d been pushing himself.

He bowed his head as she approached. Kai curled her fingers, her nails digging into her palms. Deryn’s revelation beat against her skull. She wished she knew Rhys better. That he didn’t scare her, sometimes. That she could trust him to be a friend, an ally. That she had some idea how her life might go.

I’m not cut out for this crap.

He moved toward the rack of weapons on the back wall. “Kai?”

It was her turn to shudder. His voice slid across her name like silk. Had it always sounded like that? The single syllable wrapped itself around so many meanings; a greeting, a
What are you doing here
?, and beneath that, an almost-hidden sound of yearning. How many men on the planet could take her breath away by saying her name?

“I spoke to Deryn. By which I mean she shouted all your secrets at me.”

He crossed the room before the daggers could clatter to the floor, eyes blazing. His fingers wrapped around her upper arms like gentle bands of steel, the skin of his palms a hair below painfully hot. His scent washed over her, wild and masculine with a hint of smoke, it rocketed along her nerves and made her want to bite her lip and breathe deep. His gaze skimmed her, strong fingers feathering down her arms. “Did she hurt you?”

“No!” The memory of Rhys almost killing Cadoc made her say it louder than she meant to. Her face must have shown her fear, because the light in his eyes died. He closed them and turned away, running a hand through his hair before smoothing it again.

He was leaving. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“Rhys.” Kai stopped him with a touch on his arm, and he froze. “Me being in the room helps, doesn’t it? And being close...touching?”

He gave a single, tight nod.

She licked her lips. “I’ll be around you more, if it helps. You should have told me who you are. I mean, I may not have wanted to know the details, but ‘Hey, Kai, I’m the only thing that stands between evil and the human race’ would have been nice.”

He turned to face her, his brows arched in surprise. “You believe Deryn? Maybe she’s lying. Trying to make you feel guilty so you’ll swear to me.”

Without breaking his gaze, she pressed her palm to his chest and pulled it away. His breath hitched. Kai raised her eyebrows. “She’s not lying about you being in pain.”

A muscle in his jaw jumped. “That gives her more reason to tell you a tall tale about me being some kind of last hope.”

Kai tilted her chin up. “Tell me it’s not true.”

His mouth curled in a derisive smile. “I have more reason to lie than she does.”

“Then tell me it’s not true.”

His smile disappeared.

Kai didn’t bother suppressing her own smile of triumph. “Deryn isn’t lying. Especially not since Juli came running down the tunnel ten seconds later and told me the same thing.” Her smile faded. “I know about Cadoc, too. That he’s—” Her voice shook. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”

He stiffened at the sound of Cadoc’s name, but then bent to retrieve the daggers and hung them on pegs in the wall. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

Kai rubbed at the wetness that threatened to spill from her eyes. “I would have heartsworn to you. I mean—I might have. Then neither of us would be to blame.”

“I wanted...” He trailed off then took a breath. “I wanted you to choose without...” He shook his head.

“Without what?”

Rhys didn’t answer.

Kai let out a frustrated breath. “If I kiss you, will it help you save Cadoc? Tomorrow, when the other dragons get here?”
If he’s still alive.
Please
,
let him be alive.

He flinched. “You would heartswear to me to save Cadoc?”

Kai closed her eyes. She hadn’t meant it to sound like that; like she felt more for Cadoc than friendship. She didn’t. She was just scrambling to think of anything she could do to help.

“Rhys?”

He fiddling with the weapons lining the wall. A long moment stretched by.

“Rhys!” He still didn’t turn. Kai marched over and inserted herself between him and the wall.

Mistake.
She knew it as soon as he looked down, his surprised, electric gaze locking first on her eyes, then her lips. The scant inches of air between their bodies grew so hot Kai expected it to spark and steam. Her breath caught. This close, he took up the world.

She tried to remember what she’d wanted to say. “I...” She swallowed. “I never felt anything for Cadoc but friendship. The kiss—” She dropped her gaze to his lips. “It didn’t mean anything.” Standing this close had made her voice dangerously breathy.

His voice was low and rough. “Cadoc is easy to talk to.”

Kai flashed back to the feeling of Rhys’s arms around her on the ledge. To his hand closing around hers in the river. To the first time he’d called her George.

Cadoc was gorgeous, funny and kind, but he’d never stopped her breath by saying her name.

In that moment, she wanted to kiss Rhys; to uncover that unknown, exquisite
something
that she’d sensed the night he’d sworn to her. She still didn’t love him, not yet. But she was dangerously close to falling.

The thought terrified her, and she put a hand on Rhys’s chest to push him away. With shocking strength, he clamped one of his own hands over it, trapping her fingers against his heart. He was only a breath away, his free hand once again braced on the wall, forehead nearly resting against hers.

“Rhys...” There was no other choice. “Kiss me.”

His eyes widened, then narrowed. “What?”

Heat crept up Kai’s neck and cheeks. “Kiss me. I’ll heartswear to you.” She couldn’t catch her breath. “If you still want.”

He laughed, a sound so unexpected Kai jumped. “If I want?” He raised a hand to her face, the rough pad of his thumb tracing her cheek, his touch crackling along every nerve in her body. His eyes went hazy, and he brought his other hand to the back of her neck, sliding his fingers through her hair to cradle her head. “I want you like breath, Kai. Like sun. Like wind and wings.”

His words made her head spin. He leaned down. Kai tried to be ready. She’d thought she was ready. But her body tensed. Panic blossomed. All her freedom, gone with a kiss. Her breath came fast and shallow. She still had a hand on his chest, and she flexed her fingers, willing herself not to push him away.